advice column: Is dating a 48-year-old never-married man a waste of time?

[MatureDJ]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2022/08/09/carolyn-hax-date-never-married-man/

Dear Carolyn: I’m a 44-year-old divorced woman looking for a committed relationship, and I want to get remarried. I’ve had a few fun dates with a 48-year-old never-married man. We’ve not yet talked about previous relationships or goals in our relationship. We’ve all been warned to be leery of never-married men; it’s likely that they never will get married, right? What are your thoughts on the matter? As I move forward in the relationship, what are some questions I might ask of him to learn whether he is truly open to commitment or whether I’m wasting my time?

 

[DarwinTaurus]

I'm 45 and never married, and only now, am I ready to 'settle down'.

 

[CoandaEffect]

The article sits behind a paywall so I can’t read it. What advise did Carolyn give?

I’m 57 and never married. I can tell you that some women are very put off by that fact but others don’t care. I have learnt that if she asks why I have never been married then it bothers her and I just may as well next her. The women that don’t care don’t ask.

 

[corrector]

Another stupid chad wont commit bs.

 

[Mike32ct]

The article sits behind a paywall so I can’t read it. What advise did Carolyn give?

I’m 57 and never married. I can tell you that some women are very put off by that fact but others don’t care. I have learnt that if she asks why I have never been married then it bothers her and I just may as well next her. The women that don’t care don’t ask.

She danced around the question. No actual advice.

I'm 46 and never married. It's probably considered a red flag to some women, but I don't care.

 

[Suave88]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2022/08/09/carolyn-hax-date-never-married-man/

most people who married ended up divorcing. Does it matter?

 

[SW15]

I'm 39 and never married. @Mike32ct is a Gen X'er and @CoandaEffect is on the Boomer/Gen X cusp. For late Boomers and Gen X'ers, marriage was expected by age 30. I'm an older Millennial. Marriage isn't expected for Millennials at all. I don't think that it is correct to consider my never married status as a red flag given the context of being a Millennial.

I also have always thought that the "never married" status as a red flag was total horse shiit anyway. In credit evaluation terms, no credit is better than bad credit.

Never Married = No Credit
Divorced = Bad Credit

Women erroneously believe that some guy with a failed marriage to his name is a better relational prospect than a never married guy. How does that make sense at all? It only makes sense based on woman logic, which is a joke because women operate on feelings and emotions.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

most people who married ended up divorcing. Does it matter?

A little bit. If you're asked this, you're suspected of being "untameable" by women who want to control you. Of course, you wouldn't want them anyway but the value in them asking this is them outing themselves as ball-busters.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I'm 39 and never married. @Mike32ct is a Gen X'er and @CoandaEffect is on the Boomer/Gen X cusp. For late Boomers and Gen X'ers, marriage was expected by age 30. I'm an older Millennial. Marriage isn't expected for Millennials at all. I don't think that it is correct to consider my never married status as a red flag given the context of being a Millennial.

I also have always thought that the "never married" status as a red flag was total horse shiit anyway. In credit evaluation terms, no credit is better than bad credit.

Never Married = No Credit
Divorced = Bad Credit

Women erroneously believe that some guy with a failed marriage to his name is a better relational prospect than a never married guy. How does that make sense at all? It only makes sense based on woman logic, which is a joke because women operate on feelings and emotions.

The "no credit" thing is a huge and obvious scam by the banking industry to get people to pay interest into the system.

From a females perspective marital status is a control issue; having been divorced makes you likelier to agree to their agenda than the unmarried man, since the divorced man has previously agreed to someone else's agenda.

Both things (debt and marriage) are about submission.

 

[SW15]

From a females perspective marital status is a control issue, having been divorced makes you likelier to agree to their agenda than the unmarried man, since the divorced man has previously agreed to someone else's agenda.

Being unlikely to agree to their agenda is a good thing. Do you know who isn't going to submit to their agenda? The so-called "Chad", the top tier man. The top tier man is in way too much demand to submit to one woman.

I would want to project an image of being "untameable". "Untameable" is far more alpha/sigma. Being a dutiful beta male is bad. A beta male is unexciting. A sigma or alpha male is more exciting. I have been positioning myself as a sigma male.

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm 39 and never married. @Mike32ct is a Gen X'er and @CoandaEffect is on the Boomer/Gen X cusp. For late Boomers and Gen X'ers, marriage was expected by age 30. I'm an older Millennial. Marriage isn't expected for Millennials at all. I don't think that it is correct to consider my never married status as a red flag given the context of being a Millennial.

I also have always thought that the "never married" status as a red flag was total horse shiit anyway. In credit evaluation terms, no credit is better than bad credit.

Never Married = No Credit
Divorced = Bad Credit

Women erroneously believe that some guy with a failed marriage to his name is a better relational prospect than a never married guy. How does that make sense at all? It only makes sense based on woman logic, which is a joke because women operate on feelings and emotions.

I agree about the credit analogy. (I'm not knocking divorced people. Just talking here.)

The chick that friendzoned me was another childless never married Gen X-er; so on the surface, we could have been a good match. Turns out she's dating a divorced boomer with 9 kids. A total head scratcher on the surface. But he appears to have all three of the Big Three, so I'll stop there.

Being unmarried is way more common and accepted for Millennials. It's also not PC to ask a guy of any age/generation (in work/professional circles) if he has a girlfriend because, if it turns out that he's not straight, you just opened a can of worms. So, even as a Gen Xer today, I rarely get asked about my relationship status in real life.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

I dunno. Divorced guys have issues particular to divorced guys. Never married guys have their drawbacks too.

In other words who cares. The right person is the right person. Even if you never before met the right person and even if the first spouse was not the right person. My first husband was unmarried at 33 when we married…my fiancé is a 45 yo never married guy who fits the sigma male definition pretty well.

I’m divorced (as opposed to widowed) but anyone into their 3rd decade on onward in life is going to have pros and cons. The more life you have under your belt the more you’ve experienced good, bad or ugly, and even if you’ve never had a real type relationship that still constitutes life experience which informs who you are in this moment.

I think generalizations like the ones in the article are just that: generalizations. Relationships between 2 individuals are unique to those 2 individuals and that gets lost in generalizations.

I’ve had people raise an eyebrow at my fiancé’s never married status. My attitude is kinda “so what” or And? We do fine. There are categories of life experience he does not have (never married, no children), but he doesn’t have ex wife or kid drama either.

Fortunately my kids are well grounded and my relationship with my ex husband is amicable & drama free. So he’s not dealing with nuttiness either.

In short I don’t think it makes a difference. Relationships are between 2 individuals. The right spouse for one person might be absolutely the wrong spouse for someone else.

 

[MatureDJ]

Women erroneously believe that some guy with a failed marriage to his name is a better relational prospect than a never married guy. How does that make sense at all? It only makes sense based on woman logic, which is a joke because women operate on feelings and emotions.

Do they really? If a man has never been married, then a gal has to wonder if there is something wrong with him; of course, that "something wrong" is typically that he is below Normie-tier, so he has had a hellacious time just trying to first find a decent woman that's not fat and/or a single mommy, and second keep dating this woman long enough so that they would take the marriage step.

It's OVER for NeverMarriedCels.

 

[Suave88]

A little bit. If you're asked this, you're suspected of being "untameable" by women who want to control you. Of course, you wouldn't want them anyway but the value in them asking this is them outing themselves as ball-busters.

Well, I get your point, but attraction doesn't work like this. Women dont go out there and start chatting with men and ask men if they were ever married. In my experience, I have been asked if I am married because she wants a chance that is all. I dont believe it is a big turn off to them. I do believe some insecure bytch would probably use it to bully me while she tries to test me and get in my head, but I dont really care.

 

[SW15]

If a man has never been married, then a gal has to wonder if there is something wrong with him; of course, that "something wrong" is typically that he is below Normie-tier, so he has had a hellacious time just trying to first find a decent woman that's not fat and/or a single mommy, and second keep dating this woman long enough so that they would take the marriage step.

In the Boomer and Generation X cohorts, it would have been more fair to say that a man reaching 40 and never married had significant issues and was below Normie-tier in looks. Today, the men reaching 40 and never married are Millennials. In the context of being a Millennial and dealing with a surplus of men and a lot of economic/geopolitical turmoil, being a never married 40 year old isn't a major thing. That said, the majority of Millennials are getting married by 35. The stigma of being 40 and never married is dissipating now with so many Millennials turning 40 now and never married but social conventions change slowly.

It's OVER for NeverMarriedCels.

There is no such thing as a NeverMarriedCel. You have a point that a lot of never married, 30+ men are incel or borderline incel.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I'm 39 and never married. @Mike32ct is a Gen X'er and @CoandaEffect is on the Boomer/Gen X cusp. For late Boomers and Gen X'ers, marriage was expected by age 30. I'm an older Millennial. Marriage isn't expected for Millennials at all. I don't think that it is correct to consider my never married status as a red flag given the context of being a Millennial.

I also have always thought that the "never married" status as a red flag was total horse shiit anyway. In credit evaluation terms, no credit is better than bad credit.

Never Married = No Credit
Divorced = Bad Credit

Women erroneously believe that some guy with a failed marriage to his name is a better relational prospect than a never married guy. How does that make sense at all? It only makes sense based on woman logic, which is a joke because women operate on feelings and emotions.

They are not judging "the value" itself but how much value they can get out of it.

A rich man that doesnt spend on her is worse than a middle class man that buys her stuff...committment is the currency.

 

[2Rocky]

I've got a 75 year old never married uncle....he now has had the same girlfriend for about 3 years. He mentioned wanting to "take it to the next level but she doesn't see it that way".

I watched how set in his ways he was as I got married and had kids 25 years ago. The last long term girlfriend was likely 30 years ago, and more recently an alpha female I think he orbited and landed on a few times over the years.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that a man past 30 without a longer term relationship either becomes too inflexible to adapt to thinking as a couple or goes way overboard into Beta territory and requires his partner's approval and relies on them to make his decisions.

A divorced man has at least made the effort at some point to be part of a team.

 

[Machine10033]

42 and unmarried looking at things from a female point of view if you see a 40 something or 50 something guy that’s not married, has his crap together, is in amazing shape your probably wasting your time dating him... first I am very selfish with my time. If I don’t want to do something I do not do it. I have my routines and love them... most females need some form of control and with an unmarried 40 something she won’t get that.

Second, Looking at the headline the chick in the article is 44... the guy is 48. She’s already divorced and probably has children a man that avoids land mines into his 40’s and 50’s will probably hook up for awhile with her and move on.

so yes a chick should not go into a relationship with a never married 40 or older and expect to change him. It’s not happening

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Advice from the old lady:

I dunno. Divorced guys have issues particular to divorced guys. Never married guys have their drawbacks too.

In other words who cares. The right person is the right person. Even if you never before met the right person and even if the first spouse was not the right person. My first husband was unmarried at 33 when we married…my fiancé is a 45 yo never married guy who fits the sigma male definition pretty well.

I’m divorced (as opposed to widowed) but anyone into their 3rd decade on onward in life is going to have pros and cons. The more life you have under your belt the more you’ve experienced good, bad or ugly, and even if you’ve never had a real type relationship that still constitutes life experience which informs who you are in this moment.

I think generalizations like the ones in the article are just that: generalizations. Relationships between 2 individuals are unique to those 2 individuals and that gets lost in generalizations.

I’ve had people raise an eyebrow at my fiancé’s never married status. My attitude is kinda “so what” or And? We do fine. There are categories of life experience he does not have (never married, no children), but he doesn’t have ex wife or kid drama either.

Fortunately my kids are well grounded and my relationship with my ex husband is amicable & drama free. So he’s not dealing with nuttiness either.

In short I don’t think it makes a difference. Relationships are between 2 individuals. The right spouse for one person might be absolutely the wrong spouse for someone else.

I never married and see no reason for it.

I remember asking my mom when i was like 5-6 years old something like; "Mom, if you really love each other then why should I have need to write it down on paper saying 'I love you'?"

My mentality around this has never changed and never will. Why should I have the government to guarantee that I love my girl?
(And invite them to steal at least 50% of my sheite if things goes south).

It makes no sense and it is pointless. If two people really love each other then the mutual trust/love should establish that, not the fvcking church or the government.

Now with that said then add all the risk included these days and you would be crazy to do it. If someone told you that there is a 75% change that your plane would crash, would you still board that plane?
Highly likely not. So why should you enter a legal contract with someone + the government when the statistic is clear about that about 75% of all marriages end up in divorce within 3 years?

Add on top of that in most cases, I think it is about 85of the cases the woman is the one to break up... + everything else of crazy stuff..

So...
Nope, never.

I don´t mind if the "right person" comes along and have LTR, family/children and stuff etc. But I will never put fking ring on her finger.
So it not about that. I just find the whole idea of marriage and solidify your love on paper is retarded and unnecessary.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

It's OVER for NeverMarriedCels.

Its more like..
It's OVER for MarriedCels. xD
Get married and divorce raped later. Government guaranteed!