Advice please

[DonJuanabe]

Had a date tonight. Convo flowed well, funny, good time. Walked her back and mentioned going out again (in general, not a specific date) - she was up for it but not enthusiastic so I said hey if you're not interested that's cool - she responded that she is up for going out again. The entire time she was facing me directly, straight on. So, I replied well then come here, and I put an arm around her and brought her close to me and kissed on the lips -- she kissed back and I have to tell you it was NICE. Really soft, delicate lips. Three decent kisses. We let go and she said "Well that was bold" and I replied "I just wanted some dessert".

We parted and I noticed she had texted me before dinner but I never saw it -- the text mentioned her wearing heels, which was odd because I was under the impression she would be wearing flats or sneakers or something. She was dressed much nicer than I originally thought she would be since, before the date, she previously indicated she would be dressed casually (jeans, t-shirt). I replied to the text: oh just saw this -- our next date will be a "real" one so make sure you have your heels again. Her reply was not something I expected: "Ohhhhhh dear."

I can interpret this as non-interest but I also see it as sort of a playful way of dressing well for and agreeing to go on a "real" date.

I did not reply.

Thoughts on how I should reply and when? I'm in the camp that says most likely not interested. I think I am just hoping that she is interested.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Thanks, Meast.

"Also never act or portray that your time with her was not a "real" date. She is going to think you are not taking her serious. Was it a "friendly" hangout?? What the fvck were you trying to accomplish???"

It was sushi at a little Japanese restaurant. She originally said she'd be wearing jeans and a t-shirt; I wore khaki shorts and a t-shirt. Not as dressy as I'd have liked it but she ended up being less casual (i.e. nicer) than jeans and t. I agree about the friendly hangout date being a no-go. I did that with a girl I dated in the Spring and it worked against me in a big way (duh, right?) and significantly reduced her sexual interest in me.

For those who have difficulty asking a girl out, going for a kiss close, etc. You have to keep in mind that if a girl wants to legitimately go on a date with you (i.e. not using you for dinners, etc.) it's because she is sexually interested in you or thinks she might be and wants to see if you can make her sure of that. She wants a guy to f*ck her -- the only question is whether that guy is you.

 

[Desdinova]

Walked her back and mentioned going out again

When I'm at the end of a date, I generally don't mention going out again. I tell her I had fun and wish her a goodnight. Let her be the one to bring up the subject of a second date (if she does at all). Then message her a couple days later with plans for a second date.

she was up for it but not enthusiastic so I said hey if you're not interested that's cool

Sounds like you handled it well. In order to keep a woman, you have to be willing to walk away from her forever. Sounds like you've got that one down

So, I replied well then come here, and I put an arm around her and brought her close to me and kissed on the lips -- she kissed back and I have to tell you it was NICE. Really soft, delicate lips. Three decent kisses. We let go and she said "Well that was bold" and I replied "I just wanted some dessert".

Fantastic

I replied to the text: oh just saw this -- our next date will be a "real" one so make sure you have your heels again. Her reply was not something I expected: "Ohhhhhh dear."

You should have left that one alone. If a text message becomes invalid resulting from the time you've received it, just ignore it. Responding to useless texts like that will not help you in the seduction of a woman.

Thoughts on how I should reply and when? I'm in the camp that says most likely not interested. I think I am just hoping that she is interested.

The response sounded like it had a bit of sarcasm in it, so I wouldn't worry about it. You did pretty good during the date, and I suggest you offer her another date within the next couple of days.

 

[DonJuanabe]

I think she is going (flying) to a wedding this weekend but am not sure, so to be safe I think Sunday night would be the best/soonest night to ask her out, and would be one week from our first date. My plan is to wait until Tuesday (thus two days from the date) and text her an invitation "How is your schedule this weekend -- I'll pick you up Sunday at 6 p.m. and we'll go to XYZ for dinner. Be your usual hot self!" I am adding the hot self part because she is dorky/nerdy and those kinds of girls often wonder if they are good looking or not rather knowing it like an HB 9-10.

 

[Desdinova]

I think she is going (flying) to a wedding this weekend but am not sure, so to be safe I think Sunday night would be the best/soonest night to ask her out, and would be one week from our first date.

I generally don't like waiting more than two or three days to propose another date. You're still in the early stages of the relationship and keeping the iron hot is important. Second and third dates solidify the fact that you're indeed interested in the woman and will keep her from losing interest quickly.

"How is your schedule this weekend -- I'll pick you up Sunday at 6 p.m. and we'll go to XYZ for dinner. Be your usual hot self!" I am adding the hot self part because she is dorky/nerdy and those kinds of girls often wonder if they are good looking or not rather knowing it like an HB 9-10.

I would avoid the 'hot self' comment. You shouldn't be dropping compliments this early on. I also tend to avoid calling the women I date 'hot'. It implies that the woman is only attractive because of her looks (you need to make her think that it's her personality). It also boosts her ego and puts her on a pedestal. You don't want your woman to get a big head. You need to keep her slightly on the insecure side.

When it comes to complimenting the women I date, I choose my words wisely. I don't throw her into general categories like "you look sexy" or "You're beautiful" because it implies that she is sexy and beautiful to everyone. I like to tell the woman "I don't know about anyone else, but I think you look sexy" which implies that she is valuable to me, but may not be valuable to anybody else. Phrasing it like this does not elevate her onto a pedestal because it doesn't make her feel like a princess. However, it does make her feel appreciated for the hard work she puts into looking good for you.

 

[DonJuanabe]

"However, it does make her feel appreciated for the hard work she puts into looking good for you."

I failed miserably in that area with my oneitis in the spring. Even though I feel she was way overdressed for things we had planned to do the point is she was making a major effort to do so for me/us, rather than being focused on the date/activity itself. I did not make her feel special or appreciated -- I took things very casually and I know it let her down given the work she put in. Reflecting on that I think it is because I am never nervous when dating, always comfortable, even a first date, and thus don't feel a self-imposed need to put my best foot forward -- being nervous makes you try harder due to the emotional energy involved. Other factors played into things devolving but I know I bear much responsibility for being slack and not making an effort. Going forward I want to put forth more intentional effort and energy even if 100% comfortable, especially with this new girl. Damn she has a nice rack.

I'll drop the hot self comment.

 

[Renegade357]

I stopped reading after the 3rd sentence. Never talk about the future unless she's your girlfriend or brings it up first.