Advice with a Second date pls

[dustmuffin]

I went on my first date. It lasted about an hour. I had her smiling and laughing. I noticed a lull so I checked my phone and said I had to go. I walked her to the front of the establishment and got a kiss with good back kino. She smiled as she walked away and said let's do this again.

I waited three days called and set up another date for tuesday. She agreed, but then the next day she said she had forgotten and made plans with friends to watch the Democratic debate. I told her if she couldn't go that day it would have to be next week because I was busy. She begged and said pick any day and she would go. I said I would check my schedule and get back to her. I waited about an hour and set up Friday as the date. Anyway I got sick and had to cancel. She was texting me everyday and wanted to chat about rental properties. I may have been to available. She didn't text me yesterday to see how I was doing. My question is do I wait for her to initiate contact or ask her out on another date date say on Sunday for Tuesday? Thoughts?

 

[dustmuffin]

I think she is till interested. I sent her a text and then she called back. I didn't answer. I will call back later.

 

[stevo]

I sent her a text, she called back. I didn't answer. I will call back later.

????

Did you ignore the call on purpose?

 

[dustmuffin]

????

Did you ignore the call on purpose?

No I was in the tub

 

[dustmuffin]

Ok I texted asking for a certain day. She slow texted me and said she didn't know. I slow texted her back and gave her a second option. Two days. Now I will wait.

 

[dustmuffin]

Got a reply. We are on for Friday. Going for a walk....dinner then inviting her for TV at my place.

 

[dustmuffin]

Got a confirmation text from her. Its on for tonight.

 

[dustmuffin]

Now I got a flake. Family emergency. I replied NP contact me when you want to get together and I hoped her grandfather healed quickly. No big deal moving on....

 

[ubercat]

Your own advice ;-). Patience/chase more chicks

 

[Fitters]

One thing I have noticed is never put the ball in their court to make the shots.

I would've replied " okay np I will let you know when im free again. "

You handled it well though , don't make it easy for her next time she tries to do something with you. Always remember you can flake as well.

 

[dustmuffin]

Your own advice ;-). Patience/chase more chicks

Yep....I am really glad she canceled. Who knows if its the truth and I don't care. I am still off from my sinus infection. I am hitting the gym monday and working on my mental state. I might try one more girl i have been texting with. She didnt reply the first time and replied when i sent pics. She gave an excuse. I told her i would contact her in a few days. If it works out fine. If not going to try to focus on me for a while.

 

[dustmuffin]

One thing I have noticed is never put the ball in their court to make the shots.

I would've replied " okay np I will let you know when im free again. "

You handled it well though , don't make it easy for her next time she tries to do something with you. Always remember you can flake as well.

That might be a way to go but if what she said is true she might not be available for a bit. If she is interested she can contact me when its over. I don't want to be nagging her for dates when she has family medical issues.

 

[dustmuffin]

One thing I have noticed is never put the ball in their court to make the shots.

I would've replied " okay np I will let you know when im free again. "

You handled it well though , don't make it easy for her next time she tries to do something with you. Always remember you can flake as well.

On second thought I might shoot her a text Sunday and ask how the grandfather is doing. It would show compassion on my part. Thoughts?

 

[ubercat]

Totally
I never see anything wrong with showing a little compassion.

They may be badly wired and annoying but chicks are still human beings.

 

[RangerMIke]

When she asked you to pick a day you should have picked a day. When a woman is willing to reschedule than you should go along with it. Unless you are REALLY busy.

I suspect she guessed you were playing games and now she's playing them back... normal chick sh!t. Just forget her for a couple of weeks and chase other women. Try asking her out one more time, if she flakes take the hint and move on. If she is REALLY interested she will reach out to you.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Hmmm, I smell a rat with moldy cheese here...

I tend to analyze all actions from a girl when I first start dating her, so let's look at some stuff here:

1. SHE CANCELLED THE FIRST 2ND DATE BECAUSE SHE HAD TO WATCH A DEBATE WITH A FRIEND.

Interesting... hey, y'know when that excuse stopped working, tho? When this thing called "YouTube" was invented. Y'know, the thing that allows you to watch stuff that happened on TV about an hour after it happens? Also, you ever notice the funny coincidence where women end up cancelling a date because, somehow, they seem to forget plans they made with other people when agreeing for the date in the first place? Isn't this the same sex that will get mad at you for something, then remember the EXACT words you said that made her mad 10 years later? But she can't remember that she made plans with her friends a couple days ago? Hmm...

2. SHE SAID "I DON'T KNOW" WHEN RE-MAKING PLANS.

Interesting... so, she said she wanted you to pick a day, but when you finally did she now says she's not sure if she wants to do it. Funny how she went from being all in for ANY day you picked, to suddenly being all wishy-washy. Could this be declining interest? Hmmm...

3. YOUR DATING IDEA? EH AT BEST...

You pulled the classic mistake of setting up a 2nd date that includes going to your house. Understand, guy: when most girls hear this as part of the date night plans, they start thinking, "Ah, he's just in this for sex" and start trying to back out of the date. It would be different if you had just said you'll both go for a walk and get dinner (and, ideally do some other kind of activity 'cause that's REALLY not that enticing of a second date), and then, based on that good time, you just HAPPEN to end up at your place... but by making it part of the plan, you shot yourself in the foot. And thus...

4. SHE HAD A "FAMILY EMERGENCY" COME UP

Interesting... isn't it funny how a lot of women cancel plans as a result of a "family emergency" with an elderly family member? Amazing, right? And it's usually SO dire that THEY have to be the ones to go and check on them. That's incredible... hey, funny enough, I've actually gone on dates and/or been in relationships with women whose parents/grandparents/sibling/cousin/great aunt/etc. had some kind of medical thing going on all the time... and yet, these women would never cancel dates with me while this stuff was going on. Could it be that they had high interest in me and didn't want to feed me excuses? Hmm...

Bottom line: I smell LOW INTEREST. Dating a chick shouldn't be like pulling teeth. A girl that has HIGH INTEREST in you is not trying to limit her time seeing you. A girl that wants to be with you will give YOU the counter-offer of a day that works if she has to cancel, instead of telling YOU to pick a day. A girl that wants to be with you won't have these last-minute excuses that just "happen" to pop up hours before you're set to pick her up.

Personally, I think you'd be better off not reaching out to her, and waiting to see if she reaches out to you. Oh, and to answer your question: asking how her granddad is doing isn't worth it. You're doing it to come across as "caring," but if she's lying to you it won't matter, and if she's not she still didn't offer a counter-offer of any kind (not even a "once my granddad's out the woods I'll hit you up for a date" offer).

 

[dustmuffin]

I have set up a date after reiniating contact. She was slow texting me to get me to chase. She asked me if I go out on a lot of dates....ignored.....Said that she didnt think I was her first choice....I said how do I know Im your first choice? She didnt think I was interested...that other guys were all excited and I wasnt and she didnt think she wowed me....So I guess other guys give her attention via text and phone and I dont. I said I prefer to converse in person rather than text or phone. Thoughts?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

2 thoughts:

1. Oftentimes when a girl has low interest, she'll do this sort of thing, where she'll say she thought YOU weren't interested, therefore SHE'S not interested. It's bull. She says a bunch of other guys are giving her attention, yet she's not going out with them? Bull. Either she's not all that interested (and pinning it on you) or she's WAAAAAY too needy for attention, which is good to know early on if you're trying to avoid that sort of woman.

2. Whenever you try to disprove a woman, you lose. It's a never-ending argument, and they're GREAT at it. She says something - "I didn't think I was your first choice" - and you respond; then she comes up with something else - "I didn't think you were interested" (which, again, is a lie - otherwise you wouldn't be asking her out again) - you respond again; then she comes up with something else... blah blah blah.

The best thing to do in these situations is to turn the convo back onto her. Don't answer her silly little questions - instead, use them to either play with her or dig deeper into her and her psyche. Example:

Her: Do you go out on a lot of dates?
Me: Why, are you saying you'd like to go on a lot of dates with me?

Her: I didn't think I was your first choice...
Me: Interesting... so you had that conversation and came up with that without talking to me? Interesting...

Her: Other guys are constantly texting me and phoning me, but you don't...
Me: Hmm... so then, why aren't you going out with those other guys then?
or:
Me: Interesting... and yet, when I tried texting you, you were slow to respond, which made my communication with you less... why did it take you so long to respond again?

I don't even really care what her answers are - the point is to make her think about just how dumb her rationales are without being direct about it. If she still ends up going on and on about stuff I'm not doing that just makes her sound needy and/or uninterested, I just tell 'em "well, whenever you want to go out again hit me up" and then throw away their number (though there have been a few occasions where they DO end up hitting me up - but it's the exception, not the norm).

 

[dustmuffin]

2 thoughts:

1. Oftentimes when a girl has low interest, she'll do this sort of thing, where she'll say she thought YOU weren't interested, therefore SHE'S not interested. It's bull. She says a bunch of other guys are giving her attention, yet she's not going out with them? Bull. Either she's not all that interested (and pinning it on you) or she's WAAAAAY too needy for attention, which is good to know early on if you're trying to avoid that sort of woman.

2. Whenever you try to disprove a woman, you lose. It's a never-ending argument, and they're GREAT at it. She says something - "I didn't think I was your first choice" - and you respond; then she comes up with something else - "I didn't think you were interested" (which, again, is a lie - otherwise you wouldn't be asking her out again) - you respond again; then she comes up with something else... blah blah blah.

The best thing to do in these situations is to turn the convo back onto her. Don't answer her silly little questions - instead, use them to either play with her or dig deeper into her and her psyche. Example:

Her: Do you go out on a lot of dates?
Me: Why, are you saying you'd like to go on a lot of dates with me?

Her: I didn't think I was your first choice...
Me: Interesting... so you had that conversation and came up with that without talking to me? Interesting...

Her: Other guys are constantly texting me and phoning me, but you don't...
Me: Hmm... so then, why aren't you going out with those other guys then?
or:
Me: Interesting... and yet, when I tried texting you, you were slow to respond, which made my communication with you less... why did it take you so long to respond again?

I don't even really care what her answers are - the point is to make her think about just how dumb her rationales are without being direct about it. If she still ends up going on and on about stuff I'm not doing that just makes her sound needy and/or uninterested, I just tell 'em "well, whenever you want to go out again hit me up" and then throw away their number (though there have been a few occasions where they DO end up hitting me up - but it's the exception, not the norm).

Thanks....women are an odd bunch. I was loathing women earlier..but now I am getting interested in the game. I have been thinking that I have no passion. Maybe the game is it.