Advice: What do I do with this girl

[Dam44]

UPDATE

Nothing much has changed. I didn't talk to her for a few weeks after it happened. Then we'd text a bit, it felt real awkward

After like a month, I decided to call her, just hello and casual talk.

I stopped texting(was going no contact) till I saw a post about going after what you want on her status. IDK why I felt it was for me(we were both online that night). She deleted about an hour later. So I texted her the next day. I've texted a few times after that(just hellos and playful texts)

I've called about 2 more times(she hasn't called yet). She sounds happy when we talk, maybe I was/am just a good friend lol, or maybe the rejection was a test.
She complimented the only picture I've posted since lockdown.

I guess I'll wait till school resumes and we'll see what happens.
What do you think guys?

 

[Dam44]

Hello
@AttackFormation @samspade @backseatjuan Visionist @BackInTheGame78 @Stack****EmUp
@bcude @mrgoodstuff @stringpuller

 

[Robert28]

You’re getting some good advice but they’re leaving parts out. I was in the exact same situation as you, I was a bit older though. It was a supposed “friendship” that felt like a relationship but with no sex. It was fun but confusing and frustrating because I wasn’t getting my needs met. I did everything you did, told her I liked her etc. she basically cut me off, silent treatment and all. I did everything wrong you could possibly do. Know what saved me? After a couple weeks of being pathetic and trying to get her to talk to me, I ended up meeting another girl. Younger and much prettier. I was confused because the girl I was friends with wasn’t nearly as hot and had no interest in me but here comes this beautiful girl who gives me compliments and put ME on the pedestal. Now, I knew I made a lot of mistakes with the friend girl that I could never recover from, but I was in so deep that I just kept diggging and making more mistakes. With this new girl I had a clean slate, I was still hug up on the friend girl so it didn’t allow me to be fully available to the new girl. I was a challenge to her but I still made sure we had fun when we went out. I did everything right after doing everything wrong with a less attractive girl that id known for a long time.
Basically the new girl raised my standards in the eyes of the old girl. I caught her viewing my stories on social media when I’d post videos and pics with the new girl. She probably thought of me as a pathetic loser when I pursued her and did everything wrong, but that all changed when she saw within 3 weeks I’d met someone else. Someone better. Then she started to think “well damn, he did make a lot of mistakes but I guess he really liked me and now he’s moved on. Did I miss something? I miss him. I miss our friendship. Maybe after some time had passed he’s back to his normal self. I’ve got to see.” Then the texts started rolling in. She wanted to hangout again and all was forgiven. Problem was I was no longer interested but I told her we could still be friends, even though I didn’t plan on ever hanging out with her again. A new girl can change minds like you wouldn’t believe, if she’s prettier you can overcome all the mistakes you’ve ever made with an old girl because you just raised your value ten fold.

 

[AttackFormation]

What do you think guys?

Platonic behavior leads to a platonic outcome.

What you are doing now is at best neutral, and at worst cementing you as just a non-sexual orbiter. You said texting her felt awkward, and it seems I in my opinion rightly warned you against this kind of platonic, especially electronic communication. I would save interaction with her until it's possible to escalate sexually by teasing and touching her. Remember, to get a sexual outcome you need sexual behavior.

 

[Robert28]

You thought it was for you because you're still crushing on this girl. And that's cool, don't beat yourself up about it. In fact, you should enjoy that, it's a fun part of life. But your actions are not helping you. @AttackFormation said it best above. I don't know how things are at university in Nigeria, but I think of a phone call as something I do with my parents or siblings because we're far away. I've had a few other catch up video calls in quarantine but that's just because there was plenty of time to fill. I haven't called a girl to chat her up in a very long time.

And @Robert28 has good advice too, go out and meet other women. It will take your mind off things. Above all else you need to let go of the need. You can accept that you have the desire for her, that is normal and healthy. But the need is a killer. If you need to unfriend her on social media, go ahead and do it.

Be careful with the unfriending on social media IF you plan on going back to her and wanting to continue the friendship. Girls take that unfriending crap to heart, I learned the hard way. You unfriend exes after a breakup but with friends it’s different. You don’t want to burn that bridge, I learned that the hard way. She still won’t let it go to this day that I Unfriended her. Some women view that as you’re cutting them out of your life for good. They’re very touchy about that.

 

[Dam44]

You’re getting some good advice but they’re leaving parts out. I was in the exact same situation as you, I was a bit older though. It was a supposed “friendship” that felt like a relationship but with no sex. It was fun but confusing and frustrating because I wasn’t getting my needs met. I did everything you did, told her I liked her etc. she basically cut me off, silent treatment and all. I did everything wrong you could possibly do. Know what saved me? After a couple weeks of being pathetic and trying to get her to talk to me, I ended up meeting another girl. Younger and much prettier. I was confused because the girl I was friends with wasn’t nearly as hot and had no interest in me but here comes this beautiful girl who gives me compliments and put ME on the pedestal. Now, I knew I made a lot of mistakes with the friend girl that I could never recover from, but I was in so deep that I just kept diggging and making more mistakes. With this new girl I had a clean slate, I was still hug up on the friend girl so it didn’t allow me to be fully available to the new girl. I was a challenge to her but I still made sure we had fun when we went out. I did everything right after doing everything wrong with a less attractive girl that id known for a long time.
Basically the new girl raised my standards in the eyes of the old girl. I caught her viewing my stories on social media when I’d post videos and pics with the new girl. She probably thought of me as a pathetic loser when I pursued her and did everything wrong, but that all changed when she saw within 3 weeks I’d met someone else. Someone better. Then she started to think “well damn, he did make a lot of mistakes but I guess he really liked me and now he’s moved on. Did I miss something? I miss him. I miss our friendship. Maybe after some time had passed he’s back to his normal self. I’ve got to see.” Then the texts started rolling in. She wanted to hangout again and all was forgiven. Problem was I was no longer interested but I told her we could still be friends, even though I didn’t plan on ever hanging out with her again. A new girl can change minds like you wouldn’t believe, if she’s prettier you can overcome all the mistakes you’ve ever made with an old girl because you just raised your value ten fold.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I'll meet new people and see what happens

 

[Dam44]

Platonic behavior leads to a platonic outcome.

What you are doing now is at best neutral, and at worst cementing you as just a non-sexual orbiter. You said texting her felt awkward, and it seems I in my opinion rightly warned you against this kind of platonic, especially electronic communication. I would save interaction with her until it's possible to escalate sexually by teasing and touching her. Remember, to get a sexual outcome you need sexual behavior.

Yes, I know you said so. It just felt difficult to do, sometimes she texts me too
What if she texts me, what do I do? Ignore them? I don't think that's good
Thanks

 

[Dam44]

Hello and im busy so i didnt see this post but ill try to help.
First thing young man. And you are young is NEVER forfiet the idea of friends. When a girl tells you she is with a guy. Pull back and give her the opportunity to reach out to you. Respect her situation.
My wife is from a conservative culture but i still hiton her like i want to slay her.

Every culture knows the secs game.
Just do it lightly if you get the opportunity but do know this one thing. She is with a man already and in order for her to want you. Be a better "desire" and that usually involves other orbiters. Your orbiters. Play it cool and good luck.

If you haven't read The Rational Male get a copy and have fun.

Thank you. I'll pull back now and give her the opportunity. I think one of the reasons I've not been doing that is because I think she said she is a relationship just as an excuse

Where can I get The Rational Male please

 

[Dam44]

You thought it was for you because you're still crushing on this girl. And that's cool, don't beat yourself up about it. In fact, you should enjoy that, it's a fun part of life. But your actions are not helping you. @AttackFormation said it best above. I don't know how things are at university in Nigeria, but I think of a phone call as something I do with my parents or siblings because we're far away. I've had a few other catch up video calls in quarantine but that's just because there was plenty of time to fill. I haven't called a girl to chat her up in a very long time.

And @Robert28 has good advice too, go out and meet other women. It will take your mind off things. Above all else you need to let go of the need. You can accept that you have the desire for her, that is normal and healthy. But the need is a killer. If you need to unfriend her on social media, go ahead and do it.

Thank you. I think you're right, I might still be crushing on her.
As regards a call, good friends do it once in a while too. I'll just let go of the need, it depresses me a bit at times.
I don't think unfriending is necessary, we will see in class lol.

 

[Dam44]

Be careful with the unfriending on social media IF you plan on going back to her and wanting to continue the friendship. Girls take that unfriending crap to heart, I learned the hard way. You unfriend exes after a breakup but with friends it’s different. You don’t want to burn that bridge, I learned that the hard way. She still won’t let it go to this day that I Unfriended her. Some women view that as you’re cutting them out of your life for good. They’re very touchy about that.

I won't, thanks

 

[Dam44]

Update

So she contacted me saying she missed me ( or the attention I give probably)

I talked to another girl recently and our text convo went something like this. I know her from high school

Me & her: random texting...

Me: 'So what are we doing after lockdown '

Her: some responses I didn't care about

Me: 'Let's go out, a date to be precise'

Her: 'Do you have a girlfriend'

Me: 'If I did, I wouldn't be asking you'

Her: Agrees and says we'll talk the next day

Next day
Me & Her: Random text

Me: 'So do you have a boyfriend' (I don't even know why I asked)

Her: 'Yes'

Me: 'Oh. So is the date still happening '

Her: 'Of course'

Me: 'Okay'

I haven't spoken to her in a while now and I pity her guy.
I might not eventually go on that date

What do you think?

 

[bcude]

Update

So she contacted me saying she missed me ( or the attention I give probably)

I talked to another girl recently and our text convo went something like this. I know her from high school

Me & her: random texting...

Me: 'So what are we doing after lockdown '

Her: some responses I didn't care about

Me: 'Let's go out, a date to be precise'

Her: 'Do you have a girlfriend'

Me: 'If I did, I wouldn't be asking you'

Her: Agrees and says we'll talk the next day

Next day
Me & Her: Random text

Me: 'So do you have a boyfriend' (I don't even know why I asked)

Her: 'Yes'

Me: 'Oh. So is the date still happening '

Her: 'Of course'

Me: 'Okay'

I haven't spoken to her in a while now and I pity her guy.
I might not eventually go on that date

What do you think?

Then why did you ask her if the date is still happening if you're unsure if you even want to go?
We can't answer this for you.
I wouldn't go out with a taken girl because there are million others without a boyfriend out there, but that's me.
You need to work on your text game (and frame), you come off as an insecure boy who's asking for permission and being very predictable from this little exchange. All very boring. But since she came to you her interest level was already quite high. Try to ask less and lead where you want to go more, girls respond better to confident guys who tell them what to do and where to go. You set this dynamic immediately from the start.

(i crossed over the sentences i didn't like from your exchange)

 

[Dam44]

I asked cos I thought it was her way of blowing me off

I think I'm like you in that aspect cos I don't want to go with someone who's taken too.

I'll work on my text game, thanks. Is there any resource that can help? I really want to become better

I've taken note of the sentences you crossed out. What should I have replied with to her 'do you have a girlfriend' question

Then why did you ask her if the date is still happening if you're unsure if you even want to go?
We can't answer this for you.
I wouldn't go out with a taken girl because there are million others without a boyfriend out there, but that's me.
You need to work on your text game (and frame), you come off as an insecure boy who's asking for permission and being very predictable from this little exchange. All very boring. But since she came to you her interest level was already quite high. Try to ask less and lead where you want to go more, girls respond better to confident guys who tell them what to do and where to go. You set this dynamic immediately from the start.

(i crossed over the sentences i didn't like from your exchange)

 

[lamath]

Most of the time when advice is needed regarding one women your not dating confusimg you and not commiting to a date.

She has low interest dating you.

You think she was interested then and think because you told her you liked her things when in flames.
It did not

She just wanted your attention to feel good about herself, more than likely never wanted to date at all.

Its all about validation for them,shes a tease.

 

[Dam44]

Most of the time when advice is needed regarding one women your not dating confusimg you and not commiting to a date.

She has low interest dating you.

You think she was interested then and think because you told her you liked her things when in flames.
It did not

She just wanted your attention to feel good about herself, more than likely never wanted to date at all.

Its all about validation for them,shes a tease.

Maybe she only wants the attention after all. I've not been texting her for a while now.
Yesterday, she replied my status update with an eye emoji. Totally unrelated

 

[Clamslammer]

Maybe she only wants the attention after all. I've not been texting her for a while now.
Yesterday, she replied my status update with an eye emoji. Totally unrelated

Hey man, do not beat yourself up as you are young and still inexperienced. The good thing is you are willing to learn and you are asking questions. I wish this type of forum was around at your age.

A couple of pointer:
- if you have romantic interest in a girl be direct with her and ask her out on a date. Don't waste time texting back and forth for days on end. Better yet show confidence and ask her out in person. Confidence is the most attractive quality to a girl. Anything but a yes for a date request you walk away and do not reach back out to her. The first girl you put yourself in the friendzone by not going for what you wanted and throwing up your feelings to you thats why she backed off. She probably does not have a boyfriend but she got scared and blurted it out.
- never tell a girl how you feel, keep her guessing, show her by taking her on dates.
- dont burn bridges with girls you never know if she comes around in the future. Sometimes girls are just as inexperienced as a guy and will reject a guy when they like them
- Always be escalating towards sex. You hand holding and hugging means nothing to her. Thats what she does with heir gay male girlfriend/orbiters.
-keep working on yourself mentally and physically and continue doing that until your dead, especially when in a relationship.


First Girl let her reach out to you. If she ever does ask her on a date and escalate to kissing and eventually sex once she is comfortable with it.

Second girl let her reach out to you and when she does set a firms date. A specific time and place. If you like her go for the kiss and eventually escalate to sex.

As you go on more dates she will be the one wanting to lock you down and not the other way.

 

[Dam44]

Hey man, do not beat yourself up as you are young and still inexperienced. The good thing is you are willing to learn and you are asking questions. I wish this type of forum was around at your age.

A couple of pointer:
- if you have romantic interest in a girl be direct with her and ask her out on a date. Don't waste time texting back and forth for days on end. Better yet show confidence and ask her out in person. Confidence is the most attractive quality to a girl. Anything but a yes for a date request you walk away and do not reach back out to her. The first girl you put yourself in the friendzone by not going for what you wanted and throwing up your feelings to you thats why she backed off. She probably does not have a boyfriend but she got scared and blurted it out.
- never tell a girl how you feel, keep her guessing, show her by taking her on dates.
- dont burn bridges with girls you never know if she comes around in the future. Sometimes girls are just as inexperienced as a guy and will reject a guy when they like them
- Always be escalating towards sex. You hand holding and hugging means nothing to her. Thats what she does with heir gay male girlfriend/orbiters.
-keep working on yourself mentally and physically and continue doing that until your dead, especially when in a relationship.


First Girl let her reach out to you. If she ever does ask her on a date and escalate to kissing and eventually sex once she is comfortable with it.

Second girl let her reach out to you and when she does set a firms date. A specific time and place. If you like her go for the kiss and eventually escalate to sex.

As you go on more dates she will be the one wanting to lock you down and not the other way.

Thank you for your candid advice. I guess I was too slowwww with the first girl
I still a few questions tho
What do you really mean by 'let her reach out to you'? Does is it mean her texting me or what exactly

 

[Clamslammer]

Thank you for your candid advice. I guess I was too slowwww with the first girl
I still a few questions tho
What do you really mean by 'let her reach out to you'? Does is it mean her texting me or what exactly

Yes. Do not chase any girl.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey man, do not beat yourself up as you are young and still inexperienced. The good thing is you are willing to learn and you are asking questions. I wish this type of forum was around at your age.

A couple of pointer:
- if you have romantic interest in a girl be direct with her and ask her out on a date. Don't waste time texting back and forth for days on end. Better yet show confidence and ask her out in person. Confidence is the most attractive quality to a girl. Anything but a yes for a date request you walk away and do not reach back out to her. The first girl you put yourself in the friendzone by not going for what you wanted and throwing up your feelings to you thats why she backed off. She probably does not have a boyfriend but she got scared and blurted it out.
- never tell a girl how you feel, keep her guessing, show her by taking her on dates.
- dont burn bridges with girls you never know if she comes around in the future. Sometimes girls are just as inexperienced as a guy and will reject a guy when they like them
- Always be escalating towards sex. You hand holding and hugging means nothing to her. Thats what she does with heir gay male girlfriend/orbiters.
-keep working on yourself mentally and physically and continue doing that until your dead, especially when in a relationship.


First Girl let her reach out to you. If she ever does ask her on a date and escalate to kissing and eventually sex once she is comfortable with it.

Second girl let her reach out to you and when she does set a firms date. A specific time and place. If you like her go for the kiss and eventually escalate to sex.

As you go on more dates she will be the one wanting to lock you down and not the other way.

Its all about your energy, time and self respect. When you have enough of it things flow correctly.

 

[Dam44]

Did a bit of reminiscing and I see I really messed up with her

1. One time in our second year, we just finished class that day and we were walking together. She asked me to text her that night while holding me. A few people around heard

I did but I didn't even ask why she said that. I just started a regular convo.

2. During this third year, she has asked me about 5 times if I had a girlfriend, was seeing someone or dating someone(our hostels are in different location). She casually slips it in the convo and I just say no strongly every single time

3. Recently, a friend was asking about her. He referred to her as my sweetheart. I asked him why, he said it's obvious from how I look at her. He said almost everyone thinks we're dating.

I should have been covert about it

PS: She still texts me once in a while but that's all to it. I don't even know what to do next
Also she told me she missed me. I told her i missed her too