Advice to your sister....

[Oblivious]

I was wondering what advice you guys would give your sister's in dealing with men.

I just recently had to adjust to a relationship not turning out to be what I had hoped. Basically I feel the guy used for a good two years until he had got on his feet. I was there for him when he had nothing and loved him anyway. Now that he is making strides and his on his feet now, he doesn't want or need me anymore. I'm just a "friend" now while he goes off to seek relationships with other women.
It really hurts and is a definite hard adjustment. I can't see being his friend because I still have intense feelings for him. He doesn't get it and thinks I could and should just be his friend anyway despite it all. Its hard and I am getting closer to the point of just not talking to him at all anymore.
I know the guys remedy for this would just be to cut a girl off if she did this to him. Most likely thats the remedy me as well, but as a woman, I tend to get caught up in emotions and trying to be nice and selfless. Just looking for advice and more fuel to get on with things and to let this thing go.

 

[scordate]

oneitis oneitis GO AWAY

see other guys

perspective will help you see the light

/ scordate

 

[Oblivious]

Whats so wrong with oneitis? But that will defiinitely be the remedy--seeing other guys. Undoubtedly, the dude isn't thinking twice about me and having the time of his life.
It just gets a bit disheartening in that you think you are doing ALL the right things only to be left with nothing. But I'm over it.
What if a woman adopted the Don Juan ways? Everything in us about relationships isn't innate. Somethings must be learned in order to stop making the same mistakes and getting our feelings hurt as well.

 

[scordate]

what is wrong with oneitis ?

believe you me; its gets you stuck, stuck and forever stuck !

the fairytale that if I just love her long enough and faithfull enough, she will see the light, is cr@p

as to why its wrong for girls especially;
it will turn them into a fvck-buddy if the guy is clever enough !

its like a woman who is dating a married man; she lives for the precious moments that they 'steal'

and she misses out on every other possible good LTR because she dotes on he who is just about to leave his wife

/ scordate

 

[Oblivious]

You definitely have a point!!! And I most certainly don't want to be a f&^ck buddy. And I don't want to be just friends with someone I have feelings for and he knows I have feelings for him. So I might as well cut ties.

 

[Slickster]

Losing someone you love is one of the toughest things a person can possibly have to endure. Trying to be friends just makes it worse.

Don't torture yourself. Cut ties and move on.

When you're ready let me know. I just happen to know a great guy......

 

[Tboner]

A woman being LJBF'd by a man is rare in my experience. Usually the guy wants her to go away completely or be a FB. From this perspective, you are seeing what nearly all men experience many times in their life. Being asked to be friends with someone you're sexually attracted to. You should probably NEXT him.

Some seduction advice for men will apply well for women: get yourself in top shape physically, mentally and spiritually, do things to boost your confidence, spend more time with positive people (men and women) and less time with negative people.

The best cure for men's oneitis is "go F*** ten other women this month" because we can easily separate sexual pleasure from emotions. If we reverse the genders, it may not work very well because for women, those things are nearly inseparable.

You probably could benefit from studying. I recommend studying buddhist teachings because they explain how suffering is caused by attachment and that nothing is permanent. I recommend studying this and other men's seduction sites, not for the techniques we use, but to see the game for what it really is and why these techniques are so effective. You are probably doing things in a relationship that you are not aware of or you may be aware of doing them, but don't understand the effects on the man. Things like s*** testing, betaizing the alpha male, repressing your strong sexual desires, etc.

Bursting the bubble of that fairy tale dream, reinforced by all those chick flicks is necessary for men and women to move forward into having an accurate map of reality. I know I will be happy whether I am celebite, with ONS's, in an exclusive LTR or my present situation (5 MLTR's).

I wish you the best.

 

[Oblivious]

Thanks! I definitely see and can understand the benefits and importance of reflecting on one's self rather than to get caught up in romantic notions with the opposite sex. When it happens for me so be it but it will no longer consume me. And definitely getting hip to the games will help me in the long run too.

 

[Junior Sanz]

the more you try the less interested he will become.....

just to reinforce, its so key to get your head back on track...

when you are in low moods you dont tend to think clearly and make poor decisions.

get yourself together, go out with your friends, and before you know it, this wont even be an issue to you......

 

[Oblivious]

So true! I'm there already. I just think its always on both sides. There are people who come in our lives that we hurt for whatever reason and there are people who hurt us. We just have to take the bitter with the sweet and move on with life in spite of it all. My head is on straight now. Emotions can cause you to do stupid things if you allow it.

He was basically a liar and a con man out for his own interests as, I guess, most people are. I was just naive to think that if you gave all of yourself to a person that they would do so in return. And even after all that he couldn't even be a real friend and lied and conned for days just to get what he wanted. He would call to see how I was doing sometimes daily. But all it did was irritate and frustrate me. Why spend all this time trying to be my friend. I can't go from being romantically involved one minute to "oh I'm your friend now." And to know that there are other women you are actively seeking and going out with. My feelings had already been hurt, why try to spare them now.

I guess he called so he wouldn't come off like a real prick. But underneath it all he still was cause he couldn't be honest with his intentions. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe his word, but that was a bunch of bull from day one. All he had to do was be honest and straight forward with what he was doing. I wouldn't have liked it either way but I would have respected him for his honesty and been able to move on from there rather than finding out that he lied.

Lesson learned.