Advice? I think I know the answer for my ex gf

[JJ07]

PLEASE READ THROUGH

I've been reading a lot on this site as it seems every guy that's heartbroken does. I can already predict what answer I'm going to get...

My ex gf was acting cold and being a proper **** to the extent that I got so angry I had to brake up with her. She was treating me like scum! Made me feel pathetic.
Anyway she spent about two days begging and begging and begging. Obviously my still loving her I gave in asked what she would do to change. She would always twist it. But would ask me to come over, I kept my cool and explained that I wanted to sort things out before we go straight back to it. In the end it got to me begging her back and her deciding that she didn't want it. LITERALLY as soon as I started giving in a little bit (through text) she wasn't desperate anymore and wanted to leave it cause she realised that yeah she IS BEING a ***** and she doesn't know what to do about it, she knows there's something wrong with her and needs time etc. She says she wants to get back with me in the future.

I keep the no contact (this site had been very helpful for keeping me on that path) and two weeks later we see eachother at a club. I act like I'm supposed to (indifferent, polite , etc) and she was fuming about it! It wound her up and she started saying "I'm still hurting and you don't care anymore!" "Your not attracted to me anymore" in the end she stormed off. Went with her friends around flirting with other guys infront of me. I kept my cool still. She followed me to a different club, and the still overalls flirted with guys , I believe it was because she was hurt that I wasn't showing I was hurt so she was trying to get a reaction???

Now I already know the answer is going to be to leave it. My head keeps putting questions like "what if I didn't break up with her first?" Aswell as the fact that she kept saying I the first club that I didn't fight for her. (Which obviously means she basically wanted me to keep chasing and come to her house after she kept saying leave it to me)
I've got this thought that she wants me cause I could see how hurt she was, and I'm really tempted to call her up or go see her because (yes I'm going to say it) I do really want to be with her.

It was hard the other night because she is a very very good looking girl there's so many guys that would check her out they would love to be with her, it's easy for her to get male attention. I get a lot of female attention too, but maybe cause of the onestis I don't anyone who is hotter than her.

So I just want to confirm with you guys if what I'm doing is right, what do you feel on the situation? Any advice would really help

Thanks

 

[narcissist]

maintain no contact.

if you contact her, it will show that you cant be without her and she will lose all interest.

she will get the impression that you NEED her, and she will see the power she has over you, and treat you even worse then when you two were together.

so even if you want to get her back, contacting her is not the way to go

my advice

1. go on dates with other girls even though you wont like them as much as your ex

2. work out

3. avoid looking at her social media at all costs

4. dont be a pvssy

look heres the situation:

1) you broke up with her for a reason, so trust me when i say this. NOTHING WILL CHANGE IF YOU GET BACK WITH HER. she will still treat you like sh!t, so is it really worth it?

2) more often than not, when there is a break up in a relationship, there usually no going back, even if you get back together, break ups usually fvck up the dynamic of the relationship and is doomed to end up in shambles.


grab your balls and move on.

good luck

 

[joker79]

move on, mate, this relationship is over.

"Went with her friends around flirting with other guys in front of me. I kept my cool still. She followed me to a different club, and the still overalls flirted with guys , I believe it was because she was hurt that I wasn't showing I was hurt so she was trying to get a reaction???"

Is this the kind of behaviour you would expect from your person you're with? she wants to manipulate at least and she's doing this because she knows she screwed up and can't find an acceptable way to sort things out. Keep you cool, you playing perfectly your game and keep NC... but I'd say again that this relationship is over.

 

[JJ07]

maintain no contact.

if you contact her, it will show that you cant be without her and she will lose all interest.

she will get the impression that you NEED her, and she will see the power she has over you, and treat you even worse then when you two were together.

so even if you want to get her back, contacting her is not the way to go

my advice

1. go on dates with other girls even though you wont like them as much as your ex

2. work out

3. avoid looking at her social media at all costs

4. dont be a pvssy

look heres the situation:

1) you broke up with her for a reason, so trust me when i say this. NOTHING WILL CHANGE IF YOU GET BACK WITH HER. she will still treat you like sh!t, so is it really worth it?

2) more often than not, when there is a break up in a relationship, there usually no going back, even if you get back together, break ups usually fvck up the dynamic of the relationship and is doomed to end up in shambles.


grab your balls and move on.

good luck

Thanks for the reply mate really helped. The fact that you said even if I wanted keep chances of getting her back to remain no contact because she be in control.

One other question though do you think it's harder if your ex girlfriend is super hot? Knowing how easy it will be for her to get guys, and how lucky the guy will be if he got to be with her (lust wise). Plus we had the best sex life even if our relationship was bad. How do I let go of this? Or is just something that will go with time

Agin thanks for the reply talking on this forum does really help

 

[JJ07]

move on, mate, this relationship is over.

"Went with her friends around flirting with other guys in front of me. I kept my cool still. She followed me to a different club, and the still overalls flirted with guys , I believe it was because she was hurt that I wasn't showing I was hurt so she was trying to get a reaction???"

Is this the kind of behaviour you would expect from your person you're with? she wants to manipulate at least and she's doing this because she knows she screwed up and can't find an acceptable way to sort things out. Keep you cool, you playing perfectly your game and keep NC... but I'd say again that this relationship is over.

Thanks mate, yeah I knew this just wanted confirmation. I'm finding it so hard because I'm still SO attracted to her, and watching all these other guys lusting over her, it just makes me want her even more (even if it is for the wrong reasons)

 

[joker79]

3.5 billion women, do you think you won't find a better one? and please go beyond the external appearance. having with you a smoking hot crazy girl is worse than having an average good girl with reasonable behaviour. When I date crazy hot ones I always walk away if I don't like what they do or if I don't like how they behave. Oneitis and lack of immediately available options are infecting your brain and thoughts. Date new girls and don't look back, she will try to manipulate you at any cost but, at that time, you'll be dating a new one.

Never chase, replace instead

 

[JJ07]

3.5 billion women, do you think you won't find a better one? and please go beyond the external appearance. having with you a smoking hot crazy girl is worse than having an average good girl with reasonable behaviour. When I date crazy hot ones I always walk away if I don't like what they do or if I don't like how they behave. Oneitis and lack of immediately available options are infecting your brain and thoughts. Date new girls and don't look back, she will try to manipulate you at any cost but, at that time, you'll be dating a new one.

Thanks mate , I see what your saying

 

[JJ07]

If there is anymore advice I can get I would really appreciate it. I can stop playing through my head the other night when I saw her and trying to figure out if she truly does want me or not. I remember she wanted and expected me to let her have my jumper as it was cold. But I still keep thinking things like if I gave her my jumper would the night if ended better than it actually did.

I know I'm just wishful thinking

 

[Johnny Alias]

"Never chase, replace instead."

Very good advice. Nothing turns a woman off faster than a man who chases.

There are soooo many women out there. It's unreal. I've actually compiled a list of women I am banging and those that are potential to keep the plates spinning. Any bad behavior from one and "BOOM!" off the list... and easily replaceable. Eventually one will not have any red flags and I'll begin the real deal... but for now they are all auditioning...

I understand man. I do. It's hard to let the hot one go... especially if you feel you bonded on any heartfelt level. Thoughts of you having a happily ever after with the hottest princess in the land are shared by many... and then crushed under foot. It is these women that we put up with in the face of extremely negative behaviors and abuses simply for sake of the fact that they are attractive... but beauty fades... self-entitled personalities (brat princesses) last forever. NOTHING WILL CHANGE. It's true.

Not to be callous but I find the hot ones are extremely self-absorbed attention wh0res that typically don't care about anyone but themselves... even when they've told you how great you are etc its usually because they were getting something from you... not exactly altruistic. What's more they are usually looking for the BBD...

Let her go. She was going to get worse and worse.

 

[Dgwizdal]

You've got the right mentality. Any quick action on your part will be a mistake such as your beta begging. Anything she does right now is or her validation only. Erase her completely from your life for 3-4 months , stay unreactive with no contact, and watch her squirm. But for now - it's over and if you want any chance of bangin her again you're gana have to put that b*tch on ice.

As far as a relationship goes - this ones a goner.

 

[Nn877]

Same situation

OP, I feel you man. I was in a similar situation with my ex, also really attractive dated almost a year I broke it off and I went NC little over a month. I replied to a text recently and she told me all these things abt missing me, my touch, sex, etc. I gave in a little and now she doesn't text anymore barely and responses are vague. Seems like she was fishing for validation, it sucks but it's probably true. Don't fall into that and move on bro, I can already tell it won't ever be the same and I have to accept that and move on.

 

[narcissist]

Thanks for the reply mate really helped. The fact that you said even if I wanted keep chances of getting her back to remain no contact because she be in control.

One other question though do you think it's harder if your ex girlfriend is super hot? Knowing how easy it will be for her to get guys, and how lucky the guy will be if he got to be with her (lust wise). Plus we had the best sex life even if our relationship was bad. How do I let go of this? Or is just something that will go with time

Agin thanks for the reply talking on this forum does really help

anytime mate, weve all been through break ups and they are never easy but in the end its wholeheartedly worth it to move on

as for your question about how to move on from the sex and how to not let the fact that she can get many guys bother you, well that one is going to take a little more soul searching and a lot of work on your ego.

my advice is that you try and realize that happiness doesnt come solely from human relations and that u can be fulfilled in life in other ways

i believe that you especially need to realize that, because it seems that u get alot of your happiness from this manipulative chick who treats u like sh*t.

nothing wrong with that man, it happens to the best of us, but during this break up and during your time moving on try really hard to come to the understanding with yourself that happiness is created by you and only you. this will allow you to live without the sex that she offers because you dont need it for your happiness.

and as for the other guys that are drooling over her, well the harsh reality of it is she will bang other guys, she will love other guys, she will love other guys more then she loved you, and she will have better sex with other guys than she had with you, u have to learn to not let the nature of these things affect u.. because they are inevitable unless u get back with her which would make your life WAY worse off then if she just slept around with guys

my main advice for you is to soul search, i know it sounds like philosophical jargon but dude u have to learn to accept the nature of things that are inevitable, and learn to understand that attachment to things will always lead to some sort of pain. this is what u sign up for when u date someone, either u break up or they die eventually,

but once u grasp that its uplighting and freeing, u end up not caring and arent phased when these inevitabilities happen and youre prepared for the worst.

just the way of life bro, its an experience, dont take it so seriously and know when to move on.

OH and this girl is manipulative and treats guys like sh*t so the guy that gets to bang her will eventually get tired with her nonsense too... ITS HER she has inner problems.

 

[Krueg]

What your doing is right, just like other members said. Best thing that ever happend to me!

 

[JJ07]

Thanks for the replies guys..

What's really REALLY annoying me right now is. That I think she genuinely believes that I should be the one coming back to her and wanting her. Even though she was in the wrong. I don't think she is even considering what she has done because all she she believes is that I should just be fighting for her! If I want her! (She said something along these lines the other night). So we are probably in the same position i.e. Both hurting but both to stubborn because we feel the other one should fight for them.


She may also be hurt because I broke up with in the first place for her being so horrible. But fact is I backed out of that and she was the one who said leave. She's just shocked and annoyed that I actually stopped begging

 

[SamTheHobit]

Normally when they say they want to get back together in the future.

She wants to experiment with other guys then come back to you if it doesn't work out.

She was at a club for a reason, to find new d1ck.

 

[JJ07]

I'm going out tonight and I'm assuming my ex will be out also, last time I handled it well seeing her but I also realised I made a fatal mistake when we were talking in the club, because I was trying to act so indifferent, I just said "I'm cool with being friends" (I only said this to try act like I didn't care) she said no cause she was hurting etc.

Anyway like always there's little temptations in my head, I want to text her seeing if she wants to hook up tonight? She was on it last time but obviously got upset after I rejected. Or I just feel like saying I don't want to be friends with you, I you want to sort things out or hang out then lets if not then then let me know if you change your mind. (That's sort of coach Corey's method)

Will this probably go wrong?

 

[Lotus Effect]

Yes! It will go wrong!

Things never play the way we hope they will! I'm telling you this from experience man! You think you have all sorted out, but it plays completely different in her mind!

First of all you got to stop going out and trying to meet her. Go out, and meet other chicks. Go to a place you are 100% sure you know she won't be there. Otherwise you will be stuck in this rut for more time than you expect.

It is over dude. Accept the fact that there is no turning back. Specially right now, where the wounds are so raw. You are both wounded, and if you do get together, it will not last. Because when the 'thirst is quenched' all the problems will come back rising up!!

Also, on a side note, READ THIS THREAD

Have a good one!

 

[JJ07]

Help!?

(Please read back story if pos)

Ok! So I've just found out that my ex has put her relationship status to "in a relationship" on Facebook. Obviously you can tell how that has made me feel. The only thing is, her best friend who she's ALWAYS with now and always putting photos and messages on Facebook to, she has ALSO changed her status to "in a relationship" and they have both liked it. They both did this yesterday.

Now I'm still in NC, but I am so tempted to text or contact her now, it's only been like 3 weeks! And she could potentially be in another relationship. Now I know you guys will slate or tell me no. But I really really really need closure!! I'm going insane

 

[joker79]

are you becoming a FB stalker?

 

[LeonSK]

(Please read back story if pos)

Ok! So I've just found out that my ex has put her relationship status to "in a relationship" on Facebook. Obviously you can tell how that has made me feel. The only thing is, her best friend who she's ALWAYS with now and always putting photos and messages on Facebook to, she has ALSO changed her status to "in a relationship" and they have both liked it. They both did this yesterday.

Now I'm still in NC, but I am so tempted to text or contact her now, it's only been like 3 weeks! And she could potentially be in another relationship. Now I know you guys will slate or tell me no. But I really really really need closure!! I'm going insane

delete her Facebook or deactivate your own. delete her number.