Advice for the complete beginners.

[confusedstate]

First, let me say that this is coming from a guy who was a complete beginner not too long ago and a guy that's now at least had a few girlfriends and had sex with a few women.

If you're a complete beginner (never had a date, never kissed a girl, shy, etc.) reading this material can be counter-productive simply because you won't be able to comprehend all of it. A lot of it will seem like women-hating (and some of it is) but a lot of it are simple truths that most women will exhibit at some period of time.

I read this stuff (lurked) for 4 or 5 years before getting out into the field. Part of that was due to low self-esteem and depression in other areas of life. (For those of you with self-esteem/depression issues, address those first before thinking about even talking to a girl as more than a friend. You won't get very far if you don't.) The only thing it really helped me with, before I solved my issues and before I got into the field, was the fact that women aren't these innocent creatures to be admired and s*cked up to. After you internalize that, that's basically all you need to know at the moment.

For those of you without self-esteem or depression issues and are just really shy, I'd suggest online dating and lowering the standards. I don't mean going for UGs or fatties, I just mean finding a practice girl...a nice 5 or 6 where you aren't repulsed by her and you won't be trying TOO hard so you'll be able to learn about the dating game.

The most important thing is getting real life experience, even if it isn't with a HB or your dream girl or whatever. There are plenty of women online and on dating sites or myspace and the like that aren't ugly, but not hot or not your type either, and simply being around a woman, noticing how she acts in your company will be beneficial.

Then a lot of the stuff you read on here will click and you'll be like "ah ha" and internalize a lot of it and realize which parts are crap and you'll also get over your shyness/anxiety by being with a real live woman.

 

[Mike32ct]

I agree with the OP. I was in a similar situation and agree that experience is essential. Initally there's too much information to read and it gets a newbie stuck in their head even worse. Add that to the conflicting styles of different gurus, and it adds up to total confusion for a newbie.

Pickup and dating is like a video game. You go as far as you can until it's game over (ie you get rejected). Then you hit the reset button (ie meet another girl) and play again. With more experience, you get to higher levels. You cannot get these skills from reading. Reading is a supplement. If you get stuck, post the question here and the more experienced guys can help.

The thing that f@cked me up the most when I was new was that whole the Game craze a few years ago and their emphasis on "Openers.". Openers don't mean jack sh&t. You can say anything, even hi. The girl either wants to talk to you or she doesn't. My last two ONS came from this lame opener:

"How are you doing tonight?"

 

[omkara]

The only thing it really helped me with, before I solved my issues and before I got into the field, was the fact that women aren't these innocent creatures to be admired and s*cked up to. After you internalize that, that's basically all you need to know at the moment.

Yeah that is the most useful thing I have found here. I have tried some of the more advanced stuff, and if you do it wrong, they will just get offended and stop talking to you. Sometimes it's not about what you do right, it's about what you don't do wrong. I have turned away a lot of girls for saying stupid s***, when a rapport building approach would have worked fine.

It's all experimentation though. I knew I was just trying things out. And there's an infinite supply of girls to test out techniques on. My latest thinking, which is the result of years of trial and error and also the particular standards that I have and type of girls that I like, is to be mostly nice and what they expect a typical guy to be like--kind of nice guy. And then maybe throw in a little C + F and dominance. This of course works great when used properly and in small doses. I really think the nice guy can get far with a lot of girls if you're not a pushover. Too much insistence on establishing dominance too early can initiate a power struggle.

 

[thechosenone2190]

i bookmarked this thread for my own reference. thanks for shattering my naive preconception of the world as a place for true love to be found and a moral sense of right and wrong to flourish. lol just kidding kinda not really

 

[PornPot]

Interesting thread, thank you for posting.
Subscribed to it just in case others would liek to chip in a little bit more...

Have a fantastic day!
PP

 

[vatoloco]

Baby steps, man. Baby steps.

Plus, like the OP has already stated, be realistic about your expectations. If you've been recently unplugged, don't expect to be banging HB8+s anytime soon. Unless you're hung like horse, have the looks/money of a movie star and/or are a drug dealer.

Start somewhere in the middle, practice, learn and move your way up the HB ladder!

 

[omkara]

I was just reading this post by Roissy where he talks about the syndrome of an AFC discovering game and then taking it way too far:

"Men who are just beginning their journeys to womanizer enlightenment will often overcompensate for their wasted years of betaness by copping an arrogant attitude. With time will come the wisdom to transcend arrogance and replace it with confidence."

http://roissy.wordpress.com/2008/03/05/arrogance-vs-confidence/

He then goes on to elaborate what distinguishes arrogant guys from confident guys. This one totally describes my experience in a nutshell:

Arrogant man – Insulting.

Confident man – Teasing.

Usually when I do teasing it works great. If it crosses over into insulting, then I get ignored.

 

[perseverance]

I'm working through the chapters from the book of pook and it's a gem. It's an easy read guide that has helped me immeasurably over the past few months. I've been reading it and implementing it and I feel much more confident in myself and I becoming a man for myself, a better man and through this I've noticed I've been getting more attention now than before I had read it, understood it and implemented it.

 

[Don Alfredo]

it depends what kind of beginner you are; whether you are fed up of lack of success, bereft of confidence, etc... or whether you are curious, shy or simply desire the ability to pull more frequently. let's take the second example first: a newbie who wants to pull more frequently might simply need to do more of the basics, such as body language, SMILING, perhaps kick thier asses into working out and generally smartening up to put them ahead a little as well as a bit more knowhow and shared experience. but if you might possess a negative mindset, resentment, desperation and loneliness then a complete overhaul using aspects of NLP might be the answer. for me it was the second example, but I think we underestimate the amount of guys coming on this site who are more akin to the first...

 

[PornPot]

@Previous,
Any good links for "NLP"?

I dont think fall into the negative mindset group but from the google results of NLP I doubt anything bad can come of me reading and using those techniques...

Thanks!
PP

 

[Don Alfredo]

other people will be able to advice better on NLP (I only understand what it is and never delved into it myself in practice) but it essentially the concept of redefining you own conception using mental exercises and using certain patterns of speech and actions to elicit positive reactions in others. simple exercises range from making lists of your qualities, basic non-sexual approaches to others (saying 'hi' or making light conversation) or positive affirmations by saying to yourself aloud things like "i will get a girlfriend" etc.. over a period of time. more complex NLP involves re-wiring behavioural patterns (such as the 'typical conversation' and your own self esteem) in order to gain better results from people (and eventually girls that interest you) and how you carry yourself. as I said, others on this site can help you further, but some names you might want to read are, of course, Richard Bandler and John Grinder to get you into it and then specialise into 'relationship NLP' using other material - go and search in your local library catalogue or on a RELIABLE internet site. best of luck matey!

 

[NorwegianDJ]

other people will be able to advice better on NLP (I only understand what it is and never delved into it myself in practice) but it essentially the concept of redefining you own conception using mental exercises and using certain patterns of speech and actions to elicit positive reactions in others. simple exercises range from making lists of your qualities, basic non-sexual approaches to others (saying 'hi' or making light conversation) or positive affirmations by saying to yourself aloud things like "i will get a girlfriend" etc.. over a period of time. more complex NLP involves re-wiring behavioural patterns (such as the 'typical conversation' and your own self esteem) in order to gain better results from people (and eventually girls that interest you) and how you carry yourself. as I said, others on this site can help you further, but some names you might want to read are, of course, Richard Bandler and John Grinder to get you into it and then specialise into 'relationship NLP' using other material - go and search in your local library catalogue or on a RELIABLE internet site. best of luck matey!

I agree with most of what is written in this thread. It's good advice for new people. However, I disagree with this NLP stuff.
So what you are trying to do here is using pick-up lines to get a certain reaction so you can boost your state, REact and gain some momentarily attraction? I'm not a believer in that. Of course it is cool to have some awesome lines, but don't depend upon them. Be able to upen with ANYTHING. Say "Hey my name is__" and expect them to like you for you.
As for affirmations, I don't know much about it. I do know that there are better ways, and that affirmations don't work without 1st hand experience (1st hand knowledge). I think affirmations are also a way to externally boost your state if you do it with that intention.

So for you newbies: don't read all this "material" on this site. It is so USELESS.
All you need is the DJ Bible (bottom left of the page)
Book of Pook (Easiest way would be DJ_Hero's signature) He's THA MAN.
You can go deeper, but that is all you need to start of. What SOOO many do is that they get here, read tons of material (mental masturbation) and feel good about it. They never really get the confidence to take action.
You gotta take action, and then the confidence will come.
Rejection is better than regret.
Just my .02

 

[WhatdoyoumeanAIDS]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edh2GQHZmtI

 

[Hakuna]

I like to think of learning game as parallel to lifting weights in many ways. If you don't lift enough, then you won't develop. As a beginner, you need to get out of your comfort zone if you want anything to change. At the same time however, if you lift too much, then you can seriously injure yourself. Don't try and pick up HB9s and 10s and clubs when you first start, you'll just be discouraged from getting shut down so often.

The best thing I think a beginner can do, before he jumps into cold approaches and the harder aspects of the game, is to expand his female friend circle and start exposing himself to all of his social phobias.

 

[Don Alfredo]

I agree with most of what is written in this thread. It's good advice for new people. However, I disagree with this NLP stuff.
So what you are trying to do here is using pick-up lines to get a certain reaction so you can boost your state, REact and gain some momentarily attraction? I'm not a believer in that. Of course it is cool to have some awesome lines, but don't depend upon them. Be able to upen with ANYTHING. Say "Hey my name is__" and expect them to like you for you.
As for affirmations, I don't know much about it. I do know that there are better ways, and that affirmations don't work without 1st hand experience (1st hand knowledge). I think affirmations are also a way to externally boost your state if you do it with that intention.

So for you newbies: don't read all this "material" on this site. It is so USELESS.
All you need is the DJ Bible (bottom left of the page)
Book of Pook (Easiest way would be DJ_Hero's signature) He's THA MAN.
You can go deeper, but that is all you need to start of. What SOOO many do is that they get here, read tons of material (mental masturbation) and feel good about it. They never really get the confidence to take action.
You gotta take action, and then the confidence will come.
Rejection is better than regret.
Just my .02

Of course. I don't hold use it personally, but there are plenty of people out there who genuinely need some kind of mental re-wiring. NLP is AN option if people choose. I don't set much by lines either, but sometimes guys do need to be taught a little on how to have a basic conversation and often this is instigated through a different mentality for some types of men. It works for some and that is not bad thing On the whole, mastering a few basic steps is the key way before many of these 'techniques' will be become applicable to most people looking to shape up.

 

[kingofstl]

Thanks for this thread. I am coming from some serious depression/anxiety/self-esteem issues. It is deeply ingrained in both my body and the way I was raised and grew up. Does anyone have any pointers for overcoming this? I'll also look at this NLP thing, thanks

 

[drewsg]

Thanks for this thread. I am coming from some serious depression/anxiety/self-esteem issues. It is deeply ingrained in both my body and the way I was raised and grew up. Does anyone have any pointers for overcoming this? I'll also look at this NLP thing, thanks

As I'm going through this also, you just got to look into the mirror and believe in yourself. Fake it till you make it.

What I did (Which may or may not work for you) is that I went out and dressed myself up nice and took a pic of me looking my very best. I have that same picture of me in my wallet. Whenever my confidence dips down or I have a bad day, I look at my picture and I know one day I'll have the confidence of a rock star.

If I learned one thing is that you gotta smile. A good smile is the key to feeling good. It's also the key to getting to that first step with women.

Also try to have positive energy no matter where you go. I'm watching and listening to a lot of comedy, so when I'm walking around thinking about some stupid **** Dane Cook or someone else said, it's written over my face. People will pick up on this, it really does work..

Again, what works for me may not work for you, but I certainly hope it helps.