advice on current relationship....

[FrancisBegbie]

hello. I have been lurking around tthe boards for like a month noow and I seem to have picked up alot of good infromation from the posts. When i started visiting this board i had broken up with my gfriend. I hadnt realized at the time that one of the main reasons we broke up (even tho she as a girl will never admit it) was that I wasnt being a challenge att all...I would always try to fix the situation wenever she got angry or threw a childish fit...I also never showed any manliness or confidence since i WAS ALWAYS A YES MAN AND HARDLY SHOWED THAT i HAD ANY BACKBONE AT ALL BY SAYING NO. Anyways...wen i started visitting this site, I began ignoring her everytime she would call my house and said that we needed to talk i would jus say iwas busy or had other stuff to do and that if she didnt like it she could go jump off a cliff for all i cared. Eventually all this got to her and she ended up pleading for us to get back togetther. I agreed and stated very clearly that if we were gponna ghet bak together it was gonna be under my rules and my rules only and that if she started any **** i would leave forever. She ended up agreeing and weve been back for like two weeks...Well the first thing that she noticed was thatt I wasnt taking anymore **** from her. Wenever she d say something ididnt like....I would call her on it quick and i didnt care if she threw a fit oor not....I wasnt afraid of teasing her anymore or making her feel bad...I amliving for myself and that is it. Shes mentioned a couple of times that she finds it sexy wen i lay down the law...she says it turns her on...her interestt level also seems to be skyrocketing as she is always looking for me know...shes also ignored her gfriends this pasttwo weeks (bfore she couldnt last a weekend without them)...but now shes also said that im not being "sweet" with her...that she likes me being direct and in controlbut that i lack sweetness and that she misses that...so whatt do you guys suggest i do...i mean it seems like im going the rite way bcus her acttions say so...but she also keep bringin up this be sweeter ****t...what do you gusy suggest...

PS: Sorry for the ****ty spelling..my keyboard is messed up...

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Read the LTR sections of the bible & the tips forum.

And use your Return key more often, this post is damn hard to read.

Oscar.

 

[Bungo Pony]

This is the biggest problem with going back to a girl after you've discovered this site. She already has an opinion of you, and it's hard for her to change it.

If you wish to continue this relationship, keep on doing what you've been doing as far as being "sweet" goes, but slowly pull back on it. Immediately cutting her off is going to make the relationship awkward. It's much easier getting a new woman when you start using DJ techniques rather than trying to adapt someone to your changing personality.

Good luck.

 

[Quick]

You can be nice and sweet to her, but only when she deserves it. If she does something that pleases you, you can react by being a little more open.

Don't worry too much about being sweet though. You're right that her actions speak for themselves. If she really wanted sweet, she would have stayed before, and not returned after you changed to "not sweet". Don't fall for the trap of giving her what she says she wants, because she doesn't know.

 

[FrancisBegbie]

thanks for the good advice quick..it seems right on the money...as for Oscar Wilde...I went through the Bible and looked up long term relationships and I found some stuff to be conflicting with what is currently working for me...on one of the posts it said that being a challenge and remaining mysterious are no no's in an LTR....Hearing that is weird because it was those two elements missing that made her break up with me before. I know that what im doing is working because even tho she has *****ed about me not being very loving and her wanting me to be more sweet....day after day shes there calling me waaaaymorethan before and is always enthusiastic to talk with me and please me....this is one of the main things that I dislike about the forum(its probably the only thing) ...the fact that you get so much conflicting information...anyways for the last time...what do you guys suggest I do...am I doing the right thing by maintaining a challenge and mysterious throughout my LTR r am I missing something in terms of my behavior??

PS: she keeps asking me why im not more open and why i dont talk that much...I responded that it is because I am in all actuallity a reserved person who doesnt open up easily...was this a good answer??how should i play it from now on...

ALL SUGGESTIONS AND ADVICE ARE APPRECIATED

 

[bugsquish]

I think she has entertained the notion that you might have someone else. Maybe challange and mystery are bad in a LTR but not in a re-established LTR. It's working, stick with it. And listen to Quick!

 

[comote]

I do think challenge is important in an ltr, but I think the most important element is that which you have been doing, not taking her sh!t, laying down the law. Of course you can give in every now and then but yes when she starts throwing her tantrums I say treat her like you would a little kid.
Honestly sincce I have been coming here girls don't throw those tantrums with me though. One girl said she was afraid to "ask me for anything" because she was scared I would just leave. Maybe I was just a bit too cold though.