Act like it doesn't bother you??? What?

[Dannyrt34]

Alright some advice on here seems to confuse me. First off, I'm going to give my situation. I ran into a girl yesterday, that I used to talk to about a month ago. I nexted her before because she never returned my phone calls. I used to just let it go and act like it never bothered me, which is what I read in the bible.

Now yesterday, when I seen her, I figured I'd confront her about that. She seemed excited to see me, so we carried on a normal, friendly conversation. Then I said "I think you were supposed to call me a few times and I never heard from you." She apologized and tells me how busy she been and blah blah blah. Then I say "Well, don't tell me you're going to call if you aren't going to." I left it at that, and we went on to talk for a few more minutes. Then when I left, she promised she'd call me in the next few days. She sent me a text message today while she was at work, saying I should come by to see her. So I guess it worked to confront her about that.

Now my question is:
Why does most of the advice I read on here tell you to act like that stuff doesn't bother you? Shouldn't you be a man and confront her when she does something you don't like.

In my opinion, if you act like nothing bothers you, the girl would think she can GET AWAY with it, and keep doing it. So if you confront her, she won't do it anymore.

I just don't know why many DJ's on here give the advice of "Just let it go, act like it don't bother you."

I'd like to hear other opinions about this.

 

[Tired]

hmm i think coz sometimes if u confront a girl u are basically lettin it know it affects u and somehow meaning she has a grasp on u. Correct me if i am wrong.

 

[mattb717]

I think it should be taken in the context that you're not going to let it bother you because you're no going to be talking to the girl anymore, so why does it matter? Had you said Hi, went about your business and left it at that? Well, she'd probably have realized her mistake without the confrontation. Could be wrong, but that's my take.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Alright some advice on here seems to confuse me. First off, I'm going to give my situation. I ran into a girl yesterday, that I used to talk to about a month ago. I nexted her before because she never returned my phone calls. I used to just let it go and act like it never bothered me, which is what I read in the bible.

Now yesterday, when I seen her, I figured I'd confront her about that. She seemed excited to see me, so we carried on a normal, friendly conversation. Then I said "I think you were supposed to call me a few times and I never heard from you." She apologized and tells me how busy she been and blah blah blah. Then I say "Well, don't tell me you're going to call if you aren't going to." I left it at that, and we went on to talk for a few more minutes. Then when I left, she promised she'd call me in the next few days. She sent me a text message today while she was at work, saying I should come by to see her. So I guess it worked to confront her about that.

Now my question is:
Why does most of the advice I read on here tell you to act like that stuff doesn't bother you? Shouldn't you be a man and confront her when she does something you don't like.

In my opinion, if you act like nothing bothers you, the girl would think she can GET AWAY with it, and keep doing it. So if you confront her, she won't do it anymore.

I just don't know why many DJ's on here give the advice of "Just let it go, act like it don't bother you."

I'd like to hear other opinions about this.

Danny:

Your a bright guy. Something you have to understand is this; the DJ Bible is not gospel for every single situation that you are in. Instead its more of a manual, instructing all these AFC's how to re-wire their thought process and actions when it comes to women. Think about it for a second. 99% of the guys on this board right now are major AFC's who have never gotten laid, never juggled multiple women and never been the Alpha Male of their group. So you kinda gotta be extreme to completely wash away their old chump habits.

Now about your question. Every situation and every girl is different. So keep that in mind when you decide on whether or not you want to call a girl out on her **** or not. Sometimes calling a girl out on a missed phone call or flaking works perfectly to put her in her place and establish the fact that you are the leader. Other times it might make you look weak, insecure and needy. As you get older and gain experience with the all the different types of women out their, you'll develop a better gauge into how to tell who's worth your time and who can kiss your ass.

Don't relax at let go of the noose with this girl. Just because she texted you once doesn't mean she'll start being your puppy dog now. Remember girls are like puppies. Once they get caught misbehaving they're on their best behavior MOMENTARILY until they feel like they have you back within their grasp.



PIMP

 

[Phyzzle]

Danny, I just find your whole situation bizzare.

You asked this chick to call you, and she obviously didn't want to. So you're pressuring this chick into calling you and hanging out?

And it's actually working?

Wow, I've tried that. Lots of people have tried that. It never even came close to working.

PLS give us an update after meeting her. I just can't understand what's going on.

 

[Dannyrt34]

Danny, I just find your whole situation bizzare.

You asked this chick to call you, and she obviously didn't want to. So you're pressuring this chick into calling you and hanging out?

And it's actually working?

Wow, I've tried that. Lots of people have tried that. It never even came close to working.

PLS give us an update after meeting her. I just can't understand what's going on.

No, read that part again, I never pressured her into calling me. She OFFERED to call me. I simply was letting her know that it's not acceptable for her to tell me she's going to call and then not. I believe that this was just letting her know that I don't let girls get away with playing these games with me.

 

[Embrace]

What do you think of this:

Whatever someone does should not bother you and effect you as a person.


What about calling them out on it without being a whiney b!tch?

 

[DJHoolahoop]

i've often wondered about this one too. in one hand it may seem insecure or that she has a hold on you in some way if you show that it bugs you and then on the other its really letting her know what you will and will not tolerate.

so that's where it becomes a question of whether or not it works in your favour and i mean that as, is it communicated to her in a way that she'll respond to you. if you come across like you're jealous or worried about what they do when they're not with you or upset that you didn't hear from them when they said they'd call.

its like as a dj your life is your priority and women are secondary to it if that. they're great to have around, but they're not the be all to end all in life so its not really important in the end anyways. and truly its like sure they can act like bytches and see how far it gets them with you, but you're so above having to deal with flighty, immature behaviour and demand that you won't through assertiveness. that could mean being able to address it through communicating that it doesn't make you jealous or upset or whatever, but that it is leaving a bad impression with you and feel that its important that she keep her word in order for there to be any trust.

at least if something more serious is what you're looking for then i do feel that's important. if she's just there to be a FB then a "who gives a shyt so long as i get to tap that @ss" view to it isn't so bad. depends what you want.

 

[Dannyrt34]

What do you think of this:

Whatever someone does should not bother you and effect you as a person.


What about calling them out on it without being a whiney b!tch?

Are you saying you let people disrespect you? And don't reword what I said to make it sound completely different. You know how it goes man, if you let people get away with that stuff all the time, what's going to happen? Their going to KEEP doing it. It's like that little kid who gets picked on in school. Why does everyone choose him to taunt? Because he never stands up for himself or does anything about it, so everybody knows they'll get away with it.

I wasn't whining about it, I was being assertive. I only mentioned that for about 10 seconds while I was talking to this girl, you make it sound like those were the first words out of my mouth to her, and that's all I talked about. Don't post your answer unless you read into my post a little better.

 

[Driven2Succeed]

danny,

u did the right thing dude..theres nothing wrong with what u did, and obviously she wants to talk to u if she sent u a text.. i mean if we're boys and im supposed to call u, but i dont do it.. ur gonna call me on it.. like "dude, wtf, u were supposed to call me?".. and i'd be like "hey sorry man, i was busy with some sh1t, ill hit u up when i get a chance".. and then i'd make sure i called u next time.. girls are the same man.. treat them the same way.. u totally did the right thing.. i know i wanna be called on my sh1t, as do most people..including women.. she respected u for calling her on that man..

u have to let some things go and always try to give her the benefit of the doubt.. this doesn't come easy, and has a lot to do with ur confidence and life.. like im a pretty busy dude, so i know how it is not getting to return calls..like seriously, somtimes i dont call people back for days if i am working 3 12 hour night shifts in a row.. like there just isnt enough time to sleep, do stuff, and hit the gym before work.. and still have time to call people.. so i can understand if a girl doesn't answer her phone or call me back right away..BUT, if it continues, with not even a text or email, then i kinda take the hint and leave them alone..it all depends on the person too and ur relationship with them

i truly feel bad for the people who ONLY use the dj bible and info from this site.. i mean it is good info, but at the same time u have to be flexible and do things on the fly depending on situation..there are a lot of robots here..seriously!!

we are all people, theres not an instruction manual for women, because every woman, situation, and day are different.. u guys gotta learn the dj bible but also, dont be afraid to bend things from time to time.. u cant be a machine, because u have feelings and so does she..

 

[Dannyrt34]

if she's just there to be a FB then a "who gives a shyt so long as i get to tap that @ss" view to it isn't so bad. depends what you want.

Very nice post hoolahoop. I wish I would have worded mine more like that. But you hit the nail on the head. I always wonder if I really should let it go when the girl does something I don't like. Since she might take it as "Wow, I can act like a bich like this and he won't do anything about it." And then if I do confront her, I wonder if she'll take it as me being jealous or something. I'm more of a relationship guy so I do like to make sure the girl will play by the rules, and I can't think of any other way to go about this.

 

[Phyzzle]

I nexted her before because she never returned my phone calls.
..."Well, don't tell me you're going to call if you aren't going to."

Okay, what's going on here? She didn't "return your calls"? Just because you left messages telling her to call you, that doesn' mean she has to call you back.

 

[Distant Light]

All about calibration on that one, There were times where I was flaked and told her she had to make it up to me by doing... (Whatever I wanted) That has worked for me alot.

 

[JJMcLure]

You should act like things haven't affected you (affected your emotions - i.e. caused sadness/anger etc) but still let a chick know that you will not tolerate it. That means maintaining a calm, matter of fact dispostition.

You have to confront genuine disrespect. You can inform a chick if she does something you won't tolerate (but it should be CLOSE to the time, like when you punish a dog for pissing on the carpet). If you start complaining about it way later, it looks like it got to you and whiney. But have some perspective on the difference between genuine disrespect (e.g. standing you up, screwing another guy), and something "you didn't like" (i.e. you want her to behave a certain way but she doesn't) - you don't want to come across a control freak.

Of course this chick was pleased to see you, they NEVER want enemies (it causes them massive stress), but they equally as much like recruiting/retaining admirers. In terms of confronting her about why she didn't call, there was no point, you'll never get a straight answer - just a stream of BS. She knows why she didn't call and you should know too - by complaining about it you just give her the impression you a) don't get it b) it bothers you, which means c) she has some power over your emotions (bad). SHE DIDN'T RETURN YOUR CALLS BECAUSE SHE WASN'T INTO YOU AND HAD OTHER THINGS SHE'D RATHER BE DOING.

Chicks won't just call you up, it's too pressured and they risk rejection. Chicks like to be the choosers - you present an option, they accept/decline. That's means you initiating - i.e. calling. A lot of chicks say "call me" just as a goodbye, don't read too much into it.

As far as her texting you to go see her, it's an invitation to jump through some hoops. Note that in fits in with the above - by going to see her you will be the one initiating.

 

[Randomer]

Anyone who thinks that there's something wrong with telling a girl off and "letting her know that it affected you" needs to get some damn confidence in themself! Of course it affected you! She said she would call you and didn't? You wouldn't be even slightly pissed off in the least??? Why are you holding it in, because you think she won't like you if you do act upset? You don't even really need to act upset but at least let her KNOW that what she did was wrong/that you didn't like it, even in a teasing manner (yet serious too, if anyone can understand that...) Nothing's gonna change if you just keep all your emotions balled up in yourself! Be a man! These women are supposed to live by OUR rules. So lay them down! Theeeeen if they still don't follow them, **** it, and go onto the next. You've already let the last one have her chance, and she ****ed it up. Her loss! Grow some balls guys!

Danny, I understand where ur comin from and Pimp-sicle, I understand totally what ur talking about too with all these AFCs but a lot of them just follow some stupid rules without understanding wtf is going on. Like it's like a some college class, u learn some set way and it works, nah... it's not like that though, there is no set way, all these "rules" are REALLY meant to do is try to get the AFC to act like a man, and a lot of times, the DJ Bible and other "seduction" ebooks IMO do is turn loose on the world hella AFCs with invisible crutches supporting their balls! Of course it's OK at the way beginning but... i dunno what to say lol, ya gotta grow out of it at some point. I just HOPE that the AFCs will eventually learn through using this stuff and just seeing how it works and seeing that it was really all in them all along...

 

[Blusher]

Your a bright guy. Something you have to understand is this; the DJ Bible is not gospel for every single situation that you are in. Instead its more of a manual, instructing all these AFC's how to re-wire their thought process and actions when it comes to women. Think about it for a second. 99% of the guys on this board right now are major AFC's who have never gotten laid, never juggled multiple women and never been the Alpha Male of their group. So you kinda gotta be extreme to completely wash away their old chump habits.

Very good point!

Take it for what it is: a survival guide for the very insecure.

Now, if you're a confident, clever guy, there's nothing wromg talking about issues frankly and make a clear point if you don't like her behaviour.

 

[GloriouslyInsane]

"I think you were supposed to call me a few times and I never heard from you." <> "You didn't call me,thus disrespecting me and i can't tolerate that."

You can still confront her and not seem like it's affecting your emotions but rather your principles.

 

[Dannyrt34]

Okay, what's going on here? She didn't "return your calls"? Just because you left messages telling her to call you, that doesn' mean she has to call you back.

No, when I was seeing her, she used to tell me she'd call me on a certain day or time, and never did, so that's basically what's going on.

 

[Scrumtulescence]

It's not so much that it "doesn't bother you", but that you don't let it take control of you and the way you act around her; you're unaffected by it. That doesn't mean you don't confront her about it.

 

[hi2u]

It sounds like you did a good job. You acted like it wasn't a huge deal, but you had the balls to bring it up and discuss it in a mature matter. There's a difference between seriously instructing someone that you disapprove of their behavior and having an upset, emotional reaction to a person's behavior. Learning this will make you more successful in life period.

"Bad boys" love to use these emotional temper tantrums to get their way, and they do, but this will eventually wear out it's welcome and unless you enjoy behaving like a 3 year old, it's not recommended.