Advice needed for one who can't get a single date.

[softie69]

Hello, I'm a guy who has never even gone out on a single date! I'm 23 by the way
The reason for this, is that I can't even attract any girls. I'm a very nice guy to them, and they seem to like it, but they never ask me out, and when I ask them out, I am always rejected. I don't know, maybe it's location. I'm starting to get really depressed. I always feel down and even want to cry at times. I am constantly told that girls seem to like jerks, but unfortunately, the nice guy part about me, is who I am and something that is really embedded into me and something I can't change, and don't want to. Another thing, is that if, by some miracle, I ever do get to go out on a date with a girl, then I am afraid of a lot of things. If she were to want me to kiss her, I would probably be very scared because I have never ever kissed before and I am afraid that I would be dumped in this situation. If you want to know more about me, E-Mail me because I don't think that a lot of the other stuff is appropriate to the Don Juan discussion forum, it relates to my younger life before now.

I know that there are some people, that will gawk about this post, but if anyone took the time to read this and respond, then I thank them from the bottom of my heart.

E-Mail me here.

 

[86]

" New Here? We suggest checking out The DJ Bible before posting. "

http://sucs.org/~nicholas/djb/index.php

 

[silverwex]

Course the stuff that happened to ya in your early years matter! They could well be the root of the prob!

You say you dont wanna change?! Well if you dont youre not gonna get a date - simple as that! So dont whine if you dont wanna improve yourself! Thats what us guys are here for, to help ya change and adjust to the new you!

I was in your position, im not fully changed but i have noticed massive improvements in myself thanks to the guys on this site and, of course, the DJ BIBLE!

See the link on the top right hand corner of this page? Thats the start of the new and improved you!

If you dont change youll be depressed and unfulfilled for a long time to come.

Give it 2 months and then let us know how you feel!

Good luck mate.

 

[seulaxplaya]

dude girls dont ask u out. u have to ask them out. if u wait to long they next u. meaning they move on. ask with confidence.

 

[softie69]

I do ask girls out as well, but to no avail.
I am willing to improve myself, but I don't want to stop being a nice guy. I am willing to improve everything else though.
If there is not a single girl that want a nice guy like myself, then, to me, this world is too corrupt.

And about my past, lets just say, that I had a VERY bad high school life to put it short.

 

[Ice Cold]

Ask yourself this:

How many girls above 18 did I ask out?

Read the bible. You'll be pimpin in no time.

 

[Walden]

Nice guy. Busllsh!t.

Ain't no "nice guy".

Chicks don't want "nice guys" they want bold aggressive in-charge alphamales who don't pander to them like weak pŠssy btiches.

Nice guy is just an excuse that Beta Males use to be weak. You're only a beta male cos youre choosing to be.

 

[Cremasta]

Originally posted by softie69
I'm a very nice guy to them, and they seem to like it, but they never ask me out, and when I ask them out, I am always rejected. I don't know, maybe it's location. I'm starting to get really depressed. I always feel down and even want to cry at times. I am constantly told that girls seem to like jerks, but unfortunately, the nice guy part about me, is who I am and something that is really embedded into me and something I can't change, and don't want to. Another thing, is that if, by some miracle, I ever do get to go out on a date with a girl, then I am afraid of a lot of things. If she were to want me to kiss her, I would probably be very scared because I have never ever kissed before and I am afraid that I would be dumped in this situation.

Okay softie, you got some good advice already, but right now you are what many people on this board would refer to as a wuss.
Being nice in itself is not so bad, taking that niceness too far is what is killing you.
Your problem is your attitude, that you are here to do whatever the girl wants so that she will be happy and then she will want to be with you. Doesn't seem to be working does it? It probably hasn't clicked for you, but a 23 year failure rate means... 'You are doing something wrong!!!'. Keeping the same behaviour means it will become a lifelong failure rate, do you want that? I don't think so.

Take baby steps. Whenever you feel the need to say the following things to a girl... DON'T!!!
"Oh I don't know, what do you want to do?"
"Is everything alright?"
"Are you OK?"
"When's a good time for you?"
"Sure, you can bring your friends."
"Do you want to go out with me?"

The point I am trying to get across is - Stop asking permission and agreeing with everything. Start doing things that you personally would consider to be arrogant, because the way you are now, your impression of arrogant will probably only just be scratching the surface of confidence for some of the more experienced DJ's here.

Forget your rotten high school you're not there any more.

As for kissing a girl... just don't drool all over her, you will work out the rest.

 

[StockTrader]

Here is some practical advice:

You don't have to lose being "nice" per se. You can still be nice to people and a nice person to be around, but don't bend over backwards trying to please her. Don't let niceness hide an attitude of "please like me, please please pleae"

There was a show on MTV awhile ago about a guy in college getting a makeover and going out with more women. On one of the dates he told a girl..."but I'm a really nice guy!! Please go out with me" To me, it spoke volumes about what turns women off about nice guys. Not nice behavior per se, but a desperation type of nice.

Try some small confidence improving measures:

EC. Work small and grow with it.

Kino. This can be very important.

An overall attitude about life that is positive. Think about the difference between Ferris Bueller and his friend (who wasnt getting laid) Cameron Frye. They were both "nice", Ferris wasn't obnoxious or anything. But Cameron's "woa is me" attitude left him with a girlfriend or interest from women.

 

[HighLowJack]

Being nice is not a bad thing at all. As long as you do it with confidence. Confidence is what gets the girls. Its just something you need to work on. Your body language, gives off stuff that you don't realize. If your depressed, then your body language will tell every one. Someone who is depressed and gives off negative vibes is going to turn off any one.....including woman.

As far as kissing goes. Its going to be uncomfortable the first time. Your in each others personal space. You have to get used to that. It can be done.....I did it. If you get dumped, then oh well. If a girl likes you enough to want you to kiss her, then your not going to get dumped. Girls look past a lot of crap if they like you.

If your not getting dates because of rejection. Then your not asking enough girls out. Or your not asking the right ones out.

Stop feeling sorry for your self, and take some more risks. You can do it. You want to do it. You wouldn't be writing to us if you weren't ready.

There's an old saying.........every butt has a seat.

 

[getafix]

Man look at your username...
What kind of a man names himself "softie69"... ???
Are you sure you are not gay???
If you really think you are not then go through the various suggested links and pages on this site. You've got a serious amount of work to do on yourself.

 

[softie69]

HighLowJack, when it comes to someone, namely a girl, being in my "personal space" I like that a lot.
I like it when a girl is right next to me, I just haven't been able to get past a certain "point" to get a girl to be my girlfriend.
Some of my peers tell me that I am doing everything right, but to most people, it seems that I am doing everything wrong.

"getafix", no I am NOT gay. My username has NOTHING to do with being gay. I picked the "softie" part because it reflects the "seemingly" too nice part about me. I say seemingly because about 75% of the people that I talk to say that I am "too nice"