Acknowledging your GF has the upper hand.

[Duracell_Bunny]

No contact has never worked for me during a relationship. I've used it in the early stages of dating and break ups to great success.

During a relationship, it made the gfs either think I was being mad, causing drama or simply avoiding confrontation.

What did work was getting on with my life as normal - I got back into working out, went out seeing friends and working a lot on self improvement. They slowly came crawling back with refreshed interest.

Being neutral towards them worked great - I didn't initiate anything but did respond to calls/text when I had finished whatever I was doing.


About power in the relationship, that really needs to be proven from the very start or the very first time things happen.

If a friend calls for a drink while you are with her with her GO! - If you always decide to be with her, you are setting yourself up for confrontation later on.


If she miss-behaves once, I'd call it a day at that point. It gives you the upper hand, and IF you do decide to take her back she knows what will happen. Letting her off will make her think she can get away with it again.

As others have said, once caught out she will only keep doing it but... under wraps from you.

 

[Alvafe]

Do you think if I don't officially break up with her, still hang out with her now again but live a fuller life outside of the relationship then that'll send the message I want? I mean, I don't want to do that to send a message I actually just want to get back to who I am and who I was being a few weeks ago. I don't want to be this over thinking, moping fool that I have been for the past two weeks. I want to not cheat on her because I feel less of a man if I do that, I'd rather just dump her first but because I don't want to end it just yet I'll give her space without going totally NC. I've done that before with ex's and they usually can't stand the fact that you're doing other things or hanging with buddies when you 'should' be speaking with them on the phone or going out for lunch on 'our' day.

The reason I'm so confused is I really don't want to play games. With my ex, I genuinely didn't play games and she was a hard to get kind of girl too when I met her then she crumbled because when she sh1t tested me I would just ignore her. I remember once she told me it's her work friend's birthday and they're going out and it'll just be her and her female work friend with half a dozen guys and would I mind. I said no have fun then she rang me later puzzled as to why I didn't care. I saw this ex as much lower quality then my current GF during the relationship and my GF totally sees that and takes advantage of it.

I have trust my girl wouldn't cheat but the betas around her are seriously as beta as it gets. They'll go half way around the world to get her a cup of coffee if she asked. I not used to being with a girl who is as strong minded as this one, I have been with girls who call me 10 times after a fight.

serious, staying around this kind of woman for lack of options and thinking you can't do better is sad.

you know what you should do, but you keep asking, trying to lead us to give you a answer you will feel more confortable with.

just drop her @ss and move on for the next one

 

[DunSweat]

I really think many of you have taken an extreme interpretation of what I have been saying. I was honest in saying that past couple of weeks I displayed AFC actions by getting over protective and emotional but I DID set boundaries in the initial months of dating. My whole point is that after 9 months of being together, she just recently started playing up and I reacted badly and that's why I am asking for advice.

She outright told me that she is going to be at a college event and no other girlfriend wanted to go and her class friend is goin and no doubt he is an afc little snake because I've met him before. I told her that she is not to hang with him even if it is a day event where thousands of people will be there and she got all upset saying that there is no reason I shouldn't trust her and I am not to dictate her daily life actions. That's what the drama started from but for several months as I was leading this relationship the girl made one or two decisions which I didn't like but weren't relationship ruining but I told her what's up.

Now I believe that I should concentrate more on my own life as previous poster said. Get back into gym, hanging out more with buddies, and talking to other girls. Not to make her jealous but to bring myself back to the man I want to be. I haven't fallen off the horse like I had years ago but these weeks Have reminded me that I am slipping.

 

[DunSweat]

You are to set it at the onset when she asks for exclusivity, not the "initial months".


Did she ask for exclusivity?
Did she agree or not to your terms? Or did you set them AFTER you accepted her request for exclusivity.


There is reason you do it when she is requesting for exclusivity, to remove ambiguity and set expectations, NOT to keep her from hanging out with other men.




If you already stated your terms, why restate them? She knew the rules and chose to break them.

This is a capital offense with only one option, to dump her. Your refusal to do so shows the real problem at hand, you are the lesser value in the relationship and have a scarcity mindset. This is your real problem, not any "boundary".

I don't know what human interactions or what type of girls you have dated but what I mean is that while dating during the first several dates I made it clear what I expected and she was the one who was way more focused on the exclusivity talk then me because like I said, she met me when I was being chased and wanted by girls that she even knew, I was fit and handsome. I still am a quality man IMO but of course, I haven't been acting single out of respect to an exclusive relationship. Now of course she did wrong by wanting to break an agreement to be completely separated from male friendship in terms of hanging out together and I confronted that but not in an alpha manner more upset then I would have liked and of course she gained confidence from that. But you know what, in human world, I imagine if there a fitness expo and my boys weren't down to go and it was on campus and a female friend wanted to go with me, I probably wouldn't even tell my girl I'd just go. Now if she found out and addressed it with me and I was in a sh1tty mood, I'd probably give it to her. This event was not a beer drinking wet t shirt competition she wanted to go to but a cultural day which she still I maintain, can go by herself if she wants to go that bad. But she brought it up to me and got upset because I fathered my reaction and because no doubt her IL is slower then some time ago but that's a relationship. If you think your girl is going to be jumping out of bed every morning to make you your favorite breakfast then give you your favorite bl0wj0b then you're kidding yourself.

I am not oneitis and I am not putting this girl on a platform. Yes, I have come to a part of my life where I want to slow down and have a family. I have been with the bad b1tch, the hot b1tch, the girl who pretends to be religious, the girl who obeys everything I say etc. and when it's all said and done, 90% of what they do is all the same.

 

[Soolaimon]

I DID set boundaries in the initial months of dating.

The boundaries were set at the beginning and she stepped right over them when she lost interest.

Hope you all can finally see that now.

Women don't care about your terms or your boundaries when they lose interest.

Boundaries are useless and won't prevent her from going to other men.

A verbal agreement won't stop her from cavorting no matter what you think.

It's about respect and interest. When it's gone so is your relationship even with a boundary.

Forget about her. You value has diminished and she isn't a quality girl.

It isn't too hard to meet new girls.

Start doing that today!

I will reply to the other comments later when I have the time.

 

[Jair213]

Danger nailed the nail in the coffin.

 

[Soolaimon]

Several DATES in, he is talking to her about exclusivity and you think BOUNDARIES are the issue??? Good god no wonder you can't grasp this stuff.

You're the one who can't grasp the simple concept of attraction and respect..

You still argue the same erroneous repetitive arguments in this thread.

You have no idea what it means.




Boundaries were still set with her. She chose not to follow them cause of her low interest. That will still happen even if he set them before the relationship.

Low interest women break boundaries no matter what.

Insecure men become AFC when their phony authority is taken away.

This is what happened to him.

Boundaries only will work as long as the woman has interest and has respect.

When her interest and respect is gone she will break the boundary.

Even if he set the boundary before the relationship she will still break it later on when her interest declines.

Boundaries are useless.

Still having a hard time figuring that one out?

Take a few days off from posting. Come back with some new fresh material to argue your boundary theory.

I already told you to do that cause your erroneous repetitive argument isn't going to change.

gotta say im 100% with Soolaimon on this one.

ive never been a "boundary setter" myself. conveys wayyy too much low value to people.

having standards is one thing, but setting boundaries is nothing more than an admission of powerlessness

Low value men set boundaries out of fear cause they are afraid of their own insecurities.

The insecure men are scared she is going to cheat so they implement boundaries.

They disguise it as holding power instead of their own insecurity of weakness and fear.

It's only a verbal agreement that she agrees to at the beginning of the relationship when her IL is high.

The boundary calms the fears of the insecure man thinking he has power to control her from having other men. It's just a fake power trip.

He can't trust her without a boundary. He needs the boundary as a security blanket in order to trust her. It's just verbal words she can break at any time.

Months later when her interest declines she will break the boundary cheating on him.

Most likely cavorting with other men behind his back cause she doesn't want him to know she is breaking the boundary.

When he finds outs she was cheating she will get dumped.

The boundary did nothing to stop her from having other men.

She disobeyed his phony authority with ease breaking his terms.

The boundary was useless.

chicks cross the line, but do you have to TELL them whats ok and whats not? why not just soft next until she gets a clue? or move on to the next if she doesnt?

Women have free will.

They are going to do what they want even with a verbal boundary in place.

When another man turns her on she won't hesitate to go to him.

No boundary is going to stop that.

What she felt months before isn't what she is feeling now.

The boundary she agreed to months before isn't what she really wants now.

She will break the boundary.

Some men still can't seem understand that when they are deluded in the insecurity of their boundary.

Soft nexting is a waste of time. It does nothing for you.

You dump her for breaking the unwritten rules of a relationship.

Smart classy women know what the rules of relationships are. They really want you so they respect you enough not to cheat. Those are women you screen to be exclusive with

The reason women stray is cause the man has low value to her.

That will happen with or without boundaries.

Boundaries are useless and only for the insecure man.

setting boundaries will always make attraction take a major hit from my experience

Attraction isn't the problem at the beginning of the relationship.

Her attraction is high. She will agree to your terms of the boundary. She won't lose attraction for you.

It's during the course of the relationship that the attraction will diminish.

The boundary will become useless when she cheats cause of her low IL.

The boundary didn't prevent her from cheating.

That is why boundaries are useless.

Some guys still can't figure that one out.

 

[handle]

Glad to see I'm not the only one thinking this guy has no idea what he's talking about… Sometimes I wonder in this place.

 

[El Payaso]

Yeah, Soolaimon is a girl. Don't waste your time with her.