Advice needed for second date

[tsmith2334]

Hey, I'm new here and could use a little advice from you Don Juans.

I recently took a girl out for dinner that I hadn't seen in a while. We dated once before (just one quick date before I left for college, over three years ago) and I'd say we are attracted to each other to an extent. I think she's hot and I like her personality alot, and conversely I'd be suprised if she wasn't attracted to me atleast somewhat physically.The first thing she did when I saw her was give me a hug and compliment my beard. The eye contact was great right away, I offered to pay (she reluctantly accepted) and flirted a little. She had just broken up with a boyfriend (I believe he dumped her and I'm not sure if she still has feelings for him), so I wasn't sure how strong to come on.

However it didn't go perfectly, I hadn't seen her in over 2 years and I was somewhat nervous, I forgot to look her in the eyes towards the end of the date and to open a door. In retrospect, I also feel I could have done a better job at emphasising my "social value", in other words being a Don Juan. However a few hours after the date, she left me an IM saying thank you and that she had a good time (with exclamation points).

So, is all hope lost? How are my chances of a second date, from the details I provided? I know absence makes the heart grow fonder (she had said missed me earlier in the summer), and since we are both at different schools, I won't be able to take her out again until my Fall or Winter break anyway. Any thoughts or suggestions on getting a second (and improved) date?

 

[Obsidian]

why'd she dump you the first time, and why do you want her back?

 

[tsmith2334]

why'd she dump you the first time, and why do you want her back?

she didn't, we had recently met, she was two years younger and I had just graduated high school and was off to college. we decided to hang out and go mini-golfing for fun... it was literally over three years ago, and she says still she thinks of me every time she plays minigolf

 

[JLance]

She agreed to go out with you. Green means GO.

Don't worry about eye contact. Eye contact does not make a girl like you.

Don't worry about emphasising your social value. You should assume higher value. It's much easier that way.

Don't worry about your chances for a second date. You can calculate the chances all you want. But all you have to do is pick up the phone, vibe for a bit, and ask her out. You will then find your answer. It doesn't matter what she says. What matters is that you had the balls to ask her out and you can respect yourself for that.

If you're think about these things than you're focusing on the wrong things. I recommend the next time you go out with her you turn up the KINO levels. Make out with her at LEAST. That's what dates are for.

Jay Lance

 

[Obsidian]

then just hit her up. Ask her out again, something semi-action-oriented. Make sure to wait at least a week since your last dinner.

Maybe do golfing again, or bowling, or throwing frisbees in the park

Forget about your flaws. Perfect is boring.

 

[J-Bone]

indeed the greatest times ive ever had with a date were times that i just done something basic and simple. just think high school. its after 12 and you pull up. the dog barks and you're scared, you wait with the excitment of the risk that any minute her dad could smash a sledgehammer through your windsheild and kill you. finally she creeps through the bushes and hops in your truck and y'all jet out. then the question comes up. where do we go? so y'all ride around town and she seems too nervous so y'all hit up a dirt road. all of a sudden you stop and she kisses you. for the next few hours your truck is heaven on earth and really it doesnt matter where you are. basically you went picked her up drove around a bit and stopped o a dirt road it that simple but in reality it was an exciting rush for the both of you, not to mention what your buddies were gonna say the next day in class. Obsidian has his point as said in pooks book perfect is boring! and for gods sakes get her to a high point stop talking let her hear your breath and look at her glance at her lips and lay it on her. but if she says no then shes a waste of time and money and gas and thought and everything else you spent on her.

 

[tsmith2334]

She agreed to go out with you. Green means GO.

Don't worry about eye contact. Eye contact does not make a girl like you.

Don't worry about emphasising your social value. You should assume higher value. It's much easier that way.

Don't worry about your chances for a second date. You can calculate the chances all you want. But all you have to do is pick up the phone, vibe for a bit, and ask her out. You will then find your answer. It doesn't matter what she says. What matters is that you had the balls to ask her out and you can respect yourself for that.

If you're think about these things than you're focusing on the wrong things. I recommend the next time you go out with her you turn up the KINO levels. Make out with her at LEAST. That's what dates are for.

Jay Lance

hey, thanks for the advice, i found it be helpful

does anyone else have any suggestions or feedback?

 

[tsmith2334]

thanks everyone for the advice so far.

i'm not sure where to go from here, since we go to different schools and i wont have chance to see her for another couple of months atleast...

i want to stay fresh in her mind, but i dont want to over extend myself and look attached or interested soley in her... i really just want to take her out again sooner than later... it's a tough call.. i have a basic understanding of what to do from here, but any and all advice would be appreciated

 

[tsmith2334]

i want to stay fresh in her mind, but i dont want to over extend myself and look attached or interested soley in her... i really just want to take her out again sooner than later... it's a tough call.. i have a basic understanding of what to do from here, but any and all advice would be appreciated

just an update.. while i out last night i sent her a text after running into her brothers friend.. she wrote back pretty quick.. i wrote back and she wrote back again.. i didn't want to overdo it (for now) and write back a third time, so i just left it at that and let her get the last word in, hopefully i made the right decision there

i'm just hoping i remain relevant to her while were both away at different schools (which i plan on doing with texts and facebook walls postings here there), that she remains single, and that i can take her out again during winter break...

keep the advice coming...

 

[Potbelly]

Thanks for the Pm. Sounds good so far smith.

Best thing you can do now is to TRY to meet other girls or live your life like she isn't there (because...she actually isn't there).

As for her dating other guys, I suggest you take a look at yourself, see what you have to offer not just to her, but ANY WOMAN and realize you are the sh1t. When you are the (hate saying this...) "prize" you just live your life like a champ and let the women come to you.

How make sure she doesn't forget you? Call her up sometimes and ask her out for winter break. Key thing is not to be needy. Don't call her up now. Just be casual about it like, "hey I'm gonna be home winter break in a few days and have some free time. You wanna catch up while I whoop you at minigolf?"

Easy, laidback, confident, casual. Give that a go (NEAR WINTER BREAK) lol don't say that tomrorow "hey I'm gonna be home winter break." "err...it's october." "oh yea..uh..yeah, october break." "what?...what the.." "er.r...nvm" Yeah definitely time it right.

Basically you must strike a balance. Easier said than done my friend. You gotta keep in contact JUST ENOUGH to keep her wondering about you once in a while....guessing at what you've been up to. Once you get HER to initiate contact with YOU. Then you can probably safely assume she won't forget you, unless some horrible car accident erases her memory, but chances are slim.

One thing I've failed at a lot is not enough sexuality. I didn't kino...at all . But you can learn from my mistake and gradually up the kino. You said she hugged you and stuff and like your beard..obviously both comfortable with physical contact. I saw slowly escalate kino on your date. Joke around PHYSICALLY. Verbal jokes are nice...my forte actually (shameless self-plug). But PHYSICAL jokes are better.

For example, I haven't tried this yet, because my bastard "friends" haven't had a get together during when I WASN'T in school yet:\, but anyways, here's what you can do.

example: bear hug her and pretend she paralyzed you with her hug so your arms are stuck in that position. Then kick in with the verbal like, "looks like we're gonna have to get two TVs." Don't forget to let go...it's a joke you're not really paralyzed.

example: when she comments she likes your beard be like ," oh yea? I like your beard too!" Then she'll be like "WTF DID YOU SAY??" and you can just be chill and be like "ahahaha I see some fuzz starting to grow out" and tease her about it. She'll be like "NO IT'S NOT!!!" and you can bring in kino, stroke her chin a little and be like "hmm guess not...smooth chinny chin chin." then move in for kiss close.

Alright those are just BS things I thought of at the moment, but hopefully you get the point...add more kino...that's what gets you into bed. Words only get her attention. KINO (hardest part for me...I wasn't very sexual in high school).

 

[tsmith2334]

Thanks for the great advice. It's really appreciaited. I'm definately gonna call her over the break and try to set up something, I'm just worried I came across as a little boring last time around. I'm a pretty socialable kid who parties alot, but I didn't really convey that too well. I tried to stick to the basics, I told her stuff like that I had gotten good grades last semester (which I did), I had a pretty cool summer job, that I enjoyed watching this certain show with my mom, and that last time I went out to eat at a restaraunt the waitress was feelin' me. Just run of the mill type stuff, that I would have "spiced up" if I had the chance to do things over.

I'm also worried that the declining eye contact and the nervousness on my part didn't lead her to believe that I wasn't interested in her. Obviously I don't want her to know I have a thing for her, but I did want to convey interest. My fear is that when I call her over the winter break, she'll think to herself "I had fun last time around, but it wasn't anything special, so I'm not gonna hang out with him again any time soon". In other words, I just hope I didn't shoot myself in the foot with my little mistakes and short-comings. I'm pretty hard on myself though, if I was more optimistic I'd just be thinking, "she had a fun time, she'll probably want to go out again".

 

[tsmith2334]

Oh yea, she asked me, "how are the ladies?"

I figured that was a pretty decent IOI, am I right?

 

[Potbelly]

yeah but make sure she isn't falling into the friend zone with you.

For example, usually guys ask each other, "how's it goin with the chicks."

If she says something like that, turn it around and suggest something sexual between you two by saying something like:

"oh I see you're trying to check out the competition now eh?"

 

[Potbelly]

Thanks for the great advice. It's really appreciaited. I'm definately gonna call her over the break and try to set up something, I'm just worried I came across as a little boring last time around. I'm a pretty socialable kid who parties alot, but I didn't really convey that too well. I tried to stick to the basics, I told her stuff like that I had gotten good grades last semester (which I did), I had a pretty cool summer job, that I enjoyed watching this certain show with my mom, and that last time I went out to eat at a restaraunt the waitress was feelin' me. Just run of the mill type stuff, that I would have "spiced up" if I had the chance to do things over.

I'm also worried that the declining eye contact and the nervousness on my part didn't lead her to believe that I wasn't interested in her. Obviously I don't want her to know I have a thing for her, but I did want to convey interest. My fear is that when I call her over the winter break, she'll think to herself "I had fun last time around, but it wasn't anything special, so I'm not gonna hang out with him again any time soon". In other words, I just hope I didn't shoot myself in the foot with my little mistakes and short-comings. I'm pretty hard on myself though, if I was more optimistic I'd just be thinking, "she had a fun time, she'll probably want to go out again".

You think and doubt yourself all you want. But unless you can change the future by obsessing over how crappy it COULD be, then I suggesdt you do something more productive with your time.

 

[tsmith2334]

yeah but make sure she isn't falling into the friend zone with you.

For example, usually guys ask each other, "how's it goin with the chicks."

If she says something like that, turn it around and suggest something sexual between you two by saying something like:

"oh I see you're trying to check out the competition now eh?"

Hey bro, thanks alot for all the great advice. It's really appreciated. You're right about being careful, that question could go either way, but in this instance it seemed kinda flirty. Like she was legitimately curious about it, maybe wondering about the competition.

I told her that the girl I had been interested in (whom she knew about) was transferring schools and it is what is. I was trying trying to send her subtle hint that I was "available". I like your response better though, dammit. Next time I'll use that lol.

And, I'm not gonna spend all my time worrying about it, it is what it is, I just wish I would have really swept her off her feet, instead of just showing her a good time.