Advice on getting the 'special' one [merged threads]

[lachop]

Ok, so here's the story. There's always one woman, that you've always wanted but just remains out of your reach. If anyone has any advice about what follows, I'd really appreciate it.

I met this girl about 4 years ago at college and was instantly attracted, but I showed little interest. It worked. She initiated conversation with me a few weeks later and spoke for hours on end at the end of each weekly class.
I wanted to take things further, but I had a girlfriend and, rightly or wrongly, I respected that. This girl knew about my relationship, too, so, if she had any feelings for me she never conveyed them.
But is it normal to stand on the steps of a college and speak to a guy for 6 hours every week that you're not into?
Anyway, we eventually graduated, life moved on and so did I, and off we went to our respective cities - 6 hours apart. We stayed in touch via email and, again, they were filled with deep, innermost thoughts, but never said anything about attraction to one another.
After 3 long years I had the chance to meet up with her again. When we chatted, for ages again, I realised my feelings for her hadn't died. In fact, they were stronger than ever. But, although, I was now single, she had a boyfriend. But, she did tell me that things were probably coming to a close with the two of them, initiated by her.
I'm meeting up with her again for a few hours next week, and I want to make a move, but I'm not sure how.

Here are my issues:
1.Using game on girls you don't have a strong emotional bond with is easy - but this girl is different. As lame as it sounds...I love her. She floors me. I'm scared that, if I don't speak up, she'll never know my feelings about her, and either stay with her bf or move onto someone else. But if I speak up then I sound desperate, and that's never good.
2.She's a pro. She's pretty, popular, has many admirers, and knows how to play the game.She's been just as careful as me to never categorically say she has feelings for me. So, as it stands, I'm not even sure she does. That's another reason I want to make my feelings known and find out where she stands once and for all.

So...what do I do? What do I say to her? Am I kidding myself that she's even into me?

I leave this in your capable hands, brothers...I need your help!

 

[Amazing]

You need to show her this post, that is it.

I am not kidding, you know how you feel, she I am sure feels the same or feels like "damn I wish he liked me"

Why you are wasting years looking for your balls is beyond me, you need to embrace action and go after what you want in life, including this girl.

And if it doesn't work you can go back to writing emails if you want, I just think like having a great relationship and sex is probably a bit better, don't you?

 

[Zunder]

Just remember - she's a woman.
Theyre crazy fVkcers - you know that.
Some more than others.
All the "feelings" you reckon she feels for you could dissipate at any given moment.
I am not sure I am with Amazing on showing her a copy of his post. That may be a turn off for her subconsciously.

How bout goin out for a few drinks, bit of kino, bit of fun - then fvck like monkeys and take it from there?

 

[Jaylan]

Hmmm dude.

Love?

Really?

Lets not get carried away with a girl you've never dated nor even professed feelings for.

I applaud you for not going after her in the past and respecting your relationship. So that was no rightly or wrongly, it was a right action in all respects. Always know that.

What I advice you do is chill with the oneitis a bit. If she is single when you hang out, turn up the game, flirt, joke around, use kino on her, you know the drill. Chill with the thought that you THINK you love her. I think you are jumping the gun. Unless youve actually been with her in a more than platonic way, I dont think that frame of thinking is healthy.

Go out, have fun, treat her like you would any chick that you are into. And also go out and meet other women. I think that if you had other girls in your life as prospects you would get a more objective view of your situation.

Good Luck

J

 

[Desdinova]

.Using game on girls you don't have a strong emotional bond with is easy - but this girl is different.

No girl is different. The same things will attract ANY woman, fat, skinny, tall, short, old, young. The difference is how she already feels about you. She already has you in a certain frame, likely as 'only a friend'. Getting out of the friend zone is extremely difficult, and damn near impossible at times.

As lame as it sounds...I love her.

No you don't. You're infatuated. You have a desperation to make her 'yours', just like those Disney movies taught you all those years. Real love is a two way street. Infatuation only runs one direction.

I'm scared that, if I don't speak up, she'll never know my feelings about her,

The only way to communicate your 'feelings' to a woman is to speak through your body language. If you tell her you love her, she'll go running for the hills. You will get one of the standard reasons why she doesn't want to be with you (I'm not ready for that, I love you as a friend, You're like a brother to me, etc etc).

and either stay with her bf or move onto someone else.

If you have absolutely no clue how to attract a woman, you will have no clue how to steal a girl from her boyfriend. Why should she leave him for you? Because you love her? Well, perhaps he loves her too. What do you have to offer that she isn't already getting from her boyfriend? If you give off the aura that you're desperate for her, you will be less attractive than her boyfriend. You need to learn what women REALLY want from their men before you can become higher value than her boyfriend.

So...what do I do? What do I say to her? Am I kidding myself that she's even into me?

Forget about her and find a different woman. The stakes are already high against you. You'll have better luck attracting a woman who doesn't know you than a woman who considers you as a friend only.

Oh yeah, and scroll down to the bottom of this page, click on the link "DJ Bible" and take a few days to read that.

 

[lachop]

Thanks J...some useful advice.
The problem is, I do have other girls I go out with, hook up with, etc. But I have a sifferent connection with this girl.
I know its not right to say so, but I feel its a special one. I have had long-term gf's, short term ones, one nighters, etc. But I haven't felt so in-tune with another person like I have with her.
I know it sounds lame, I KNOW it...

So you think I should just keep on doing what I have been? The torture of losing her (forver) to another guy is the thing that might mean I don't follow your advice.
Maybe it will be my biggest mistake? But at least I'll know where she stands then, right?

 

[Iceberg]

Women are great, and all...But there is no "special one". So you're already starting off on the wrong foot. You're putting this girl....a girl who has done nothing for you romantically (yet)....on a god-like pedestal. All because she's pretty, and she talks to you.

But is it normal to stand on the steps of a college and speak to a guy for 6 hours every week that you're not into?

Well, actually yes. Comfort does not necessarily equate to attraction. Getting to know someone is not the same as building a sexual interest in them.

In my weaker days, I've had many a 6-hour conversation with girls who had zero interest in me. Girls like to talk. A lot.

Anyway, we eventually graduated, life moved on and so did I, and off we went to our respective cities - 6 hours apart. We stayed in touch via email and, again, they were filled with deep, innermost thoughts, but never said anything about attraction to one another.

Once again. Deep conversations about innermost thoughts is not necessarily a sign of sexual attraction.

1.Using game on girls you don't have a strong emotional bond with is easy - but this girl is different. As lame as it sounds...I love her. She floors me. I'm scared that, if I don't speak up, she'll never know my feelings about her, and either stay with her bf or move onto someone else. But if I speak up then I sound desperate, and that's never good..

First of all, you don't "love" her. Falling in love with a girl you haven't even kissed yet is cute....in 5th grade. Right now what you love is the IDEA of dating her...Which is easy to do when you don't have reality involved in the equation. All you have is this dream of what it would be like to date her...deep conversations, skipping through flower fields, and her vag smells like strawberries...Unfortunately that's not reality.

You're telling yourself that "using game is different on other girls"....sorry, bro...but she IS other girls. The way to change her perception of you from a "friend" to a lover is by treating her like a woman, and not like some precious, special little flower.

How to (possibly) get her interested:

You have to touch her. Not necessarily sexually, but invade her personal space. Right now, with you and your 6-hour conversations, you could just as easily be a female friend. You need to make her realize that you're a man. If she's dressed nice, say "I see you got dressed up for me." If she smells nice, lean in and say "Whoa. What are you wearing?" Treat her as an object of attraction.

So...what do I do? What do I say to her? Am I kidding myself that she's even into me?

She might be into you. She might not. I personally think she isn't... Telling us about your 6-hour chats, and deep conversations doesn't really make me think that she's sexually interested in you. Because sexually-interested people are usually too busy having sex to spend hours blabbing to each other. That's how girl's have conversations with other girls....not how girl's have conversations with men. Can you think of any female acquaintances who spend hours and hours talking to the male sex figure in her life? I can't.

"Mike called me, talked to me for 10 hours, and then he came over and f**ked my brains out"....does that sound right to you?

You need to show her this post, that is it.

I am not kidding, you know how you feel, she I am sure feels the same or feels like "damn I wish he liked me"

Also. Rule #1...don't listen to this guy. Does this sound like a good idea to you? Does it sound like it would work...with any girl....EVER? No.

So, just roll your eyes, as we all do. And ignore the weirdo.

 

[Iceberg]

double

 

[Zunder]

What about that "Rollo-ism" - if your not fvcking her, youre her girlfriend.

 

[lachop]

Some good stuff Ice...harsh, but good.

You're right...I should treat her like the rest and show my attraction.

And don't get me wrong about the chatting...its not something I normally do without a sign that things will go further.
Its just that, either I was unavailable, or she was, and chatting was both our ways of feeling each other out and waiting to hear from the other one their true feelings. But like me she's to proud and shrewd just to give it up like that at the risk of looking like an idot.

Its tough man...normally, I wouldn't have a problem with rejection...but I know if this chick does its gonna bite.

But I need to know, one way or the other, so I'm gonna initiate some contact and see how she responds.

I'll let you all know how it goes. Hopefully, here vaganus WILL smell like strawberries!

 

[Desdinova]

Cross posting is not allowed on the forum. Threads merged.