Advice please on separated woman:

[monural_plural]

I'll try to make this simple, and maybe this will serve as advice and caution for everyone. Please comment if you've had a similar experience.

About 8 months ago a woman on myspace contacted me regarding meeting up (she is now 36). We had sex the first night, I learned that she was in the middle of a separation from her husband (whom she still contacts.) I also learned she had a previous addiction to drugs and alcohol, all of which she has 'seemed' to fix up. I've seen her go through it, and we've been sex partners for about 7 months give or take the last month (unstable timing, long distance, dealing with her mood swings.)

She moved away to a big city (Portland) to start her life again after using up her money the first time. I helped her get a job. Saw her progress. Now she is barely paying the bills, her separation money is almost used up, and she's having sex with various men off of craigslist. One thing we both knew from the onset was that we could date others, so we considered it a sex romp with friendship. And we did do that.

One night, I got jealous that a guy 'ate her out' off of craigslist (what kind of woman answers craigslist ads, ones for sexual liberation or what?). She left. After that night, about a week later I had a one night stand. I mentioned this to her, and she thought I was giving her a rise. She asked me a couple times about it and called it 'bull****'. She also threated that our time as 'friends' was ending.

The next morning, I emailed her saying I was breaking off the relationship for a while (she wasn't concentrating on her life, I was being too involved, she didn't respect my friendship). She pointed the finger at me, saying I was cold. We then talked to smooth things over. She wanted now to 'not have sex', because I viewed it as a 'challenge'. I said no to that, viewed sex and a relationship as a package. She accused me of just using her for sex. After a couple of days of arguing (and her giving me every name in the book), she has apologized for some nasty things she said ('you are the worst lover ever'.) She also says she misses me, and wonders if we are to communicate.

I said I would always be her friend, but love is conditional imo. There is a thin line between being caring and respecting a friends boundaries. I have a date this weekend, and I would like not to hurt her anymore. Should I just say I am her friend and slowly wither it away, Or should I ignore her? Keep in mind, I don't know what she'll do and I do not want to get in touch with her husband if you know what I mean.

 

[Desdinova]

I sorta know where you're coming from. I dated a woman who was twice divorced at age 24 (big red flag). I repeatedly told her that I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship, but she continued to force herself into my life. She would spread rumors about me, prevent any woman from taking an interest in me by telling them "He's mine!"

When I tried cutting contact with her, she wanted to be friends. She kept trying to turn friend into "something more" although I made it clear I wasn't interested. I finally cut her out of my life. She called me a bunch of names and put me down when she was with her friends. She then would take it back and try being nice to me. When I would refuse her friendly invites, she'd immediately get pissed off and start yelling. And the issues with her ex-husbands? It was fvcking irritating.

Should I just say I am her friend and slowly wither it away, Or should I ignore her? Keep in mind, I don't know what she'll do and I do not want to get in touch with her husband if you know what I mean.

Just cut contact with her. If she gets vengeful, get a restraining order against her. That's what I had to do.

Keep us updated.

 

[speedo_meme]

You two have different situations. Desdinova your girl seemed to be into you and chasing after you. The OP's girl seems to have lost interest, because you dedicated your life to her. They both had issues, which makes the situation worse times 10. Man, if the girl wants you, you have no problems fukking her. If she's giving excuses not to have sex, she doesn't want you, YOU aren't being a challenge.

Btw, why do you care about this psychotic b1tch??

 

[biker_gixxer]

I learned that she was in the middle of a separation from her husband (whom she still contacts.) I also learned she had a previous addiction to drugs and alcohol, all of which she has 'seemed' to fix up.

Red Flag # 1

unstable timing, long distance, dealing with her mood swings.)


Red Flag #2, #3, and #4.

Now she is barely paying the bills, her separation money is almost used up, and she's having sex with various men off of craigslist

Red Flag #5. You have no idea if she's being 'safe' with all these men. It would suck for you to use the bathroom but can't because it burns like hell.


she has apologized for some nasty things she said ('you are the worst lover ever'.) She also says she misses me, and wonders if we are to communicate.


Red Flag #6. This type of behavior has 'issues' written all over it.

All these Red Flags and you are still wondering what you should do? I think you have been using the wrong head to think bro. You need to haul a$$ before it really gets ugly.

 

[monural_plural]

Damage Control

I want to slowly get out of her life - that's why the 'let's just be friends' issue isn't a problem for me. If I cut her off, there might be more backlash, a la, 'you weren't my real friend'. If I don't it can be tapered away. Downside is that she'll think she has me, upside is she really won't and I won't have to face her vengefulness.

I'm siding more on just ignoring her. There is no more sex with her, I can't take that risk. I have a date scheduled this Saturday with another girl already, and am moving on. I care because she's going through a whole lot of things and is trying to be better. My limit was reached.

 

[biker_gixxer]

I want to slowly get out of her life - that's why the 'let's just be friends' issue isn't a problem for me. If I cut her off, there might be more backlash, a la, 'you weren't my real friend'. If I don't it can be tapered away. Downside is that she'll think she has me, upside is she really won't and I won't have to face her vengefulness.

I'm siding more on just ignoring her. There is no more sex with her, I can't take that risk. I have a date scheduled this Saturday with another girl already, and am moving on. I care because she's going through a whole lot of things and is trying to be better. My limit was reached.

I'm glad you are deciding to get out of her life, but stop being so afraid of her. Just cut her off and be done with it. So she comes back with 'you weren't my real friend', who cares? Are you going to let this girl (or any other girl) make you tip toe around because of their feelings? F*ck that...

That's the problem with men these days, they are so afraid of 'hurting' the girls feelings that they give up their manhood in the process. I have no problems crushing a girls self esteem if she has it coming to her. But that's just me.

O.k, I think I'm done ranting for the day, lol. Good Luck!

 

[monural_plural]

I'm not sure if that's so right

I'm not afraid of hurting her feelings, I want to do this the right way, and avoid any bad situations. Tiptoeing a bit can make the difference between a cool and an ugly situation. What matters is that I know I am over the situation. I don't want a vengeful husband after me because she thinks I betrayed her. I have decided, though, that I should ignore her. Either way, there is a chance of that happening.

I thank you all for your advice, any more suggestions? It's looking 99.9999% that this is a no brainer.

 

[Desdinova]

I'm glad you are deciding to get out of her life, but stop being so afraid of her. Just cut her off and be done with it.

Agreed. Women aren't big vicious grizzly bears, they're whiny little puppies. Absolutely harmless, but they pee and 5hit all over the place.

I want to do this the right way, and avoid any bad situations.

Sorry to inform you if this, but there is no "right way". People's feelings are going to get hurt and people are going to get upset. There's no way around it. Quit trying to pu55yfoot around the issue and cut her off. The longer you drag this mess on, the longer it'll take to break free, the longer you'll be miserable. Why continue to torture yourself?

 

[biker_gixxer]

I can see your point, you have to be careful now that you've gotten involved with a girl who has psycho tendencies, no telling what she is capable of doing. Hopefully you'll get out of this without to much more drama...

 

[monural_plural]

I'd like to say

Thank you all for your words, it has sealed the deal with things. For the record, her 'no more sex because you think it's a challenge' argument was after I initiated the breakup, and she tried to accuse me of lying to her about my one-night stand.

I'll keep you all posted on how things go. I've learned being the real deal is both in not being afraid of walking up to someone, or walking away from someone at the right time. Thanks for this forum!

 

[monural_plural]

Any more opinions gentlemen/women?

 

[dikster]

monural,

This is not the behavior of a separated woman. I have lot of friend who are separated and they are as nice a any of my friends. The woman that you talked about has psycological and emotional baggage and as like we all do, we avoid them. my two cents. . .

 

[monural_plural]

I agree

There are just too many problems going on with this person that the more and more I think about it, the better off I am NOT knowing them. She wants attention, plain and simple. I'm sure she's out trying to get it with a lesser person on Craigslist, while her money whittles away. Where will she be then? Where will her master plan be? Nowhere.

I was going to respond to her request if we were talking or not, but I haven't said anything. The deal is, I shouldn't care if she asks if we are still to communicate or not, I have to put it out of my mind. It may sound like I am moping. There is a part of it, but I see it now as a process of learning, so the next time I won't have to deal with it.