Advice needed. Friend Zone escape 2012!

[muzikman]

New member. First post. I apologize in advance for the length.


I've known this woman since college. She was easily a 9 back in the day (would be a 8-9 now if she hit the gym hard, especially for her age). Naturally attractive, tall, amazing curves, intelligent, self-employed, etc. We are both mid thirties.

I payed no attention to her back then cause I was locked in on her room mate. After school we were away for a few years, re-connected and then started hanging out hard. This is when I fell into the Fzone. I had mad low self esteem back then, but for no reason really. I've never had a problem attracting women. But I had problems escalating and closing. I was the guy with the claws that didn't know how to use them.

I'm a fit dude; good looking. Not muscle popping but toned out. 6'5/190. When I walk into a room I'm usually the tallest dude there, so I instantly have a presence and I can get mad looks from females. Introvert though. When all the other dudes are talkin' ish, I'm sitting back observing, occasionally throwing in my opinions. I'm like the 3rd leg in a relay, I won't start or finish, but I can definitely gain some ground. Sometimes it works to my favor, but I have had too many missed opportunities by not approaching and finishing.

Sorry, back to my current problem. She moved away a few years ago. So now I may see her twice a year tops. She recently came back and hit me up to hang out. We went out for drinks very close to my house (my idea). This was like 2 weeks ago. We hit things off instantly and really just through conversation and catching up, I had a vibe going strong. We both only had a couple drinks, but after awhile her eyes were constantly locked on me. Occasional long stares. I wasn't even gaming (cause I don't). But the tension was a 10, easy. We spent 4 hours in there until the lights came up.

She drove (my idea) as she was staying with family and came down to me. After the bar on our way home she basically explains the girl she was supposed to stay with that night is flaking out, drunk somewhere. I don't know if she was lying or what, but I couldn't believe it was going this good.
When we get to my place I invite her up. She agreed.

We chat a bit and the tension is ridiculous so I forcefully go in for the kiss. She meets me halfway and its on...

To make this shorter, basically I got cut off from anything below the belt. I warmed her up, and had full rights above the waist. but once I tried to set it off, she shut down. Now to her defense (if it even matters) she did say she never has sex on the first date (read: not anymore), but w/e. As we were kissing she also was "testifying" about how weird it was we were kissing, etc. but that she had thought about us getting together before.

So I ended up stopped in my tracks on this woman I have had it for, going on 10 plus years!! Do you have any idea how soul crushing that is? I was looking at the finish line, ffs. And trust me, I was mad persistent. So I was a blue balled cuddle ***** all night. We made out until we passed out, and the next morning before she left, we made out again. But we never discussed anything.

Here's where I need advice. I tried my best to get her to come back downtown before she left to go back home out of state. I was certain I could close if I got her alone again. She was staying with her parents and caught up in family stuff constantly. She couldn't come down. Now she is back in her state 2000 miles away.

I travel for work so I can easily book a flight out to her. The last week we have texted a bit b/c she said she wants to "talk". We haven't talked yet. And it seems she is stalling to talk with me even though she is telling me she wants to. We literally haven't spoken since we hooked up.

I think having a serious talk will ruin future chances b/c I can't see her in the physical and she'll probably give me the "sorry about that, it was a 1 time thing, I was tipsy, lets just be friends again" or some ish. But I also think if I play the convo right, I can set something up for the future. The iron was hot a fk a couple weeks ago, but now I feel like ice cube. She's back in her home away from my element, so out of sight, out of mind?

This could be one of the most diabolical FZ escapes in history (known this girl for 15 years!)

But I truly feel my frame has changed with this girl (b/c of distance and me getting my sht together). She obviously doesn't see me as that scared little kid from 10 years ago, right?

What do I do now?

 

[Greasy Pig]

I can beat that. I recently started banging a chick I was in lust with 18 years ago. I was up to my ears in the FZ back then and always dreamed of one day escaping and taking her.
My story is very similar to yours. Eerily similar but she only lives 200km away (150 miles or so).
Same first date scenario as yours but she blew me a couple of times and kept saying "I can't believe we're doing this"; and "you've got to promise this won't ruin the friendship ok?"; and "It's like making out with my brother!"

I played it cool, organised another date and ended up banging on third date.

I think the distance is your biggest problem, otherwise you could meet up again and escalate quite easily.
I'd play it very cool if I was you. It was hard for me to keep my emotions in check because I was so desperate to close the deal but I managed it and it's working out well.

I treat my chick like a little sister. I'm always ragging on her, teasing her, challenging her. We're very much like friends but we fvck. I can't believe I pulled it off.
You should act like it was no big deal and try like fvck to avoid any serious chats about what you're doing.
If she brings up anything about how awkward it is or "what are we doing?", just laugh it off and keep it light.
Say something cheeky like: "I can understand how excited you must be to finally get your hands on me after all these years."
Be cool, be funny, be unaffected. You're just two people going down a fun path and who knows where it'll lead.
Keep in touch with her and make up an excuse to head to her town. Make it casual but make your intentions clear.
"Hey, I've got to meet some clients near your town in a few weeks. I challenge you to an eat-off at (restaurant) followed by a battle of wits at (bar). Loser buys shots. You think you're up to it?"

 

[Cremasta]

Ok, not very helpful but seemed relevant...

http://uberhumor.com/i-like-you

 

[Warrior74]

You go meet girls where you are now. If you get around to that one cool. If you find yourself in her area, hit her up. But she shut you down and left town. Wanna get out the friendzone? Find a woman who won't put you there.

Also, read up on freeze outs and how to do them. You really weren't in the friendzone, maybe your game dealing with LMD's was weak. (last minute defenses).

 

[wpet16]

Hi i'm a new member and I need some advice.

I started seeing this girl a few months ago, who was introduced through a friend and it was amazing; the dates went brilliantly she was really getting into it and she came back to mine after the second date. She was adamant that she didn't want to do anything though and just couldn't get home so we didn't.

In addition to this I knew she'd been on some terrible internet dates with another guy and said how bad he'd been, i didn't think anything of it at the time.

We then went on a two more dates before the inevitable happened and she came back to mine again and we finally had sex. She text me after and said she had an amazing time and was sorry she had to leave early the next day. We went on two more dates, but the final time she wouldn't come back with me. After that she then texted me and said I think we should just be friends. i didn't reply at first and then she sent another text saying please don't hate me.

I stupidly replied and started texting her again, and this went on for another month but she said she couldn't meet up because of work (she works in tv production so it was always difficult to see her anyway).
Finally we met up again a week ago and it was great just like old times, we had an awesome date and everything was going really well, so i kissed her towards the end of the night. At first she pulled away but then when I went in again, we really got going and she was enjoying it. She then said she was really confused and started going on about how she didn't know what she wanted and how she hasn't been in a relationship for 8 years and is scared. I started saying what have we got to lose and when don't we just give it a go? We went our seperate ways that evening and kissed again before we parted. I waited for a few days before sending her a message asking whether she wanted to meet up at the weekend and got no response. i wanted for a bit longer before sending another one saying that i didn't want to give up unless she wanted me to because i really thought there could be something there.

She then replied with a really cold message just saying that she still wanted to be friends and didn't know what she was doing. She said she was now seeing someone else and she didn't know whether she had made the right decision but felt she had to go with it. I stupidly got stressed and wrote back an angry response saying why had she kissed me then and got me to meet up with her, and also i hoped it wasn't the guy from the dates! I regreted it but it was how I was feeling at the time. I sent another message saying how i thought she was just running away from stuff and how great we were. And then a final message just apologising and saying I never meant to be mean. (I know for a fact through our mutual friend that she is seeing that guy from the dates, but it is very early days and my friend seems to think it might not last -she was taking the piss out of him).

I then cut it off; deleted her number and Facebook and have not been in contact since (over a week). I've also had no replies.

I realise in hindsight that i never should have texted back when she initially said about being friends, at least i would be over it by now if nothing else.

But is it too late now, am I forever in the friendzone with this girl, or is it completely over? Do you think by cutting myself off now she may become curious and get in contact later. I want to give it another go but i realise that i have made myself seem too needy and it might not ever happen now.

Any advice would be great guys, she's really torn me up.

Thanks

 

[Greasy Pig]

I think she's gone mate. She went back to the bad boy probably because you came across as too needy.
She could sense your desperation and freaked out.
It happens.

Don't contact her again. The ball is definitely in her court and nothing you can say is going to make her think you're not desperately reaching out for an only source of sex.
Remember the lessons and move on.
And spin plates!!!! That will help you maintain an air of cool aloofness.
They key to it all is not giving a fvck because you've got other options for intimacy.

 

[wpet16]

Thanks, I know, it was a dry spell and I went all in. I had kinda figured that was the case but I just needed someone's opinion, I 100 percent know I shouldn't have responded the first time, that really put me in to no man's land.

I won't bother waiting for the none-existant response then!I made a multitude of errors on this one but hindsight is wonderful thing!

Gutted but thanks