Advice

[Mr.D]

Hello guys, been memeber for a while now but i just post seldomly.
Here's the thing, girlfriend.

dated for a year and a half, been mostly happy, done many things together and had very very great moments. the thing is, we fight a lot.

As so, my gf asked me if we could stop dating for a while or at least be just friends (**** buddies) for a while to take pressure of us because we´re always fighting.

I do understand her but i see her as gf material and not as a plate to spin, in a usual situation this would mean seeing new people and just having fun together sometime,but, i know her, and by taking the pressure off, she also doesn´t want me to see other people, creating the dilema of breaking or not breaking up for her.

I know she really likes me, she has never cheated on me (im 100% sure) and does not plan to but when we fight she gets really unhappy, cries a lot, and gets obsessed waiting for my answers (as she says), this is not a good thing for her, being constantly sad, because a relationship is to be happy, not to be arguing and sad all the time...

What´s your opinion?
:rock:

PS: Could really use the help, i really like her

 

[Mr.D]

we argue about anything sometimes. but i bet she feels controlled a bit by me, but i have to stand up by some manners like her going out alone or so, i don´t want her going alone to things she can get flirted by.

it's selfish i know, well that's one thing.
recently she messaged a foreign friend saying she had a dream wich he was on and that he spoke our language.

well i got a pissed and broke up with her, i didnt get really pissed because i know that's just the way she is, she is nice and friendly, really innocent girl. but i used it as a tactic to make her beg for me and broke up with her. she got really really sad and my friends helped me and told her to fight for me, so she kept messaging me good things and etc, and when i felt it was enough i got back with her, she had an exam, didn't want her to be that unfocused by something that, afterall, was a plan. well it may have backfired lol

REALLY LIKE HER, SHE DOES TO, ILL TRY TO CHANGE IF I HAVE TO:wave:
tips?

 

[cremasta7]

What happens the most? Fighting a lot, or the great moments?

You broke up with her because of a dream she had? Seriously?

The constant break-up/make-up cycle does not work. In the end it's pretty likely that you'd break up permanently and then get irritated about all the time you wasted (you shouldn't because it's all a learning experience, but you'll get irritated anyway).

You've got to get past the looks, mutual hobbies and friends, and really decide whether or not your compatible. If it's yes, then work on the problems. If it's no, then walk.

 

[Mr.D]

What happens the most? Fighting a lot, or the great moments?

You broke up with her because of a dream she had? Seriously?

The constant break-up/make-up cycle does not work. In the end it's pretty likely that you'd break up permanently and then get irritated about all the time you wasted (you shouldn't because it's all a learning experience, but you'll get irritated anyway).

You've got to get past the looks, mutual hobbies and friends, and really decide whether or not your compatible. If it's yes, then work on the problems. If it's no, then walk.

I broke up with her because she told a guy she had a dream with him, privately.

Thanks!

 

[Mr.D]

Have you considered the possibility that you both have some self-esteem issues that are getting in the way? Her esteem can't be all that high if she takes that kind of sh*t from you and keeps coming back, and already from the little you've shared I can see some jealousy issues in you with things that are normally trivial and meaningless in healthy relationships. I don't think that's one thing. I think that's THE thing.

My advice... considering this relationship will die eventually if this doesn't get resolved, is to throw a little trust her way. Stop playing that kind of game, because you're not teaching her any lessons when you do those things. All you're doing is pre-emptively striking (like GW Bush attacking Iraq) in an effort to protect your insecurities, only to reaffirm your own worth to women when she comes crawling back to you.

That's what's really happening here.

In a nutshell, either give her enough rope to hang herself if you really worry deep down that she might f*ck around on you (at least then you'll have a legit reason) or just cut her loose for good. Nothing else is gonna work.

Thanks for the help, i'll trust her more from now on but it's really hard since most guys i see get played so well by girls who cheat on them!

But she does like me, i'll give it a go! Thanks guys!

 

[Gro0ver]

i don´t want her going alone to things she can get flirted by.

Can't stand to read stuff like this, treat your woman like a human being not a hamster. You should be enriching her life not restricting it, and if you can't trust her then what the hell is the point.

 

[Mr.D]

Can't stand to read stuff like this, treat your woman like a human being not a hamster. You should be enriching her life not restricting it, and if you can't trust her then what the hell is the point.

Lol it's not that i cage her, it may sound like it, it's not. but she does know i don't want her on clubs all by herself frequently, she understands it and agrees with it.