AD what do you say about flirting

[IQ]

Hi AD,

should a guy flirt with a girl using humour and complements on looks on first meeting and after that on other meetings as well as dates or he should show interest in personality. I mean how romantic a guy should be with the girl. I know too much sweet and nice words doesn't work.
What do you say on this.

IQ

 

[TestosteroneBoy]

What kind of techniques are you trying?

I don't think complimenting someone's "looks" is a good thing to do on a first meeting/date. It gets old and the women think you are using a line. It just makes you seem like a cheeseball. The only time it is good is when its something unnoticable or something they never ever get.

Humour is *ALWAYS* good. Just don't try those damned pick up lines or knock knock jokes.

As for how romantic you should be....

The first date is *ALL* about having *FUN*. Don't try to mess with all that kino crap, and don't worry about end of date kissing. You are just gonna make yourself seem like some kinda moron. Just try to keep yourself as friendly as possible and seem(hopefully be) interested in what she has to say.

The first date(also dating in general) is just a test to see if you could possibly connect with the partner. An interview if you will. If she shows low interest, it wasn't meant to be.

The best way to get to phase two of your evil plan is to get on her good side.

Phase one: friendly dating, learning about her, finally kino.

Phase two: Lotta kino, the big kiss.

Phase three: trick them into dating you exclusively.

 

[Anti-Dump]

Will answer tomorrow night.

Anti-Dump

 

[Pook]

IQ, don't compliment unless its something you are genuinely impressed by (authenticity is the key).

Everyone likes to feel unique and special in their own way. Show interest in HER and her life. Believe me, she will make your ears bleed. (this will come off naturally since you are already interested in her, therefore interested in what she does, etc.) While you are finding out everything about her, YOU have remained a mystery since you're not trying to 'sell' yourself. The chick will love someone asking about herself (thus validating in her eyes that she's 'special') AND her interest in you will grow because she wants to know more about you. Not bad for letting your ears bleed, eh? Also, the more information you get, the better and more precise you can take the next step with a higher probility of success.

DON'T be sweet. LISTEN to her and add in your thoughts (don't try to FIX her problems, UNDERSTAND them). When a trait or feeling comes up that you agree with, don't hesitate to tell her. She will feel a 'connection' with you and her interest level will rise.

If she ever makes you mad, tell her EXACTLY WHY YOU'RE MAD. Amazingly, girls LOVE IT when guys will ***** at them because girls want HONESTY and DIRECTNESS. Many girls will put up a 'test' of standing you up just to see if you will swallow it like a 'nice guy' or if you will have the STRENGTH to put them in their place (Women are not attracted to guys they can control).

Humour is always good. Always be lightspirited, warm, and humourous. But when she is talking to you seriously, always listen and UNDERSTAND how she feels.

Any women on the forum that would like to add in their thoughts?

 

[IQ]

Thanks for all the replies. My question is that how would the girl know of your romantic interest without giving her romantic complements. How about making her feel special:
Example: when with the sales girl?
Its my honour to be served by sales goddess etc.
Saying these things periodically during flirting. Does her response to kino, tell me that she is interested in me romantically.
Please, give feedbacks to clear up the confusion.

Because, generally talking to her, making her laugh and knowing her will make me fall in friendship zone.
How to show the girl, my romantic interest without coming on too strong.

Thanks
IQ.

 

[Anti-Dump]

Hi IQ,

Let's clear up the confusion for you.

Flirting was invented by women as an attention-seeking device. Society tells a woman that it is improper to ask a man out. So women flirt to get your attention to let you know, non verbally, of their ROMANTIC interest in you.

It is not necessary for a man to flirt. He doesn't have to 'telegraph' his romantic interest . That's because HE does the asking out. Men are very confused in this area. Flirting is for women.

You 'telegraph' your romantic interest in a woman by asking for her HOME phone number. That is the male 'flirting' so to speak.
When you ask for the number she will automatically know you are interested in her romantically.

If you don't ask, you are in danger of falling in the friend zone. That's because you didn't 'flirt' by asking for the number.
You didn't let her know your true feelings: To ask her out.

So just have a simple, lively, non flirting conversation and then ask the girl for the number as soon as possible.

The same applies as far as dates go. Each call for a date 'telegraphs' to her that you are very interested. Or else why did you ask her out? Because you are very interested.

You just don't put it into words.
At the end of each date I usually say something like "I had a great time jet-skiing". I look directly into her eyes. She knows you are talking about her. You give indirect indicators of you liking her.You kiss her passionately, at times you hold her passionately. Never TELL her how you feel IN WORDS during the first two months. Try waiting until the third month. That would be much, much better.

You NEVER try to create romantic interest. Big mistake. SHE HAS TO BE ALREADY INTERESTED.
You don't have to impress her. She should already be impressed by you. Or else why did she accept the date? Not to kill a boring night I hope.

You don't create interest. It has to be there or you drop her and start again.

When a man flirts it works against him. He is 'telegraphing' too much romantic interest. Much too much.

That should help you pal.

You don't have to use this advice. That is up to you.
I'm against flirting.

Anti-dump

 

[SoSuave.com]

bump

 

[Neophyte]

bump

 

[Paradox]

Bump

 

[Mercury]

Good replies guys!! I never thought about it, but its true: Flirting is for women, men don't flirt. This should definetly go to the DJ bible, as how to or weather or not to flirt is a big mystery for most of us. Thanks AD and Pook.

[This message has been edited by Mercury (edited 11-09-2002).]

 

[MattB]

bump

 

[affirmed]

buuuummmmmmp!

 

[ali_g]

I'm not sure I totally agree with AD. Yes it is our job as males to close. But why can't flirting be beneficial to our cause. To me flirting consists of friendly/funny/teasing/****y convos with women, eye contact, smiling and kino. Why would you not want to do that? Women like a confident, funny and playful guy, not someone who seems uptight, dull and reserved. That's what they'll think if you don't use any kino, eye contact or smiling.

 

[Ofus]

Originally posted by ali_g
I'm not sure I totally agree with AD. Yes it is our job as males to close. But why can't flirting be beneficial to our cause. To me flirting consists of friendly/funny/teasing/****y convos with women, eye contact, smiling and kino. Why would you not want to do that? Women like a confident, funny and playful guy, not someone who seems uptight, dull and reserved. That's what they'll think if you don't use any kino, eye contact or smiling.

Agreed. Anti-Dump has some really good advice, but he was wrong about flirting. He was totally anti-kino, and kino is one of the most powerful tools in the DJ arsenal.

 

[Survivor]

Some of you guys weren't around when AD was here, so you may not have been warned that reading his posts, to be sure place what he states in the proper context. He gave advice that was used primarily to get us out of our desperate habits, not necessarily to become more effective "DJ"s.

That being said, I don't think you all get the jist of what Anti-Dump was trying to state. While he did say that he was against flirting, read his entire reply and you'll comprehend that he was only against it for the sake "telegraphing" romantic interest.

Flirting and kino are fine, but only if its a genuine part of your personality, and not just some empty tactic used for the slim hope that her IL will raise. In the case of flirting and kinoing just to impress a girl, Anti-Dump was right. Flirting would just be another form of supplication.

However, if you develop yourself such that you are naturally open and comfortable with women, kino and flirting become apart of your true personality, and is not just some "weapon in your DJ arsenal". Women can tell the difference.

I don't think AD was against flirting, but rather against tactical flirting just for sake of impressing women. Whether or not you follow AD's advice depends alot on your level of experience and your ability to control your own emotions. Anyone with a decent level of experience can and should flirt. However, for any inexperienced guy who lacks the intuitiveness needed to flirt effectively, Anti-Dump's advice is still spot on. Newbies need rules and this one remains as a good one to follow... then over time... break.

 

[Elimidate]

What is flirting used for?

Just look at how much money and time women spend on "getting ready" compared to a man.

Women always try to look thier best when they are planning to meet attractive guys. Why you ask? Because they use their looks as a weapon in the war of attraction and bottom line, attracting guys is the essence of being a women.

Why else would they spend $12,000 and have silicon stiffed into their chests and wear outfits that squeeze them alive? For the comfort of it all? I think not.

The more attraction a women can create from various men, the more power she has!

So with all this attention being stirred up, it only comes natural that they must create a way to sort out the guys they want and the chumps that they don't. PS-Most women beleive they are wanted by most men.....so how do they do the picking?

They eliminate the date! They pick the guy they want and conscious and unconsciously tell him that they are the chosen one.

This is the game.

When this happens, we as MEN have to step up the the plate and make the move. Anything less and you've just received a compliment rather than the girl. This may seen like the girl is the prize because in her mind you fell for her attraction and beauty but in reality-------- she casted her fine web at the real trophy-and YOU decided to make the move!!!!

Tell me, if the roles were reversed and you flirted with her and she advanced--- who would be the prize now??

Elimidate