Advice appreciated

DonJuanabe

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I need a boost. Something for which to strive. It just feels like something is missing in my life. While I don't have a girlfriend and would like one, that isn't what I mean. I need... meaning, purpose.

I make plenty of money. Quite a bit. I have no debt of any kind whatsoever and have a lot of cash savings. A lot. I rent. I am in great physical shape -- seriously great. I do small amounts of charity (help animals). I've pretty much lived my life in a Peter Pan sort of way -- I've never had any worries at all. But it's like I'm still a kid or, metaphorically, a leaf just floating along in the air.

Sounds great? I feel kind of empty. Right now I'm thinking of buying a home. In part I just want my own place, especially now that I'm out of my 30s it is time. But also, I think it will give me a sense of purpose -- I am a man, this is MY place, I do with it what I want, etc. In renting I take no pride in my apartment -- it is very sparse and utilitarian and I can't really have my friends hang out because I don't have enough furniture or room. Having my own place would enable me to have a base of operations for my friends and I to hang out, give me desire to "make it my own", something tangible in my life. I'm not materialistic at all but it just seems that my own home would provide fulfillment in some way.

Or maybe something else.

You guys ever feel like this?
 

imarockstar

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As a house is a great asset, it won't make you happy. The next thing that you will be posting about it what kind of furniture should I fill my house with? Should I get a new car?

I'm willing to bet money that you do not have any hobbies or passions, any extra curricular activities in your life. I bet that your life consists of waking up, eating, working, watching tv, going to bed, repeat.

You may not even know what you are interested in, but just try a bunch of things and find out what you like through process of elimination.
 

Who Dares Win

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What about building something?

Once you will get a home, leave part of the garden as a working room where you can work on something, either buying an old car and fixing it (you said you have money) this will allow you to actually build something, the process or learning and finally achieving your goal will satisfy you, plus you'll have a reason to come back home everyday.

I said a car but you could do the same with any other kind of object, you can also try to create something artistic and release your creativity otherwise try
bodybuilding.

To know whats your job would help to give you better suggestions.
 

scrouds

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I'll probbably get some serious flack for this, but houses are a guaranteed way to overpay for a roof over your head. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a den, etc. Its expensive, I consider the extra room and such of a house a luxury. Its okay to spend your money on luxury sure, but realize its money down the drain, whether you use the yard and the extra space or not.
 

Desdinova

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I bought my house when I was 25. I don't regret it one bit. The thing that's a pain in the ass is I have so many damned hobbies and I have to try and find a place to put all the stuff that goes with my hobbies.

Perhaps you need hobbies. I can honestly say that it's rare to find myself bored.
 

Well I'm here to tell you there is such a magic wand. Something that will make you almost completely irresistible to any woman you "point it" at. Something guaranteed to fill your life with love, romance, and excitement.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

DonJuanabe

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I have many hobbies. Problem is that my schedule is flexible and I have lots of free time whereas most of my friends are married and in some cases also have children. Their time is very limited because their responsibilities are significant. I have few responsibilities. Dating someone would of course take up time but I don't want to date someone for that purpose. I lift weights. I run. I cycle. I'm into geeky games which I play with various groups of friends. But I don't have any sort of driving force in my life. As an example, the other day I put in a few extra hours of work in the morning then went riding. Got back from the ride and there was nothing to do. Most friends busy with wives or girlfriends. Just seems lacking. I guess I'm thinking if I owned a home I'd use that extra time to work on the lawn or paint a room or sure figure out a cool setup for furniture in a room. Or have a barbecue. But yeah where I live housing is $$$$$$$ not inexpensive.
 

Desdinova

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Maintenance around the house would certainly eat up some of your time. Painting, fixing, re-doing entire rooms, yard maintenance and if you have a garden, that would eat up time too. It also depends on if you like all that 5hit. If not, then keep on renting.
 

yuppaz

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I'm in the same boat... with lacking purpose in my life. I would love to have some but it's just not there for me right now. Once all the stuff is done on the house, where will you be? In the same position? It's tough when you have achieved what you have set out for...because ...what then? Hope you find your answer
 

PrettyBoyAJ

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What do you do for a living?
 

imarockstar

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I guess I should have left out the word hobbies and just stuck to passions. I felt lost a year or two ago and REALLY wanted a GF so that my life would be a little more full. Of course, it is our natural instinct to find a mate. However, you don't just want to date someone for the sake of being in a relationship. In the meantime, you need passion in your life so that you won't feel the way you are currently feeling.

I started to try a few things that I had always wanted to do, almost like a bucket list, but not to some extreme. The first thing I realized was that I really wanted to go skydiving. I fell in love with it, and was on my way to getting my license, then I got into a relationship, and like a complete chump, I didn't keep up with it. I was working 5 12 hour shifts a week, the dropzone was 3 hours away, and I saw my new GF the other 2 days of the week. It is pretty expensive too. I know, excuses excuses. If you have the money and are looking for a good adrenaline rush, try it out. It was definitely something that made time stop and made me feel I had a purpose.

Something I picked up as of late has been brazilian jiu jitsu. Its pretty inexpensive, and is very rewarding, it definitely makes me feel as if I am involved in something larger than myself.

My two passions may not be for everyone, and there may be more that I have yet to discover. Sometimes you just gotta step out of the ordinary, leave your daily routine and comfort zone, and try some new things until you eventually find exactly what you are looking for. Challenge yourself.
 

At this point you probably have a woman (or multiple women) chasing you around, calling you all the time, wanting to be with you. So let's talk about how to KEEP a woman interested in you once you have her. This is BIG! There is nothing worse than getting dumped by a woman that you really, really like.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

sodbuster

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All a house does is add a bunch of meaningless manual labor to your life. weeding,spraying,watering the lawn,raking the leaves,shoveling the snow off the driveway... won't relieve your boredom. Nicer roof over your head,a little less noise from the neighbors
 

sexysuave

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Do you have written goals that you are working on? Goals are huge, start setting goals for yourself, in personal and business life, and self-improvement.

You’re probably spending too much time by yourself. You’re probably overthinking life and trying to figure out what it’s all about (hint: stop trying to figure it out and just live it, enjoy it)..

Are you dating (did I miss this?), or pulling any girls at all? I mean, you're single, you should be at least having a weekly fling or something.

Sounds like you’re at that stage where you really don’t have many worries in your life and everything is very simple (too simple). While this is a good thing, it’s probably giving you too much idle time to just think about random ish and not really be wrapped up in something. Humans are always focused on that next biggest problem to worry about.. if you’re badly sick, all of your thoughts and worries will be consumed with this illness, and you keep telling yourself “oh I just can’t wait until I’m healthy, and everything will be fine.”

However, you get healthy, and then you realize you have that $10,000 bill to take care of and there is a deadline and now that’s all you’re focused on, “if I can just manage to pay this bill, everything will be fine.”

After you take care of that, your boss says that you have to make a huge presentation in front of everyone in your company, 600 people, and you have to do this 30 minute presentation. You’re all consumed in it! You’re worried, excited, terrified, thrilled, and you keep thinking about it and anticipating it and can’t wait to get it out of the way. As soon as you’re done with that “everything will be fine.”

Next you have a new boss at work and he is restructuring and some people will be laid off. He has talked to you a few times and inquired about what you do at work. This entire week, you keep thinking about it, and worrying if you’ll survive the restructuring and keep your job. You keep thinking, “if I get to keep my job, everything will be fine.”

Next your brother is in a car accident. You find out he’s badly hurt. You forget about any other worries, financial or personal, you don’t care about the job or the girl, you rush to the hospital and stay there for 3 days with your brother, and pray to God that he survives. You say, “once he is better, everything will be fine.”

The thing is, you always think once the things are back to “normal” that everything will be “fine.” However, we actually NEED to have things going on and things occupying us in order to FEEL; in order to STRIVE for something. I’m probably off on the exact number here, but I’ve heard that people that retire on average die within 3 years of retiring. The theory is that those people are pretty much “hanging ‘em up” and they have nothing else to live for, so they literally just die. That’s why you hear of some 90 and 100 year olds saying that they want to work until they die, because at least that way they are living for something and trying to accomplish something.

Purpose and goals are HUGE. You absolutely need them. I’ve seen people that spend too much time isolated by themselves and no real goals really change a lot and just become these mushy, low energy, excited about nothing, depressed people.

You say that “if you had a house”, you could invite your friends over, because your apartment is “too small”. I’m sorry, not to be rude, but this just sounds like an excuse and a “crutch”. I live in an apartment and have no problems inviting friends over. So what if it can get a little tight if you have too many people. And hell, you say that rents are “cheap” there, so rent a bigger damn apartment if that’s the issue! Lol, anyway, not trying to be mean, but common now. You pretty much brag about your money, you claim cheap rents and housing, put 2 and 2 together and get a large apartment if you can’t invite your friends to that one.

Oh, and did I mention dating? You didn’t say anything about it? You could be feeling a downer that you can’t find anyone to hang out with you. I don’t care how old you are, you can go out there and meet girls, many girls. You make decent money, have your own place, there is no excuse to not have at least some sort of dating life going on, even if it’s just casual and sex. Nothing wrong with it.

Once again, while your stress free life is not a problem, the downside of it is that it could become stagnant and you may lose all motivation to do anything else or get involved with anyone. Being around people usually makes people feel involved and be a part of something, so join some groups. Join toastmasters or different clubs, where you can improve yourself as well as meet cool people and also meet girls. As much as it may not seem like it will interest you, once you get in some social circles, you always get sucked in and things start to “matter”. You become more involved and feel like a part of something.

And don’t think you’re the first person who’s ever felt like this. Hell, just about any of us will feel like “is there something missing” at one time or another. Just get more involved and have more fun man. This sh*t goes by quick so get involved and have your fun, because it’ll be over before you know it lol. And you can also have goals when it comes to girls. Don’t tell other people that, of course, but you can have a goal to see a new girl every week (by “see” I mean actually do something with her, at least hang out, and not just look out of your window or “see” one on a website lol).

How about traveling? Take some trips to some cool places, and even though you have money, look for good deals online as there are ridiculous discounts on some solid vacations. You can pay $8,000 and stay in a sandals resort or you can find something for a $1,000 that is not much of a drop in quality (travelzoo and other websites often run great specials and you can get discounts of up to 70% off). You can take 8 of these trips (if you have enough time off) for the price of the other one (coming from a guy who’s done both extremes lol.. I definitely prefer the less expensive but still quality trips).

Of course, as always, I’m sure there is something in your post that you’re not really telling us that’s also playing a big role here. And that’s ok. Just realize, nothing is too serious, get involved, don’t be scared or worried, just get involved in things. Set goals and strive to achieve them. This will always keep you going towards something! Even when you achieve them, set NEW ones! Basically, always have a goal..

Bla bla bla.. you will be fine
 
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