I graduated middle school and am gonna be a freshman. During middle school though, I actually tried some of the things I read and one particular thing was acting not desperate. I forgot who, but the writer said that you would attract more girls if you acted like you didn't need them than showing interest, so that's what I did. Well, it didn't really work because now they ignore me completely. Is it because I'm acting too disinterested or what? I need some advice because I want to be ready for high school. Do girls and grown women have psychological differences?
Acting not "Desperate"
- Thread starter sijas
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Ajbobtom
Don Juan
Eh. Think about the positives and negatives of this 'experiment'. What did you gain (what ability?) what did you lose? Try something new, there is NO SURE FIRE way. Try this, treat every one like a friend, not like a potential romantic interest. Just treat them like you would a friend.
You want put on a show of how confident you are. Don't brag or become over confident. When a challenge arises what a confident man would say is 'bring it' or when some one says you can't do that you say ' watch me'.
Being desperate is a turn off though, take what you learned, you don't need women, they need you.
You want put on a show of how confident you are. Don't brag or become over confident. When a challenge arises what a confident man would say is 'bring it' or when some one says you can't do that you say ' watch me'.
Being desperate is a turn off though, take what you learned, you don't need women, they need you.
If you aren't very good looking and don't have something they want (status or ect.) and you completely ignore girls they will ignore you as well.
My advice is try to get in shape, if you aren't all ready, and find some reason why you are proud of yourself, and try to use that to find some confidence.
And project confidence, women like confidence.
My advice is try to get in shape, if you aren't all ready, and find some reason why you are proud of yourself, and try to use that to find some confidence.
And project confidence, women like confidence.
Dreamin'_Dylan
Don Juan
As an out of shape high schooler my self, I can tell you that this is true. The "dis-interested" tactic doesn't work for guys like me, but that doesn't stop me from getting the ladies. I just had to learn how to get around it. As for your psychological question, you won't find any "grown women" in high school. They all act pretty childish no matter what grade level they are. Especially in your freshman class. Good luck with the beginning of high school my friend.Nite said:
Ajbobtom
Don Juan
I agree with Nite. Find something your proud of. Start getting in shape or something. Pick something YOU dont like about your self, and change it in your own way.
Let me give you and example of something that happened to me a month ago. So after I finished my first marathon, i mentioned it to my councilor (an ex military man). Less than a week down the road I'm in the hall before class begins, talking to a couple of girls. As I'm talking the councilor changes direction (he goes out of his way to do this) and pats me on the shoulder. As he does this he says to the two girls in front of me "We've got a marathon star right here."
The two were in awe for a moment. After the councilor had left the started to really take interest in me (The fact that the councilor bragged for me, only helped).
Its not the fact that I completed the stupid race. Its that I said I was going to do it one day, and I did it sooner than i expected.
Let me give you and example of something that happened to me a month ago. So after I finished my first marathon, i mentioned it to my councilor (an ex military man). Less than a week down the road I'm in the hall before class begins, talking to a couple of girls. As I'm talking the councilor changes direction (he goes out of his way to do this) and pats me on the shoulder. As he does this he says to the two girls in front of me "We've got a marathon star right here."
The two were in awe for a moment. After the councilor had left the started to really take interest in me (The fact that the councilor bragged for me, only helped).
Its not the fact that I completed the stupid race. Its that I said I was going to do it one day, and I did it sooner than i expected.
apocolipto
Senior Don Juan
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HighSchool,I learned,Is mainly just social proof.
Noob terms:Hang with cool people and have girls around you.
Noob terms:Hang with cool people and have girls around you.
NorwegianDJ
Master Don Juan
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I thought you said you weren't fat? Get in shape son. It's the best choice you can make. Don't 'work around it', just fix the main problem!Dreamin'_Dylan said:
Mr Wright
Master Don Juan
Its about being not acting! If you are not desperate then you can't desperate. Lets treat the problem not the symptoms.
Which leads onto the point how not to be desperate!
Lets take it simply, you are not desperate if you dont care. But you do care because you want some of these girls.
Girls dont want a guy who's desperate. So dont be desperate. Want but dont overstate in your mind how much you want it. A hungry man is famished if he hasnt eaten in a while, so everything he eats will be absolutely devine! The first girl you get, dont worry about her looks, if you want standards, develop them later on.
I know this all sounds pie in the sky but relax and believe me I've been through this. High school is all about value! It's all about learning school dynamics. In school it works quite simply:
Hot girls they generally can get away with pretty much anything, we can hate on it and cry ourselves to sleep at night about how its unfair but boo hoo thats how it is, you have the play things as you see them. The hotter girls will generally(i'm going to stop using the world generally soon because nothing is for granted in this world) will usually only date the hotter guys, the guys who are good at sport and the bad boys!
However, this is not the end for you if you are neither of these. People in high school are clever but they are also easily manipulated. Hence why there are so many trends, they may change where you live but trends happen everywhere, people follow the leader. This is so true in high school, everyone does things to fit in.
Now you need to become high value, now that phrase is thrown around a lot but its so easy to apply it in school. Here's a run down of what you can do.
Things people in school notice
- Your walk: You know when you notice someone whereever you go because they have amazing posture! Be that guy! Plus I'm 5'10 and a half but I walk like someone taller so through out my life its something girls have always mentioned.
- Your seat in class: On the first day, everyone tries to sit near the hot girls because they want to try and get close to them, hoping that proximity will make them wet for them. As you've probably realised, this doesnt work. Just take a seat anywhere, you're there to get educated, leave the flirting for the playground. Besides if you get the rest of this stuff right, she'll be wondering why you're not with the rest of the guys sucking tp to her.
- Who you hang out with: This one is going to sound harsh but its so true. If you hang out with losers, you will perceived as a loser and no girl will want to touch you. So when you are making friends, pick carefully, dont cling onto the first person you see. Girls are very particular about who they are seen hanging out with, so you kinda have to be the same(for now). Once you have a high enough value, you can do what you want.
- The person who's always smiling: Once again, be that guy, without looking like you belong in an insituation. Be friendly, greet people with a smile and be interested in how they are doing. Most of this is about being genuine.
- People who try to hard: Maybe its just me, but I always noticed the people who were buddying up to me for social value. Dont be the one always trying to get a laugh or to try and get too much attention by doing some silly. Girls can smell it a mile off.
- The people who have others backs: Stand up to bullies, let yourself be known. Whether thats people picking on you or people picking on others. Dont go in all aggressive because you'll probably get your butt kicked but go in with an attitude that will defuse the situation. If that means giving up your seat if some other little guy is going to get his butt whooped for his, then so be it. Its not beta if you are gifting it. It's so a mindset which I adopted from Russell Brand, we are all just part of the universe, nothing really matters, so just dont worry about things because they will pass in the end and you can get on with your life.
How to get value
Well, you make it for yourself by being friendly and raising the room. To be honest, some people will react negatively to this because not many people do it but either they will be won over by you or you can forget them, they dont matter. It's all within yourself.
Positivity is the key, there is a brighter tomorrow for you, from now on your life is going up hill.
One thing you must do
None of this will work if you do not accept yourself. You are (your name), you like XYZ! Dont think you have to change who you are because its not what others think is cool, you can make it cool. Take ownership of your life. It's so hard to find the words to explain this concept because it all depends on how you view yourself.
It boils down to you having to learn to love yourself. That doesnt mean you can make changes, by all means hit the gym, get into the shops and hit the streets but they will only aid you, not make you into who you are. Be the confident guy.
This is the most important thing when it comes to value, it is within yourself. If feel like you own the room, you will walk in like you do, then people will treat you like you do, you have value. But dont get too stuck in your head, just do your own thing, dont worry about how others are perceiving you because they noticed you. Granted they might not think much now, thats why when you open your mouth, your words have to count. Have fun, be the fun in the room, the only people who hate people who are having fun arent worth hanging around with.
All this is so simple once you understand it and internalise the right mindsets, high school can be whatever you want it to be.
Good luck and remember you've got what it takes, you just have to realise it!
Which leads onto the point how not to be desperate!
Lets take it simply, you are not desperate if you dont care. But you do care because you want some of these girls.
Girls dont want a guy who's desperate. So dont be desperate. Want but dont overstate in your mind how much you want it. A hungry man is famished if he hasnt eaten in a while, so everything he eats will be absolutely devine! The first girl you get, dont worry about her looks, if you want standards, develop them later on.
I know this all sounds pie in the sky but relax and believe me I've been through this. High school is all about value! It's all about learning school dynamics. In school it works quite simply:
Hot girls they generally can get away with pretty much anything, we can hate on it and cry ourselves to sleep at night about how its unfair but boo hoo thats how it is, you have the play things as you see them. The hotter girls will generally(i'm going to stop using the world generally soon because nothing is for granted in this world) will usually only date the hotter guys, the guys who are good at sport and the bad boys!
However, this is not the end for you if you are neither of these. People in high school are clever but they are also easily manipulated. Hence why there are so many trends, they may change where you live but trends happen everywhere, people follow the leader. This is so true in high school, everyone does things to fit in.
Now you need to become high value, now that phrase is thrown around a lot but its so easy to apply it in school. Here's a run down of what you can do.
Things people in school notice
- Your walk: You know when you notice someone whereever you go because they have amazing posture! Be that guy! Plus I'm 5'10 and a half but I walk like someone taller so through out my life its something girls have always mentioned.
- Your seat in class: On the first day, everyone tries to sit near the hot girls because they want to try and get close to them, hoping that proximity will make them wet for them. As you've probably realised, this doesnt work. Just take a seat anywhere, you're there to get educated, leave the flirting for the playground. Besides if you get the rest of this stuff right, she'll be wondering why you're not with the rest of the guys sucking tp to her.
- Who you hang out with: This one is going to sound harsh but its so true. If you hang out with losers, you will perceived as a loser and no girl will want to touch you. So when you are making friends, pick carefully, dont cling onto the first person you see. Girls are very particular about who they are seen hanging out with, so you kinda have to be the same(for now). Once you have a high enough value, you can do what you want.
- The person who's always smiling: Once again, be that guy, without looking like you belong in an insituation. Be friendly, greet people with a smile and be interested in how they are doing. Most of this is about being genuine.
- People who try to hard: Maybe its just me, but I always noticed the people who were buddying up to me for social value. Dont be the one always trying to get a laugh or to try and get too much attention by doing some silly. Girls can smell it a mile off.
- The people who have others backs: Stand up to bullies, let yourself be known. Whether thats people picking on you or people picking on others. Dont go in all aggressive because you'll probably get your butt kicked but go in with an attitude that will defuse the situation. If that means giving up your seat if some other little guy is going to get his butt whooped for his, then so be it. Its not beta if you are gifting it. It's so a mindset which I adopted from Russell Brand, we are all just part of the universe, nothing really matters, so just dont worry about things because they will pass in the end and you can get on with your life.
How to get value
Well, you make it for yourself by being friendly and raising the room. To be honest, some people will react negatively to this because not many people do it but either they will be won over by you or you can forget them, they dont matter. It's all within yourself.
Positivity is the key, there is a brighter tomorrow for you, from now on your life is going up hill.
One thing you must do
None of this will work if you do not accept yourself. You are (your name), you like XYZ! Dont think you have to change who you are because its not what others think is cool, you can make it cool. Take ownership of your life. It's so hard to find the words to explain this concept because it all depends on how you view yourself.
It boils down to you having to learn to love yourself. That doesnt mean you can make changes, by all means hit the gym, get into the shops and hit the streets but they will only aid you, not make you into who you are. Be the confident guy.
This is the most important thing when it comes to value, it is within yourself. If feel like you own the room, you will walk in like you do, then people will treat you like you do, you have value. But dont get too stuck in your head, just do your own thing, dont worry about how others are perceiving you because they noticed you. Granted they might not think much now, thats why when you open your mouth, your words have to count. Have fun, be the fun in the room, the only people who hate people who are having fun arent worth hanging around with.
All this is so simple once you understand it and internalise the right mindsets, high school can be whatever you want it to be.
Good luck and remember you've got what it takes, you just have to realise it!
Dreamin'_Dylan
Don Juan
I don't recall saying that anywhere on this forum. Or in life for that matter. But I am working out and doing cardio to try to lose weight.NorwegianDJ said:
NorwegianDJ
Master Don Juan
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I mistook you for this other guy for a moment. Good stuff, but diet is like 70% of the battle. Fix your diet, start a journal or something.Dreamin'_Dylan said:
Dreamin'_Dylan
Don Juan
I've been working on the diet too, but food is usually scarce at my place anyway, so I mostly just eat what I can. Within reason, of course.