Advise me....

[pettman]

Hello, been a long long time since I posted on here.

Story is...went on a date last night with a girl and got on really well, had dinner and drinks, she came back to mine for a bit, then we kissed, and then I took her home.

Since then I have kept contact to a minimum, a text in the morning, then I got a reply this evening about 7pm and then I called her instead of texting back, we spoke for an hour, all good.

She asked me if I was going to this party sat night and I said I wasnt sure, she said "I think you should come", so I am taking all this as good stuff?

After we got off the phone I waited a bit and then sent her a message saying, "very nice talking to you, I like you" - had no reply yet, of which I dont think I expect one

Just wanted to know best course of action from this point forward? Carry on as I have been or not?

Your advice and help is welcome.

Cheers

 

[Tiguere]

try not to verbalize your feelings. i know you feel butterflies in your stomach but control yourself. if i were you ill try to meet her one on one after the party. too early to hangout with her friends. they will judge you as soon you enter the party.

ask her out friday night for some more one on one time and depending how that goes then you decide what you would do saturday.

 

[pdx1138]

yeah, don't say things like that especially this early.

It's a nice thought and while true, they don't need to know it so early....part of the push/pull thing.

If you are making plans for saturday, I'm not sure I would also ask her out for friday...as Tiguere suggests....that *might* imply neediness on your part which you want to avoid.

 

[Mr. Suave]

Okay here's some important advice:

Tone down your feelings for this girl NOW. I'm not saying that as a way to help you seduce her, I'm saying that as a precautionary measure in case she so happens to turn you down or go cold on you soon. You don't want to fall head-over-heels for a girl, then have to feel a lot of pain if it goes wrong. Trust me it's too early and very risky for you to let this happen right now.

Also however, if you suffocate her so early on it will scare her away. I met a super hot girl once, we went out for half a day, the reason? Well she became so excited and clingy around me, it made me go off of her. I kick myself to this day because I found her so attractive, but even despite that, she was too much, too soon, and I ditched her right away.

 

[pettman]

thanks for the replies guys.

The party on saturday is for a mutual friend we have, the one that introduced us to each other, ive been friends with her longer than she has been friends with her and i know pretty much all her friends.

so its not like im going to a party with her and i wont know anyone.

yea one on one would be nice before then but she has already said she is busy between now and then, but she said she wants to hang out on sunday.

my feelings are pretty toned down, i have no burning desire to contact her or be in contact with her all the time. for once in my life im fairly relaxed about it all.

just wondered what the key things are I should be doing right now?

 

[Scars]

Carry on as you have been.

But yes, the whole verbalizing your feelings text was a mistake. I hope you learned from it at least.

-Scars

 

[pettman]

Carry on as you have been.

But yes, the whole verbalizing your feelings text was a mistake. I hope you learned from it at least.

-Scars

So just be casual and easy going, let her contact and chase me etc?

Yes I have learned from it but dont think its sabotaged any chance has it?

 

[romangod]

Yes I have learned from it but dont think its sabotaged any chance has it?

It didn't sabotage your chances but it set you back and you have to recover.

It seems like you were doing well but revealed your hand by opening your mouth too soon. Your simple statement of "very nice talking to you, I like you" was very chumpish and lifted her unconsciously onto the pedestal. The mystery is gone.

Actions speak louder than words. Speak less, act more.

Good luck.


Cheers!

 

[pettman]

It didn't sabotage your chances but it set you back and you have to recover.

It seems like you were doing well but revealed your hand by opening your mouth too soon. Your simple statement of "very nice talking to you, I like you" was very chumpish and lifted her unconsciously onto the pedestal. The mystery is gone.

Actions speak louder than words. Speak less, act more.

Good luck.


Cheers!

Thank you for the reassurance. I dont intend to now make that mistake again, mouth will be kept firmly shut and I will just act normal and not in any way needy.

So at this party Im guessing way to act is to pay her little attention and mingle with my other friends etc?

 

[romangod]

Thank you for the reassurance. I dont intend to now make that mistake again, mouth will be kept firmly shut and I will just act normal and not in any way needy.

So at this party Im guessing way to act is to pay her little attention and mingle with my other friends etc?

You're welcome.

You don't have to keep your mouth shut. Just be aware what's coming out of it. There's nothing wrong with being friendly, playful and confident but just be aware when you're ready to cross the line and possibly saying something too chumpish or revealing.

She knows you like her. Now step back a little and make her wonder. Don't ignore her completely. Just don't give her too much attention that she's confident that she's got you if she wants you. It's a balancing act.


Cheers!

 

[pettman]

You're welcome.

You don't have to keep your mouth shut. Just be aware what's coming out of it. There's nothing wrong with being friendly, playful and confident but just be aware when you're ready to cross the line and possibly saying something too chumpish or revealing.

She knows you like her. Now step back a little and make her wonder. Don't ignore her completely. Just don't give her too much attention that she's confident that she's got you if she wants you. It's a balancing act.


Cheers!

Brilliant, thank you.

I will report back after saturday, until then my friends, thank you.

:woo:

 

[schttrj]

I think you are doing just fine. Trust me on that. Saying a girl you like her ain't a big deal.

Remember the rule: two steps forward, one step backward.

So, just give it a slack till Saturday.

On Saturday, watch her reactions toward you and then escalate again. But don't make it too fast and too furious. Just take it slow.

 

[Mr. Suave]

Okay well, this advice sounds cliché... I myself used to ignore this but after a while you learn and see exactly what it means:

DO, don't SAY.

In other words actions speak louder than words. Well actually they don't, a more accurate way to put it would be, actions WORK BETTER than words. You know, when you like a girl, never ask her to be your girlfriend. Ask her if she'd like to go out with you some time. Your chances skyrocket just because of this. Because at first her feelings for you may be SORT of there, but not really, so she'd reject you, but if she's got the interest to go out with you (in other words you're a "maybe"), once you've spent that time with her one-on-one she could like you a lot more.

It's kinda like when you try to ASK a girl for sex, your chances are SO MUCH LOWER if you try to arrange things verbally. Believe me. She could say yes, but in some cases a girl will say "no! I'm not like that!", or just "no" then you just start making out with her, get really into it, and guess what? All of a sudden she's naked.

And this is stuff I've learnt from the real world. Carry that principle with you. Your success will triple. So instead of telling her "I like you", show it to her by the way you kiss her and look at her. Take action in reality instead of using words.

You definitely haven't ****ed it up, but just remember this from now on. You don't exactly seem like a guy who's that inexperienced, but still it might not be something you've really thought about.

And to be honest I don't think it has anything to do with the "mystery"... I mean, there have been girls in the past who knew I liked them, when I verbalized it it'd be a DEAD END completely and I'd get shut down, but then I say "hey let's go out for a movie this weekend", and what the ****? She ends up being my girlfriend. It's almost like your dealing with a split personality when you speak to girls, there's the verbal side of them that responds to things you say and speaks, then the physical side of them which just goes along with whatever you say and do.

This mainly applies to the "maybe" girls, but when you think about it, a large proportion of girls are "maybe"s, then you have a small percentage of outright "yes"s. In your case, I think she's probably a "yes", so verbalizing it you shouldn't hit any dead ends. Unless you seem SO into her that she thinks she can look for something better.

 

[pettman]

Okay well, this advice sounds cliché... I myself used to ignore this but after a while you learn and see exactly what it means:

DO, don't SAY.

In other words actions speak louder than words. Well actually they don't, a more accurate way to put it would be, actions WORK BETTER than words. You know, when you like a girl, never ask her to be your girlfriend. Ask her if she'd like to go out with you some time. Your chances skyrocket just because of this. Because at first her feelings for you may be SORT of there, but not really, so she'd reject you, but if she's got the interest to go out with you (in other words you're a "maybe"), once you've spent that time with her one-on-one she could like you a lot more.

It's kinda like when you try to ASK a girl for sex, your chances are SO MUCH LOWER if you try to arrange things verbally. Believe me. She could say yes, but in some cases a girl will say "no! I'm not like that!", or just "no" then you just start making out with her, get really into it, and guess what? All of a sudden she's naked.

And this is stuff I've learnt from the real world. Carry that principle with you. Your success will triple. So instead of telling her "I like you", show it to her by the way you kiss her and look at her. Take action in reality instead of using words.

You definitely haven't ****ed it up, but just remember this from now on. You don't exactly seem like a guy who's that inexperienced, but still it might not be something you've really thought about.

And to be honest I don't think it has anything to do with the "mystery"... I mean, there have been girls in the past who knew I liked them, when I verbalized it it'd be a DEAD END completely and I'd get shut down, but then I say "hey let's go out for a movie this weekend", and what the ****? She ends up being my girlfriend. It's almost like your dealing with a split personality when you speak to girls, there's the verbal side of them that responds to things you say and speaks, then the physical side of them which just goes along with whatever you say and do.

This mainly applies to the "maybe" girls, but when you think about it, a large proportion of girls are "maybe"s, then you have a small percentage of outright "yes"s. In your case, I think she's probably a "yes", so verbalizing it you shouldn't hit any dead ends. Unless you seem SO into her that she thinks she can look for something better.

I like what your saying there. Makes perfect sense.

I dont seem so into her at all so thats a good thing.

I think at this party I will do as you say, show her I like her physically not verbally.

Im guessing I play the whole text thing casual too, as in I have not heard from her since that message last night so im guessing wait for her? And if i dont hear from her then just see her saturday?

 

[Mr. Suave]

Im guessing I play the whole text thing casual too, as in I have not heard from her since that message last night so im guessing wait for her? And if i dont hear from her then just see her saturday?

That's right

And don't just take my word on what I said, you'll see for yourself how what a girl says has next-to-nothing to do with reality.

 

[PokerStar]

Now that you are both going to the party saturday. how do you raise her attraction in a setting like this?

Sure, you made out with her and yes you pulled an afc move leeting her know that you like her.

My questions is, how do you act accordingly during the party? without going all afc especially if you involve alchohol.

 

[pettman]

Now that you are both going to the party saturday. how do you raise her attraction in a setting like this?

Sure, you made out with her and yes you pulled an afc move leeting her know that you like her.

My questions is, how do you act accordingly during the party? without going all afc especially if you involve alchohol.

Good point, but its not a party where I am going with just her and know no-one, I know the vast majority of people there so I will just go and chill out and make a conscious effort to not be an AFC and do stupid things.

I think now after my afc move over text, I will ensure I dont mess up.

Just need to believe in myself which I do!

 

[PokerStar]

and there you have it.

and if you do meet an even hotter lady at the jam. i hope you get her contact info.

let us know how it goes cause we are so into the drama. jk.

 

[DonGorgon]

"very nice talking to you, I like you" - had no reply yet, of which I dont think I expect one

says you are desperate and clingy and weak and no challenge to her... that reduces her interest by 30%... hens why she did not respond..

only reward a woman with praise when she has done something big to earn it...and even then keep it short and simple..

 

[FairShake]

Since then I have kept contact to a minimum

After we got off the phone I waited a bit and then sent her a message saying, "very nice talking to you, I like you" - had no reply yet, of which I dont think I expect one

Alot of people think that minimum contact is a good thing. I don't. Most guys and girls I know do alot of talking between each other early on. No need to keep contact to a minimum. But do go by the two text rule. If they don't text back after two texts let it go for awhile.

That said, one thing you should keep to a minimum is awkward, out-of-nowhere texts like that last one. That is the kind of thing you should say in person.