Advice??

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo PTC,

I have found that any woman who KNOWS how to behave in order to please a man and REFUSES to do so, is really just not that "into" him.

As human beings, we tend to pay attention to, show respect for, AND put in a great amount of effort to KEEP the people in our lives that we feel are important to our happiness. So no one stupidly risks the possibility of having a great marriage with someone (who they KNOW is fully into them) by constantly engaging in behaviors that she is FULLY AWARE that are driving a WEDGE into the relationship.

Any woman who is SERIOUS about becoming "one" with a man NEVER continuously commits acts of flagrant INDEPENDENCE like "this" woman does. The whole idea of marriage is to UNIFY------NOT to "justify (Wack-Assed, noncommital behavior).

She's keeping secrets that she KNOWS upsets you...

She's receiving cryptic text messages and giving secret callbacks to a guy that she MOST LIKELY has been, or still "is" fukking...

And THEN she goes and "surprises" you with news that she has bought a house????

My speculation is that either this woman has little REAL respect for you, or is probably just very INCONSIDERATE of other people's feelings in general. And if this is the case, you have to ask yourself:

"Is this the kind of person I want to make a potentially LIFELONG commitment to?"

Either way, it pains me to say that, I feel that as soon as she anounced to you that she has "Bought the house"...your relationship might have "BOUGHT THE FARM".

You MIGHT want to consider doing a preemptive breakup if your gut keeps telling you things are "NOT RIGHT" with this woman. It would save for you some of your self-respect, and it would give you a sense of empowerment when you look back at this situation months down the road...

I am so sorry, dude...but I think it MAY be better to escape this burning buliding NOW rather than keep hanging around while you wait for it to become a CONFIRMED "deathtrap".


March on.

 

[MacAvoy]

I concur 100% with joker on this one. Next time you are spending time with her, you have to invite the friend over for a bbq or something. Make sure you do it in person so you can see her reaction.

Finally if this was me, I would recommend getting out of this relationship. Like Joker said, you have to trust your gut. The fact that she put an offer in on a house means that she doesn't plan on moving in with you. I would end the engagement.

It is not an easy thing to do, its very easy for me to suggest it but it takes balls to walk away from something you've invested so much emotion in to.

 

[joekerr31]

to follow up on VU's post.

i think what a lot of guys on here haven't experienced is a woman falling in love with them.

when you experience that you see that when a woman loves you - or to use more appropriate language, makes you the center of her world - she is VERY adapt at making sure she doesn't upset you. no matter how unreasonable YOU may be, she assess your personality, makes not of the things that upset you (once again no matter how unreasonable) and does everything in her power to avoid those landmines.

now what becomes tricky as people get older is that everyone has been 1) burned and 2) learned to live independently.

as a result there are a lot of jaded women out there who 1) don't NEED a man in the absolute sense and 2) don't really believe in love (as much as they pine for it endlessly, at least they say they do) 3) have learned to live life for themselves and really have little interest in modifying their behavior to appease some 'man'.

by total accident they've actually embraced a lot of DJ principles and have learned to leverage the 'lose lose' scenario to make themselves the prize via extortion.

others believe that no matter how much they are in to the guy they are with, they always keep their options open - even after marraige! it doesn't mean they cheat, it just means they keep vines around that they can jump to.

this is the outcome of various past relationships where people get burned and vow to themselves 'NEVER AGAIN'.

but if you think its tough 'finding a good woman', its even tougher to swallow the world around you when you've found a few of them and passed on them - such as i have in the past.

but i can tell you this much, when a woman loves you she goes OVER the top to reassure you at every turn that you are the center of her world and that she is 100% committed to you.

when your gut is telling you something is wrong - it doesn't actually mean something is wrong (YET). and if you call her on things she will call you a nut case - because she hasn't DONE anything. but, 99% of the time if your spidey senses are tingling what you are picking up on is not so much that she HAS done something, but rather that she is CAPABLE of doing something in the long run. she is NOT giving you the signals that you are instinctively / naturally designed to recognizing that say 'you are everything to me' - this lack of commitment inherently implies that at some point you will either get p*ssy whipped or scr*wed over.

men have been lead to believe that any time there is a problem between them and their girl that its their 'lack of communication' or a million other things resulting from 'male ignorance'.

bullsh*t. if your spidey senses are going off, i reiterate, it doesn't mean shes done anything, but it means she is not of the calibre that convinces you that she won't at some point do something.

polygraphs? bah. human beings are the BEST lie detectors on the face of the planet. unfortunately we are fairly poor at analyzing the results. but make no mistake about it, your brain / intuition will recognize even the smallest little incongruicy or lie, even if you don't know what it is your picking up on.

 

[Mr.Positive]

I have found that any woman who KNOWS how to behave in order to please a man and REFUSES to do so, is really just not that "into" him.

^^^ This will solve 99% of all problems with women I believe, this simple statement here.

The thing we often forget, is that women, know how to please men. They know this! It's innate, and they've been studing men since day 1 of their lives. While we were playing video games, or running around with toy guns, as kids, they were studying boys, how to dress, how to act. The newstands are littered with magazines analyzing guys. "What he wears tells you about him". "How to please him in bed". "10 sexy tips he will enjoy" etc...etc..etc..

As guys, we have what? one, Maxim, which s*cks anyway...my point is.

They CHOOSE not to treat men well, if they do not value you.

Interest level says everything in my mind. I'm talking about women who you are thinking of spending a lot of time, marriage, etc...

Interest level...interest level... interest level. High consistent interest level.

Like Joekerr said, if a woman loves you, it's sooo obvious. If she has an interest level that high, there isn't anything she would not do for you. She would not accept calls from other guys at 2am without completely explaining herself.

 

[joekerr31]

Like Joekerr said, if a woman loves you, it's sooo obvious. If she has an interest level that high, there isn't anything she would not do for you. She would not accept calls from other guys at 2am without completely explaining herself.

one thing i will say, and almost contradict myself, is that i do believe the amount of women out there today who are seeking 'love' has gone down DRASTICALLY.

i think its the result of the past two decades of being bombarded with media that brainwashes them to be just about anything OTHER than a 'loving' woman.

you'll find mountains of sl*ts, control freaks, man haters, confused women, independent women, etc. - but its REALLY hard to find a loyal, loving and caring woman. it seems very rare lately.

and i dont think its me. i think women have changed. they've been bombarded one too many times with women on tv and movies who look like porn stars, act like self centered divas (ie. b*tches) and who only really care about how 'hot' they are.

now do i think all women have turned in to this? no. but what its done is move all women down a peg from where they would normally be.

so a super high quality woman becomes a little less so. a moderate quality woman who in yesturyears wouldn't have been a sl*t, becomes one. a sl*t in past years becomes a full fledge 'proud to be' a sl*t, sl*t.

i dont like being cynical, or sexist, or a whiner, etc. - and i like to shoot holes through any 'truths' i think i know to make sure they truly are truths - and the one reality that seems hard to ignore is that women have really moved away from being hte loving nurturing companion that many men once knew and have become much more self centered and manipulative than ever before - 'goal oriented' would be a more PC way of putting it

all that said, i still believe there are high quality women out there. they are just harder to find than before.

 

[Mr.Positive]

you'll find mountains of sl*ts, control freaks, man haters, confused women, independent women, etc. - but its REALLY hard to find a loyal, loving and caring woman. it seems very rare lately.

That's the thing though, I think most women are, generally, unhappy these days. Society is just confusing the hell out of women with our myspace lovin' "OMG...Look at me!" lifestyles. Everyone wants to be the next American Idol...everyone wants to be a superstar.

Women (most) don't have the strength to see past all that BS, and end up buying into it and being miserable. It's quite sad actually. Because not all women get to be the superstar they dream of, and then they grow old, get used up, and live a life of lonely desperation.

The happiest women I've ever met are the ones that are loyal, loving, and caring.

They were the ones that have core values that promote being humble and decent to people, treating others the way they wanted to be treated. Those values are important to me, because I have those values.

Those are the women to meet Joekerr. That's one of the first things I look for in a woman, is just happiness. Is this gal happy? If yes, that says a lot about her, IMO.

You once posted about givers and takers, Joekerr. That was a great post. If you are a giver, don't seek out a taker, find another giver. Givers, are the happy women, because they are in tune with their nature.

 

[joekerr31]

Women (most) don't have the strength to see past all that BS, and end up buying into it and being miserable. It's quite sad actually. Because not all women get to be the superstar they dream of, and then they grow old, get used up, and live a life of lonely desperation.

The happiest women I've ever met are the ones that are loyal, loving, and caring.

i agree 100% with this. and its too bad we dont have any media sources espousing this reality.

honestly, when was the last time you saw a popular media outlook popularize the 'loyal loving and caring' woman? they are not held up as role models or as topics of mass interest.

and its funny, because almost every media outlet has done stories on how messed up our culture is in terms of the models women have to look up to. yet not a single one has looked at hte other side of the coin - which is, if women shouldn't model the spice girls and sex in the city, then who should they model and why aren't those models accessible for consumption by the masses.

i do believe that all said and done women are getting more psychologically screwed up than men in our culture. men for the most part are only getting psychologically messed up by dealing with psychologically messed up women (hehe, if that makes sense )

 

[Mr.Positive]

honestly, when was the last time you saw a popular media outlook popularize the 'loyal loving and caring' woman? they are not held up as role models or as topics of mass interest.

Yeah...no kidding, this is what women today read..

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13231665/

Women are really being steered the wrong direction by society. It really takes strength, positive feminine strength, for a woman to be a quality person these days.

 

[Interceptor]

My eyes...they burn.
My soul it burns....it fvcking burns........

I just read that article. And I got a fvcking knot in my stomach.
That article is pure, unadulterated bullsh*t.
Pure sh*t.


You know what I see in that article?
A desperate attempt to boost their self esteem by sh*tting on hapless AFCs who need Momma to baby sit them. A way of exacting revenge on the men
who didn't just bow down to them, ("WHAT??!! You're NOT putting ME on the Pedastle???!! Are you crazy???!!!!! How could YOU do this to ME!!!???)and the women hated them for it. They fell in love with a man whom they could not control. And they hate them for it. And themselves for falling in love .Now they use extortion, and hostage taking tactics to "Get a Man to Propose."


"Treat them like sh*t and they'll keep running back for more!!!"
Maybe this works for chumps who have such low self esteem, such incapable dorks, that they'll settle for ANY woman's attention. They're Lucky to even be with such cold b*tches as their wife, right??
Sure.




This is total insanity.
Pure LUNACY....

So now what they really want is a Submissive slave "boy"
who will work his balls off to support her and her "lifestyle" at the expense of his health, self respect, and dignity. Thwen she'll go fvck some dude behind his unsuspecting back and all the while support her while she goes out with "the girls on Girl's Night Out" for a midnight rendevouz with biker dude in some hotel paid for by her husband's credit card. Then seven years later (when the guy is worn out, and emotionally, psychologically BROKEN and has been reduced to a worker drone working long hours just to support her lifestyle) she finally says "This isn't working. I'm not in love with you anymore. You've changed.You aren't around any more. You don't give me the love and attention I need. I want a divorce."


I am not attracted to a (in their view and defintion of ) "Confident" woman.
Give me a sweet, caring, giving, flexible,and thoughtful and considerate woman ANY DAY of the week, before these self absorbed, Entitled Prima Donna B*tches.
They can take their "inner B*tch": and shove it up their perfumed, "entitled" a$$es.


This article makes me beyond angry.

Women who follow this ("Don't be "nice" to a man.") "advice" deserve to be put on an island with no shelter, ready made food, or tools and NO Mirrors, or haiir brushes. They can make each other live in their self made Hell.
No one should have to put up with that attitude and behavior.

"Don't be "nice" to a man"......


WTF???!

 

[Colossus]

What an utter c*ntbag.

This type of manhating p*ssy-power propaganda is like a cancer in western society. Whatever happened in this poisonous woman's life to make her despise men, she needs to staple her lips and stop spreading this filth to others. Makes me sick. This is woman at her absolute worst.

I was actually just talking to my father about this very subject: The rarity of a loyal, caring, hard-working and loving woman, and how my generation (20-30) is full of 'entitlement' and selfishness.

A bit off-topic, but that is pure feminist garbage.

 

[joekerr31]

racism use to be the norm. 100 years ago if you were a white man in the south you'd have a bunch of black people working for you as slaves. you'd hang out with your other white friends and talk about black people like they were dogs.

half a century ago in german it was totally fine if you were german to talk about jews like they were vermin. heck, grab one off the street and beat them to death, no one would mind.

the mob is fickle and easy to manipulate. people inherently want to blame others, they want to be told they aren't responsible for anything, they dont have to work to become better, they aren't to blame for anything in their life - its all THEM (black, jews, men, whatever). the mob just wants something to hate, so that it doesn't have to look at itself in the mirror for what it is - an ugly mob of pathetic people.

and the first thing you do to control a mob is you define the enemy. in this case its men. the second thing you do is explain how the enemy is holding you back - in this case male expectations of women. the third thing you do is explain a course of action - in this case, be a b*tch.

there will be TONS of women who will read that and go - "YA! THATS THE PROBLEM! I've been too nice. I've let men walk all over me. Well no more! I'm gonna be a b*tch and get the man of hte dreams by doing so! This is awesome!"

sad sad sad.

and you know something, women KNOW this is total bullsh*t. don't fool yourselves, they aren't so stupid as to believe this will actually work. but just like people deep down KNEW that jews and blacks are just people too, they choose to ignore that truth and participate in the madness of the times.

and many women, despite knowing this is bullsh*t, will none the less particpate.

and like i say, what makes it worse is that no mass media outlets are giving women anything else to latch on to. the media is pandering to people's desire to fight against something (in this case men) as opposed to giving them something to fight for and work towards (ie. becoming a better person)!

 

[PTC]

Thought I'd give you guys an update.

I mentioned the dinner date thing to her and she agreed without blinking an eye. So maybe i was being paranoid, who knows. We're all gonna get together in the next week or so with him an some other friends of hers so we'll see.

As far as the house deal she told me she pulled out her offer to buy a house after she realized how upset I was. She is currently renting a house which is kind of a dump so she told me she would just look for another place to rent for now.

She also deleted her myspace account which has always been a sore subject with me.

We had a about a 2hour talk saturday about our relationship and alot of subjects got brought up and worked out. The main subject was for her need to realize what commitment means in a relationship. About realizing who is more important, her friends, her popularity on myspace or me. I pretty much told her I was done if she couldn't decide on her own. You shouldn't have to "make" yourself make the right decisions in a relationship.

Well I actually think things are moving in the right direction. We'll see....

Thanks for all you guys support and help!!

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo PTC,


This sounds like good news, dude. Just remember to always KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.

Time will tell whether or not she is in agreement with YOU as opposed to just being in denial about HER true feelings.

I've often found that people only change their behavior in life for either one of TWO reasons:

Either they have SEEN THE LIGHT, or they have FELT THE HEAT.

Again, only time will tell through the consistency of her words and actions which one of these two scenarios applies to her.

Best wishes, soldier!


March on.

 

[dietzcoi]

VU/PTC

I think she has simply "felt the heat" in this case. She is changing her words now.. but not her mindset.

I really don't see this marriage as being in PTC's best interest. I know I am not the only one here who thinks this is a big mistake!

Write this ins stone: "If you have to ask the sosuave community about a woman you want to marry, then you shouldn't marry her"

I know that "next" is not always the answer but in this case... I see trouble ahead.

We need more premarital counselors in our society. There sure are people who would benefit...

Dietzcoi

 

[PTC]

Write this ins stone: "If you have to ask the sosuave community about a woman you want to marry, then you shouldn't marry her"

Dietzcoi

I understand what you are saying, believe me I know. Same as the ole saying "if you have even the slightest doubt, don't do it". I know this first hand cause I have been married before.

I think just cause you ask on this community about a girl doesn't make her non marring material. If you didn't have to ask questions about a girl than that would make her perfect and we all know that is not a reality. And if every girl were perfect,...well this sosuave community wouldn't exist!

But I am going to see how this turns out. The "next" word has not left my mind by any means but I think if I continue in this relationship with that on my mind I am not giving it a chance.

I will keep you all updated.

Thanks again!

 

[squirrels]

Good luck, man.

 

[KarmaSutra]

invite him and his daughter over for dinner. if she has banged this dude i guarantee you that she will move heaven and hell to make sure the two of you are never ever in the same room for an extended period of time.

just tell her 'listen honey, why don't we just invite frank and his daughter for an afternoon barbeque. the kids can hang out and i can get to know him."

if she's over reacts and comes up with 1000 reasons why its not a good idea, then something fishy is going on.

if she agrees and the dude comes over, trust me, you'll be able to sense if he's banged her in the past or if anything fishy is going on in the present.

as for over reacting - its hard to say. without more details i'd say yes. but if shes given you reasons not to trust her in the past, then id say no.

Leave it to brother Joekerr to speak with reason. This is exactly what I'd do in this case. You need to out box this chick. Based on what you wrote I'd say yes she did fvck the guy. Chicks don't turn and walk the other way if she is friends, platonic friends. He cluttered up her butter gutter and she doesn't want you to get the vibe. And this idiot calling at 0200 when he should be well aware that her ass is getting bottomed out, is just testing your resolve. He wants you to know that he's in the picture and not going anywhere. He's pissing in your grass. Although I wouldn't invite this c0ck over to your place, I would throw out an invite to a public place, like a restaurant or boxing ring.

This b!tch fvcked around on her husband and you want a relationship with her? Fvck that Jack, you bang every orifice she has, give her a piss enema, cvm in her shampoo and then broom her off. Let this "friend" have her after you're done with her.

 

[PTC]

Good luck, man.

That was a good one! Too funny...

 

[JLR]

Leave it to brother Joekerr to speak with reason. This is exactly what I'd do in this case. You need to out box this chick. Based on what you wrote I'd say yes she did fvck the guy. Chicks don't turn and walk the other way if she is friends, platonic friends. He cluttered up her butter gutter and she doesn't want you to get the vibe. And this idiot calling at 0200 when he should be well aware that her ass is getting bottomed out, is just testing your resolve. He wants you to know that he's in the picture and not going anywhere. He's pissing in your grass. Although I wouldn't invite this c0ck over to your place, I would throw out an invite to a public place, like a restaurant or boxing ring.

This b!tch fvcked around on her husband and you want a relationship with her? Fvck that Jack, you bang every orifice she has, give her a piss enema, cvm in her shampoo and then broom her off. Let this "friend" have her after you're done with her.

I can't help but agree w/ Karma... How can you expect a cheater to remain faithful to you? (The OP implies she cheated...) I would next this chick so fast based on the ACTIONS she's taken thus far. Words are meaningless...

 

[Nighthawk]

Either they have SEEN THE LIGHT, or they have FELT THE HEAT.

Oh I'm stealing this phrase. Did you come up with it VU?

And I agree with Karma too - this guy calling at 2am is an attempt to emasculate, humiliate, and provocate. I know that last one isn't a word, but things are more true if they rhyme.