Advice on a potential LTR

[DonEdwardo]

Hi Guys,

I have been a silent observer on these forums for a while, have read a bit of the dj bible and am slowly improving over time! I have a situation that I am not sure how to handle and would appreciate any information you guys could give!

I met a girl a couple of weeks ago at a party, I was having a good time and was looking around, but thought that she was with someone else so did not make a move, anyway, halfway through the party she initiated a bit of convo with me, asked me a few questions etc, I let the convo run for a while and then when it ended, I just left it and carried on with the party, anyways from that point on I spoke to her on and off, mostly making jokes about some of the things she had told me about, but keeping it light and doing a it of kino, touching her arm etc. Never getting deep, keeping it light and mostly just having a good time at the party. End of the evening I handed her my phone and got her number. ok all good.


app. a week later phoned her up and asked her out to a movie with group of us that were going, she told me that she had already seen that particular film, I said that it was a pity as I would really have liked her to have been there, I waited slightly on the phone to see if she made a counter offer, I didn't see one coming so I started to talk was going to close and next her. She also spoke at the same time so I said she must go ahead. In anycase she made an offer to join me at the movies even though she had seen it. Said she would call me back to let me know if she could arrange transport. ( Here a little background info is needed, she live app. 45 minutes out of town on a farm, it's not a nice road to drive at night and so it is quite a bit of effort for her to come out, she does not have a car of her own and needs to lend her dad's ).

She gets back to me, transport is arranged and she will meet me at the movies, fast forward, movie night, went really great, little bit more kino, keeping topics light, had a great time, walked to her car and she gave me a hug. (Side info, I paid for the movies she never made a offer to pay, when the bill came for the coffee she took out her wallet, I told her that I don't mind if she pays but that I would like to pay, she accepted the offer with no arguement only a smile and a nod)

(Some more background, she is currently studying in another city and was on holiday so I felt a little bit of pressure to phone her again and set up another date) But I waited 3 days (It was killing me, lol) phoned and asked her what she was doing for sunday lunch, this was to be our first proper date. She told me that her borther was going to visit them that weekend and that she was actually leaving to go back to varsity on Sunday but that she would like to go for lunch. That she would let me know if she could arrange transport. Gets back to me that transport is good and will meet me outside my place on Sunday.

Sunday, she comes to the house I let her in get my keys etc and ask if she wants to pull her car in and take mine, she laughs says it doesn't matter I'm driving either way, and hands me her keys. So I drive her to the date, I took her to a small "zoo" we have in town it has a few birds and animals etc and a little cafe outside where you can eat toasted food and burgers, nothing expensive. Took some bread with, fed the ducks etc, kept the conversation going, she started asking questions etc, sat down had some lunch, she never made a offer to pay so I did, again kept it light, tried to keep it more about her, laughed joked etc, did some light kino.

Took her home got her email address. Hugged goodbye.

Ok, later that night I get a sms asking me if my dad is so and so, she made the connection because she asked me what may surname was. (This led me to think that she was thinking of me + the date app 4 hours after we had ended) I just answered yes that was my dad, and that she must sleep well.


Ok so thats the background, Now, I have her number and her email address, I know that she is writing a exam tommorrow, she brought it up during the convo.

What do you guys think is the next best move, she will only be back in app 3 weeks, I don't think I should let it die down completely, but I don't think I should be calling her all the time either?

Should I sms her to ask her about the exam ?!?!? I would like to phone her sometime to invite her to something like a woodstock that happens around here. But it's over a whole weekend, friday to monday, it may be too much for a third date ?!?!!?

She seems to me to be a very nice Girl, I'm not into sleeping around, in fact I am still a virgin and have never had a relasionship. So if anything this will be LTR, she seems to be the right kind of Girl for this type of relasionship.

As another side, note, I have two blind dates set up for later this week and two other Girls that I am trying to keep in contact with, set up dates etc, so I am by no means desperate at the moment.

So Guys, critque, advice anything...
Thanks
Edwardo

 

[milesman]

Hey there. Congrats on your successes and for applying a few 'DJ' tricks. From your post it sounds like you two are taking it slow-usually by my 2nd dates I am making a move to leave no doubt that I am sexually interested. That doesn't mean going for the lay but definitely upping the ante from the first date. So that would be my concern from what you've said, that after the second date you only gave her a hug...again, and "light kino". I don't know what light kino means for you but from my experience with nice girls and naughty girls alike, SOME type of sensual move has to be made if not physically, then at least verbally and you said you only kept the conversation on light topics.

So with this girl preparing to leave for school, I'd think you'd want to make an impact on your next date so she's coming home to see you everyweekend.

 

[Slickster]

Good work Edwardo

This seems like a tough situation with her going to school and all. You may be getting yourself into a situation where you are going to be let down.

You definitely don't want to be calling or emailing too much. You should keep in touch with her and you'll have to hope she reciprocates.

Other than that, is a long distance relationship really what you want right now? They never work and you could be setting yourself up for heartache.

I say continue to keep in touch for when she does come back to town and in the meantime keep your eyes peeled for other potential Mrs. Edwardo's.

Good luck.

 

[iveyleeger]

My advice: don't think of it as a potential LTR. That will make you too slow, cautious. Instead, think of it as here today, gone tomorrow, and when gone, think of it no more. So go for it now. Live in the moment. One nice kiss before she leaves. To remember you.

 

[drZaius09]

You're wasting too much time. Repeat after me: I AM WASTING TOO MUCH TIME. Any and all time that is spent shilling out for a girl you are not having sex with is time WASTED. From my calculations, you are already down quite a bit here. You need to focus on getting something back now, which I assume would be sex. But I only assume that because I can't imagine anything else she could have to offer you. If this isn't about sex, then try g1rlpr0blems.com or try watching The View. But if you want to be a man, don't call her again until you are ready to take the steps necessary to prepare insertion of certain things into certain orifices. Seems to me you are moving backwards here-- first you get the number, then you get the date, THEN you get the email?!? What am I missing? These are the steps you SHOULD be following... I am going to lay them out very clearly for you:

1) Phone Number
2) Date(s)
3) COITUS

It's as simple as that

 

[DonEdwardo]

Hey Guys,

Thanks for the replies, so far, I see what you guys mean about Long distance relasionships and am taking the advice, I'm gonna play this one on a what will be will be basis, anycase I thought I would update you guys on whats happping in anycase, she wrote on Wednesday, so I waited for afternoon and sent this message :

"hey there, how did the exam go? Hope you weren't think so much of me that you could not study ;-) !!!"

The reply a couple of minutes later, roughly translated cause it was in another language "

"Yes it will be all your fault I have just finished writing and it was not easy :-( I will see when the results come. Are you having a good time at work? Because I'm going to do nothing till tonight ;-)"

I replied :

"Boss is around so I am trying to look busy ;-) thats always fun! Sorry to hear about the exam, I'll hold thumbs for the result! Go have a coffe on me to relax!"

I did not get a reply until later that night :

"Hi! Hope u aren't 2 tired of pretending to be busy all day! ;-) I'm now only going to get a chance to drink that coffee, I in the end had to do some other things first. Have a nice evening! Byebye "

I was out of a area with signal when she sent the message and only got it 3 hours later at 10 in the evening, so I did not want to call, so I sent one last message in reply :

"he he, exhausted, it's hard work busy busy girl hey ;-). Enjoy the coffee! Sweet dreams"

Ok so now that I think of it, maybe the last message was not too good, a reply, no contact with her since, but I am going to phone her this weekend to invite her to the concert I mentioned in the first message, in anycase I'll keep you all informed.

Edwardo

 

[DonEdwardo]

Update 3,

Phoned her earlier, no answer, left no message, (You boys know all the tricks ;-) ) she phoned me back now, said the hello etc etc thing.

Asked to go with me to the concert, she said that she would like too, checked her diary, said it was good!! So looks like she will be coming with!

Tried to get off the phone as quick as possible, but was asked what I did this week, so I told her, then she told me what she did, then I said goodbye. Ok

My own analysis

Phone call length 8 minutes, (possiby too long, but I won't be seeing her for two - three more weeks, so I guess this time it may be forgiven)

Content, hmmm prehaps I told her a little too much about what I did in the week, but at least it showed her that I was very busy, and wasn't just haning aroung the house the whole bored to death.

Ending, good, I closed off the conversation, which according to the game is the right thing to do.

A few questions for those who are in the know, I know that a phone call should be nothing more than to arrange the date, but in this case is there some lee-way? I mean I can't really arrange a date with her for the next two-three weeks so can we talk a bit or is it a no go situation still?

I would also like to show you guys a bit of a change, when I asked her out to the concert, the AFC in me was saying, how can you invite her to a three day sleep over event for the third date ???? surely that is too much to soon, what if she thinks all you want to do is get her into the same tent as you, etc etc etc.
The Aspiring DJ said, I want to go to the concert, I am going in anycase, she can choose, she can think what she wants, it's her loss if she chickens out, there are already about five people going, and I can always invite others + meet new people there!!

So I believe that is a good example of a DJ vs AFC

DJ = I'm doing cool stuff, she must choose if she wants to join
AFC = I need her to come with me to have fun, what if she doesn't like the idea for some reason, hmmm lets stay at home the weekend and plat it safe, maybe she will want to drink a coffe with me

DJ = I'm me, I don't want to change who I am, if she misinterprets who I am, or sees me as who I am and does not like it then thats her loss
AFC = I need her to like me to validate me, I will change into something that I am not in order that I will not get hurt by her disapproval

Well lets see what happens next
Edwardo

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Yup, I agree with Dr. Z.

You need to get physical. Need to kiss her, and put yourself in the "Guy with sexual/romantic interest" category, and not as the nice guys she hangs out with until she finds herself someone better to hang out with.

Progress, from arm massage to hair touching, to smelling/kissing her, etc. At this point you are working on borrowed time, the law of diminishing returns is in full force.

 

[DonEdwardo]

Well, she accepted my invite to go camping with me! So there should be plenty of time to move things up, it's a music fextival that will be held over 3 days, there will be pently of time to up the ante.

A few things that I did to maybe try and up the ante while at a distance, she mailed me the other day to find out how my week was going and then wished me sweet dreams, I replied that she must have sweet dreams as well especially the ones she's having about me.

Her reply, roughly translated besides other stuff was, sleep very well and have very well behaved small dreams.

It loses a lot in translation but it was basically a very cute girly way of saying good night and sweet dreams.

I think that things are going well and I will be sure to make a move on the weekend and at least get in a first kiss. I have nothing to lose, I have everything to gain!!