Advice requested following a flake

[Aspiring1]

I recently broke up with a girl I was dating exclusively for 7 months. On my first attempt at getting back in the saddle, I got the number of a pretty girl (8.5 or 9, but seems to think she is a full grade lower) who I have sorta known for a while.

I called her up and set a date. We both drank, got really flirty, made out heavily at a bar, then I slept over at her place with the usual activities that entails. She has some confidence issues, and was worried about her "performance." Lots of kissing and cuddling during the night and morning. She had to go to work, so I left promptly in the morning. I called her later that night just to say I had a good time.


About half a week later I called to plan a second date. She screened me and texted me back instantly with an ultra-flake, effectively saying she was busy for every day and night in the foreseeable future and she had too much going on to think about dating. A VERY CLEAR blow-off. My responses pretty much boiled down to "Sorry to hear that. No hard feelings, see ya around." I deleted the conversation, planned to delete her number, and went on about my business.


The next day she texts again, apologizes, claims she wasn't trying to blow me off. Says she was having a really bad day. I casually accept apology. She says said she was going to invite me out for a coffee that day, but it was probably too late now (i was busy when she texted, replied 1.5 hours later). All her replies are instant, she seems like she doesn't want to quit talking.

Any recommendations? I don't really want to call her again to feed her ego, but I did have a fun time before she acted all weird.

Edited: clarity issue

 

[Renegade357]

Maybe she's worried about being seen as a sloot? You tagged it on the first date, called her that night which was cool. But you waited like 10 days to ask her out again? That'd be cool if you didn't hit it already. I dunno man, you went fast and furious with this one who knows what direction it'll go. Just ask her out again in a day or two and see what she says.

 

[dap]

I say back off and see if she pursues you. Despite the flake, I think this girl still has a high IL, just seems like she is a little indecisive/insecure. Give her some space so she can fully commit to pursuing you if that's what she decides (I bet she will).

 

[Renegade357]

I say back off and see if she pursues you. Despite the flake, I think this girl still has a high IL, just seems like she is a little indecisive/insecure. Give her some space so she can fully commit to pursuing you if that's what she decides (I bet she will).

It's not really a flake though. She just turned him down when he asked her out. A flake would be if she accepted the date then bailed at the last minute. This girl may be easy (boned on first date) but so far I wouldn't say she's triffling or a flake. Hopefully this guy is wearing a rubber.

 

[Purefilth]

you were playing 2nd fiddle, she was blowing you off because she thought she was getting exclusive with some other fella.

Obviously that fell through, and she's trying to keep hold of you to save her self-esteem from plummeting further.

 

[Aspiring1]

Maybe she's worried about being seen as a sloot? You tagged it on the first date, called her that night which was cool. But you waited like 10 days to ask her out again? That'd be cool if you didn't hit it already. I dunno man, you went fast and furious with this one who knows what direction it'll go. Just ask her out again in a day or two and see what she says.

I waited HALF a week, not a week and a half.

 

[Super Hero]

Women who are INTO you, don't CONFUSE you. All the "covert" or "subtle" bullshìt that passes for SOME female behavior spills over into total CLARITY when they really are into you.

 

[Aspiring1]

It's not really a flake though. She just turned him down when he asked her out. A flake would be if she accepted the date then bailed at the last minute. This girl may be easy (boned on first date) but so far I wouldn't say she's triffling or a flake. Hopefully this guy is wearing a rubber.

It was pretty far beyond being turned down for a date. She pretty much said she was going to be busy for a really long time and she was going to disappear for a long time after that.

I always wear condoms. To be honest, I am able to get a lot of first dates in bed when I try, so I don't consider it a strong sign of sluttiness. I typically only go on dates with girls who display pretty high interest, though.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Give her another chance. 1 strike and you're out is a bit Draconian. But obviously keep an eye on this type of behavior. If she is really as hot as you say she is, she probably has severe issues. I can count on one hand the really attractive girls that I have met who were normal and well-adjusted.

 

[Aspiring1]

Original post edited for clarity:

She pretty clearly said she wasn't going to date me because she had too much going on, then flip-flopped 24 hours later, saying she wasn't trying to blow me off. I wasn't clear enough in my post.

 

[Purefilth]

you were playing 2nd fiddle, she was blowing you off because she thought she was getting exclusive with some other fella.

Obviously that fell through, and she's trying to keep hold of you to save her self-esteem from plummeting further.

seeing as you obviously missed this first time round

 

[muscleman]

I assume you banged her and not just kissed and cuddled, as per 'usual activities than entail'. Be specific next time because this is very important to know.

Second, from what you wrote, I think she's into you. Girls cancel, it happens. I wouldn't jump into dating. If she told you she has 'too much going on to think about dating', you should have come back with 'who said anything about dating, I don't know you well enough yet'. Exclusivity is a woman's prerogative, ALWAYS.

I actually just posted a similar piece of advice in another thread (funny how the same problems creep up despite resources being available that answer 99% of questions here), but just tell her you want to get together this week or next week or whatever and give her a few options. If she's interested enough, she'll pick one and you're back in business. If she's not, she won't, and you should move on.

 

[Aspiring1]

seeing as you obviously missed this first time round

I didn't miss it, there are multiple opinions being expressed and I didn't respond to all of them. Don't be rude.

Why would I expect to be the most important person in her life after one date? I don't care if she was or is seeing someone else. That would be a lot to happen in that short of a time frame anyway, going from me asking her out and having sex with her, to her booting me for another guy, to her getting rejected for a LTR and trying to rekindle things with me all in 4 days.

I find your story unlikely, though it is entirely possible there is another guy involved. Why wouldn't there be?

 

[Aspiring1]

I assume you banged her and not just kissed and cuddled, as per 'usual activities than entail'. Be specific next time because this is very important to know.

Second, from what you wrote, I think she's into you. Girls cancel, it happens. I wouldn't jump into dating. If she told you she has 'too much going on to think about dating', you should have come back with 'who said anything about dating, I don't know you well enough yet'. Exclusivity is a woman's prerogative, ALWAYS.

I actually just posted a similar piece of advice in another thread (funny how the same problems creep up despite resources being available that answer 99% of questions here), but just tell her you want to get together this week or next week or whatever and give her a few options. If she's interested enough, she'll pick one and you're back in business. If she's not, she won't, and you should move on.

So, you would still ask a girl out when she seems to blow you off for all future dates, then recants a day later blaming it on a bad day? Right now I'm leaning towards waiting to see if she tries to get something together with me. Do you disagree?

 

[VladPatton]

I don't like the fact that she says she will be unavailable for 'future' dates and whatnot. Seems like she thinks it was a bad idea what she did, she is uncertain to future prospects. Let it cool off, back down, and let her contact you a few times. Let her miss you (providing she has continued interest). If you hear nothing, there's your answer: she regrets what she did/wants no future relationship.

 

[Aspiring1]

I don't like the fact that she says she will be unavailable for 'future' dates and whatnot. Seems like she thinks it was a bad idea what she did, she is uncertain to future prospects. Let it cool off, back down, and let her contact you a few times. Let her miss you (providing she has continued interest). If you hear nothing, there's your answer: she regrets what she did/wants no future relationship.

This is sorta what I was thinking, too. When she flipped on me so fast I thought it was a possibility that she already had a BF and had been testing the waters for a branch swing and she was pissed off that we had sex. The fact that she said she had planned on asking me for coffee means to me that she wanted to keep the door open and is wanting me to ask her out again. The question is whether it is for validation or she genuinely wants to see me.