Advice on dating an extremely hot woman you work with?

[Juicyjays]

Hey guys.

Before I came to this site, I was quite the chump. No confidence, overly emotional, etc, etc. I've most definitely changed my ways - no longer am I a virgin, I'm dating multiple women and I'm having a lot of success lately. Now to my next challenge..

I recently started at a new restaurant about 3 weeks ago. As soon as I start, I notice this incredibly gorgeous (8) woman who's a fellow cook with me. She works on the catering side, I work on the restaurant side. She'd laugh at all my jokes, even if they weren't funny. I'd go to the dishpit and I'd spray a dish, she'd put her hand on top of mine and smile. She was definitely into me.

We all go out for beer with people after work and she's sitting incredibly close to me. Constant arm touching, laughing, smiling. I know I'm good but I wait - we take the subway home together and she asks for my number.

Six days later she asks what I'm up to - I ask her out for a beer. She agrees then says she has yoga and that we could meet later on. Then I receive a text an hour later stating her yoga class was moved from 6pm to 8pm. I ignore her text and go out with another girl instead (who turned out to be a bipolar wreck - another story for another day).

So I wait for awhile and ask her out again. Her schedule is clear and we go out for beer. Instant flirting, touching each others hands, etc. We go outside for a smoke and I kiss her. Go to her car and we make out for awhile. Then she drops me off. Everything went perfectly as planned. We're planning to hang out again on Sunday. I laid down ground rules and told her that we are to never, ever speak about this at work and she agreed (I know this may change but for now at least).

My question to you guys is two things. First of all, besides being a cook this woman is a go go dancer for a private company. Not stripping, just dancing at nightclubs which I'm perfectly cool with. That and she has a majority of guy friends.

Do I text her the next day (today) and tell her that I had a good time, just as I would any other date? Or do I wait for her to text me first? I've honestly never dated a more attractive woman in my life. Are there things I should do differently for this woman then someone who's obviously not as confident (her dancing pictures are insane.. ). For sure she's most likely dating other people - and so am I so it's all good.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

 

[Harry Wilmington]

The things you do to get a girl are the same things you do to keep her. If you weren't constantly hitting her up before, no need to start doing it now. You basically need to continue to treat her as though you still have other options. In other words: no, you don't need to hit her up the next day to say you had a good time - she'll know you had a good time last time when you ask her out again for another outing.

Don't buy into the whole idea that girls need to be re-assured that you had a good time - they don't. If anything, they need to wonder if they showed you a good enough time to warrant you hitting her up again - that makes HER the one that has to impress you, not the other way around. Furthermore, since you work with her, any extra contact you do with her outside of work is going to seem like you're becoming too needy or clingy. The only time you should be calling/texting her outside of work is to set up a date - that's IT. Save the flirting/compliments/etc. for when you're actually on the date.

Oh, and one last thing: she's not that self-confident. If she's a dancer, she's showing off her body because she needs validation of her hotness, which means she's lacking confidence in herself in some other area of her life. Also, keep in mind that she is single, which means someone has dumped her before. Remember: the girl you find oh-so-hot is another guy's ex who he eventually found to be disgusting. Your ranking of fineness for her is only in your mind - in reality, she's just like every other girl you've dated, so treat her as such.

Hope this helps!

 

[Juicyjays]

Awesome advice. It makes a lot of sense. Cheers!

 

[twentee]

wow, man. an 8 is the best you've dated? That's sad.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

The things you do to get a girl are the same things you do to keep her. If you weren't constantly hitting her up before, no need to start doing it now. You basically need to continue to treat her as though you still have other options. In other words: no, you don't need to hit her up the next day to say you had a good time - she'll know you had a good time last time when you ask her out again for another outing.

Don't buy into the whole idea that girls need to be re-assured that you had a good time - they don't. If anything, they need to wonder if they showed you a good enough time to warrant you hitting her up again - that makes HER the one that has to impress you, not the other way around. Furthermore, since you work with her, any extra contact you do with her outside of work is going to seem like you're becoming too needy or clingy. The only time you should be calling/texting her outside of work is to set up a date - that's IT. Save the flirting/compliments/etc. for when you're actually on the date.

Oh, and one last thing: she's not that self-confident. If she's a dancer, she's showing off her body because she needs validation of her hotness, which means she's lacking confidence in herself in some other area of her life. Also, keep in mind that she is single, which means someone has dumped her before. Remember: the girl you find oh-so-hot is another guy's ex who he eventually found to be disgusting. Your ranking of fineness for her is only in your mind - in reality, she's just like every other girl you've dated, so treat her as such.

Hope this helps!

Exactly! As you start dating more attractive women, their looks won't have such a WOW factor on you.

Control those emotions and your aloofness will make her chase you. And as Harry mentioned a girl's imagination is your best friend; if she chases, she uses chick logic that says "I must like him" and then she will put the full court press on you.

Proceed with caution though; she sounds like she likely has some issues centered around low self-esteem...... not always, but most of these chicks are only good for the pump and dump.

General rule; the hotter a girl is, the more likely she has some screws loose.









PIMP

 

[Juicyjays]

wow, man. an 8 is the best you've dated? That's sad.

From a guy who had no self confidence at all and was a virgin til I was 22, yes, that's the best Ive dated and I'm proud of myself. I lost weight, go to the gym now and am slowly getting better everyday.

You seem like an ignorant prick. Before you make statements like you did, sit and think that not everyone is like you and we are all at different stages in the dating game.

 

[Plutoman]

Suggestion: Ignore the trolls. It's not worth it to get into a back and forth.

The advice given is great and is more than I have to add, so I'm just going to offer good luck with it!

 

[incognito42]

Advice? Unless you plan on leaving that job soon or if you're absolutely positive you nor her will catch feelings, you should keep away

You already admit you've had trouble with confidence and being emotional, and I'm telling you right now as soon as things go south you're going to be absolutely miserable

 

[Juicyjays]

Well, I'm dating four other women right now. I can honestly see myself not being upset if it didn't work out. And I'm 25 now. I went from 300 pounds to 220 and I've transformed into a very good looking guy. I have a lot more confidence then I did before but I see what you're saying. Thanks.

 

[incognito42]

I hear ya man, and that's good to hear

I'm 26 and 2 years ago I went from 245 lbs to 180, started a new job and had a girl there that was all over me. In fact your chick is doing the same things this chik was doing with me, obvious flirting and really into me etc. I caught feelings, things went south, and I hated life for a month or 2 at work. I was really miserable and couldn't get away from her or shut her out of my life like I'd normally do with a chick to get over them, because I was FORCED to be around her at work

I thought I was confident and didn't hve emotional issues anymore, but I was wrong and she triggered it all and then I was stuck with her 40 hours a week

That's just my experience, maybe you can handle it. I'll never date anyone I work with again though. I'm a different person now an much stronger emotionally but I don't think it's worth it anymore

 

[Uncharted]

Work = no!

Wait until one of you leaves (which you will because younger people change jobs all the time) then go for it.

 

[Juicyjays]

Touche, Cognito. You're absolutely right. I was once in that position too - exact same thing happened. I guess no matter how confident you seem to be or how much you've changed, history can repeat itself.

I should just lay off of her now. The thing is - this will probably work in my favor and make her want me more lol, go figure.

Cheers man.

 

[incognito42]

Sure thing. I wasn't even attracted to the chick at first either. But she was super flirty and a fun party girl and I caughtfeelinga bcause I didnt have my emotions in check like I thought I did. Turned out she was the type of girl that loses interest when things aren't "fresh" anymore. So her seemingly super high Interest level in reality wasnt because she was so into me but moreso just about her getting a temporary fix for her need to find a new guy to be around every other month. I bought into it though, followed her lead thinking I'd be safe if I let her progress the relationship along. She pulled the mat at from under me when things weren't fresh and I was alreay in too deep thinking I had something substantial

If you learn from my mistake you can still bang her. Just keep you other options and only hang with her to go get drinks or having her come over some night. Dont get too involved and keep your space an you can still get what you want out of it. Just always keep in min you're walking a fine line

 

[MisterAFC]

Bring her flowers and maybe sing a song if you are outside? One time this is what I did and the woman kissed me on the cheek and then went away with her friends. When they go away they were laughing and smiling at me. I was so happy because they were happy

 

[Juicyjays]

Little update for you guys;

Seems like you were all on the right track. We agreed to meetup at a subway stop to go on our third date. I wait there for 15 min, no sign of her. Shoot her off a text message asking where she is..

Her: "I'm stuck in a hole.... it's bad"
Me: "What?"
Her: "I'm on K" (Ketamine. This chick likes to party)
Me: "All good. Have a fun trip."

Couple hours later she texts me saying she's happy to be done with that trip. No apologies. No nothing. I keep my cool, I could honestly give two ****s. She then asks me to come watch her dance (She's a paid go go dancer) on Monday night. I decline. **** that, you think I'm gonna go by myself and gawk over her? I want one on one time. So I made up a lie and said I had to babysit my nephew. She then says she's free on Wed and so am I, so I said we're going out for a couple beer, some bowling (we both love it) and to watch a movie.

I know what you all are gonna say and I agree - I just wanna fvck her now. Thanks for the heads up 'tho - sounds like she has some major self esteem issues.