Advice To Chancer357

[cactus3178]

Holy. F*cking. Sh*t.


chancer357,

Dude. For months, I've read a bit more and a bit more of your ever growing post '27 and nothing'. A couple things here:

1). Never in my life have I seen such a sh*t attitude. Bro, you have NO desire to feel better, do you?

2). Have you so much as considered enacting any of the good advice you've received in your monster thread?

3). Until your huge ass thread gets archived to microfilm at my local library, I'm just going to take a stab at this, and hope it hasn't been suggested before:



-and respectfully, I mean this quite literally-



You should seek professional, inpatient help. Honestly, I couldn't imagine living in your world, and I honestly feel sorry for you. Nobody should have that kind of mindset. I'm sure you weren't born thinking that way, you learned it....and you can unlearn it.

I'm not saying your nuts or whatnot....but you should really think about getting a serious psychological exam, for yourself, if you ever want to actually live your life, my friend.

There is help out there, if you want it. You have to take the first step, regardless of how much you think you 'can't'

 

[Roscoe]

Then again, ot really doesn't make a difference to me, think what you want

Man, relax. I am not attacking you.
I have never implied that I want to to make a difference to you. And while writing my original message I did not have in mind the goal of "tricking" you somehow into any sort of action. Believe me, it is quite opposite - I really think that you don't need to do anything, you are perfectly OK the way you are. The only uncomfortable feeling that you still have is your worry that you don't "comply" with the standards of modern living (bars, girls, social life, etc). But again - you are not that unique with your problems either: back in older days there were lots people who lived hermit lives and no one was pushing them to go and start partying! Therefore - you have one little step to make - to say "hell with everything" and stop worrying about the absence of "normal" life. You've already got your own, "normal" life.

 

[Golden Arms]

What types of things do you like to do in your free time, chancer ?

Any shows you like to watch on TV ? Any hobbies ?

 

[chancer357]

Originally posted by Golden Arms
What types of things do you like to do in your free time, chancer ?

Any shows you like to watch on TV ? Any hobbies ?

Read books or write software. I don't like it as much as I used to. Thats basically it. I don't watch TV.

 

[Jon E]

Originally posted by chancer357 Maybe if people would have accepted me, ever, things would be different for me now. But instead they just help to destroy whatever was posative about me. But blaming other people doesn't help anything. I only think of this because half the time people talk about your self-esteem and self-worth somehow affecting the way the world treats you. Well I don't buy a word of that. When I was a kid I didn't hate myself, and the world treated me the same. I used to be happy when I didn't know any better and people went out of thier way to make me unhappy.

BS! BS! BS! BS! BS! Now who’s being ignorant?

You’re running your mouth about something you no absolutely nothing about because you’ve never seen what’s on the other side of the fence. I was the happy, cheerful, little kid that everyone picked on in elementary school, middle school and high school on the playground, baseball field and yes, even the church. I didn’t respect myself, or have any self-esteem and everyone took advantage of it. I let people walk all over me, beat me up and put me down all with a smile on my face because I *thought* I was a great guy. Well guess what, I wasn’t. People will only respect you as much as you respect yourself. Period. End of discussion. If you think you don’t deserve any better, then that’s the way people will treat you.

Its not just a matter of me being to afraid, or me not being willing to try, or any of the things you seem to want to write it off as.

Now you’re contradicting yourself. You just admitted that you’re afraid.

The only thing that would make a difference is some kind of drug but I'll never ask for it. I'm too embarrased and can't bring myself to do it for one. For another, to me, asking for it is finally admiting that I am everything awful that I pretty much believe I am now and the only thing I could do is take some pill to change.

Which is more embarrassing: A 50 year old virgin living with his parents or a 1 hour trip to the doctors office?

 

[chancer357]

I said it was not just a matter of me being afraid - not that its not a matter of being afraid.

As for what would be more embarrassing, the one hour trip the doctors office, or going though making the calls and talking to everyone trying get the appointment an explaining the problem. I've never had a chance at ever meeting a girl so I'm pretty much expecting to die a virgin

 

[stevey_2000]

good god!!,

i'm sorry but i don't think you will find what you are looking for on this forum,

you need to see a doctor or someone who is used to speaking to such depressed person as you have had some pretty good advice from this thread and you seem to be more depressed now than when the thread started,

i'm sorry to see you so depressed man but there's someone who will be able to help you, but unfortunately i can't see it being us.

 

[DjDreamer]

Chancer why the hell are you telling us your sad about your LIFESTYLE? Do you want to change? If you don't want to change then what's the point of you conversing with us?!?

I think you are just being a sadistic twit...you take pleasure in telling people you have problems and refusing to follow advice...sort of like a prank caller...stop being a sadistic twit!

 

[chancer357]

Originally posted by DjDreamer
Chancer why the hell are you telling us your sad about your LIFESTYLE?

Someone asked. I answered.

Originally posted by DjDreamer
Do you want to change? If you don't want to change then what's the point of you conversing with us?!?

Not answering this question again. I must have answered this three or four times by now.

 

[DjDreamer]

You see there you go again being sadistic...why couldn't you just restate your statement instead of having me go on a chase for your words of anti-progression?

Might as well you repeat yourself because that's what you are basicly doing in this thread...somone gives you advise...you claim it won't work...rinse and repeat...

Once again...stop being a sadistic twit!

 

[true|hockey]

Originally posted by chancer357
I said it was not just a matter of me being afraid - not that its not a matter of being afraid.

As for what would be more embarrassing, the one hour trip the doctors office, or going though making the calls and talking to everyone trying get the appointment an explaining the problem. I've never had a chance at ever meeting a girl so I'm pretty much expecting to die a virgin

okay, imagine you want to become a professional ice hockey player, and you do not know what skates are. What I see is you are starting from this fellow who does not know how to skate, and trying to become the next sydney crosby.

There will be no end all cure for whatever your going through, but a visit and possible diognosis from a doctor could be a valuable first step at trying to reach your goal. If medication is available to you, alot of the mental hardships can be avoided, and you can start living normally.

fwiw I used to be exactly like you, a self defeatist. not listening to anyone, looking at the downside of everything, and seeing how everything will lead to failure. a quitter. its taken years to change it, but surrounding yourself with good friends, and pursuing a hobby / dream can help. forget about women dude, focus on yourself.

as I am sure has been mentioned a million times , ' We can only show you the door, you are the one who has to walk through it".

 

[chancer357]

Originally posted by DjDreamer
You see there you go again being sadistic...

Do you know the meaning of the word sadistic? Sadisitc people don't enjoy being the cause of their own suffering.

 

[stevera004]

Originally posted by chancer357
Do you know the meaning of the word sadistic? Sadisitc people don't enjoy being the cause of their own suffering.

Look bro, what the fvck do you want from us? You have gotten all the advice you need; if you don't want to take action, there's nothing else we can do.

And, I will now proceed to give you yet more advice. I truly think you should see a shrink and ask to be put on meds (Prozac etc.). I rarely think this is a good solution, but for you, I truly think you have to take this small step. Once you do this, come back and we'll be glad to keep helping you.

Trust me, the meds will lift your mood and put you in a place to at least begin the DJ journey. You aren't even at the starting line yet though bro.

Sincere best wishes to you. Now stop thinking, and take action !

 

[DjDreamer]

Originally posted by chancer357
Do you know the meaning of the word sadistic? Sadisitc people don't enjoy being the cause of their own suffering.

Sadistic people use their own suffering to cause others to suffer...

 

[chancer357]

Originally posted by DjDreamer
Sadistic people use their own suffering to cause others to suffer...

Still not quite right. Break open a dictionary.

 

[Jon E]

Originally posted by chancer357
As for what would be more embarrassing, the one hour trip the doctors office, or going though making the calls and talking to everyone trying get the appointment an explaining the problem. I've never had a chance at ever meeting a girl so I'm pretty much expecting to die a virgin

Since you've obviously never seen a psychiatrist, let me explain to you how it works. You open the phone book and pick out the guy with the biggest ad and you call them up and tell the secretary: "I think Im in depression" and she says: "Ok, how about 3:30 on Tuesday?"

It doesn’t get much easier than that. Its not embarrassing and no one’s going to be standing around pointing fingers and laughing at you. If you cant handle that, then Wal-Mart is having a sale on 12 gauges right now for $129.95.

 

[MrCode]

There is an interesting concept that you may not be aware of. It is best summarized by a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

After reading some of her other quotes, my respect for this woman has increased very much.

You seem to think that the world had some evil plan to punch, kick and knock you down into the hole you currently occupy. All the forces of the world were bent on making you miserable.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but stop being so damn self-centered. Nobody will ever care as much about you as you care about yourself (which is pretty bad for you since you seem to hate yourself.) No one else can make you happy. That is all you buddy. And no one can make you feel bad (inferior) without you letting them.

Maybe it seems too simple to you. Your clearly intelligent mind is building mazes on what is really a simple path.

I've never been quite as low as you seem to be, but I've certainly had my bad days. So have all the other guys on this thread. Believe me you aren't alone. So stop feeling so sorry for yourself. Oh you poor baby!

A lot of guys here have tried their best to help you, and you have just sh!t on one after the other. And you wonder why people don't want to be around you?

You are the problem!!! You are also the solution.

Maybe you will understand that one day. It is your choice.

 

[Doc73]

I have read almost all the responses from the 11+ pages of this little therapy session and i have to admit you guys give have been giving great advice.

There is a saying that no matter how well off or worse off you are there is always someone better and worse. Well believe it or not, I am actually worse off than you are. You mentioned that you have a job and that you are living on your own. Thats a lot better than me atm because I have neither. Thanks to a ****ed up move to another part of the country I am now living at home with no job (abeit a college diploma), and no life. i have a speech problem and a mental illness that has not been fully diagnosed yet mostly because its so insidious that no shrink has ever actually seen a flare up. Most of my friends have moved away and the ones that have stayed are a LOT more successful than I am. I could go on and on but you get the point. Oh yeah, I almost forgot I am OLDER than you as well

So what keeps me going? Good question, because I'll admit its been hard for me to keep going for the last few weeks. I guess the main thing is that what is the alternative? Spending the rest of my life being lonely while all my friends get married and lead happy lives? No thank you, I may be getting older but I know that there are still quite a few good years for me to date and to catch up, so to speak. Thank God, I have a young looking face, and body (losing 50 lbs over a few months helped too).

I know what its like to be in a slump where you feel you have no other options other than ending your life prematurely. Eventually everyone hits a 'rock bottom' where they feel lower than they have ever felt before. I hit mine last night, and no I wont go into details about it. My guess is that you hit yours right when you made your first post here, and that since then you have been trying to find a way to climb up. I do hate to break it to you but if you really, and I mean REALLY want to change, the first step has to be your own. The guys here and your doctor can help you the rest of your way but you have to start your journey on your own. Dont you get it? These guys care about you and they really want to see you get out of your slump to be the guy you always wanted to be. Otherwise there wouldnt be so many responses from the regulars here. However, there is only so much they can do, and eventually they will throw their hands up and not give a **** anymore. Are you that self destructive that you want to see that happen? If so then just continue what you are doing and eventually this thread will get locked or deleted.

I have said all I can. This message board and the website accompanying it is a great tool for guys who dont just want to improve their dating life but their self image and self esteem as well. But because its a tool, you need to make the first move to use it. There is a saying "The greatest risk in life is to risk nothing" Are you really willing to take such a dangerous risk?

 

[DjDreamer]

Originally posted by chancer357
Still not quite right. Break open a dictionary.

Your responces just shows the extent to your sadism...you never agree with anyone...you keep looking for responces and advice and always claiming it will never work...

Why do you bother?

You sir are a sadist!

 

[Jon E]

Doc and Mr Code,
Bravo! Id like to buy you both a Beer.

Dreamer,
Since Chancer hasn't tried to hurt anyone else he's not a sadist.