I have been dating a girl recently, everything seemed to be going great and then she said she now only sees me as a friend. Just to clarify when I was around her I didnt act needy, desperate or too nice or put her on a pedestal also this is the first time in my life that I have ever thought about trying to get back with someone I have split up with. I am a very good looking guy, I have an athletic build and have no problem attracting women when I was around her I was confident, funny, charming and we had tons in common. In fact I have no idea how this happened. Anyway I wanna have one more crack at trying to get back with her, if it fails I have no problem with moving on and finding someone else. Is there any advice anyone can give me in terms of how to approach this situation, how to build up the attraction and getting her to see me in a different way?
Advice on getting out of the friend zone
- Thread starter Zebedee
- Start date
I have only one sure fire way that has worked for me to exit the friendzone. And honestly, by the time you work it, you will have let several months gone by and have been dating other women. You guessed it, no contact and time. A couple of months go by and you come back with a new attitude, then she'll see you in a new light. That's the only reset button I know of. But hell by then you've crushed fresh new ass and have probably moved on anyway. You might hit it again, but you probably won't even want it any more than just a one and done by then. I say this from experience. Good luck.
Yeah I figured out that I have to leave it for about a month at least before contacting. I figured getting in contact with her after a month or so and suggesting we meet up as friends. What im confused about is what to do after that. I know that she finds me physically attractive and we click but something else was missing, I obviously didnt build attraction hence being in the friend zone. What I need to figure out is how to make her see me in a different way if we meet up.
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SeymourCake
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Go move on and mingle/flirt with other women and she'll be coming to you in no time.
ARrocket
Master Don Juan
What everybody else said is correct, no contact for awhile, spin plates, etc. But do you realize why you are in the friend zone in the first place? You say you weren't needy and all that good stuff, but as you said, you didn't build attraction. So tell me, what did you do as you were "dating" this girl? Did you have sex with her? If not, did you keep a sexual frame? If the answer is no, then you know what you have to do when you next meet up with her.Zebedee said:
And what Warrior74 said is true also...by the time you're ready to face her again with your "new and improved" self, you'll probably be long over her and on to bigger and better things anyway.
Joe Stud
Master Don Juan
need n/c for more than just a month. you say you dont live near her to "run into" her? what about parties at the home of common friends? or does she frequent a particular bar or club. either way, show up there with a HB9, flirting on your arm. when you see "miss friend", be polite & slightly friendly, but disinterested and distracted by the HB9.
Lots of guys think this is game playing, but it's fun.
Lots of guys think this is game playing, but it's fun.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
If you insist on pursuing her, then be ready and be prepared with your "game". If you really want to do, this prepare yourself. The problem is that you do not know exactly what to "fix" and HOW to prepare ..
Building attraction does not always follow some simple linear equation - in spite of what is commonly believed of this board.
I am sure that you have found(as I have ) that not all women react in similar ways to your masculine behavior. One particular woman might gush and gasp at you, but the next cannot get to the bathroom quickly enough.
BY all means try to get her interested again, but be accepting of the possibility that she is still not interested, and you will never know why.
Building attraction does not always follow some simple linear equation - in spite of what is commonly believed of this board.
I am sure that you have found(as I have ) that not all women react in similar ways to your masculine behavior. One particular woman might gush and gasp at you, but the next cannot get to the bathroom quickly enough.
BY all means try to get her interested again, but be accepting of the possibility that she is still not interested, and you will never know why.
We got on so well its almost as if we got on too well, we could talk for hours on dates about any and every subject and make eachother laugh due to being so comfortable around eachother and having so much raport. I think this is whats landed me in this situation. I actually was quite flirty when I was around her and we was always hugging and kissing. We didnt actually have a chance to have sex due to me living with my parents and her living with her parents, the right opportunity didnt come up, the sad thing is that I am very good in bed due to mastering the SGM and im positive that if we did have sex this wouldnt have happened. She said she doesnt want us to lose contact with eachother because she thinks im one of the most fun people shes ever met.ARrocket said:
I realise that the next time I see her I have to not mention the break up and act as if I have got on with my life and that I am accepting the situation. The key here is to make her want to get back with me without suggesting we should get back together, my only trouble is figuring out how to do this.
kingsam
Master Don Juan
the fact you are asking this means you dont have enugth skills/experience with this to acheive it...just see other women (is one of the ways to get out the FZ anyway)
cavedweller
Don Juan
Zebedee,
I have the same problem with one I went out with a few times...She wants to be just a 'friend', but, won't give up the pvssy...I have gone 100% NC..If she contacts me--fine--if not, so be it... Pal, I have moved on..
I have the same problem with one I went out with a few times...She wants to be just a 'friend', but, won't give up the pvssy...I have gone 100% NC..If she contacts me--fine--if not, so be it... Pal, I have moved on..
Igetit!
Moderator
BINGO.Zebedee said:
More than likely,that is where you went wrong.
Talking for hours about any and every subject under the sun and being "so comfortable/having so much raport" with a lack of attraction will DEFINATELY get you friendzoned.
It seems like you were so busy "getting along" with her that your manliness got lost and she felt as if she was just talking and gossiping with one of her girlfriends.
You said that you two could talk for hours on dates...plural.
So I take it that this thing of you and her getting together and talking endlessly for hours has happened more than once,probably multiple times.
If that's the case,then it's HIGLY UNLIKELY that you'll turn this around.
Warrior74's suggestion of separating from her for a while could possibly work,but honestly,it wouldn't be worth it.
As Joe Stud said,you'd need more than a month to make it work. This may sound like a joke,but I'm completely serious......you'd probably need 10 to 11 months,possibly even a year.
The problem is she's gotten used to you acting and behaving one way,and that way is as one of her girlfriends. It's kind of like watching a tv show with a very famous character on it. You see the character every week for years,and you just gotten used to seeing him in that role.
Then once the show has gone off the air,if you see that actor in another show or in a movie,it feels weird because in your mind,he's still the same character he played all those years,kinda like Steve Urkel,or Kramer from Seinfeld.
She's gotten used to you being in the "role" of just someone she can laugh,talk,and be comfortable with,not someone to be sexual/romantic with,and if you try to change that,it may feel weird to her.
She'll try to continue laughing and talking with you as before,but now all of the sudden,you try to get sexual with her. Might make her uncomfortable.
You can still try the NC if you want,but still keep dating other girls though,because it'll be a while before you know if it's doing any good or not.
Just to clarify when i say we talked for hours we wasnt talking about gossip or girly subjects. We just genuinely had a lot of things in common when it comes to music, passions, interests etc. I think my main problem was that I didnt create any sexual tension. We made out all the time when we was together so its not like I didnt make any moves to advance the situation, also she remarked on how I was a great kisser.
SeymourCake
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Meh...Conversations should last about 20 mins.
Black suit
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You're not supposed to have 3-4 hour dates. There are no soulmates or ''the one'', so no point talking to a girl for ages. (Actually ANY girl fully under your influence will perfectly fulfill the role of a soulmate or the one. If you have complete influence and strong frame of mind.)
So yeah.
Too many **** hungry women out there. You don't need her tits. She can go **** herself, or you can continue being her best gal-pal, if you enjoy it. Nothing good will come out of it and if you hang around too much sharing YOUR feelings, you'll fall in love with her, no questions asked.
I see absolutely no use of keeping her as a friend, and I'm rather depressed about the lack of use for females, actually. So far, I see that if you have an insanely strong frame of mind, she'll latch onto it, incorporate her entire being around your world and help your world reach its truest potential. That's the purpose of women, as far as I see, to help her man and his creations reach their highest potential.
No point keeping a female friend, bro. Unless she helps you get more girls.
So yeah.
Too many **** hungry women out there. You don't need her tits. She can go **** herself, or you can continue being her best gal-pal, if you enjoy it. Nothing good will come out of it and if you hang around too much sharing YOUR feelings, you'll fall in love with her, no questions asked.
I see absolutely no use of keeping her as a friend, and I'm rather depressed about the lack of use for females, actually. So far, I see that if you have an insanely strong frame of mind, she'll latch onto it, incorporate her entire being around your world and help your world reach its truest potential. That's the purpose of women, as far as I see, to help her man and his creations reach their highest potential.
No point keeping a female friend, bro. Unless she helps you get more girls.
DavenJuan
Master Don Juan
BINGO!
Sometimes we can assume that things are going so great because we are having GREAT conversations, similiar interests, etc.. We think that this is the best date that she has been on in awhile, simply because WE ARE TALKING.
Maybe you two talked to much. when you talk for hours you start to lose all mysteriousness. The anticipation of finding things out about you is gone, and the things you DIDNT get to share with her, she can start to make her own assumptions based on everything else youve shared.
FLUFF. every conversation being so serious and 'though provoking" can be overkill. talk about sh!t that means absolutely nothing for what its worth.
To be honest, we can all SPECULATE on why she decided to LJBF you. but thats all it is..speculation.
-Maybe she was branch swinging, and simply found another guy she was interested in.
-Maybe she never had any real interest in you.
-Maybe she isnt attracted to you physically
who knows....
But the REAL issue here, IMO, is the fact that you want to change something about you (or the PERCEPTION of you) to get her back. I know you didnt come right out and say this, but essentially this is what youre looking to do.
Why??
you cant CHANGE attraction. you can only change YOU and even when you do this there will always be someone who simply isnt attracted to you.
if you always try and mold who you are to suit SOMEONE ELSES preferences, then you will never make any progress. you will always be the dog chasing its tail.
Find YOURSELF, be strong in your convictions...
...and realize that anyone who isnt interested in you is at a loss, not you.
When you start to think like this, you will start to see that months WILL GO BY, and these women, friends, whomever... start to gravitate back to you over time. and the irony is, just as some others have said, you geniunly could care less.
Dont change yourself for ANYONE. Whats the point of getting her or anyone to see you as someone else, if that simply isnt who you are? its self defeating brother.
Read my thread about "Things I have learned so far" about the baiting method. This will cure all you who have been friendzoned or LJBF'd. If by baiting it still doesn't work, then move on, she wasn't interested in the first place or you fvcked it up somewhere along the way that she lost interest.Zebedee said:
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