Advice on properly handling a 19-year old

[The Grue]

I have been single for months now, and in all honesty, I am not really interested in getting into an LTR. With that in mind, I had been chatting recently with a beautiful 19 year old, Chloe.

I met Chloe last year at a theatrical play where I had gone with a female friend(who is 25). Chloe was with an older lady, and since it was a bar-theater, we were seated at the same table.
We all talked and I felt an immediate attraction for this beautiful young lady, who was then just 18 and a bit. I could sense interest on her part also, and towards the end of the night, I offered to give her a lift home but was headed off by her older lady friend who said she would take her(upon seeing my interest...lol).

We become FB friends and chatted from time to time, but I found out Chloe had a BF and I was seeing somebody too, so I just kept it light and friendly, chatting mostly about music and the theater.
Around November last year, Chloe starts working at a bar and send me some invites to come around when she was working. I did so with a female friend, and I also met Chloe's BF there one night; a nice if very average fellow about her age.

Now Chloe is a bright young lady, and quite beautiful and I felt that she would not be satisfied for long with her current BF who was really nowhere in her league.
Plus, she kept rubbing up against me at the bar and chatting. I can imagine her BF got rattled a bit, although I was a gentleman throughout.
Come a few weeks ago, we started chatting and she told me she had broken up with her BF. When I said I was sorry to hear that she very gingerly answered that it OK and that it is no problem whatsoever. Then we started talking about getting together and having coffee or drinks.
We arranged to meet twice but she couldn't make it the first time and I had a problem the second.

However, last night we talked and I suggested she come over to my neighborhood(I live near the coast) to have lunch or coffee.
So, we meet today and I took her to a seaside cafe which serves simple food.

First, I feel it important to stress that she paid attention to her appearance.
She was very sexily dressed in a loose fitting dress that ended way above the knee and low cut blouse.
In all honesty, I felt she was openly showing me the goods(and God has been plentiful with her).
While chatting it surprised me that she remembered everything I had ever said to her, and she kept mentioning traits she likes in a man...which actually seemed to describe me.
For example, she said she likes him clean-shaven, not thin yet not fat, tall, and older (which basically fit me to a T). Plus, she kept asking me if I had had relationships with younger women and what not.
While I actually have had such relationships, I decided it would be better to keep it light and teasing rather than divulge much.
The problem I noticed with her is that she really likes to talk a lot, and much of her conversation is focused around HER. She is the artistic type and likes the theater and singing(topics on which we could easily talk about).
At one point early in our lunch, she said she wanted my advice about a guy she finds attractive but who she says she does not feel any sexual attraction for.
Initially, I viewed this as a red flag concerning my prospects with her, but just rolled with it and offered her the most honest advice I could...which is that if the chemistry does not exist, it is difficult for sparks to fly....
I feel this may have been some sort of test on her part to gauge my reaction, but I am not certain....
She also commented about an attractive young lady she has often seen me with(a f@ck buddy of mine although Chloe does not know this fact) and said that she didn't feel that we matched and that she felt I needed a classier woman...

Anyway, she was attentive and liked to serve me food when it came to the table and generally acted like the lady.
When it was time to go I offered to show her my place, and she was all for it.

She liked my studio and we started listening to music. I also noticed that she was not at all averse to being touched and I felt she was quite comfortable, ready to be kissed.

Still, I decided to relax, play it cool and not reveal my cards.
It was after all an afternoon meet-up between us, and I wanted to build up tension. Of course, I used kino from time to time and she brushed her breasts up against me , supposedly accidentally, while walking with me.
She did not stay long at my place as I had to leave for work, but she seemed very much into getting together soon and doing stuff.
In fact a lot of our conversation seemed to center around doing stuff the next few days...

Sincerely, I feel that her interest is tangible but I am not certain about the fact that I did not escalate when I had her at my place.
At the same time, she had mentioned guys hitting on her, so I felt I needed to show some patience and stoke the fire a bit....

Do you feel I handled the situation properly and what would you recommend when we next meet?(she is all for dinner, drinks...anything basically)
Any advice on dealing with a mature, intelligent, yet self-centered 19-year old woman?

BTW, I joked a bit about her age and her being more comfortable around 15 year olds but she was quick to disassociate herself from that group and express her preference for more mature men...

Thanks for reading brothers,

 

[easun]

Sincerely, I feel that her interest is there but I am not certain about the fact that I did not escalate when I had her at my place.
At the same time, she had mentioned guys hitting on her, so I felt I need to show some patience and stoke the fire a bit....

My feeling is that her mentioning other guys hitting on her was a sh~t test of your confidence, and you messed up by not escalating with her. Will you get another chance? Who knows, but I think it's possible she actually was looking for some action that very night...

 

[AW1983]

(yet self-centered) 19-year old woman?

Haha, redundant.

I had a fling with an 18 yo a year or two ago that's been off and on since she lives in my old area and I moved 500 miles away. I've been back to visit friends once and even though she has a bf (living with her! ), it went down that night. She is now 19...man they are lovely at that age undressed. And this girl's a solid 8.5, just lovely.

Anyway, though the age difference isn't nearly as much and I hadn't even discovered game/manosphere when her and I were getting together, I (unintentionally) pulled the same moves as you. Hung out with here quite a few times over a few weeks without making a move, but when I finally did it was like WHAM! I knew she'd been pining away for a while haha. So yeah, just play it cool. AM goes a long way with younger broads, this girl adored me like a puppy does because I kind of sort of treated her that way. I.e. bemusement at her stage in life.

 

[disgustipated]

I got a boner just reading the OP I aint gonna lie.

 

[yuppaz]

I think you did just fine and she was trying HARD to get you to know she was into you (hints of other guys being into her ...trying to make you attracted to her). The titty brush was no accident and she is real down to f*ck you silly.... No ifs ands or butts about it. Your in like flynn with this one.

 

[slitherjef]

Well....

I am glad to see I am not the only one who tends to have run-ins with younger girls in the 19-23 range. Too bad nothing ever comes out of my run-ins however.

 

[drak_ool]

Come a few weeks ago, we started chatting and she told me she had broken up with her BF. When I said I was sorry to hear that she very gingerly answered that it OK and that it is n problem whatsoever.

HAHAHA when I first read this I couldn't help but think that the poor sap is probably in the main forum right now, desperately asking for advice on how to get back his "perfect woman."

"but I'm sure deep down she still loves me" I can hear him lament!

 

[Pair A Dice]

Seems like you're good as gold. Just keep it every keel and you'll be fine. Nothing wrong with what is happening.

 

[drak_ool]

Around November last year, Chloe starts working at a bar and send me some invites to come around when she was working.

Plus, she kept rubbing up against me at the bar and chatting.

Come a few weeks ago, we started chatting and she told me she had broken up with her BF. When I said I was sorry to hear that she very gingerly answered that it OK and that it is n problem whatsoever.

First, I feel it important to stress that she paid attention to her appearance.
She was very sexily dressed in a loose fitting dress that ended way above the knee and low cut blouse.

While chatting it surprised me that she remembered everything I had ever said to her, and she kept mentioning traits she likes in a man...which actually seemed to describe me.

young lady she has often seen me with(a f@ck buddy of mine although Chloe does not know this) and said that she didn't feel that we matched and that she felt I needed a classier woman...

When it was time to go I offered to show her my place, and she was all for it.

I also noticed that she was not at all averse to being touched and I felt she was quite comfortable, ready to be kissed.

she brushed her breasts up against me

her preference for more mature men...

How many more signals do you need to get from this girl before you make a move? I think you should have at the very least got physical with her when she came to your place, a kiss-close would have been the bare minimum.

One thing to keep in mind with a girl her age, if she is as hot as you say, is that she has an infinity of options. That day, at the time when she stepped into your apartment, she was down to fvck. Next time... Well there might not even be one.

That being said, it does seem like she is very very very attracted to you. You should probably try to set up a night date with some light drinking and then bring her back to your place for the grand finale.

Use her talking a lot about herself to your advantage: that's where active/emphatic listening comes into play. The more she talks about herself in front of you, the more she will think that you are an amazing conversationalist and that you understand her, which will help you build the necessary rapport for her to feel comfortable enough to fvck you (if she isn't already, which I think is the case, I'm telling you she wants it).

 

[Greasy Pig]

If a girl comes in to my home, I immediately assume that I will soon be coming in to her mouth or somewhere else.
I assume that and act accordingly. I mean, why else is she there?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Also translated to: "No front, no cvnt". :-D

It's a lot tougher without booze though and in daylight, but I've pulled it off a couple of times.

 

[The Grue]

My feeling is that her mentioning other guys hitting on her was a sh~t test of your confidence, and you messed up by not escalating with her. Will you get another chance? Who knows, but I think it's possible she actually was looking for some action that very night...

Actually, we met at 1pm and I had to work at 4...

How many more signals do you need to get from this girl before you make a move? I think you should have at the very least got physical with her when she came to your place, a kiss-close would have been the bare minimum.

One thing to keep in mind with a girl her age, if she is as hot as you say, is that she has an infinity of options. That day, at the time when she stepped into your apartment, she was down to fvck. Next time... Well there might not even be one.

I understand your point, and young women are notorious for changing their minds at the drop of a hat...but I felt I that the time was not yet ripe...
Oh, I think she would have kissed and maybe more, but inside her head she would think that she is in control...and that despite my being older(and supposedly wiser/worldlier) I am just another guy who she can have by flashing some breast and leg...and I suspect she has this mindset, but I want to show her it won't work here hopefully also building some sexual tension...I acknowledge this may be a mistake, we'll see....

Basically, I want to call her tomorrow(Thursday) and invite her out for the evening, somewhere close to my place. I will keep the forum posted.

 

[Desdinova]

Do you feel I handled the situation properly and what would you recommend when we next meet?(she is all for dinner, drinks...anything basically)

This is when you ask her out on a real date. Do NOT take her out for dinner or drinks. That's boring. Take her out for a fun activity like mini-golf, bowling, or anything that will keep the two of you conversing. At the end of the date, you MUST kiss her. If you do not, she will assume that you're just friends.

Any advice on dealing with a mature, intelligent, yet self-centered 19-year old woman?

Yes... She is NOT mature. I honestly don't get why guys are so quick to classify young women who are interested in them as 'mature'. They really aren't and you'll discover this. She won't even begin to develop maturity until age 22-23. My GF is 21 and still isn't very mature.

That being said, I will tell you the advantages to dating women this young... They have very little baggage. She's going to have fewer sex partners, fewer bad experiences with men, and fewer stretch marks on her body. If you can actually maintain her interest for a few years until she actually does meet some level of maturity, you might end up with a quality woman on your hands.

I'm also going to tell you what's going on in the dating world these days. Younger men are much more feminine these days with the whole Emo and Metro revolution. What's happening is the women are finding themselves NOT attracted to these men. They're finding themselves attracted to the older men who did NOT go through this revolution and have a strong aura of masculinity. We're able to dive into a sea of fresh young women who are desperately looking for a REAL man, but cannot find one in their age group.

 

[Colossus]

^^ Great advice.

I second what most of the others have said---this girl could not be more interested in you right now. I understand about waiting until the time is ripe, but dont wait too long. If you dont make a decisive move into her panties soon she'll flutter off to one of her many options, if she is indeed as lovely as you say.

I will also echo what Des said---19 is NOT mature. It's an oxymoron. I dont think most girls even start to develop some mental maturity until they are out of college for a year or two. 28-30 is when a girl becomes a WOMAN, in my opinion, and has a more solidified worldview and concept of herself.

There are pros and cons to women and girls. Make no mistake, she is a girl. The pros are obvious---their bodies are SO supple and delicious at that age...not much emotional or sexual baggage, very malleable. The cons are that they are notoriously flakey, and all they have to do is show a little of those perfect tits to conjure up a new option. Also they tend to be more needy emotionally and dont quite understand adult boundaries. You almost have to shepherd them like you would a child.

Older women (30+) have their advantages as well, which lie in their character and the more classic womanly attributes they can bring to the table. They are (usually) stable emotionally, financially, and they know how to please their man and make his life easier. Of course, they dont get any hotter as they age; a few stretchmarks and gray hairs show up, their body isnt quite as slick and pristine as it used to be, and many do have some man-baggage. It's a give and take.

 

[Jeffst1980]

To be honest, I will be surprised if her interest in you remains high after that last date. You are headed for friendzone for sure if you don't turn things around.

The problem is that you are trying to fit yourself into HER world, instead of the other way around. You've followed her to the bar that she works, you've talked about whatever she wants to talk about (including other guys), and you've been far too careful in making sure she's comfortable at all times. There is nothing that turns younger women off more than an older guy that can't lead.

Even worse, she stuck around waiting to kiss you, and you didn't go for it. Since you invited her out and then, subsequently, into your apartment, she KNOWS that you're into her, and that you were simply SCARED to try- your b.s. statement about "not revealing your cards" notwithstanding.


If you are holding back just because of her age, then maybe that's a sign that she is too young for you. In that case, proceed on the course that you've been on and be her friend. However, you can't have it both ways; either treat her like a woman and make a move, or treat her like a friend.

 

[easun]

Taking things slow

More time + less sex = more beta

Of course, not every guy can get a girl to sleep with him on the first meet. But that should always be your goal. Why care about anything else but SEX with a 19 year old??? Do you care about her MIND? HAH! She's 19! Treat her like a piece of meat - that's how she wants to be treated. Two steps forward, one step back, repeat until the deal is done. What would George Clooney do? (WWGCD)

I suppose you could take her on a "date," but my feeling is that she'd think this was just some B.S. cover up of what it is you really want to do.

 

[The Grue]

At the end of the date, you MUST kiss her. If you do not, she will assume that you're just friends.

Yes... She is NOT mature. I honestly don't get why guys are so quick to classify young women who are interested in them as 'mature'. They really aren't and you'll discover this. She won't even begin to develop maturity until age 22-23. My GF is 21 and still isn't very mature.

^^ Great advice.

I second what most of the others have said---this girl could not be more interested in you right now. I understand about waiting until the time is ripe, but dont wait too long. If you dont make a decisive move into her panties soon she'll flutter off to one of her many options, if she is indeed as lovely as you say.

To be honest, I will be surprised if her interest in you remains high after that last date. You are headed for friendzone for sure if you don't turn things around.

The problem is that you are trying to fit yourself into HER world, instead of the other way around. You've followed her to the bar that she works, you've talked about whatever she wants to talk about (including other guys), and you've been far too careful in making sure she's comfortable at all times. There is nothing that turns younger women off more than an older guy that can't lead.

Even worse, she stuck around waiting to kiss you, and you didn't go for it. Since you invited her out and then, subsequently, into your apartment, she KNOWS that you're into her, and that you were simply SCARED to try- your b.s. statement about "not revealing your cards" notwithstanding.

Yes, I stand corrected.
She is truly nor MATURE; what I should have said is that she seems mature for her age.
However, I need to explain a certain point. I had her at my place for about 15 minutes, then we had to leave because I had to go to work...It is definitely my intent to escalate during our next date..

Do not mistake my intentional delay for fear...I assure you it is not. I have been around the block and I know what a man's duty is;I plan to do it!
Also, I don't think I am in danger of being friend-zoned quite yet...but I understand what you are saying...your advice only serves to make me more cautious about the FZ and make certain I am the man I need to be with this young lady.

I appreciate the feedback from all the forum members!

 

[Desdinova]

The problem is that you are trying to fit yourself into HER world, instead of the other way around. You've followed her to the bar that she works, you've talked about whatever she wants to talk about (including other guys), and you've been far too careful in making sure she's comfortable at all times. There is nothing that turns younger women off more than an older guy that can't lead.

This is a fantastic piece that Jeff wrote. You lead, she follows. Women look up to men who can take the lead. There's nothing wrong with probing the woman for input when it comes to making the decision, but YOU have to be the one making it. My gf can't even fvcking pick a meal from a menu without consulting me!

Women need to be taken out of their boring realities of gossip, drama, and work, and be brought into someone else's life with different experiences that will make their emotions bounce around. The more you can bounce their emotions, the more fun they have.

what I should have said is that she seems mature for her age.

I've lost count of how many guys make this excuse for a younger woman who's into them. Dude, you don't NEED to prove yourself to us. We understand the appeal in younger women and won't 5hit on your desire to fvck her. We are not 30 year old women here!

Want to know what a mature woman is? Date a single mother. They have NO CHOICE but to become mature women. A childless 19 year old simply cannot compare. She may not talk like a 5hithead, but that doesn't mean she's mature. It means she knows how to speak properly.

Some (few) women have a good set of morals when they hit their early adulthood. It doesn't make them mature, it just gives them a good foundation for becoming mature. A word of warning: Don't take this woman too seriously at least for the next few years (if you're still with her). She needs to get things out of her system and you NEED to let her do it. If you don't let her, she'll just say 'fvck you' and move onto someone else who will give her d1ck and care less what she does with her time and money.

 

[The Grue]

I spoke with Chloe on Sunday to invite her to a live gig(a friend was playing) but she had rehearsals that evening.

Then, we spoke on Monday when I called her to invite her to dinner near my place on Wednesday. Again, she mentioned rehearsals that evening but said she'd see if she could change it so that we could go out. Seemed very positive about going to dinner and coming out to my place...
We talked again today and she said rehearsals couldn't change but she'd love to do it some other time...however, I know she will be away from Thursday to Sunday(visiting her parents out of town)
I was cool and said we'd talk again, leaving it at that...

In all fairness, she does have a play(she acts semi-professionally) coming up on the 15th of May, and I understand that rehearsals are now on an ,almost, daily basis.

Concerning her attitude, she is positive on the phone, answers promptly, and her voice is lively BUT that doesn't change the fact that we haven't met up in a little more than a week.

She is definitely not averse to meeting up, but she is also not really going out of her way to make it happen either...
It seems to me that if it happens with Chloe,it happens...and while I'd like to see her, I'm OK with that...

Now, I think I just have to relax, spin plates and wait for an opportune moment to extend another invite to her.
The lesson is that you must truly strike when the iron is hot, especially with a hot young woman who has options.
I know certain forums members here said exactly the same, but live and learn...

Any advice on how to proceed would be welcome,

 

[Gro0ver]

I spoke with Chloe on Sunday to invite her to a live gig(a friend was playing) but she had rehearsals that evening.

Then, we spoke on Monday when I called her to invite her to dinner near my place on Wednesday. Again, she mentioned rehearsals that evening but said she'd see if she could change it so that we could go out. Seemed very positive about going to dinner and coming out to my place...
We talked again today and she said rehearsals couldn't change but she'd love to do it some other time...however, I know she will be away from Thursday to Sunday(visiting her parents out of town)
I was cool and said we'd talk again, leaving it at that...

In all fairness, she does have a play(she acts semi-professionally) coming up on the 15th of May, and I understand that rehearsals are now on an ,almost, daily basis.

Concerning her attitude, she is positive on the phone, answers promptly, and her voice is lively BUT that doesn't change the fact that we haven't met up in a little more than a week.

She is definitely not averse to meeting up, but she is also not really going out of her way to make it happen either...
It seems to me that if it happens with Chloe,it happens...and while I'd like to see her, I'm OK with that...

Now, I think I just have to relax, spin plates and wait for an opportune moment to extend another invite to her.
The lesson is that you must truly strike when the iron is hot, especially with a hot young woman who has options.
I know certain forums members here said exactly the same, but live and learn...

Any advice on how to proceed would be welcome,

If it was me I would go ghost and wait for her to make a move. You need to 1) not come across as desperate (she's turned down your last 2 offers) and 2) gauge whether she is interested or just likes the attention of an older man.

Time to spin other plates for awhile and forget all about this one girl, it's the best way.

Remember to judge by actions and not words - she's turned you down twice, if she really wanted to see you she would have skipped rehersels or found a way around it. Bear that in mind and get busy with other things.

This is actually when us DJ's get tested the most - not when the pvssy is flowing and all is well, but when it dries up and we have fewer plates and the possibility of rejection, can we show discipline, energy and self-assurance to get the momentum back with us?

 

[easun]

She's probably still interested. For the purposes of gaming, I would consider these "tests" or "playing hard to get." She does barely know you still.

Do a small takeaway (go ghost) as was mentioned in the last post, spin some plates (if you can), DHV to her in the meantime (if you can), and then try again a bit later.