advice and/or opinions, please

[jimjam]

Gents,

Anyone have any suggestions as to how I can get out of this funk I've been in for the last five years?

Background: I'm 42, divorced, one child (not with my ex wife though I am no longer with my son's mother either), no girlfriend. I'm a recovering drunk and druggie so I have no real friends to speak of. I try to stay away from my old friends to maintain my sobriety. Haven't had a drink in 8 years and haven't gotten high in 9. I have multiple sclerosis, though I do lift 3x a week, walk 4 miles a night, and I am able to hike over rugged terrain for 10 miles with 40 lbs on my back. I'm a good father and I see my son every other weekend and once during the week. I pay child support

I was married for 8 years and I lived a comfortable life while married. Cars, houses, trips to Europe, the whole bit. I lost everything in the divorce. Our one property was sold at a substantial loss, so we had to cover the difference to really finalize the divorce. I didn't care. At the time, I thought it was worth it just to be rid of her.

I began rebuilding my life and managed to save some money. I may have been poor, but my attitude was that at least I was alive and sober. Met this girl and wound up going to Europe with her. Wound up moving in with her. ( I know---bad move), NExt thing I know she's pregnant. I was beyond thrilled. I loved her and wanted nothing more than to raise a family with het. Next thing I know she's throwing me out. Next thing I know I have Lyme disease. Next thing I know I lose my job of 13 years.

Wound up moving over 100 miles away for work. Drove home every other weekend to see my son. If this wasn't bad enough, she sued me for child support and takes every spare dime I have. I'm glad to be able to provide this way, but at the end of the month, I'm lucky if I have twenty bucks. Kind of makes a social life almost impossible.

Though I am back home and closer to my son. Lucky to find a job back here

As I said, I've lost everything, twice. I'm really enduring, not really living. I've been working my whole life and I've nothing to show for it. Poor planning on my part, of course, but that doesn't make me feel any better. And it's this feeling that I can't get past when I see a woman I'm attracted to. I feel like a loser. Like what do I have to offer? I'm supposed to be the prize, but I wouldn't want someone like me if it was reversed.

For the record, I love my son and I have no there regrets about that.

Anyone's advice to help me get out of this rut? Surely I can't be the only one in such a predicament.

Thanks. Appreciate your honest reply......

 

[backbreaker]

What's going on man.

I'm a formar druggie myself. Actually you and i got clean right about the same time, feb 12th 2005.


There are going to be some guys that are going to follow what i'ma bou tot say that are going to tell you it's all in your mind and that you need to be confident. I'm going to tell you i know exactly where you are at.


here's the thing. YOU'RE RIGHT. It's not so much that you don't have anything to offer a woman, it's that you aren't currently living up to the expectations you have for yourself. It's not so much about her as much as it is about you. you don't like yourself. I've been there. specially when i first got clean. Even if a girl paid you some attention you would be so self conscious to keep her.

My advice would be to put women on the backburner right now and focus on getting out of your financial rut. until you are happy with the direction in your lfie trying to game women is going to be futile.


on another note, i don't know where you live but there are plenty of girls in NA/AA. Plenty. some of my best times were in NA/AA plate spinning wise.

 

[jimjam]

Thanks.

Think I knew this all along. I could literally feel the time slipping through my fingers. As someone once said, I sit here doing nothing and time keeps drifting by like s#&t down a river.

That's scary....