Acting Uninterested...Giovanni Casanova, I need you in on this one

[Alpha Male Smilodon]

You posted that tip a while back about the guy who you thought acted gay and you said that women were attracted to him because he was uninterested. I know I gave you a bunch of crap about that post but now I want to discuss seriously the topic of acting uninterested.

My main wingman and I were out at the bars saturday and not really trying very hard to talk to chicks. We were chillin with one of the DJ's (that's disc jockey not Don Juan) who we knew and we probably looked to the girls there to be for the most part uninterested. Out of nowhere, a girl approached me. I wasn't that into her, but my wingie ended up hooking up with her friend.

Now, you could argue that it was our acting uninterested that inspired this approach by the girl but we all know that you can never count on women approaching you. If you approach a girl in a bar or club she pretty much knows you're interested in her.

What I want to bring up for discussion is how do you act uninterested, which Casanova says works and my experience seemed to suggest may work sometimes, and still pursue the women? It seems like a contradiction. What I always thought was you have to seem not exceedlingly interested so that they wonder how interested you really are. If you act totally uninterested, you have to hope she comes to you like this girl did to me which doesn't seem to happen very often.

Anyway, discuss...

[This message has been edited by Alpha Male Smilodon (edited 02-25-2002).]

 

[Powertrip]

AMS, this is the staple of how I get women to approach me. I'll post more later when I'm not at work, but it is not a contradiction.

Simply put, you act like you're having fun by yourselves, and make eye contact. 3 minutes later they wonder what is so fun/interesting that you can't go over to introduce yourself, and 5 minutes later they do the work for you. This is when you act not exceedingly interested in her and proceed like any normal encounter that you instigated. I call it the "No-Game, Game".

It's built on a lot of "hoping" that she'll come over, but once you get good at it, 9 times out of 10, they do. I've proven this concept at least 15-20 times in the past year, and in fact, did it twice last thursday (successfully). I've even gotten to the point that I can do it when I'm out alone, without talking to anyone.

Ask me some more questions, I'm a little too busy to think in a linear fashion.

------------------
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." -Hunter S. Thompson

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Well, how can I refuse when you put my name right in the subject?

Have any of you guys ever noticed that, when you hook up with a girl and you're in a committed, long term relationship, where you're seriously not looking for a girl, you suddenly have every hot chick within a fifty mile radius falling at your feet? I know that this has happened to me. You're not interested in meeting women, and suddenly the women are interested in YOU.

Same with the gay guy. He had women tripping over themselves to be around him, even though he honestly wasn't all that good-looking (in my male opinion, which is understanably biased).

The big question is WHAT THE HELL IS SO DIFFERENT about you when you're looking for a girl compared to when you simply aren't? Is it a confident aura? Is it a lack of desperation? And what's the difference between the guys who are just hanging out chilling with the disc jockeys and the guys who are barflies, holding up the walls?

Most guys in social settings (well, for that matter, ALL settings) seem to be on the prowl, looking for a girl to hook up with. There IS a sort of desperation about them, and the girls sense this with their weird little alien antennae. The guys who are just hanging out and genuinely having fun and honestly don't care about girls are suddenly seen as attractive, fun, confident, non-desperate, challenging guys.

The problem is that it's hard to fake this sort of thing. If you go to a club mainly just to have fun, then the girls will flock to you. If you go to a club solely to get chicks, you're going to have some difficulties. The main thing, for me, is to think about how I'd feel about the place if no chicks showed up. Could I still have fun? In other words, do you depend on the girls for your fun? If you can have fun without the girls, give it a try. Go to the club one night with honestly no intentions of hooking up. Make a vow to yourself not to pick up or hit on any women there. Go out there, have fun. If you are honestly doing this, the women will see the fun you're having and will practically beg to be part of it.

Then reject them. Seriously.

You'll be lucky if they don't rape you in the parking lot.



------------------
CASANOVA

"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you."
Eric Hoffer

"I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it."
Voltaire

"Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

 

[Gipper]

Alpha Male Smilodon,

I'm no Giovanni Casanova, but I'll toss my opinion in here...

I don't remember the post you mentioned off the top of my head, but I would guess that acting uninterested lowers the b*tch shield a great deal. Now, how do act uninterested? I think you act the opposite of how you would act if you were trying to draw her attention.

1. Limit eye contact. If you do happen to catch a little eye contact, don't keep looking back at her.

2. Don't smile. Smile = interest in a bar scenario.

3. Don't face her directly. Turn your back to her, or turn away to one side.

Now, as I write this, it doesn't seem to make any sense. Why would you want to avoid any of these? Well, this whole interested/ not interested thing may work if you show some *initial* interest, then back off. Throw a little bait out there, then sit and wait.

Of course the girl that approached you may have just been acting as a "wing girl" for the other chick that approached your friend. Girls using DJ tactics? Egad!!!

I'm not very good at the bar scene, so I can't say for sure this is right, but I'm sure some my bar-hopping amigos will chime in.

Gipper

------------------
"There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know you're money, and that you want to party.
-Trent, from "Swingers"

Love is the self-delusion we manufacture to justify the trouble we take to have sex.
-Daniel S. Greenberg

 

[Alpha Male Smilodon]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova:
Well, how can I refuse when you put my name right in the subject?

Well, that was my tactic. Glad it worked

And Gipper I think you are right that that was what that girl was doing (being a wing girl).

Compare this situation to my success story post which refered to the night before the night this post was about (and with the same wingman). Nothing would have happened there if I did not approach that girl. It is still yet to be determined what is going to happen with that girl but I am on the right track wit her so far. Also, that was at a club where if you don't go talk to girls you are an absolute shadow in that place.

I have no problem just going out and having fun with the guys but the idea of not talking to girls at all seems questionable. I'll experiment some more.

 

[Galactus]

When I read Casanova's post about that, you gave him a lot of crap about it, but I thought he was right on the money. I still do. This is how I score half the time, not acting uninterested, but being uninterested. I don't mean that the women are not appealing, just unattainable.

Not long ago I met this woman, and at first I was interested. But it soon became apparent to me that she was really dedicated to her man. So I came around her, but just as a friend. I never made any sexual moves on her, never any sexual comments, we just spent some time together now and then having pleasant conversation.

Then one night, during one of these conversations, she lets me know in no uncertain terms that she wants to fvck me, bad. So I did.

I wasn't totally uninterested in this girl, I just wasn't trying to get her any time soon. I thought I could act like a friend and bide my time. This is one reason I'm not so sure that being a friend is a bad thing.

I think the important thing to emphasize here is that I made no moves on her at all. I seemed totally uninterested in her sexually. I was interested, but in my mind I thought it was unrealistic to think she would go for me.

Maybe, just maybe, that little interest I did have in her showed through; after all, I was going out of my way to spend time with her.

I know you're talking about quick pick-up situations, but with me, it's usually over a period of time. I do think it works that way too, though.

Chicks see it out of the corner of their eye when you turn your head to check out their tits or ass. It gives them a little sense of power, and you just became her little puppet. When you see her, just casually glance at her, but don't let it linger any longer than you would look at an old man that just walked in the door. If they saw you, then they must be wondering why you didn't stare at her the way other men do. She's thinking, maybe he gets so much ass that he's not impressed by me. But she wants to impress you, so she will make herself noticed.

I've been doing this with women everywhere I go for the past couple weeks. When they talk to me, I'm not disrespectful, I just act like their looks have no effect. I've been realizing that this works a hell of a lot better than my usual practice of making sexual innuendos.

There are these strippers that come into the restaurant at night after their club closes. Snottiest bytches I've ever seen. They almost never would even look directly at me, as if I was beneath them. But I never acted as if it bothered me, and I never acted as if I thought they were any better-looking than anyone else. Now, they look me in the eye and try to talk to me. I'm polite, but I act as if I'm too busy to really give them my full attention. They're used to guys shoving ten dollar bills in their panties, and I barely have the time to smile at them. And on top of that, some of their panty money is going in my pocket! By now, they gotta be thinking I got some real balls on me.

I don't know if I'm gonna fvck any of these chicks, but I don't really care. Which is the attitude that's gonna make it happen.

I think this is the best way to act. I just wish I had the sense to carry myself that way all the time.

 

[Gipper]

This may also play into the "she wants what she can't have" scenario.

If you act uninterested, she answers the "challenge" you threw down. Notice how that word "challenge" keeps popping up in all these situations?

Pay attention to this newbies!

Gipper

------------------
"There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know you're money, and that you want to party.
-Trent, from "Swingers"

Love is the self-delusion we manufacture to justify the trouble we take to have sex.
-Daniel S. Greenberg

 

[Maximus]

Originally posted by Alpha Male Smilodon:
Anyway, discuss...

Hmmm.

I think the key to feign disinterest is... genuine disinterest.

Whhhaaaaaaaaa?

It means that you genuinely have something else on your mind.

Your mind and body are actively distracted from scoping and macking with the ladies. I think another key is tricking your mind to think "I have no chance", acting that way, and then relying on your radar to pick up signs of interest from the chick.

To make use of disinterest, a DJ (Don Jaun this time... damn acrynoms ;-))must know how to SHIFT gears on the fly. To be able to engage the DJ gear when your brain was ENTIRELY focused on "picking up milk". Then shift back into normal gear after the crash-and-burn and treating the whole encounter like nothing happened. This is what I am working on right now.

In your case, you were chatting up a storm with the club DJ and not trying to score.

Here is what I think happend inside this chicks head.

Wow! So many men, so little time! Look at all the interest I am getting. I knew this baby-T would work. I wonder who is DJing tonight. Hey! There he is. Who are those dudes he is talking with? They sure as hell don't seem interested in the skanks on the floor like all the others. Ha! I'll walk up, show off my baby-T and see if I can hook up with the cute one. Come on Sue (the friend) lets go. (Yanks her friend and drags her along)

She introduced herself and you: "What? Who are you?". You were THINKING / DISTRACTED entirely with the convo with the DJ. Her interuption upset your convo flow. In a micro second, you made a quick head-to-toe glance and decided you were'nt into her.

Her reaction.

"What the F**k? This is a killer baby-T and all the other dudes are drooling over me. Why doesn't he stop jabbing with the DJ and talk to me. Men! They never pick up my signals. "

See. Your mind was COMPLETLY focused on a subject other than pu$$y. Then a girl approaches and you simply react (I.e shift gears) to what she says. Because you did not scope her out ahead of time, your brain had no time to "start making up c**p" to screw you over before uttering a word. Once you sized her up, you thought about her pu$$y and based on your particular criteria, you decided to pass and return to the convo with the DJ.

Disinterest in FULL EFFECT.

I think this is why some nice guys are actually killer dons in disguise. They act this way to all woman who they have no interest in and consequently they probably DO attract a lot of female attention. They just don't know it. They also don't know how to CONTROL their interactions with women they are interested in... ala the AFC moniker.

I think this is the stage I am at. I don't consider myself an AFC simply because I have never been desparate to have any chick. My problem has been in approaching ladies I have interest in. Playing the game is not my strong suit. I have always been able to talk with any woman. Even 10's once I knew I had no shot with them and were introduced in a friendly atmosphere.

My problem is that I focus so much on enjoying good conversation that I FORGET about looking for signs of interest. Once I figure out how the ladies signal to some degree, I think I could be killer.

The wedding I attented this week was an intersting study. All three hotties at my table were married and varied between 21 and 30. I simply chatted up a storm with everyone, told them about the latin dance lessons I was taking (you should see thier eyes light up with that line) and proceeded to have a good time off and on the dance floor. I know I have no shot with any of them but I could FEEL the interest (maybe curiosity... envy) in them as their husbands stood on the sidelines tipping back one beer after the other.

All good things come in time.

Maximus

 

[Don the Legend]

Originally posted by Gipper:
This may also play into the "she wants what she can't have" scenario.

If you act uninterested, she answers the "challenge" you threw down. Notice how that word "challenge" keeps popping up in all these situations?

Pay attention to this newbies!

Gipper

Right on Gipper!

But I would also say that when a person is in control of himself, in control of his emotions then he appears not desperate. He appears different like Gipper, galactus and Casanova said.

Tantric wrote an excellent tip in the tip section about control:
http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/001379.html


Take Care,

Legend

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"As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round."... Ben Hogan

"The key to happiness in your life is "Your Life",... Don the Legend

 

[Maximus]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova:
If you can have fun without the girls, give it a try. Go to the club one night with honestly no intentions of hooking up. Make a vow to yourself not to pick up or hit on any women there. Go out there, have fun. If you are honestly doing this, the women will see the fun you're having and will practically beg to be part of it.

Then reject them. Seriously.

You'll be lucky if they don't rape you in the parking lot.

This is exactly wht I am working towards.

The latin dance lessons have been great over the last few months and I LOVE the music. I can dance to this stuff in the mall if I hear it because it is so much fun.

I plan to hit the dance clubs this spring once the snow melts away and I have had a couple more months on the studio floor to nail down my groove.

I plan to walk in. Hit the floor and dance. Chat up a storm and then leave. Just to experiment.

Maximus

 

[cyclonus]

I have no problem just going out and having fun with the guys but the idea of not talking to girls at all seems questionable. I'll experiment some more.

It's not about not talking to girls. It's about not going there with the intention to hook up and get laid. Go on and talk to girls, but not with the mindset of getting in their pants. They all want attention, and when they don't get yours they will be so stubborn and jump on you.

This ties into what pook said about being desireless (initially). When you are desireless, your reason for going out is to have fun. It shows that girls come SECOND to your having a good time.

 

[Ling-Mac]

This tactic is very real and efficient. When I was around 15, in my high school days, I was just as non-confident as today. But women weren't a quarter as important to me back then as they are today, so I just lived my nerdy life happilly, not particularly worried that "I'd probably never get a girl in my life". It's not that I didn't want them, they just were really low on my priority list. My male friends were just appalled, angry and perplexed at what would happen. Girls would try to attract my attention in every way imaginable. They'd ask me to "teach them english, in their houses" (and seem disappointed as I offered to teach them right there in the school itself); kino me to death
(one girl once rubbed herself so much against me I had to move away or be in a very embarrasing situation... and I didn't even TALK three sentences to her!); and there was this one hottie who built up the nerve to ask me out in front of everyone in the classroom. I was so non-confident I refused out of fear. Being the single most skinny guy in the entire classroom, I just couldn't bring myself to believe it was for real back then. I would avoid women like the plague, even for friendship. Ah, the irony, now that I want them, they won't give me the time of day...

One thing I still suspect, though, is that younger, inexperienced women are more willing to take the initiative than older ones. They haven't figured out yet that they CAN just sit down and wait for the males to put their egos on the line, I believe.

Still, I think that for shy people like myself, this tactic might be the single most important one to master...

 

[rbd]

Back when I was in middle and early high school, I (being very very shy around girls) was a PRO at this tactic! I knew I had more than several girls interested in me (and this one girl practically drooling over me for like 3-4 YEARS) but I could never bring myself to do anything about it. Boy, how I wish I knew what I know now back then. Can we say "getting some every night of the week?!?"

Anyhow, my question: When should this tactic be discontinued with a specific woman (i.e. when should you start being receptive/flirty, etc with her?) Of course, I'm assuming that with this tactic, you eventually want to get some/start dating/LTR/whatnot.

Thanks!

 

[Bonhomme]

There's definitely something to this.

I started once again going to a club night where I know the DJ (disk jockey), with the idea I would just have a great time. No expectations of picking up chicks at all. And just by enjoying myself and having instant status from being a friend of the DJ, got lots of attention, and a few phone numbers. Nothing much came out of it, because these gals are almost 20 years younger than I am, and the age issue was too much for them, but they *were* attracted, even though I'm not among the best looking among the men who attend that club night (lots of well-built GQ types, whereas I'm a bit skinny, and merely above-average looking).

So being disinterested does attract women.

----------------------

The proof of the pudding is in the eating thereof.

 

[Jake Steed]

One thing I like to do to really hot girls at clubs who give off that "I'm unobtainable." vibe is show them my back. I'll dance right in front of them, face them, smile at my friends and turn my back to the hot girls so they can get a good look at it and my ass. I make sure my back is turned to the hottest ones because they are so used to every guy facing them and staring at them.

I've really gotten a lot of great reactions out of some women. One girl introduced me to her 6 foot blonde girlfriend and the blonde said, "I know him, I've seen his back all night." in an annoyed voice. Last saturday night, there were these two "unobtainables" dancing in front of me. I witnessed several guys go down in flames over them and since they seemed a bit older than me (not my type) I just showed them my back. Later in the night, I ran into them at the bar. The leader came over to me and said "You're a great dancer. You look like you're having such a great time dancing tonight!" We flirted a bit until her bytchy friend got totally jealous and stormed off. I said, "Uh-Ohhh, somebody's mad. You better go." and dismissed her and went back to the dance floor.

Jake

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Vindication is such an awesome thing.



------------------
CASANOVA

"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you."
Eric Hoffer

"I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it."
Voltaire

"Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

 

[1utfan1]

Jake: I love the "watch my back" tactic!! Makes perfect sense. I'm gonna try that this weekend!!!

 

[007]

I'm a strong believer in the idea that women have sixth sense(whether they are aware of it or not).

Even if you try to act uninterested or confident, but you are really very nervous they will pick up on it. I think you have to be truly confident and disinterested. And the only way to do that is to make sure your in that mindset before you enter the bar/club.

I recently watched this documentary about the human brain. To make a long story short, is acts like a "receiving device" of information, ranging from spoken words, pictures, sounds and even thought waves! Apparently on some level, all of us can sense these thought/feeling waves from other people around us. Some people have a better sense of these things that others (women in particular).

A thought or a feeling is transmitted through out our bodies as a thought vibration. And apparently many people can, on an unconcious level pick up these vibrations which you emit. The thing is they aren't away of it. They can't explain it , instead they natually feel unattracted to you if you emit these nervous/non-confident vibes. On the other hand, if you a truly relaxed and having fun, women in particular, will pick on on this as well on a deeper level and as a result "feel" a natural attraction to you.

Man, I hope I didn't blab to much! Anyways, I thought I would share that with you.

007

 

[xniceguy]

Ah, but as someone asked earlier:

Once you have their interest, how do you go in for the close?

Is it direct and in your face "Give me your number, we'll go dancing another time"

Or more subtle like, "Wow it's late - want to roll over to place X and get some food?"

Basically, at some point you have to make a move, and then how do you keep acting not-really-interested?

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Chicks don't think. Chicks feel.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by xniceguy:
Ah, but as someone asked earlier:

Once you have their interest, how do you go in for the close?

Is it direct and in your face "Give me your number, we'll go dancing another time"

Or more subtle like, "Wow it's late - want to roll over to place X and get some food?"

Basically, at some point you have to make a move, and then how do you keep acting not-really-interested?

You're in the wrong mindset. You're not there to pick up girls. You just happen to be there, having fun. At some point you DON'T have to make a move, because often if you are truly uninterested in hooking up with a girl, the girls will somehow become interested in you. They will often be the ones that make the move. Then, it becomes oh-so-easy, because you continue to act as though you aren't interested. You suddenly have the power that the women usually possess. They are pursuing you. And if for whatever reason they DON'T pursue you, it's no big deal because you weren't there to pick up chicks anyway.



------------------
CASANOVA

"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you."
Eric Hoffer

"I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it."
Voltaire

"Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld