Advice on dealing with GF's guy friends

[Voice]

My GF has a lot of friends in general but also has a handful of guy friends. Most of them I am friendly with and get along fine with and are usually very friendly. Some are even mutual friends that we've met at college and I would consider them as close to me as they are to her. I don't have a problem with the majority of her guy friends.

BUT, there is a little group of guys from her high school that she's been hanging around with lately through some of her girl friends. The first time I met them I felt that right off the bat something was off about them. They wouldn't look me in the eye when I went to shake their hands. They didn't look happy to see me at all. Though one of the guys seemed pretty friendly and I wound up having a conversation with him. My GF described me to them as the "cool" kids in her high school. They're basically a bunch of bums who didn't go to college and hang out and drink/smoke every night. My gf is out of college and living at home while I'm at grad school about 20 minutes away from her. I see her at least once a week and normally it's more than that.

Anyway fast forward to the second time I was hanging out with them. We were at some crappy dive bar. But this time I noticed the friendly dude wasn't as happy to see me. I noticed way he would look when I kissed her/hugged her/grabbed her ass. He didn't look pleased. At this point I'm getting the hint that he has a little crush on her. Any way I didn't interact with them a whole lot that night I spent most of my time with my gf and other friends and even kissed her in front of him just to piss him off a little more.

Third time hanging out. Same guy was texting my gf like all night to see what was going on. The guy and one of his friends show up late at some bar and I'm with my gf and some of her other home friends. I eventually went to shake their hands and the guy seems like he wants nothing to do with me. He won't even look at me the entire time. I'm just like fvck it and start kissing my gf. Eventually later in the night he starts to get a little confrontational. I was absolutely wasted and just brushed him off I can't even remember what he said or what went on. I remember him trying to talk to my gf though and her eventually coming back to me.

That night I'm completely ****faced and we end up at someones house. I start making fun of one of the guy's nicknames out loud like a drunk idiot and my gf says "stop, you're gonna get beat up (other kid that doesn't have the crush on my gf) already doesn't like you". Of course like a moron I kept on going. The guy is actually pretty big and would probably take me. I'm like 5'10 160, he's like roughly twice my size in weight. But I think I'm rambo when I'm drunk so it didn't stop me. Nothing else really happened that night. But it was clear that these guys didn't like me. Me and the GF had some great sex that night.

My view of this story is as follows. These group of guys can care less about my gf. The only one that does is the one that obviously has a crush on her. They are just trying to be bros and help him score. This is why none of them cared when they met me. They really aren't her friends but my gf obviously doesn't see this.

My issues. I'm really not sure how to deal with these kids. They are constantly trying to text my gf and her friends to hang out. We obviously don't like each other and I'm not willing to hang out with these kids again. I'm not gonna tell my gf that she can't hang out with them because she can do whatever she wants but I'm not going to hang out with a bunch of guys in which we mutually hate each other.

As for these guys, I keep on thinking about egging the shyt out of their houses or something but I really don't know what to do about them. As for my gf, it's going to have a real problem if she's going to respect these guys opinion of me over my opinion of them. I guess it will be a real test when this comes up. Any stories or advice besides "dump your gf" or diagnosing her with some sort of personality disorder?

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Females don't have platonic male friends. They are mad because they want to be in your position. and best believe they will/have made a move on your girl. If I were you I'd go ahead and get some girl friends and see how she likes that.

 

[Voice]

Females don't have platonic male friends. They are mad because they want to be in your position. and best believe they will/have made a move on your girl. If I were you I'd go ahead and get some girl friends and see how she likes that.

I would but girls make terrible friends. I've never had one that I didn't either want to bang/banged or wanted to bang me. I don't think my gf gets this concept however.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

^^^Duh.... same situation with your GF

 

[Naughty Ninja]

My GF has a lot of friends in general but also has a handful of guy friends. Most of them I am friendly with and get along fine with and are usually very friendly. Some are even mutual friends that we've met at college and I would consider them as close to me as they are to her. I don't have a problem with the majority of her guy friends.

BUT, there is a little group of guys from her high school that she's been hanging around with lately through some of her girl friends. The first time I met them I felt that right off the bat something was off about them. They wouldn't look me in the eye when I went to shake their hands. They didn't look happy to see me at all. Though one of the guys seemed pretty friendly and I wound up having a conversation with him. My GF described me to them as the "cool" kids in her high school. They're basically a bunch of bums who didn't go to college and hang out and drink/smoke every night. My gf is out of college and living at home while I'm at grad school about 20 minutes away from her. I see her at least once a week and normally it's more than that.

Anyway fast forward to the second time I was hanging out with them. We were at some crappy dive bar. But this time I noticed the friendly dude wasn't as happy to see me. I noticed way he would look when I kissed her/hugged her/grabbed her ass. He didn't look pleased. At this point I'm getting the hint that he has a little crush on her. Any way I didn't interact with them a whole lot that night I spent most of my time with my gf and other friends and even kissed her in front of him just to piss him off a little more.

Third time hanging out. Same guy was texting my gf like all night to see what was going on. The guy and one of his friends show up late at some bar and I'm with my gf and some of her other home friends. I eventually went to shake their hands and the guy seems like he wants nothing to do with me. He won't even look at me the entire time. I'm just like fvck it and start kissing my gf. Eventually later in the night he starts to get a little confrontational. I was absolutely wasted and just brushed him off I can't even remember what he said or what went on. I remember him trying to talk to my gf though and her eventually coming back to me.

That night I'm completely ****faced and we end up at someones house. I start making fun of one of the guy's nicknames out loud like a drunk idiot and my gf says "stop, you're gonna get beat up (other kid that doesn't have the crush on my gf) already doesn't like you". Of course like a moron I kept on going. The guy is actually pretty big and would probably take me. I'm like 5'10 160, he's like roughly twice my size in weight. But I think I'm rambo when I'm drunk so it didn't stop me. Nothing else really happened that night. But it was clear that these guys didn't like me. Me and the GF had some great sex that night.

My view of this story is as follows. These group of guys can care less about my gf. The only one that does is the one that obviously has a crush on her. They are just trying to be bros and help him score. This is why none of them cared when they met me. They really aren't her friends but my gf obviously doesn't see this.

My issues. I'm really not sure how to deal with these kids. They are constantly trying to text my gf and her friends to hang out. We obviously don't like each other and I'm not willing to hang out with these kids again. I'm not gonna tell my gf that she can't hang out with them because she can do whatever she wants but I'm not going to hang out with a bunch of guys in which we mutually hate each other.

As for these guys, I keep on thinking about egging the shyt out of their houses or something but I really don't know what to do about them. As for my gf, it's going to have a real problem if she's going to respect these guys opinion of me over my opinion of them. I guess it will be a real test when this comes up. Any stories or advice besides "dump your gf" or diagnosing her with some sort of personality disorder?

Don't like coming off negative but this situation isn't looking good. She's hanging out with loser who smoke and drink nad most likely hung out with them and or fooled around with one or two of them before college. These dudes obviously see you as the "new guy" on "their girl" and now you've hung out three times with all of them as well?

Think of it as you hanging out with these loser girls from HS who just want to smoke and drink...You think nothing would ever happen in that scenario? And say you brought your girlfriend along and almost all of them didn't like you especially one of them....for "No" reason?

I think you are hanging out with them and got drunk and mouthed off because deep down inside you don't trust her, but are too afraid to break off with her as you think YOU would be the one providing her with the "excuse" to cheat with one of them if she hasn't already.

Think about it. Who in a serious healthy relationship hangs out with people who don't like their boyfriend/girlfriend? She's secretly getting off on the "drama" and I've got a feeling if this keeps up things are going to end fvcked up for you.

I think deep down you know you hanging out with her with them isn't good but you're too afraid to tell her not to as you think she'd do it behind your back and you'd eventually find out she did or is with one of them and has been secretly enjoying the "bitterness" of two dudes over her.

Ive known several snake chicks like that. You'd better be aware and ready to bounce for good. I think your chick is most likely playing you.

 

[Trump]

My issues. I'm really not sure how to deal with these kids. They are constantly trying to text my gf and her friends to hang out. We obviously don't like each other and I'm not willing to hang out with these kids again. I'm not gonna tell my gf that she can't hang out with them because she can do whatever she wants but I'm not going to hang out with a bunch of guys in which we mutually hate each other.

As for these guys, I keep on thinking about egging the shyt out of their houses or something but I really don't know what to do about them. As for my gf, it's going to have a real problem if she's going to respect these guys opinion of me over my opinion of them. I guess it will be a real test when this comes up. Any stories or advice besides "dump your gf" or diagnosing her with some sort of personality disorder?

Bro its hard to take you seriously when you ask for advice but then say "don't tell me certain things, I don't want to hear it."

I would say your problem with your gf, she knows you don't like these guys and keeps hanging out with them in order to get you to react. If she CARED she would either not hang out with them or tell them to shut up when you are together. Clearly she's OK with what is going on.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

she's an attention wh-re at best, histrionic or BPD at worst. she's probably cheating on you. Yes I've been in this exact same situation to the last detail.

I see the OPs situation the EXACT same way. OP may think he's the "man" (not that he shouldn't) but I'd be positive he's the one being played and once all the smoke clears and he's looking back on this situation he'll be amazed how he didn't see what was going on and he was really the outsider with the "boyfriend" title in the whole situation.

It's completely mind blowing when things are going seemingly great yet start sliding right before our eyes and we REFUSE to see or believe whats happening or that our SO would do that to us. NOTHING surprises me anymore. Nada.

Just because YOU have the "boyfriend" title OP doesn't mean your girlfriend isn't really with someone else and is flaunting it right in your face. It's almost like a complete shock to your brain that you just don't want to accept.

Talking to or getting pissed isn't going to do anything. This chick is going to hang out with them regardless. I don't care if she "doesn't" like them or whatever excuse she uses. She respects them more than you REGARDLESS of if they care for her or not.

To get a chick like yours to respect you OP you have to start seeing other chicks and letting her find out on her own about them while literally not caring an iota about if the group of her guy friends is passing her around like a fuk doll. That's the only thing that would tame a chick like that. Now since you (I'd hope) and I aren't like that I'd suggest slowly packing whatever you may have around or near her left at her house etc. and make a clean smooth NC getaway PERIOD. Never to bother with her again.

 

[CostaDeSol]

Is it still this girl?:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=196215

sounds like she is being an attention ***** who needs attention from more than just one cokc.

Kinds of blows, but if you stay with her, think to yourself that she is not 100% yours, and that you are probably sharing her with other guys, without knowing it.

 

[Voice]

Bro its hard to take you seriously when you ask for advice but then say "don't tell me certain things, I don't want to hear it."

I would say your problem with your gf, she knows you don't like these guys and keeps hanging out with them in order to get you to react. If she CARED she would either not hang out with them or tell them to shut up when you are together. Clearly she's OK with what is going on.

In only say that because everyone on this board thinks they are certified psychiatrists.

But I agree with most of the advice here. I'm not sure if she is cheating but I'm sure if this continues it probably will happen if it hasn't already. I never told her I didn't like them, but obviously she knows they don't like me. Why she still hangs out with them/talks to them is the real issue here and is really the reason why I'm concerned. If she is playing me, how would I go about finding that out?

 

[Bokanovsky]

My issues. I'm really not sure how to deal with these kids. They are constantly trying to text my gf and her friends to hang out. We obviously don't like each other and I'm not willing to hang out with these kids again. I'm not gonna tell my gf that she can't hang out with them because she can do whatever she wants but I'm not going to hang out with a bunch of guys in which we mutually hate each other.

This is a big mistake that a lot of guys nowadays make. They are afraid to set boundaries of acceptable behavior with their women because they've been brainwashed into believing that any attempt to do so makes them evil and controlling. But imagine that the tables were turned. You were hanging out with a bunch of girls, one of them had a crush on you and the others were trying to help her score. Do you, even for a second, think that your girlfriend would hesitate to voice her displeasure?

Don't be afraid to put your foot down every once in a while.

 

[VladPatton]

Lots of valid points here. I would definitely tell her I don't like them, plain and simple. I wouldn't even go into super details about it either. It's a shıt position to be in, I understand your dilemma, but you don't like them, and that's that.

The reason she hangs with them is a shıtty reflection on her. We are judged by the company we keep. If 5 guys rob you, do you stop and think that perhaps one of them feels bad and may even be your bestie one day? No, you think they are all in on it and are gonna rob and hurt you.

State you don't like and you aren't hanging out with them anymore and see what happens. Do control the drinking and keep your frame. Most likely this'll make waves in your relationship. Should you tell her to stop hanging out with them? I don't know, perhaps if you have some more longevity with her.

PS: The guys here are better than certified psychiatrists at times because they speak through experience and trial and error.

 

[youngmack]

Pure histrionic dude. Get away. Just like my ex

 

[SamTheHobit]

No, the real issue is why you tolerate your woman rewarding the attention from men who hate you.

If she loves you so much, why would she still be in contact with these guys? Why would she entertain their texts? Why would she consider the idea of hanging out with them?

These are valid questions and we all know the answers to them.

The question I have to you is, why aren't you hanging out with your friends and bringing her along there instead of with these douchebags? Where are your plates?

It must take a lot of inner game to overcome the issue of girlfriends "Guy friends".

On another note that why it didn't work out with my ex-gf she often put priority with them over me. I don't think any guy should have to put up with that kinda sh!t.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

This all sounds very immature, particulalry this girls choice in dudes and she clearly likes the attention. Don't waste your time here man.

 

[Slickster]

Don't change a thing.

Your girl is with you because you are da man. If she wanted to be with those other losers it would have already happened.

Those guys are chumps and she knows it. The guy with the crush is shooting himself in the foot by acting needy.

Rise above. No need to get in a pissing match with these dudes over a girl. Just simply be better than them. It shouldn't be hard.

 

[Jitterbug]

There used to be an older quality member on SS called Latinoman. For some reason, his posts were all deleted and he got banned. Anyway, he used to state that he has just two relationship rules which he communicates to his LTR, and I believe they are spot on:

1. Respect me.
2. Never contribute to other people's disrespect towards me.

Of course the rules are mutual.

In your case, your GF is clearly violating rule #2 by hanging out with these losers. You should sit her down and communicate those two rules. If she balks at them, cut her loose. She's more trouble than she's worth, and one day she will let her orbiters loose on you when you're vulnerable.