*advice* Guys, do not waste your time being friends with girls.

[Robert28]

Wasn´t it Rollo who wrote something along the lines of "Girls have friends and girlfriends. If you arent having sex with her, you are her girlfriend" ? I remember that line really got to me.

A guy friend would only be so lucky to even be treated half as good as women treat their women friends. That’s why women friends are a waste of time. In all my years I’ve noticed that women that tend to have a some or a lot of guy friends actually hate men.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Couldn’t agree more. I used to see a girl who had a number of male “friends”. It was obvious that she was using them for their connections and to be invited to various events/parties. As far as I could tell, these guys never got any “value” out of this friendship.

 

[Mike32ct]

I know women use beta guys for attention in a friendzone situation. But I still scratch my head sometimes and wonder why they even desire beta attention at all if he’s not attractive (to her).

 

[sangheilios]

99% of the time the guy doesn’t approach the girl with the intentions of being friends, that’s made up bs from women. What happens is guy meets girl, they go on a few dates (maybe date a month or two) and guy thinks things are fine and progressing. Girl suddenly says “I’m not looking for a relationship right now, still healing over my ex, let’s be friends though because I like you and enjoy hanging out with you”. Guy is friendzoned but doesn’t realize it, all he heard is “I like you, let’s take things slow” but all he’s doing is digging a deeper hole. That’s how the friendzone happens 9 times out of 10. Look, you’re 30 yrs old, any woman coming at you with any friends talk is an immature asshat that you don’t need to waste time with. Being just friends should stop after college, women still trying to reject men and be friends with men in their 30’s and behind us just immature and honestly it’s creepy. At this age you should be getting starlight forward honest rejections, not beat around the Bush mixed signals crap.

I've had several experiences, though all of them were from a few years back, where women would entertain my company but then through indirect means (texting, flakiness, etc.) would reject me. However, the problem was these women behaved in a manner that suggested they'd want to spend time with me, engage with me, etc. which was just them leading me on for who knows what, most likely just attention. As you mentioned, it's extremely immature behavior on their end and when I look back I would describe it as creepy. If a woman is not interested in you she should not be going out of her way to engage with you, agree to dates, flirt, etc. It's creepy to go through some bizarre charade like this simply for attention and validation, as it shows a complete lack of social calibration/skills and self awareness.

 

[sangheilios]

I know women use beta guys for attention in a friendzone situation. But I still scratch my head sometimes and wonder why they even desire beta attention at all if he’s not attractive (to her).

It's because women like this literally need and crave any form of attention they can garner, as that is what constitutes their own sense of self worth. I've met and known of tons of women like this and there is something legitimately off with these women, it's really hard to explain if you haven't had personal interactions with them. I feel that social media and the internet culture today has allowed these types of traits to go completely out of control and the result is full blown mental illness, which is why it doesn't make sense to you and more well adjusted/normal people. Think about all of the women that post these ass selfies and provocative pictures on their instagram. There are literally countless women on there doing stuff like that. However, very few of them are actually making any real profit or gaining any benefit from it.....so the question is why do they do this? The answer is simply that they are addicted to the attention they get, they have no sense of self respect or shame.

 

[Robert28]

I know women use beta guys for attention in a friendzone situation. But I still scratch my head sometimes and wonder why they even desire beta attention at all if he’s not attractive (to her).

Because attention from ugly guys fawning over you is better than no attention at all. Plus don’t forget the favors they will do for you.

 

[Mike32ct]

Because attention from ugly guys fawning over you is better than no attention at all. Plus don’t forget the favors they will do for you.

The chick that FZ-ed me mostly used me to drive her to places she wanted to go to; give her somebody to go with (so she didn’t have to go alone); and be a dance partner when she wanted to go dancing.

 

[metalwater]

mindset. toxic friendzone.

she has a boundary for you and you stand at the outside of the boundary and wait for her to open it, begging.

mindset. ok friendzone.

you don't care if she fck you or not. you don't desire it unless it's her idea and then you might... say no.

mindset. game friendszone.

she has a boundary for you and you take a hard look at it and see the place to crawl and slither through.

 

[Robert28]

The chick that FZ-ed me mostly used me to drive her to places she wanted to go to; give her somebody to go with (so she didn’t have to go alone); and be a dance partner when she wanted to go dancing.

And the thing is she would never treat her girlfriends that way. But she will happily use men. I despise women like that. They rant about how they don’t need men but they sure don’t mind asking for favors from men.

 

[Robert28]

mindset. toxic friendzone.

she has a boundary for you and you stand at the outside of the boundary and wait for her to open it, begging.

mindset. ok friendzone.

you don't care if she fck you or not. you don't desire it unless it's her idea and then you might... say no.

mindset. game friendszone.

she has a boundary for you and you take a hard look at it and see the place to crawl and slither through.

Screw their boundaries. They set them and then dont respect yours. My boundary is clear, I’ll ghost any woman that Friendzoned me. And when I say ghost I mean I straight up disappear from their life.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

Screw their boundaries. They set them and then dont respect yours. My boundary is clear, I’ll ghost any woman that Friendzoned me. And when I say ghost I mean I straight up disappear from their life.

They're really missing out

 

[B80]

Good to know women as part of extended social circle, particularly when in my 20's going out etc to meet their friends in bars/clubs, but no interest in becoming friends as such.

That was before getting into sites like this. Just deep down had no interest in chatting, hanging out etc unless out on nights out. Prefer spending time with other men at beginning of nights, the kind of conversations you can't have without women around, usually being annoying in some way and vibe of group changing.

Can appreciate why 'Men only' clubs were a thing years ago and I don't mean strip clubs. I think those kind of places have 'outlawed'/infiltrated now, which is a shame.

Same goes for the workplace, imo much better environment in men only departments, although you still get the odd snake/****head of course.

 

[Robert28]

They're really missing out

I know you meant that as sarcasm but actually they are missing out.

 

[Barrister]

Social circle (friends) is a very common way people get together. Some of you guys really like to make things complicated and difficult when it can/should be easy.

The biggest issue with social circle is that it will be complete luck of the draw on whether you have women in it that you are strongly attracted to in the first place. It still is useful though because even if you don't, these same women can be used as social proof whenever you go out. They also can offer to set you up with other women -- although my experience with this has been mixed at best.

 

[Barrister]

I realize the reason I often disagree with these "no friendzone" threads is partly because I don't really see friends the way others do.

Although I do great in social situations, I often prefer to be alone. Not all the time of course. I have people I know who are "friends," and I'll go get a drink with them and catch up, man or woman. I don't have a group of tight guy friends that I do a bunch of things with, like golf or bar hopping. And that would go for girls, too, naturally. Just people for socializing. Most people who know me know I march to my own drum.

The way the friendzone is described on these boards, it sounds like some guys get sucked into either buddy-buddy or pseudo-platonic relationships with girls, doing things like going to movies, going shopping, or whatever, on a regular basis and mostly as orbiters. It's true, that can be a huge waste of time and a one-way ticket to disappointment. But the truth is I don't even do most of that stuff with male friends.

If your value is high and she is in YOUR orbit, different story - to that end I can do what I want without suffering what other guys apparently suffer because I DGAF, and sometimes wind up fukking these women anyway.

This is why I said on another thread that "the friendzone exists for those who believe in it."

Good post -- the "friendzone" means nothing if you don't care. If a man is complaining about the "friendzone," he has oneitis to begin with and is already operating at a loss. If he didn't have oneitis, he would either just move on (not keep asking the woman out), or would be content to just have a loose "friendship" with the woman that gained him social proof or an occasional lay.

 

[Mike32ct]

Good post -- the "friendzone" means nothing if you don't care. If a man is complaining about the "friendzone," he has oneitis to begin with and is already operating at a loss. If he didn't have oneitis, he would either just move on (not keep asking the woman out), or would be content to just have a loose "friendship" with the woman that gained him social proof or an occasional lay.

Yeah. If you aren’t attracted to the chick and/or you are mentally “strong” enough (ie IDGAF) to honestly not care who she’s F-ing, then having female friends is totally fine.

But, if you are having oneitis, it can be absolute torture because she will share details of her dating life (with other guys) with you. A female friend that is very comfortable with you will give you enough TMI for three lifetimes lol.

 

[Robert28]

Good post -- the "friendzone" means nothing if you don't care. If a man is complaining about the "friendzone," he has oneitis to begin with and is already operating at a loss. If he didn't have oneitis, he would either just move on (not keep asking the woman out), or would be content to just have a loose "friendship" with the woman that gained him social proof or an occasional lay.

Women friends that consider you an orbiter are not social proof at all. If anything, they’ll c0ckblock you and sabotage any chance you have meeting new girls.

 

[Barrister]

Yeah. If you aren’t attracted to the chick and/or you are mentally “strong” enough (ie IDGAF) to honestly not care who she’s F-ing, then having female friends is totally fine.

But, if you are having oneitis, it can be absolute torture because she will share details of her dating life (with other guys) with you. A female friend that is very comfortable with you will give you enough TMI for three lifetimes lol.

I agree --- and we have ALL been there. Not saying I haven't.

But isn't that what we all say here? You need to have an "abundance" mindset. If you do - you don't care about the friendzone.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

Yeah. If you aren’t attracted to the chick and/or you are mentally “strong” enough (ie IDGAF) to honestly not care who she’s F-ing, then having female friends is totally fine.

But, if you are having oneitis, it can be absolute torture because she will share details of her dating life (with other guys) with you. A female friend that is very comfortable with you will give you enough TMI for three lifetimes lol.

But then that's not a friend, it's a rejection.

 

[Barrister]

Women friends that consider you an orbiter are not social proof at all. If anything, they’ll c0ckblock you and sabotage any chance you have meeting new girls.

This is completely false. Her attempt to c0ckblock will automatically raise any other woman's estimation of you. Say you are on a date with a woman and a second woman you have been "friendzoned" by (or maybe you just allowed it to happen!) walks up and hugs you and sort of passively aggressively emits negative body language towards your date. You don't think that works to your advantage? Your date may ACT irritated by it -- but guaranty that this is overall a good thing for you.