Adapting to a new phase in life

[Matt Rogers]

I turned 26 yesterday. According to this site I am a Mature Man. But I certainly do not feel like one.

I had a pretty miserable teenage and college years. No girls. No friends.

So since graduating Ive devoted most of my time to trying to recreate those lost years and have fun, hook up with as many girls as possible and generally avoid unpleasant things like hard work, paying bills and other stuff I associate with being an adult. I suppose I assumed that once Id made up for those years I would be ready to move on and start being an adult even if it meant less time to pursue girls and a worse work/life balance.

Ive been doing a teaching job the last four years which has been pretty low pay (but enough to live comfortably on while living with my parents) and using the free time to meet women.

OK it hasn't been a total failure. Ive slept with a dozen women since college and finally lost my virginity and kissed a couple dozen others including an Italian fashion model (but that was a total outlier, the majority were 6s or 7s)

But it hasn't really had the effect I was hoping for and with my hair starting to fall out and my age starting to show a little my lifestyle is a bit pathetic. Ive recently been given the run around by an 18 year old club bunny I have little in common with....but am mainly interested in because she represents the sort of girl I feel I missed out on growing up.

I need some advice on making peace with my past. Are there guys on here who had a similar experience growing up but have been able to find happiness and success with women in later phases of life? And if so how were you able to make peace with your past?

Sorry if this is a bit incoherent. I am having trouble expressing these thoughts.

 

[catman]

At 26 u havent even started liveing life my friend! Not everyone is mr popular in high school nor college either.Your wanting to make piece with your past but you dont know what ur future holds either?Nobody does so quit worrying about it?? Sow your wild oats and pick a girl who comlipents your life rather than one who takes from it period.... If i knew then what i know now god only knows what would have happened?? If you came from a good family backgound listen to what your dads been telling you minus the putting womwn on a pedestel thing and you will do just fine.If you dont have a stable family background then pick a friend who does and emmulate that man.

 

[Kailex]

Matt,

I see that in your post you mention your past.
I see that in your post you mention your job.
I see that in your post you mention women.

But Matt, where in that post is there anything about YOU? Where is there anything about the things you like to do? Hobbies? Ambitions? Goals? Dreams? Things you want to fulfill and accomplish?

If this is just something you omitted, then by all means, include it in your next post.

But in order to be a complete man, you have to be a complete man BEFORE having women in your life. Otherwise, you will feel unaccomplished and nothing more than just a slab meat penetrating female genetalia without much substance behind it.

I want to read about how you've gone skydiving or been to an amusement park. I want to read about your next outing to paintball fields or how you met new people at the gym.

Besides, I'm 29, and although I am a Mature Man in title, I'm not really that mature. I've been told to "grow up" many times as well.

I started the new phase of my life at 29. So, it's never TOO late to start over.

 

[The Inside Man]

When I turned 26 this year I did feel a little older, a good chunk of your friends have probably gotten married or engaged, most people are settling into the work routine life. If you have a job you love and get purpose from this can be great. It's kind of a societal blueprint to go to school, get a job, settle down, have kids. I feel much more like travelling, working and making a lot of $, getting out of debt, getting some property outside of town for a "home base". To reach any of those goals though I will have to seriously work hard and be patient. And I think it's important to see what you want to do with your life. Sometimes people develop that attitude or it's spurred by an experience that "wakes them up", like a near death experience.

Be open to adventuring and trying new things, meeting new people, force it at first if necessary. Book a flight over to southern france for a month or two in the summer. At some point, you have to take the risk and jump. Risk failure, because failure is a teacher, and it will sharpen you, and you will learn things about yourself. Sometimes a change of scenery is all you need.

 

[Strelok]

The guy just simply feel the need to live a moment in life that most of the guys had the chance to live.
He is not looking for suggestions about his job or whatever,he just said that he got no fun while at college,no girls and none of those steps that help the formation of an healthy adult in his mind.

I would suggest you to let it go travels or whatever that you will take more time,if the problem was that you hadn't your share of girls at high school there's very few you can do about it.
The only thing that would give you back some pride and feed your ego about it is get those girls you missed,try to date 18yrs old girls or just have some sex with them as other 18yrs old guys do,it's not that hard nowadays.
Better to consider yourself a guy who needed some more time than a guy who failed.

I'm sure once you solve this problem you will be able to settle to a new phase of your life,keep the travels and that other stuff for when you will be really able to enjoy them and your mind will be free.
There's no way to reach the top of a pyramid without all the stepping stones and it doesn't matter how strong is the roof if there are no walls to support it.

 

[wait_out]

You make peace with your past by living well in the present.

For sure it helps to understand yourself better, but if you consider your lifestyle a little pathetic you need to grow beyond it. When you're young most of your successes aren't really yours. Some kids get nice cars from their parents, some kids have better genetics, some kids have helpful families whereas some have families that sabotage them. As you get older more of what you "own", comes down to your own effort and character and less the circumstances you grew up in.

My life is infinitely better now. Being independent makes me happier than anything else, really. My job is probably second. Girls are probably third. I'd mostly just tell you to look forward rather than backward. So what if your HS and college were disappointing. Some people were meant to shine in adult life as independent people... the only people who care about HS and college are people who are still in them.

And finally despite this being a pick-up site, at least in name -- you might care about how many women you've slept with, or will sleep with, but it's not a very good objective measure of happiness. And if you're not sleeping with women because it makes you happier in the here and now, but because of the hype around it, and think that you *might* be happier in the future one day if you hit a certain number... time to re-evaluate your reasoning

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

I know how you feel, the first women I slept with that was not a hooker was when I was 27.

I've done very well in the game since, but like you I'm not happy with what I have. Mostly 6 and 7s, the occasional hot b*tch here and there. Even some heifers and plenty of butta faces.

I was bitter for a long time. I thought what the f*ck, I played football in high school, was a boxer, why couldn't I get one single girl. I was resentful of my lowlife parents and poor background.

I was tested at the 11th grade reading level in the 5th grade. I was a damn smart kid. I could have been a doctor, but I received a terrible education. Good ole Chicago public schools.

I used to look at my cousin with envy. An anesthesiologist... His family nurtured his talent, made sure he got the best education.

Everything happens for a reason. My cousin married a nurse ho. He'll get fleeced sooner or later.

We are late bloomers. In time, we'll surpass everyone else.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Hey Matt- you haven't even reached your prime yet, so all this talk on missing out on things is a moot point.

Since I hit my late twenties, I noticed that the pool of women I can attract have increased dramatically. Even better, I know enough now to prevent making the same mistakes I used to make when I was younger.

When you reach your twenties, you're essentially just a slab of granite. Some slabs are shaped a little nicer than others, but that doesn't matter, because we haven't begun to take shape. The only way to do that is to live and experience both successes AND failures. And at first, it's gonna be mostly failure. It is pointless to say, "I wish I knew this stuff back when I was 21" because those early failures are what DROVE you to improve yourself. Everyone has their own timetable, and it doesn't matter whether you are 26 or 56.

If you want to recapture your youth, go on and do it. There is NOTHING holding you back. I'm sensing that this whole post was inspired by the flaky club girl- don't base your self-worth on such a silly thing. OF COURSE she's flaky; she's 18!! Remember that dating is a numbers game, and it doesn't matter how much you get rejected along the way.

Treat the next few years as an experiment. Try different approaches. Go outside your comfort zone. Be social; talk to EVERYONE. Life is nothing more than what you create with the people you meet.

 

[vatoloco]

I need some advice on making peace with my past.

Learn from it. Don't dwell on it.

 

[Mike32ct]

I turned 26 yesterday. According to this site I am a Mature Man. But I certainly do not feel like one.

I had a pretty miserable teenage and college years. No girls. No friends.

I had the same. I didn't date anyone in high school or college. I was unbelievably shy, despite being a decent looking guy.

So since graduating Ive devoted most of my time to trying to recreate those lost years and have fun, hook up with as many girls as possible and generally avoid unpleasant things like hard work, paying bills and other stuff I associate with being an adult. I suppose I assumed that once Id made up for those years I would be ready to move on and start being an adult even if it meant less time to pursue girls and a worse work/life balance.

You can actually do both in parallel. Work hard on your career and life, but still go out at least once a week to pull some numbers or some a*s.

OK it hasn't been a total failure. Ive slept with a dozen women since college and finally lost my virginity and kissed a couple dozen others including an Italian fashion model (but that was a total outlier, the majority were 6s or 7s)

Those are some decent numbers dude.

But it hasn't really had the effect I was hoping for and with my hair starting to fall out and my age starting to show a little my lifestyle is a bit pathetic.

I have a bald spot and some age showing, but can still pull once in a while. Even if it means that the women you pull are more mid to upper 20s instead of lower, as long as they are attractive to you, who cares? Although I suspect that with persistence, you will pull the young hotties here and there that you wanted before. If you feel your lifestyle is "pathetic," I would suggest working on your life as well. If you just live like a frat boy and party all the time, then that is taking it to an extreme. But you can be a young man on a mission in life and still add notches to your belt along the way.

Ive recently been given the run around by an 18 year old club bunny I have little in common with....but am mainly interested in because she represents the sort of girl I feel I missed out on growing up.

I know EXACTLY how you feel, but young women are very flakey. I did some heavy grinding with a 20-something hottie in a club last week and later she ditched me to go home with another dude. It sucks, but you MUST keep a broad perspective. You still have it going on, but you must NOT base your confidence on one flakey club chick. But trust me, at 26, it is NOT game over with young hotties, not by a long shot.

I need some advice on making peace with my past. Are there guys on here who had a similar experience growing up but have been able to find happiness and success with women in later phases of life? And if so how were you able to make peace with your past?

Yes, sort of. As I mentioned in other posts, I was a virgin until 28. However, as I matured, got more confidence, traveled more, etc., I was able to improve. Up until recently, I hooked up with a total of four women. I just got back from Vegas, and now I'm up to 5. I met a 26 y/o asian girl at a bar and pull her back to my room. (It was a great night that made up for my bad night mentioned above. You gotta lose big to win big.)

Do I still dream about the 21 y/o college babes that I never got? Sure. Have I fully made peace with my past? Not yet, but getting closer. Who knows, with persistance, I still might pull a young hottie as a fluke. (I've made out with a few, but that has been it.) The important thing is to learn and improve and do what you can. At 26, you still have a WORLD of opportunities. Just do NOT procrastinate.



Sorry if this is a bit incoherent. I am having trouble expressing these thoughts.

I pretty much get your point of your point. I wish you luck.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Thanks guys for your responses.

Women have become a bit of an obsession of late to the point where I have neglected career and other interests. And I do need to re-establish some balance. Perhaps when I become more balanced even if I get less opportunities with the opposite sex I will be a happier person so more attractive and better equipped to capitalise on them.

Naturally going forward I am not going to have the luxury of going out every night, meeting loads of girls through college, and all the other opportunities I failed to capitalise on as a result of being pretty reclusive in my college years.

But it sounds like quite a few of you guys have seen much greater success with women as you hit your late 20s. I guess guys peak at different ages and perhaps I can be one of those successful late bloomers.

I like the comment about living well in the present. I will try to avoid dwelling on the past and perhaps when life is good in the present it will become less important what i did and didn't do when i was in my teens and early 20s.

Thanks guys.

Also it would be helpful if you guys could share your routines for meeting women with a full time job and the associated stress and commitments. Im not really into the very busy Friday and Satruday nights so I generally meet women midweek in quiet bars or during the day in the street, art galleries, cafes etc.

 

[The Inside Man]

I know how you feel, the first women I slept with that was not a hooker was when I was 27.

I've done very well in the game since, but like you I'm not happy with what I have. Mostly 6 and 7s, the occasional hot b*tch here and there. Even some heifers and plenty of butta faces.

Fail.

Sorry to be the one to point this out dude, but your ego alone does not give you the ability to post advice. Why are you making videos and stuff if all your catches are under 7? I see a lot of posts about you bragging about your conquests, I just think being a little more humble might help. It's like a lot of people here are in a d*ck measuring contest.

The funny thing is, once you get to the point of regularly dating/hooking up with hotties, and don't even consider girls under 7.5, you won't feel the need to constantly bring it up.

Be honest: by talking about your conquests and "I dated 110 girls and f*cked 33 of them", aren't you trying to gain validation from the people on this forum?

You said it yourself... even though you like to talk about it, hooking up with that many 6s and 7s did not bring you happiness. When you come real like that it's better advice than any of the videos or stats.

 

[The Inside Man]

Matt, after college, the best places I found to meet girls were through social circles and day game. Clubs and bars outside college towns usually have lots of guys and the kind of girls you would only want for a night or two.

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

Fail.

Sorry to be the one to point this out dude, but your ego alone does not give you the ability to post advice. Why are you making videos and stuff if all your catches are under 7? I see a lot of posts about you bragging about your conquests, I just think being a little more humble might help. It's like a lot of people here are in a d*ck measuring contest.

The funny thing is, once you get to the point of regularly dating/hooking up with hotties, and don't even consider girls under 7.5, you won't feel the need to constantly bring it up.

Be honest: by talking about your conquests and "I dated 110 girls and f*cked 33 of them", aren't you trying to gain validation from the people on this forum?

You said it yourself... even though you like to talk about it, hooking up with that many 6s and 7s did not bring you happiness. When you come real like that it's better advice than any of the videos or stats.

Ego?

Who has the ego? You're the one talking about 7.5 this and 9.234 that. You're a big headed nerd that dreams about getting the porn stars you jack off to.

I talk about what I've done to show guys that are still virgins or struggling in the game, that they too can succeed.

What the f*ck have you done loser?

 

[The Inside Man]

Well, I've been here for three years longer than you so you would have to check my posting history to answer that question. You might see some big gaps in the dates since I have been off in the real world for a good part of that time. I stop by from time to time to give some advice, also based on my experience.

The combination of your "count" and the youtube video with a girl in the background just irritated me slightly.

I am not attracted to porn stars at all.

I've never bragged about numbers, but I do talk about having standards. It's important to advance your game.

Not that it matters, but my first time was about 10 years before yours and I am younger than you. Apologies if my constructive criticism rubbed you the wrong way sweetheart :cheer:

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I like some of the ideas in this thread.

Matt -- I think you are not the only one whose felt as though they could have pushed the boundaries more in college. I know myself I had a LTR for a bulk sum of my college years, and after that ended even passed some good opportunities, looking for "the one" and putting women above my own basic needs.

I've found now that truly you can't make women the primary focus of life. Because if you do, you'll debase everything else. You've got to find a way to build a greater foundation for your own self, something that no woman can shake or man for that matter -- rather a unique way of living that gratifies and provides for you in your own ways.

Find something in life that calls to you. Some goal or idea of a personal success that you'd like to see actualized in your life. Create a plan with sub-goals to get there. I believe in doing this, you will find greater gratification in who you are in the present, and this will naturally translate to those you interact with.

I know from experience that when I am doing good things, I am far more empowering to myself and others than when I am struggling to find meaningful work, ect, ect.

I have to agree with a lot of these guys that the focus of banging hotties or getting lots of putang truly is somewhat of a pipe dream. Sometimes quality over quantity is important, and rather being wise in the females we choose to incorporate into our lives is important too. 18 year old club bunnies can be sexy -- they can -- but are these the types of women that will be positive forces in the directions you are working?

Your personal success should not be based on how many women you have in your life. But rather the quality of these women, and the way they affect your own quality of life. Strengthen your own self, pursue your own unique relationship and role to life, and I think some of the other things fall in more naturally, and in some ways even become less important.

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

Well, I've been here for three years longer than you so you would have to check my posting history to answer that question. You might see some big gaps in the dates since I have been off in the real world for a good part of that time. I stop by from time to time to give some advice, also based on my experience.

The combination of your "count" and the youtube video with a girl in the background just irritated me slightly.

I am not attracted to porn stars at all.

I've never bragged about numbers, but I do talk about having standards. It's important to advance your game.

Not that it matters, but my first time was about 10 years before yours and I am younger than you. Apologies if my constructive criticism rubbed you the wrong way sweetheart :cheer:

I don't give a f*ck how long you've been here loser. And I don't give a f*ck if my youtube video irritates yourself. If I make your panties get bunched up, too bad...

Ok you got laid when you were 17. Good for you. Maybe you're a nice looking guy and you had it easy in the game.

It's not like that for everyone dumb*ss. The fact that I've accomplished so much in 3 short years shows that every guy on the forum can succeed in the game.

Not just the pretty b*tches...

 

[The Inside Man]

Another common mistake, assuming guys with decent looks don't have to work hard too. If you would shut your mouth you might actually learn something from people more experienced than you.

I would readily admit that I am still learning about the male female dynamic with every conversation or new girl I meet.

So Asianreturns, I think in the midst of your f*cks and "loser!" 's there is a good point that we can actually salvage this topic with.

It comes back to where you say, "It's not like that for everyone dumb*ss. The fact that I've accomplished so much in 3 short years shows that every guy on the forum can succeed in the game.

You have accomplished so much in 3 years. How do you measure that? Is it in the numbers, or the quality of girls you are with? Is it how much they add to your life? Is it a progression?? And do you consider accomplishment success?

This seems contrary to the post where you acknowledged that you weren't totally satisfied with your accomplishments.

Begs the question.. is success a group of ideas that are determined by other people or culture, or is success dependant on each person's goals and desires?

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

Another common mistake, assuming guys with decent looks don't have to work hard too. If you would shut your mouth you might actually learn something from people more experienced than you.

I would readily admit that I am still learning about the male female dynamic with every conversation or new girl I meet.

So Asianreturns, I think in the midst of your f*cks and "loser!" 's there is a good point that we can actually salvage this topic with.

It comes back to where you say, "It's not like that for everyone dumb*ss. The fact that I've accomplished so much in 3 short years shows that every guy on the forum can succeed in the game.

You have accomplished so much in 3 years. How do you measure that? Is it in the numbers, or the quality of girls you are with? Is it how much they add to your life? Is it a progression?? And do you consider accomplishment success?

This seems contrary to the post where you acknowledged that you weren't totally satisfied with your accomplishments.

Begs the question.. is success a group of ideas that are determined by other people or culture, or is success dependant on each person's goals and desires?

See how easy I figured you out.

Your looks determine the quality of women you get. If you are a 7, then you get 7s or lower. You can get higher levels with money, but those women are attracted to your money, not you and will string you out on dates.

You can also improve your looks with weight training. I was a 5, once I built up my body, I became a 7.

Let that marinade simpleton.

 

[The Inside Man]

Wow, what a huge revelation there. People are able to attract people that are generally as attractive as them. That's huge. Anyway, back to my question that you completely avoided. Do you consider hooking up with 33 6-7's to be your version of success? If so, why. Because you yourself said you weren't happy with it.