Advice - Confrontation

[Jerry Maguire]

I've been in a few situations lately where people have been aggressive or confrontational with me and i've not known what to do. I've never been in a fight in my life and i've never really had a big argument with a stranger. I've been thinking on taking mma classes and working out so i'm more confident in handling these situations buti read a quote lately which struck me - battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster. I like being an easy going guy and i don't like confrontation. I just don't know which path to take, can anybody provide insight?

 

[Radharc]

Hey there,

I can relate to your situation, been at that exact same spot in the past... I´m a pretty peacefull guy and if possible I avoid confrontation, try to defuse the situation, unless is one of those situations where ppl are pushing some specific buttons, then i tend to go into tunnel-vision mode and that is usually enough to defuse the situation. But still is not a good situation to rely on that alone, I think you should definitelly go and train some fighting skills, the confidence you get from that alone can go a long way in avoiding you getting into fights, it may seem a paradox I know but its true, when you know you can handle yourself you really dont have much to prove, so I dont think that if you are a peacefull person to begin with developing fighting skills will make you a violent person, just a more secure and confident person.
There´s really not many valid reasons to get into a fight to be honest, fights are messy things and rarely turn out like in the movies.
On a more concrete level, if you have a school near, you should try Krav Maga, its much more reality based than MMA, it has a "no-rules, no quarters given" approach, and you get two in one as you wouldnt really need to pay extra money for a gym, you learn to fight and get yourself into an incredibly fit condition.
Just a last point: one thing is guys getting confrontational with you in club settings or the like as most of them arent really willing to walk the walk, or are just drunk, another thing is situations when we´re under a real treath, thats a whole different thing and then defusing/dismissing the guy might not be an option. In one situation violence is mostly moronic, in the other might be your only choice.

Good luck for whatever you choose.

 

[Jerry Maguire]

yep i've been looking at krav maga along with muay thai, i'm thinking about doing both. I think you speak a lot of sense, but most of the fights i see in clubs are groups of guys ganging up on one and using weapons like bottles. It makes me wonder whats the point and maybe its best to be timid and withdrawn - at least then there's a low risk of you being attacked by idiots

 

[Radharc]

One thing they put great deal of importance in krav is situational awareness, and the ultimate purpose of doing krav is to get home safe, so if you´re facing overwhelming odds and have 5 or 6 drunk guys ganging up on you loosing face should be the last of your concerns (btw, i dont think is actually possible to loose face in such a situation, if your girl thinks less of you for that she´s a psycho and you should put as much distance between you and her as possible), is much better than loosing the use of your legs or something. But still krav teaches techniques against multiple oponents, knife defenses, bottles, the whole package, and the thing is just that, having a package of options, the advantages you have by knowing how to fight are just too much , even if it doesnt turn you into the incredible hulk.
That said i dont think you should avoid living you´re life to fullest and keep an unnatural low-profile just to avoid getting into some ******* radar.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

A$$hole radar...I set em off everywhere I go. If you do, you should consider yourself respected. If they didn't feel threatened by you, they would not get that d!ckhead look on their face when you walk by.

 

[Paintballguy]

A$$hole radar...that's what it is. When I'm in bars guys always get weird or aggressive around me, even if I'm just walking by. I have never understood it, because I don't go around feeling threatened by everybody. The effect is magnified if their girl is with them. A common thread in lifelong civilians is that they have never been tested like I have.

But I am a 6'3" ex-Marine with blood on his hands, I wonder if they can smell it like dogs...

The same thing happens to me... I don't get it. I always get mugged by other dudes for no god damn reason. It's not like I'm a real big guy (5'10" 175).

To the op. Krav Maga is really good to learn for you. As others stated, it is all about self defense and doing anything possible to get away. This guy at my work is an instructor, and I took a free class with him once. I had a blast learning.

 

[Jerry Maguire]

it's not so much the technique, its the mindset i'm asking about. Should i be a pacifist and let a lot of things slide, just to get along or should i speak my mind and be a bit confrontational myself?

 

[Mr. Me]

Should i be a pacifist and let a lot of things slide

I don't think it's necessarily about being a pacifist. It's about practicing restraint. Choose your battles wisely.

 

[Radharc]

I think Mr. Me is right, it´s about choosing what is worth getting confrontational about... to be honest you should let a lot of things slide as long as that doesn´t mean feeling sh!tty about yourself later. Have you ever noticed how big dogs are usually quite peacefull and its the small ones that usually are the annoying confrontational ones? The big dog doesnt really give a sh!t about the small dog barking his lungs out.
Conclusion: it´s a hell of lot easier to be a pacifist when you carry a big stick...

 

[Tazman]

It's a tough decision. It has to be taken on a case by case basis. When I'm upset, I'm not usually thinking "rationally" and I make impulsive decisions when it comes to physical confrontations, but I'm also not stupid and I won't fight someone who's got a gun in my face or multiple people at a time unless I'm forced to in order to get away.

If someone were to harm one of my closely related friends/family I'd put my life on the line (which is easier said than done), but you never know how you'll react when you're actually put into a position like this. Sometimes your natural instinct to survive might override your emotional attachment to someone close to you. I just hope I never have to face such a situation.

 

[game.r]

if you're being disrespected you should never let it slide. Most times when a group of guys pick on someone that they're bigger than or have outnumbered they're usually pussies.

I suggest you take the Krav Maga. Because you're gonna have to take a stand and when you do, you don't want to be bluffing. I have no formal training and haven't been in a real fight since jr high, but my mentality is i will try to avoid the fight if i can but if you **** with me, i'm prepared to fvck you up or get fvcked up trying... i'm rarely targeted.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

The "Big Dogs vs. Little Dogs" statement is very true. My buddy and I have dubbed it LMS, for Little Man Syndrome. Whether they are small in stature or inherently know they are lesser men than you, overcompensating and instant aggression are it's hallmarks.

 

[Paintballguy]

it's not so much the technique, its the mindset i'm asking about. Should i be a pacifist and let a lot of things slide, just to get along or should i speak my mind and be a bit confrontational myself?

My theory is that I don't start any fights, but I have no problem ending one.

Like another poster said, don't let people disrespect you. You definitely have to pick your fights wisely. I'd say most people just have Napoleon complex, and they are all bark.

Personally, I try to avoid fights in bars as much as possible due to my job. I have to keep my record squeaky clean, or I get **** canned. I try to take all my aggression out on the mat during jiu jitsu class. lol

 

[Bible_Belt]

it's not so much the technique, its the mindset i'm asking about. Should i be a pacifist and let a lot of things slide, just to get along or should i speak my mind and be a bit confrontational myself?

fwiw, I am an amateur mma fighter. I am only average at it skill-wise, but I have trained with a lot of very talented fighters and had the chance to know a lot more. It really is true that the more sh!t people talk, the less skill they have. Anyone with skill has gotten it through training, and receiving training requires that you lose a lot in the beginning, which teaches maturity and lends a lot of perspective. The fighters I know who are really good do everything they can to walk away from street fights. But sometimes there is a drunken idiot who is convinced that he can take the cage fighter and will jump on a guy who is trying to walk away. Or they just see a guy who is not that big, which most fighters are not, and jump him. afaik, every drunken idiot initiating a fight with an mma fighter has fared very poorly to say the least.

When you train in any martial art or combat sport, you will learn honor, respect, tradition, and to avoid street fights and bar brawls. At the same time, you develop a quiet confidence to handle yourself well should that ever be necessary. That same confidence will deter most bullies.

 

[Duffdog]

Biblebelt: The reason that MMA fighters don't fight is because they will lose their pro card. You cannot fight a non-pro outside of the ring or its a felony.

Jerry Maguire:

There are some good responses in this thread. Unfortunately for me, I am a naturally ****y person. That being said, I used to get targeted ALL THE TIME when I was out. I used to kickbox when I was younger, but that never came into use in a bar or a club. The problem comes when the person knows that you are intimidated by them.

If I read your post correctly, you have the type of situation where someone WAY bigger than you is picking on you and won't stop. No amount of talking your way out of it or reasoning will do anything about it because the guy knows that you are a smaller weaker target. The problem is compounded because they (his group of lackies) won't leave you alone either...there is no ignoring them because his friends are behind you smacking you lightly in the back of the head and pushing you, trying to make you mad so that you fight and lose. If you try to leave, they already have friends in the parking lot that are going to jump you...

Sound familiar? This is what used to happen to me all the time. Unfortunately there is no easy way out. You will have to take out the leader somehow or the rest of the "crew" will have their way with you when you turn your back.

First thing's first. Stop what you are doing and face the person. Depending on what part of the country you are in, there are certain things that are said to confirm what is happening. Here in NorCal, you say: "Did you really just do [whatever he did]?" or, if you are in the ghetto, you say "You got a problem?" The reason for doing this is twofold. One, you need to know if someone is going to start something with you so you can prepare and Two, it could be a 'misunderstanding'. Some 'misunderstandings' are not what they seem-- most likely you are being tested to see if you are an easy target. If you confront the guy, you aren't an easy target and you will probably get an apology.

If the guy has a problem with you and actually takes the time to say it out loud...this is where things start to happen. Contrary to popular belief, throwing your arms up in the air and saying "what phoo?!!" is not what you should do. If something is GOING to happen and you know it, make sure that you take the initiative and go directly for the leader. The leader being the one who started sh1t with you in the first place. Fighting in the street has no rules and most likely you will get beat on-- but its much better to know inside that you can fight than to be afraid of it.

My honest advise is to go to the gym and become less of a target and practice very basic fighting for your own good. There may come a time when you NEED to fight to save your life and it helps to know what to do.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Biblebelt: The reason that MMA fighters don't fight is because they will lose their pro card. You cannot fight a non-pro outside of the ring or its a felony.

Almost all of our guys are amateurs, and fwiw, any battery in a public place by anyone in my state is a felony. And now that I think about it, two of our three pro fighters have a battery conviction stemming from working as bar bouncers. But fighters are regulated state-by-state, so it could be very different in California.

And if I were getting bullied, I would probably fight like Bobby Hill:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-8wl-pwOTg&feature=related

Up until about the first UFC, crotch-kicking was legal in most of the very few mma competitions that were being held in the US. It is a part of the striking element of Japanese jiu-jitsu, which was originally used as a fight to the death, sometimes against multiple and larger opponents. The first three targets were eyes, throat, and then crotch. The "honorable" samurai warrior was very happy to poke his opponent in the eyes like a Three Stooges move, kick him in the nuts, and then reach down and snap a bone or joint while the opponent was on the ground, blind and writhing in pain. That is all supposed to happen in about 3-4 seconds, and then it's on to the next guy. Dirty fighting like this kept Japan's emperors in power for hundreds of years until gun powder came into military use.

 

[PokerStar]

Ok, so as much as I love MMA and fighting, let's be realistic for a second here. You are an adult, and as such you would be wasting your time for many different reasons.
1. You don't want an assault charge.
2. Destroying people with your words and intelligence can be much more fun.
3. Just learn the art of getting in someone's face, being confident, and crazy eyes. No fighting necessary.

Let's be realistic here, do you have time to train? (Probably not). Are you going to go around fighting people? (Probably not). I would say there are much more productive things your could do with your time. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to hate on MMA or martial arts, I just think for this guy's situation, it might not be the answer. I am looking forward to Anderson Silva's fight on the 18th!! Cheers.

Ill be in montreal for ufc 97.
you coming?

 

[Colossus]

Universally accepted reasons to throw down:

-You are attacked or immediately threatened physically. Self-defense.
-Someone tries to steal your stuff
-Someone tries to grope your girl
-Someone throws a drink in your face
-Someone spits on you
-You are defending or helping someone else
-Someone directly insults your family or religion (the latter is debatable, given that this seems pretty commonplace nowadays)


Outside of these reasons, fighting in this day and age is just not warranted. Given that people get slapped with battery or assault charges for things LESS violent than a fight, it's a stupid risk.

But, I will agree with BibleBelt that good training---even if it's just once or twice a week---can do wonders for your confidence in confrontations. If you go out to bars and clubs a lot, you are bound to run into some swinging d!ck who is looking for even the smallest reason to fight. These situations are usually diffusable, but if you arent confident and cool about it they will smell your fear and push the envelope. The good thing about training is it takes away the "gun-shy" factor. You learn that you arent made of glass and can take a hit and give one right back.

Just because you train does not mean you will find yourself in fisticuffs every weekend. In fact, I would say you are LESS likely to get in a fight because you arent threatened and have nothing to prove.