Shoehorn McNugget
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**Abridged due to completely understandable lack of interest in reading an essay**
First and foremost, yes I know, this is pretty much a suicide mission from the outset. But bear with me.
For the past few months, I've been flirting for lack of a better word with this girl that sits next to me at work. All this while I've known she's had a boyfriend for the past few years. She's 23, I'm 27. For the past few weeks I've been noticing we've been talking more and I get the sense that there's something there between us other than friendship. I pass it off as wishful thinking.
Last week, she asks me numerous times to go out to happy hour with people from her department. I decline numerous times, but finally give in. I don't drink or go out very often, but I make the best of it. We get to talk alone for about an hour or so at which point she lets it be known that she's having problems with her boyfriend(trust issues, immaturity, etc.). She asks for my advice at which point I tell her she needs to focus on whatever would make her happy, as that's what as worked for me.
After a couple of hours, me, the girl and another girl in her department leave to go back towards home. They wanted to go to another bar, so I say that I'll go along for a little bit. The four of us then go to another bar and hang out there for a little bit. Everybody is pretty well sauced except for me. We decide to go to a diner down the street to close out the evening. The other girl sits on one side of the booth with her boyfriend and this girl sits next to me. The booths are small so we're pretty close. Then as we start to order, she starts talking to me and touching me at the same time. She touches my leg casually and then my hand. Eventually I decide to reciprocate, I touch her hand in the same way she was touching mine...she squeezes my hand tightly. During the meal, she rests her head on my shoulder a few times and there is continued hand holding and such.
After we're through there, the other couple head home and I offer to walk this girl home. We don't get far until she grabs my hand and holds it tightly all the way back to her house. Without hesitation, she asks me to come up and meet her cat that she'd been telling me about. I go upstairs with her and sit down indian-style on her floor and start playing with her cat. She sits down indian-style as well, facing me, and tucks her feet underneath my legs. We play with the cat for a little bit, and as I'm petting the cat she continues to touch my hands and I continue to reciprocate. We then get up and she goes "Let me show you the rest of my place."
We go into her room and she asks if I want to watch a movie. I of course say yes. She then goes to change into her pajamas and she says "well if you're going to watch a movie, you have to take your hat and sweatshirt off if you're gonna lay in bed and watch it." I still don't necessarily know what that means but I oblige. I lay down on the bed and she comes back and hops in bed with me. She immediately backs up to me and has me spoon with her, she lifts her head up so I can put my right arm under head and then locks fingers with me and continues to generally be affectionate. She says "you sure you don't want to go? I'll call you a cab." and I'm like "no, not unless you want me to go." and she's like "no, I just feel bad because I'm already home and you still have to go all the way home after you leave here" I say it's cool and we continue snuggling. She switches her body and faces me and drapes her leg over mine and lays her arm over my chest. We talk for a few minutes and we continue to touch one another, albeit pretty innocently. I briefly massage the back of her neck and play with her hair for a second. We continue like this for about 20 minutes or so. And then she finally says "ok I gotta call you a cab, I feel bad" She calls one and we hang out closely for the next 5 minutes until it arrives. I get my stuff together and she says "hang on, I'll walk you down."
We walk downstairs and she tells me thanks for taking care of her and that she had fun. She says to make sure I let her know that I got home okay. She's like "oh wait, I don't even have your number yet." and i'm like "just give me yours and I'll text you when I get home" She does and then we hug twice, very affectionately and nicely. I decide not to kiss her, one because she was drunk, and two because she still does have a boyfriend and although I intend to shake her loose from said boyfriend, I don't want to push the issue quite yet and make it strange between us if this does turn out to be just some harmless indiscretion.
The next day I get to work and I say hello to her, she gives me 20 dollars for the cab ride which I of course give right back saying that it's fine. Then I give her a glass which she'd ask me to take for her from the bar. I'd forgotten to give it to her the night before. She playfully attempts to give me back the 20 and I put it back into the glass I gave her. She smiles. We talk a little bit throughout the day but I wasn't at my desk very much. She's not feeling well and is about to go home early, and I have to to a meeting. When I get back, there's an envelope on my desk with the 20 in it with a note saying "please take this. i really appreciate you taking care of me last night. sorry i was a mess. have a good weekend." I'm a little unsure of the meaning of that note. I don't know if that's an attempt to square things up, and simultaneously apologize for her actions or what have you.
But either way, earlier in the week before this she told me that I had to go to the company Christmas party with her so we have that set as something that we're already going to do together.
My question is, am I handling this okay? I've been in this situation once before and I was able to shake the girl free of her boyfriend and we dated for a year. Not that there weren't complications, but I do know all the pitfalls I will be setting myself up for. But I do like this girl a great deal and I think we'd probably get along really well. So if anyone has any advice for how to handle this or how they felt I handled it thusfar(whether I made a tactical error by not going for the kiss, etc.) I'd love to hear it.
My next move will probably be something along the lines of having a brief conversation with her without confronting the situation full-force and say that I really had fun the other night and I hope she didn't think that I didn't want to go further, but I just felt it would be inappropriate given the circumstances but that I would do so if the circumstances changed.
If you've read this whole thing through, you're a saint. I'm a bit long-winded. In any case, thanks so much in advance.
First and foremost, yes I know, this is pretty much a suicide mission from the outset. But bear with me.
For the past few months, I've been flirting for lack of a better word with this girl that sits next to me at work. All this while I've known she's had a boyfriend for the past few years. She's 23, I'm 27. For the past few weeks I've been noticing we've been talking more and I get the sense that there's something there between us other than friendship. I pass it off as wishful thinking.
Last week, she asks me numerous times to go out to happy hour with people from her department. I decline numerous times, but finally give in. I don't drink or go out very often, but I make the best of it. We get to talk alone for about an hour or so at which point she lets it be known that she's having problems with her boyfriend(trust issues, immaturity, etc.). She asks for my advice at which point I tell her she needs to focus on whatever would make her happy, as that's what as worked for me.
After a couple of hours, me, the girl and another girl in her department leave to go back towards home. They wanted to go to another bar, so I say that I'll go along for a little bit. The four of us then go to another bar and hang out there for a little bit. Everybody is pretty well sauced except for me. We decide to go to a diner down the street to close out the evening. The other girl sits on one side of the booth with her boyfriend and this girl sits next to me. The booths are small so we're pretty close. Then as we start to order, she starts talking to me and touching me at the same time. She touches my leg casually and then my hand. Eventually I decide to reciprocate, I touch her hand in the same way she was touching mine...she squeezes my hand tightly. During the meal, she rests her head on my shoulder a few times and there is continued hand holding and such.
After we're through there, the other couple head home and I offer to walk this girl home. We don't get far until she grabs my hand and holds it tightly all the way back to her house. Without hesitation, she asks me to come up and meet her cat that she'd been telling me about. I go upstairs with her and sit down indian-style on her floor and start playing with her cat. She sits down indian-style as well, facing me, and tucks her feet underneath my legs. We play with the cat for a little bit, and as I'm petting the cat she continues to touch my hands and I continue to reciprocate. We then get up and she goes "Let me show you the rest of my place."
We go into her room and she asks if I want to watch a movie. I of course say yes. She then goes to change into her pajamas and she says "well if you're going to watch a movie, you have to take your hat and sweatshirt off if you're gonna lay in bed and watch it." I still don't necessarily know what that means but I oblige. I lay down on the bed and she comes back and hops in bed with me. She immediately backs up to me and has me spoon with her, she lifts her head up so I can put my right arm under head and then locks fingers with me and continues to generally be affectionate. She says "you sure you don't want to go? I'll call you a cab." and I'm like "no, not unless you want me to go." and she's like "no, I just feel bad because I'm already home and you still have to go all the way home after you leave here" I say it's cool and we continue snuggling. She switches her body and faces me and drapes her leg over mine and lays her arm over my chest. We talk for a few minutes and we continue to touch one another, albeit pretty innocently. I briefly massage the back of her neck and play with her hair for a second. We continue like this for about 20 minutes or so. And then she finally says "ok I gotta call you a cab, I feel bad" She calls one and we hang out closely for the next 5 minutes until it arrives. I get my stuff together and she says "hang on, I'll walk you down."
We walk downstairs and she tells me thanks for taking care of her and that she had fun. She says to make sure I let her know that I got home okay. She's like "oh wait, I don't even have your number yet." and i'm like "just give me yours and I'll text you when I get home" She does and then we hug twice, very affectionately and nicely. I decide not to kiss her, one because she was drunk, and two because she still does have a boyfriend and although I intend to shake her loose from said boyfriend, I don't want to push the issue quite yet and make it strange between us if this does turn out to be just some harmless indiscretion.
The next day I get to work and I say hello to her, she gives me 20 dollars for the cab ride which I of course give right back saying that it's fine. Then I give her a glass which she'd ask me to take for her from the bar. I'd forgotten to give it to her the night before. She playfully attempts to give me back the 20 and I put it back into the glass I gave her. She smiles. We talk a little bit throughout the day but I wasn't at my desk very much. She's not feeling well and is about to go home early, and I have to to a meeting. When I get back, there's an envelope on my desk with the 20 in it with a note saying "please take this. i really appreciate you taking care of me last night. sorry i was a mess. have a good weekend." I'm a little unsure of the meaning of that note. I don't know if that's an attempt to square things up, and simultaneously apologize for her actions or what have you.
But either way, earlier in the week before this she told me that I had to go to the company Christmas party with her so we have that set as something that we're already going to do together.
My question is, am I handling this okay? I've been in this situation once before and I was able to shake the girl free of her boyfriend and we dated for a year. Not that there weren't complications, but I do know all the pitfalls I will be setting myself up for. But I do like this girl a great deal and I think we'd probably get along really well. So if anyone has any advice for how to handle this or how they felt I handled it thusfar(whether I made a tactical error by not going for the kiss, etc.) I'd love to hear it.
My next move will probably be something along the lines of having a brief conversation with her without confronting the situation full-force and say that I really had fun the other night and I hope she didn't think that I didn't want to go further, but I just felt it would be inappropriate given the circumstances but that I would do so if the circumstances changed.
If you've read this whole thing through, you're a saint. I'm a bit long-winded. In any case, thanks so much in advance.
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