Advice from sosuave screwed me up! plz read. pissed

[Sowatchasayin]

Dam man, i been brousing this site picking up tips and it has backfired on me! FOOOK

Story:
i was seeing this girl for 7 months. i havent revealed my whole life to her during the whole time, but she told me everything about her. i remained a mystery to her which i felt worked well. We had our fights here and there over stupid crap, and i ignored her, and she came back.

I injured myself working out about 2 months ago, and i havent been going to the gym because of it. a month ago she got upset because i wasnt going to the gym because of the injury. its like she wants me to go to the gym to give her attention.i didnt go because of the injury. she then gets upset on the phone, not yelling but saying "oh, so i wont be seeing you" i was like "you know where i live, you can come by" i live a mile away. she never did come by. i then called her that night, (voice mail) and she never returned my call.

the next day, i called once again getting her voice mail around 430 telling her, that i was gonna go straight home, and that i love her and that was that. again, she did not return my phone call. so i said to myself "screw her". the next day was her b-day, and i didnt call her at all! this was a month ago. so we havent seen eachother nor spoke since jan 19.

on feb 2, she called me in the morning leaving a message saying she was in my town where i work saying "hey its me, i havent seen you in the gym in a while, i wanted to make sure everything is going good, i was wanting to know if you wanted to get some breakfast or something, give me a call back if u want" this was 845am. i did not return her call so fast. i returned it at 430 saying "hey its me, im just returning your call, b-careful driving, its pouring hard". again, she did not return my call, so i went into totaly IGNORE MODE

on monday feb 9, i made my return to the gym. she see's me coming in, and she races upstairs to the cardio room. she was wearing workout gear i got her for x-mas? Im totaly ignoring her at this time, and she is as well. when she's done upstairs, she comes down to the other side of the weight room and begins talking and flirting with a friend of mine. now im continuing my workout. i seen what she was doing, but didnt approach her or get all crazy about it. i was conversating having a good time with a couple guys i aint seen in a while working out. i assume she was trying to make me jelous?

today, tuesday. she comes in wearing another outfit i got her for xmas. im working out, and she's trying to get close to me or something talking to my friend from monday right infront of me. i leave the area and go elsewhere. 5 minutes later she approaches me with a smile and reaches into her bag and says "hey you, i got a present for you". she hands me my xtra garage door opener and i say thanx, and she walks away. This hurt guys!

this is another stupid fight we had just over her failure to communicate. its like she wants me to apologize for her behavior. i usually dont put up with this crap. over time, my feelings have grown for her and hers has too. Its like i still want her to be my lady, but i dont know what she' s thinking, and she's probably saying the same thing. i did treat her well. she told me i treated her the best (no was wasnt mr nice guy either) i have stood up for what i've ever said and believed in. i called her out on her wrongs and she knows this, but this sh#ts stupid. The gifts i got her for xmas were the best gifts anyone has gotten for her, and she wears it all the time. Now she is a drama queen, and she has problems. but i cant believe i put up with them for time. Its like i want her back, so i ignored her and it backfired.

what do i do now? i want her back. i dont want to call, because it'll give her the upper hand. It'll be like begging. Why is she still wearing the stuff i got her, after our breakup? Putting on this stuff will bring back memories of me? Im sitting here kinda going crazy about this. if anyone should apologize, it should be her. She was in the wrong. why is she going to the gym i workout at? she has a membership elsewhere. It takes women alot longer to get over a brake up doesnt it?
i basically kinda kicked her to the curb, but when i see her, it brought back feelings you know!! hell i work at this gym too.

what can i do to get her back to where i have control? ignoring her wont work anymore i dont think. I wont call her. im having fun talking to other people in her presents.

i want to know what she's thinking


HELP

 

[coldcoal]

When a girl gives back the extra garage door opener...it's over. Sorry.

 

[Sowatchasayin]

the garage door opener deal happened before and she took it back so

 

[rgeere]

No where does it guarantee that you will attract quality chicks 100% of the time, and any DJ worth his salt will have the realization that plenty of women out there just arn't good dating material.

Basically this woman is trash; she is using a power play against you and you were falling all over her filthy trap of guilt and manipulation.

She's not worth your time any more. Learn and move on.....

 

[Sowatchasayin]

she is using a power play against you and you were falling all over her filthy trap of guilt and manipulation.


EXPLAIN

 

[coldcoal]

Originally posted by Sowatchasayin
the garage door opener deal happened before and she took it back so

Woosh!!!

 

[NatureGuy]

It appears my perspective is a little different on this. I don't get what you're complaining about ? I agree it's odd she
didn't come to visit you. But to me she has already made several attempts at reconciling (calling you about breakfast,
showing up at the gym near you, etc), you didn't respond, and so things are more messed up now. (Ignoring her was the advice you got from this site?)
Why do you need to have the upper hand? Why do you need to be "right"?
That seems weak to me. If you still want
her, you can probably still approach her at
this point, say you're sorry about how
things got messed up, and go from there.
See what happens. To me you're showing
weakness by not taking "charge" of the
situation, even if you have to apologize a bit.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by Sowatchasayin
I injured myself working out about 2 months ago, and i havent been going to the gym because of it. a month ago she got upset because i wasnt going to the gym because of the injury. its like she wants me to go to the gym to give her attention i didnt go because of the injury. she then gets upset on the phone, not yelling but saying "oh, so i wont be seeing you" i was like "you know where i live, you can come by" i live a mile away. she never did come by. i then called her that night, (voice mail) and she never returned my call.

the next day, i called once again getting her voice mail around 430 telling her, that i was gonna go straight home, and that i love her and that was that. again, she did not return my phone call. so i said to myself "screw her". the next day was her b-day, and i didnt call her at all! this was a month ago. so we havent seen eachother nor spoke since jan 19.

I never read the 'DJ bible', but I think it meant remain a mystery in the beginning of a relationship and NOT at the end of it!! This is done to increase interest level. Once you have her then different rules apply! Any way your ignoring her had nothing to do with this situation.

Were you so injured that you couldn’t walk? There are other places to go to than the gym’

Why didn't she visit you? Why didn't she return your 2 phone calls? Why was she at the gym and not at your place? Why didn’t she reciprocate the “I love you” comment?

I'll answer that. Did you ever consider that she may have been digging someone else? And for her to be so insensitive and acting so uncaring and nonchalantly about the break-up tells you that this is probably the case. When women have another dude to take the place of the old one they become bolder and uncaring in their actions because they no longer have a stake in the outcome.

To give you back the garage door opener at the gym instead of at home is strange and maybe it was done to shame you.

You never discussed the break-up with her? That's strange. I don't recall you mentioning your convo! She seems to be all chipper and unaffected about the whole thing...why? She is seeing someone else!

You did nothing wrong!! She was welcomed to come to your place at anytime (isn't that why she has your garage opener) and yet she refused too! Why? Probably u r not telling us the whole story! Or she was seeing another dude! Didn't she any emotion or sadness? That is strange? She probably wasn't into you very much to show such callousness.

She is playing head games - don't chase her or call her - show the same aloofness that she is showing you. Keep going to the gym and be in good spirits and don't let her see you down! If this chick was cheating on you and you come crawling back to her you'll look like a fool!!!! Don't ask her what happened - she didn't return your calls or see you when you were injured for a reason.

You would think that she would have giving you a little sympathy and more attention to do things for you when u were injured, but she didn't,. Why not? Because see was eyeing another dude.

Do u see the picture here? You did things right by ignoring her the only you screwed up was to say, "I love you" (AFC). Did she return your call after that to tell u she loves u? No! Why not? Because she was on somebody else’s jock, that's why. Wake up!
She wanted a way out of the relationship and she found it by instigating it. Now she is making you look like the bad guy and she is the victim. This a ploy that cheating women use - they put the blame on the man for the reason leaving...now she has a perfect escape that makes her look innocent. She is manipulating you like a puppet!!!

You did nothing wrong to make her take such severe action. The punishment doesn't fit the crime. Something else that you don't know was the culprit - could it be another guy? You may want to find out before you say that "I Love You" shyt again!!!

Don't look sad around her and don't ask her to take you back, you'll just look like a chump!!!!!!!!!

The advice here on SoSuave had nothing to do with your loss – it was your infatuation with her that made you blind and fall!!!

The blame is on you and your lusts and your blindness to not see the warning signs of her disinterest and her ifidelity!

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by Sowatchasayin
she is using a power play against you and you were falling all over her filthy trap of guilt and manipulation.
EXPLAIN

I have seen this sort of thing happen before. The fact that she got pissed at having no contact from you in its' self shows that she is both a user and manipulator and wants to take control your life. You missed all of the red flags and even encouraged her bad behaviour by inexplicitly telling her weak things through verbal and non-verbal communication while saying things like "I live you" and "I care about you" which basically translates back to her as "I'm your emotional puppet."

The flirting with a friend thing is her trying to get back at you for not talking to her and if in fact you do talk to her she will have an ego boost resulting in her feeling that she has power over you and will persist in making you feel worse for her behaviour.

I would avoid her completely; find another gym or go life weights where you know she will not be showing up.

There are far better girls out there than this one; it's just a matter of finding them.

i want to know what she's thinking

Something along the line of "that loser"

 

[Trapspringer]

Do you really want to play these games for much longer? I think you are doing well the way you are holding up. If you crawl back now it will be hard to regain some control. If you were really good to her and she still has interest in you, she will realize her mistake and try to make up. I Know you still want her bad but you really should consider holding your ground and start doing things to keep her out of your head.

When a girl gives back the extra garage door opener...it's over. Sorry.

LOL.


Great reply, PRL.

 

[Sowatchasayin]

thanks guys for the feedback but take it easy!

YES i am holding my ground very well. I have been ignoring and will continue to do so. She is the one trying to initiate contact with me. YES i do have my own life and i never jumped to stop what i was doing to fufill her needs for example the breakfest deal. She wanted me to answer my phone and be there after 2 weeks of no contact. I didnt show and did return her call 8 hours later because i was busy. Ya she's a control freak. No she showed no signs of cheating unless it happened over night, and i didnt see it.
Yes i did treat her well and bad . it was kinda a rollercoaster. well overdid the bad though

after reading your replies, it makes me want to return the favor somehow and make her feel like SH@T BADDDDDDD. I can always take another chic and workout with her.

You never know what you have till its gone!

garage door thing was funny
hhhmmmmmm........but she continues to wear the crap i bought her?

peace

 

[rgeere]

Maybe I am missing the point, but why are some of you guys telling him he should ever consider getting back with this girl?

Maybe it's just me, but if a girl came off like that to me I'd consider the relationship gone forever and wouldn't give her breathing space let alone room to talk.

On the other hand he did blow things a little by using some weak approaches to her acts of possible reconciliation, but I still don't see how this controlling manipulative girl is so valuable that he needs to continue persuing her. I don't mean to step on anyones toes or any offense by saying this; it's just what I see from my viewpoint is all.

 

[FreeStyleZ]

If you went out with her for 7months then you shouldnt be playing stupid mind games.

She wants you just as much as you want her though, you two basically are playing some silly game like in the movie "Two can play that game". Go give it a rent.

She was trying to make you jealous.. trying to break you.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by FreeStyleZ
If you went out with her for 7months then you shouldnt be playing stupid mind games......She was trying to make you jealous.. trying to break you.

Good point....

A truly good and mature woman wouldn't have need to play such controlling mind games in relationships.

 

[coldcoal]

Sowhatchsayin,

I'm going to be honest here. I was prompted to joke about it because on my end the post reads like a soap opera. And the only reason I thought of it that way is because you can reconcile some things, but at your point I believe it is a lost cause.

It's one thing to wonder how a woman reacts to one particular act and seek advice, but it is something entirely different to expect us to reasonably give you a full psych evaluation based on tid bits of a seven month rollercoster relationship.

NO ONE here can help you salvage it. Period. It's too late. At this point, YOU know this girl better than any man you will find on this website.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Why was she so uncaring and nonchalant about the whole break-up. After you told her "I love you", that is when she never spoke to you again, I'm confused Then she talks to you at the gym as if nothing happened and everything is ok - something strange here.

You haven't been together for two months, how do you know that she is not seeing someone else? Her ignoring actions seem to indicate so!

This is her reaction and behavior after 5-7 months together?

 

[Sowatchasayin]

PRL

she's just ignoring me, like i do her. Neither of us ever said "its over,im done" blah blah
we just stopped speaking. It just happened. Im gonna call a girl once and thats it. if she doesnt return the call, ill just be like whatever and thats what happened. The talking did not stop after i told her i love her. it all stopped when i told her i wasnt going to the gym because of my injury. She got pissy about it. She could of came over after the gym which is a mile away. She chose not too because she was pissed that i wont do what she says!

Yeah we havent seen eachother for 1 month till yesterday, but she called for the breakfest deal, and to see how i was doing. Friends have said she has asked about me. If she is seeing someone why would she even bother to re-establish contact with me?Why would she go to the same gym as me when she a membership elsewhere? Why does she wear the things i bought her to the gym?

For her to ignore me doesnt show that she is seeing someone else. She is just doing it to return the favor of me ignoring her. I feel that the g-door opener was something to see if she would get a reaction out of me. she has done crap like that before. Ive told her in the past that she needed to grow up.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Your initial post says she stopped talking to after you said i love you and she didn't contact until feb 2 - two weeks later.

A girl can do all the things you say and stil be seeing other guys - trust me. Her attitude seems to be of this mind - thats y i say this.

 

[Sowatchasayin]

PRL - i appreciat your help once again

we spoke the day i told her i wasnt going. after that point we stopped, because i called her and she didnt return my call. the next day i called once again and she didnt return again. 2 weeks later she returns it

i do agree they can still see someone else on the side. Maybe, but i didnt see it, unless it happened overnight. Everything was great up to the point where she got pissed because i didnt show up at the gym. If she did find someone else, she got over me pretty quick overnight

 

[HavM]

Sowatchasayin, 2 months is a long time. From what you are saying, it sounded like maybe she did meet someone else and that's why it seems like she doesn't care anymore. BUT maybe she is just playing mind games. If she did meet someone else, leave it alone. i've been there. it just hurts you in the end, and you turn out to be the loser both ways, even if you end up with her. do you really want a girl like that? If it's just mind games, you're still not in the clear. You call her, you let her win. IF you don't call her, you take a big chance to lose her because someone else will eventually get her. Reevaluate it, learn from it, and move on... and if she does come back, don't be so quickly to jump on it. You probably already know that..seems like you're doing a good job so far....