Advise needed on mixed signals

[GADavid]

This woman and I have a past of being friends with benefits, but that fell off a couple of months ago. She had felt "pressured" so I backed off. She and I still see each other, talk/flirt, go for lunch or drinks at least once a week and text a lot since we have a lot in common. Half the time she acts like we're nothing, the other half she acts like we're in some kind of relationship.

Recently she apologized for our "break-up" and seems to be sending some mixed signals. I admit I am caught up on this girl and want out of just friends zone (she knows it too, unfortunately). I know better than to ask her what she wants, but not sure where I should go from here. I'm new to all of this and I've been reading everything I can.

I've been acting more indifferent towards her lately with some results. Should I just get it over with and make a move? or go no contact? something else? If I go for and get shot down, then no contact is a given after that, but at least I'll have had the backbone to go after what I want. Either way, I'm at the point where it feels absolutely pathetic to be hanging around her with hopes that she'll give me another shot. I guess I know that the "just friends" middle ground isn't an option I'm willing to do anymore... which sucks because we were close friends before we started hooking up, but its not what I want anymore. So, taking control and not being "that guy", or becoming completely indifferent are the only choices I see.

additional info: She and I couldn't date for a variety of reasons so we always knew it was just for fun.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

She doesn't like you but she doesn't have other solid options so she's keeping you around like a dog. Cut her loose. BTW any chick who does FWB is fcuked up.

Isn't that kind of like saying that any girl who enjoys non-strings-attached sex is fu*ked up?

I disagree with that. Strongly. Not sure what your experiences have been, but women like sex. And it's not always attached to some kind of Long Term-baby-making-Relationship.

Sure, some guys might have to pony up to a LTR to get sex, but there are lots of high-value males geting Friends With Benefits situations from decent women. And those girls are probably the ones who made weaker men wait 7 dates for a handjob.

Either way, at this point in life, I'm the beneficiary of FWB from pretty cool chicks, so I'm happy with it.

 

[JohnChops]

Ive been in 2 FWB relationships and both girls with fcuked in the head. Of course women want sex but they want it predominantly in a relationship setting unless they are slvts. Ive never met a slvt that wasnt screwed up, have you? You don't have to deny the natural order of things just to take advantage of the discrepancies in it haha.

God I agree any girl who does FWB is usually a little crazy. Ive never met a normal slut, **** its hard to find any girl that is perceived as normal

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Ive been in 2 FWB relationships and both girls with fcuked in the head. Of course women want sex but they want it predominantly in a relationship setting unless they are slvts. Ive never met a slvt that wasnt screwed up, have you?

Well you just made up a rule that all women want sex in a relationship unless they're s!uts and that all s!uts are crazy....therefor all women who want to f**k, but don't want to call you a boyfriend, are therefor crazy s!uts. So, in your mind of course it's true.

I'm not here to defend women. Don't get me wrong. It just seems like you're making rules defined by your own limited experience with women.

I'll put it this way - any woman who dates me at this point in my life knows that I'm not looking for a LTR. So, essentially, we're just f**king. Yeah, we'll get drinks and talk or whatever...but I'm not a boyfriend.

Just because she's willing to f**k me without any strings attached doesn't make her crazy. It's just that she'd rather bang me than some clingy, "be my girlfriend" type of guy.

I'm not trying to sound cool, but the girls I bang are pretty chill. They're not BPD. They might be s!uts...I don't know what they do when I'm not around....but neither does any guy with a real girlfriend. Either way, personality-wise, I have no complaints.

You've had two FWB's. I've had....god knows how many. So, you shouldn't blindly follow my opinion, but I have experience, and I really really STRONGLY disagree. And it's always the guys with limited experience forming these judgmental rules. "All girls who dont want LTRs are s!uts." Yeah, I said the same thing....before I could get girls to f**k me without being in a LTR.

Just let my FWB's bang me, enjoy my company, and go find themselves a real boyfriend afterwards. They're not crazy. They're not causing drama. And hey, you might even become one of their boyfriends when they decide to settle down.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

News flash if you're their FWB then there are other guys. Why would I want to be their boyfriend "when they settle down" aka after the damage is done?

The part about you being their boyfriend was a joke. Just busting your chops a bit.


Yeah, if i'm their FWB, then there might be other guys. But, if they're my FWB, there are definitely other girls.

I live in New York, man. Nobody here under the age of 50 is trying to marry.

You just keep your **** wrapped up.

I suggest you read some Roissy, that's where most of my take comes from and cemented from personal experience.

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/why-sluts-make-bad-wives/


http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/08/26/quality-girl/

Dude, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to marry these girls. Like I said, I'm not looking for a LTR. If I meet a girl tonight, and she becomes my LTR, great. But It's not something I want.

My point is, there's a strong chance that ANY girl you date has been FWB with someone, somewhere, at some time. Maybe it was in college. Maybe she banged her ex No-Strings-Attached, for 5 months after a breakup. Somewhere along the line, we all end up using someone for sex. And then later on, we meet someone else, and carry on a LTR relationship pretending that we're all angelic and sh!t.

I'm just saying that it's unrealistic to believe that you're going to find a girl whose ONLY source of sex throughout her entire life was committed LTRs with healthy, successful, and inspiring men. Can we at least agree on that?

 

[GADavid]

The fwb part is for good reason. Both of us are in the same position in life right now and we both knew it was just for fun... shes completely crazy but the object of my desire even knowing that.

 

[oscarkool]

What is with this moral high horse bull crap PairPlus? I hate how guys with no experience always view things as white or black... If guys weren't so judgmental, they would be so much happier and getting the results they wanted.

Out of all of the posts about 'game' and getting women, etc., the information Mantis has delivered here is the ultimate information for establishing the correct mindsets - because that is how the REAL WORLD works. Women like sex more than men in my experience and yes, they DO sleep around much more than you'd ever think.

Simple fact: if you're in a FWB with a girl, she is currently sleeping with other people. This is why it is extremely important, like Mantis said, to be dating multiple girls at a time when you're single (and wrapping up lol).

And to help the op, if you want a relationship with a girl, the best way to go about it is to NEVER mention a relationship or feelings or whatever until SHE presents the idea to you. Over time, depending on the girl and how disciplined you are, she'll ask things like 'what are we?' or 'we're obviously more than friends' or 'do you only like me for sex?' etc. etc.

The moment you start talking about a relationship or feelings or whatever to a girl that has OPTIONS, you're hopping on the roller coaster. Guys like to call women that push them away borderline or crazy or whatever but no - girls that have options do NOT settle. They want to chase and want challenges because all of the OTHER guys she has are chasing her. She's not BPD or crazy - she just doesn't want an emotional feely guy in her life. Yes, some women are extremely emotional while others are more stable. But that's simply who they are. I've dated girls with BPD and honestly, as long as you're never emotional and you appear to not be too attached, the relationship is smooth sailing.

The absolute easiest way to get in a relationship with a girl that has options (aka 99% of attractive women) is to never let her know that she has you on lock down. So for the op - next time you're with her, play it cool but don't be aloof. Don't talk about feelings. Don't get emotional. Do this for the next few times you see her and I guarantee she'll have a different view of things. This is EXACTLY how I get girls to fall in love with me and it seriously works every time. I got a text yesterday from a girl expressing her 'love for me even though she doesn't know why' hahahaha. That's the point! When you have discipline and let things blossom on their own, girls simply can't figure out why you're so damn attractive - and they love you for it.

So if you've screwed up in the past by being emotional and feely and talking about being boyfriend/girlfriend and she pushed you away for it, just stop texting her, stop facebooking her, stop talking to her really for a couple of weeks. Don't go into NC, but don't reach out to her. Make her chase you. The best advice I ever learned from my dating multiple BPDs and very attractive crazy women was to know when to leave - as in when things aren't going the way you want them to, you fade away from her life. If she doesn't reach out to you, she never really wanted you anyway. These girls want men that are 'busy' and strong and firm and not afraid to walk away at any time.

In the end it is all about Discipline - knowing when to leave, knowing not to react to things, not letting emotions take over, not texting/calling/messaging when you miss her. I 100% believe that you must always make women pursue you, especially attractive crazy women.

 

[oscarkool]

Look man you can believe what you want, but you are being bitter and categorizing women. If a woman is sleeping around with a bunch of ugly ass low quality dudes, then yes I'd say she has no standards and therefore is insecure and damaged. But if she only consistently sleeps with high quality dudes? That's just normal man. Would you pass up sleeping with hot girl after hot girl after hot girl? I don't think so...

And this isn't an alt, I've just never posted.

And the only guys that have problems with 'BPD' women are the sensitive, emotional types.

 

[ManManMan]

Ya'll do realize you went off topic?

Give advice to the OP, guys!

PS: I have a strikingly similar case with me atm! D

 

[drellum]

I have past and ongoing similarities with the original post.

I am in a relationship with a FWB (5 months). She lives in a different city so makes it easier.

I have found it works well EXCEPT when one or the other starts to form an emotional attachment.....in this case I am finding myself doing just that.

My ex also started out this way and that developed into a complicated "cloak and dagger" relationship and I developed deep feelings for her over time......Watch out with this, it becomes messy!

D

 

[TopGun2000]

What is with this moral high horse bull crap PairPlus? I hate how guys with no experience always view things as white or black... If guys weren't so judgmental, they would be so much happier and getting the results they wanted.

Out of all of the posts about 'game' and getting women, etc., the information Mantis has delivered here is the ultimate information for establishing the correct mindsets - because that is how the REAL WORLD works. Women like sex more than men in my experience and yes, they DO sleep around much more than you'd ever think.

Simple fact: if you're in a FWB with a girl, she is currently sleeping with other people. This is why it is extremely important, like Mantis said, to be dating multiple girls at a time when you're single (and wrapping up lol).

And to help the op, if you want a relationship with a girl, the best way to go about it is to NEVER mention a relationship or feelings or whatever until SHE presents the idea to you. Over time, depending on the girl and how disciplined you are, she'll ask things like 'what are we?' or 'we're obviously more than friends' or 'do you only like me for sex?' etc. etc.

The moment you start talking about a relationship or feelings or whatever to a girl that has OPTIONS, you're hopping on the roller coaster. Guys like to call women that push them away borderline or crazy or whatever but no - girls that have options do NOT settle. They want to chase and want challenges because all of the OTHER guys she has are chasing her. She's not BPD or crazy - she just doesn't want an emotional feely guy in her life. Yes, some women are extremely emotional while others are more stable. But that's simply who they are. I've dated girls with BPD and honestly, as long as you're never emotional and you appear to not be too attached, the relationship is smooth sailing.

The absolute easiest way to get in a relationship with a girl that has options (aka 99% of attractive women) is to never let her know that she has you on lock down. So for the op - next time you're with her, play it cool but don't be aloof. Don't talk about feelings. Don't get emotional. Do this for the next few times you see her and I guarantee she'll have a different view of things. This is EXACTLY how I get girls to fall in love with me and it seriously works every time. I got a text yesterday from a girl expressing her 'love for me even though she doesn't know why' hahahaha. That's the point! When you have discipline and let things blossom on their own, girls simply can't figure out why you're so damn attractive - and they love you for it.

So if you've screwed up in the past by being emotional and feely and talking about being boyfriend/girlfriend and she pushed you away for it, just stop texting her, stop facebooking her, stop talking to her really for a couple of weeks. Don't go into NC, but don't reach out to her. Make her chase you. The best advice I ever learned from my dating multiple BPDs and very attractive crazy women was to know when to leave - as in when things aren't going the way you want them to, you fade away from her life. If she doesn't reach out to you, she never really wanted you anyway. These girls want men that are 'busy' and strong and firm and not afraid to walk away at any time.

In the end it is all about Discipline - knowing when to leave, knowing not to react to things, not letting emotions take over, not texting/calling/messaging when you miss her. I 100% believe that you must always make women pursue you, especially attractive crazy women.

yes if you just want to bang crazy b****es, this works every time.

now i am trying to avoid this type of women since i plan to build LTR and a family with a stable woman

 

[nismo-4]

Mixed signals is low interest or lack thereof!

Stop catching feelings and getting attached to women!

Of course women sleep around a lot. Because they rarely get rejected for sex and love and companionship! Men, however, constantly get rejected for these things.

That's the power of the vagina for you.

Case closed.

 

[loveshogun]

Just let my FWB's bang me, enjoy my company, and go find themselves a real boyfriend afterwards. They're not crazy. They're not causing drama. And hey, you might even become one of their boyfriends when they decide to settle down.

Amen. My cup runneth over, lately.

 

[DonGorgon]

Females Oly Give Mixd Siingles When Their Il Is Low Or Sexual Attraction Is Low..