Achieved so much, won many victories yet feel no better than a WB-AFC

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

The facts: I have achieved so much for a young kid like me. As a lil kid struggling against so many constraints, limitations and setbacks I have battle through many things I though I could never do. Yea, I can write them down on paper. People can tell me the changes I have gone through over the past few years.

I have improved my looks, got a rating of 9.4 on hot or not. Got so many looks from many girls and such. Gained a fair bit of muscle. Got smarter on my own. Planned out most of my future. Took up bowing and muay thai. Got good at it. People say I can take on bigger tough guys even if I'm only a small kid. A lot of people give me a lot of credit I seem to get ver uncomfortable with. These credit don't seem to fit in well with my identity.

The problem is...I dont feel that way. I dont feel no better than a bum on the street. Sure enough I feel confident after a while but that is shortlived. Like all the other things I have done are always overlooked.

You might think I am trolling. You might think I am fishing for a compliment or uplifting words of encouragement. But none of that works or anything to change my perception of self to see the truth. I need to feel it. It seems illogical. It is just like a woman who sees a man to be to rich, smart, intelligent, good looking etc but just doesn't feel attraction towards him. My identity, personality, self-esteem or however you name it doesnt "feel" my achievements. All the things I've done seems to just temporarily fill in a leak which appears to be a giant void in my life.

How do I fix these up. I dont want to go to a counsellor or psyhologist to get bullsh*t textbook answers. The last time I went to one they put me on anti-depressants which totally did the opposite. When people see me they say "How the f*ck is he depressed or feeling ill of himself when he's got all that?"

Have you ever been in this sort of phase. Think that you have banished this complex only to reappear after you have managed to achieve another milestone. I have posted a similar thread on "Feeling like a loser when winning" or something like that on a different sign in name.

Please feel free to add your view, opinions and comments.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

I have 6 jobs. 3 in my hometown (volunteer at daycare, factory-hand, bartender) 3 in my studytown (tutoring, paintball ref, security personnel)

I chat up a lot of women during bartending and make new friends. I flirt with all the other barmaids and they flirt with me heavily as well.

I am the president of my college, in charge of all party, social and sporting events. I am one of the most popular cats in college.

On paper and statistics, I have game. But I do not feel up to the task or feel that I have what it takes. I had a 6ft athletic barmaid of a gf (I'm 5'6) and from then I have been with a lot of other women but I do not feel anyh more successful than a virgin.

Why do I feel incomplete. Why do I feel that I don't have what it takes to cut it into this new world. Why do I not find love within myself.

I feel starved in world abundant in food. I feel scared where there are no lions to kill. I feel inadequate even when there is no task to do. Why do I not feel proud of myself?

How do I fix this? I do not want to go crazy!!! I have so many things I aspire to be but I am scared that even when I achieve them, life would not be any better and I wouldnt feel any different than now. I just don't want to give up unexpectedly one day when this feeling hits, the feeling of my energy being just futile.

Any books helpful? Posts on sosuave? Motivational speaker? I think it is some kind of complex but need more research.

 

[Last Man Standing]

If you feel incomplete with all the things that you are doing then that tells you that you are looking for something more! Two things:

!. You want someone that you truly value and who values you - someone you can share things with..

2. You are looking for a higher spiritual meaning for your existence!!

 

[d9930380]

Cry me a river! - Only joking!

Last Man Standing - Why did you say "You are looking for a higher spiritual meaning for your existence!!" and what the **** do you do about that one if you can't proove any Religions.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

LMS I think I know what you are getting at....I do not follow religion at all however that statement seems to have struck something on the head.

I've got the book "The way of the Superior Man" and "The Game" just to enlighten me with extra stuff.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I felt the same way when I was 17 y/o.

I started praying, reading the bible and going to church. The answer to the 'void' problem was Jesus and started feeding myself spiritually and finding out that Jesus actually died on the cross for me (and everyone on here, although you may not know it yet), and there is no greater love than this. He forgave the Roman soldiers who crucified Him and is pure love. He choose to die for us so we could go to heaven and miss hell, but didn't have to. At that age you realise there is something more out there than the world around you, which is nothing but emptiness and deception around anyway, and you are looking for deeper meaning and truth.

You are talking about 'the void'. God's calling you and wants to have a relationship with you. That's His voice, or how He communicates with people.
Just kneel and talk to Him and trust He will listen to you and just connect with Him.

This is beautiful. God is talking to you. Apart from a relationship with Him, everything really is meaningless.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

So you found your calling...You've found something that filled that void, gave you a reason not to chase the illusion of completion and you got on with your life. Congratulations I am glad to hear your problem is no longer one.

As of fears? My fear is that I let myself fall victim to my own insecurities and recurring anxiety and self doubt. I am still intimidated of fallen enemies, feel inadequate when a girl has given herself wholly to me, feel like a peasant when I am King. Fear? I do have plenty of fears but can't seem to pinpoint exactly what it is.

Do you suggest that I forgive all those who have wronged me in the past. Totally detaching myself from all the setbacks that seem to cling on to my journey of success.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Last Man Standing - Why did you say "You are looking for a higher spiritual meaning for your existence!!" and what the **** do you do about that one if you can't proove any Religions.

Do you really think that truth, morality, spirituality etc only came into existence because of religion? Religion is a consequence of these things - religion is merely organized dogma (belief system).Our spirit existed before Christianity!

Religion is not about "proof" - it is about personal beliefs and faith!

If religion never existed we will still feel a need to question our existence and our realities - the known and unknown and look for answers that cannot be proven to be true! In fact, this is why we have religion and philosophy.

LMS I think I know what you are getting at....I do not follow religion at all however that statement seems to have struck something on the head.

I've got the book "The way of the Superior Man" and "The Game" just to enlighten me with extra stuff.

Rudy baby, I’m not part of any religion but that doesn’t mean that I am not a spiritual being! Our physical realm is only a part of our existence and the attainments that we achieve in the physical realm satisfies us and keeps us busy but it is doesn’t fulfill us completely because we are made of another part besides the physical – the spiritual one –

So when we concentrate all of our energies on satisfying our physical needs and wants, we tend to avoid our spiritual self; thus, although we are successful in many areas in our lives we still feel a void in our mind and heart – why?? Because we neglect fulfilling the spiritual self – our other half!

So this is why you still feel half empty – not totally complete – because, even if you reach 100% of your goals and 100% happiness with your physical self, you can be no more than 50% satisfied and fulfilled in your total self because you have neglected the other half that makes you complete – your spiritual self!

Comprende?

 

[Luke Skywalker]

So you found your calling...You've found something that filled that void, gave you a reason not to chase the illusion of completion and you got on with your life. Congratulations I am glad to hear your problem is no longer one.

That's right. That void has ceased to exist since I was 17 y/o, which as I remember was around March 1993. I found that the Christian TV shows, especially re-enactments of the Passion of Christ to be helpful of my understanding of the love of Jesus.

As of fears? My fear is that I let myself fall victim to my own insecurities and recurring anxiety and self doubt. I am still intimidated of fallen enemies, feel inadequate when a girl has given herself wholly to me, feel like a peasant when I am King. Fear? I do have plenty of fears but can't seem to pinpoint exactly what it is.

You need to receive Jesus as your savior. If you were to die right now, or to die tonight, where do you think you will be? You need to get right with God then you will be at peace and your fears will go away. The fear is seperation from God, and that seperation is due to original and current sin. The opposite of fear is faith. The solution is to trust yourself fully and avail yourself on Jesus Christ's finished work on the Cross.

You have realised that there is nothing in the world, sex, and everything it has to offer, which is nothing. When I was 17 y/o I felt like you did, I wasn't into anything, but realised there was nothing in the world but emptiness, lies, deception, hypocracy, and no truth or substance, as that seemed to come only from God, who is perfect, holy, righteousness, just, pure, merciful, has always existed and always will exist. I had enough spiritual insight to realise it would be a waste of time to chase the wind.

The Cross. Jesus died there in your place. There is plenty of room for everyone on here. The blood that was shed from Jesus' body from the whips, all that blood was the price for your redemption. This is true, a place is there for you in the family of God, you just have to repent and receive Christ into your life. It sounds like you are coming to the point of knowing there is nothing but emptiness out there.

Do you suggest that I forgive all those who have wronged me in the past. Totally detaching myself from all the setbacks that seem to cling on to my journey of success.

I suggest that you look to Jesus Christ and the absolute love of God. You will not be able to love or forgive people unless you are loved and forgiven yourself, and obtain the unmerited love and grace of God. It's not about works or trying to earn your way into heaven but about understanding and receiving the love of God as expressed in Christ Jesus.

I'm not trying to convert you to anything - but want to introduce you to the concept of the absolute love of God, and the expression of this absolute and unconditional love in Christ Jesus. God loves you as much now, as when you were born, and is constant throughout your life and is calling you to in your life to recognize Him. There is no greater love than someone who will give their life for you, and someone indeed has. Embrase the love of Christ.

 

[Last Man Standing]

This is beautiful. God is talking to you.

I'm not God but thanks for the high honor!

 

[danielzxc]

Firstly, a quick diagnosis: you feel inadequate.

Why, you ask, despite all I have accomplished, do I feel inadequate?

Answer: you need to realize that, at the end of the day, it's not the things we achieve that make us adequate or not. Feeling adequate comes from believing you're a completley normal, completely acceptabe person at the very core of you're being -- just as every living, breathing person is.

Things you do in life might make you "great" or not, but those are a separate issue. By this I mean that it's quite possible for someone to be a complete "failure" in life -- a school dropout, druggie, turned to crime -- but still feel that, despite his life having taken some terrible turns, he is adequate.

 

[BluEyes]

You're finally coming to the point in your life where you realize that nothing external matters. You're finally starting to "get it".

For you, it took "having it all" to come to this point. For others, they figured it out early. It's just the way it is, everybody goes at their own pace.

You said in your original post that you've essentially planned out your life. Guess what? I did the same thing. And the pieces are eerily falling into place for it to become my reality.

Know what you need to do? You need to stop planning. Start living day-to-day. Right now, your head is too far "outside the box". Time probably feels like its passing by slowly right? Get caught up in daily life and its "significant" decisions and stop being so self-conscious.

Fyi, I went through this same bull**** starting at around January last year and continued through June and July. It's called self-acceptance...It can take awhile to achieve for some people.

You just have to accept that, no matter how much planning and striving you do in life, in 1 million years...we will all be dust, and whatever you "achieve" will be meaningless. Stop living for tomorrow...start living for today.

I'll leave you with one more analogy.

There's no reason to be rich if you don't spend it.

Think about it.

 

[diablo]

Moved to AE...

 

[thefonz]

Do you feel like you earned all these accomplishments or that it was simply just some stroke of luck that you became successful with girls, work ethic, and statistics? Ask yourself what your beliefs are and get to the bottom of why you see things under this light or that one. This takes patience and personal reflection to hear your subconsicous. One day it will be worth it.

Maybe you're a masochist? I used to be one. Whenever things were going really good I would find a way to destroy them and bring them down to a level just to prove that misery would always be around. It was the stupidest phase of my life. I liked being miserable and was more comfortable in a hostile enviroment than a friendly enviroment. But then I became aware of what i was doing and put an immediate stop to it. This could be it.

Like LIttleman said, look into religion. There's a reason religion has stood the test of technology, science, and industialization. People connect with the idea of having faith in things we can't see. Much like what this site does for us. Judging us on our history and background stats (like science and logic) none of us should be able to have any chance of getting a girlfriend or sleeping with multiple women. But sosuave (religion) tells us there's something within us that is greater than our past that will never leave us. It gives us inspiration in our daily lives and courage to go forth and make this a world where we love. Look into it.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

The fact, truth about me, achievements and my feelings dont always go together. If they did I wouldnt be writing on Sosuave lol.

Like some of you said. Put more value on yourself. Gym, books, socialise, exercise, passions, hobbies and all that help towards feeling adequate and better self-esteem. Ive put on higher resposibilities, got better appearance, great body, etc.

But I met this dude last year. He did not have anything that I had yet he felt adequate and didn't give a crap about anything else. He had a hot gf who a lot of high value guys were after. He didnt have anything special about him. He was tiny and thick as toilet paper. I was wondering what kind of mindset did he have and how he didn't have a complex like I did.

That got me thinking. Do I really need all these "things" that I have and all that I accomplished and people I've met to start feeling love for myself? Was I chasing a delusion in search for the magic pill? If I did not achieve anything would it have made a difference? If I gave up then I might as well die. So the journey continues and I am still finding that solution.

update: just got the book self-esteem by matthew mckay.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

My worse thoughts:

I am not worthy of my achievements.
My achievements do not mean anything at all.
A woman can never love me
A woman can never have attraction for me
Anyone is better than me
I am envious of what everyone has.
I want to attract EVERY woman
I do not have value
I have to work harder than everyone

OK...Now..Before you start flaming,

Thats just saying some of the things that bob into my head. Those are some of the thoughts I feel which contradict with straight out FACTS, STATISTICS and ACHIEVEMENTS. Sometimes it can be downright heavy and just render me useless for days. And then I come out of it.

Repeat...cycle repeat.

You say you act on how you feel right? And it doesn't seem natural I just pretend to feel the opposite. Everytime I've done something, I instantly think I've flopped bigtime. And then a few couple come to me saying I've done very very well. I played rugby for my college and when I finished playing I was just kicking dirt throwing my boots, disappointed at myself. Later on my old coach said he's pick 5 people out of 23 on the team to be on a better team he is rallying. He said I was one of them.

I cannot seem to change this way of thinking. I seem to excel well when this "flight" mechanism has kicked in. If I start thinking of the opposite then I tend to actually fail. Nothing I do seems to be good enough.

I've lost many girls because I get this "attack" in my head and I go crazy. I start to think they don't like me at all and start accusing them of using me for their own gain. That was in the past. That was really f*cked up too.

I've even gone out with a girl for a few months...had a good thing. And then wake up with a thought like "does she actually like me at all". Nasty

Have you had something like that?

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Here is a little list that I would like to internalise and start to feel:

I am a highly desirable and masculine being.
I am the prize and that is my reality.
I am living in my own POSITIVE reality
I am attaining a high sense of worthiness
I am independent of others approval
My achievements are direct product of my feelings.
I am always positive, in both achievements and feelings

These are only a few. I just need ways to get this hammered in my head. I would tattoo this list on the inside of my eyelids if I could. Nah jks...seriously

Any help?

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Any takers?

TheFonz, Yes I sometimes find a way to destroy what I have and what I've become. Sometimes I go work out consistently for weeks and then one day just lay in bed and starve and lose all the hard work. And then I snap out of it.

Most of my achievements are not stroke of luck when I actually sit down to examine it or when I discuss it with my close friends. Initially I keep thinking that it was pure luck that got me there and think I can't replicate it again.

But when I compare my successes of recent times to previous, there is a big difference. However, I do not "FEEL" it. I always get the job done but never felt confident and always sh*tting my pants. How can I reverse this. I do feel good about it but only on a superificial level. Then I am back on square one.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Ok another example.

I am gaming this girl and I get her. When I get back to my place all these thoughts automatically come to my head.

Why would somebody like her like me?
What is it so good about me that she sees?
I betcha I can't replicate this kind of success?
She likes me because of other hidden agenda.

Stupid huh?

Everytime I want some girl I always think I never got what it takes to get her. Then something happens and I get her. It seems like this kind of thinking, no matter how negative, has somehow got an effect to get the best results. But I don't want to achieve success through negative thinking. I want to do the opposite but it always fails.

Mods can you put this back on the main DJ Discussion? Most of this has a lot to do with Inner Game and getting girls.

 

[CCKazi007]

I don't have time so I'll just cut the sh*t and tell you to lighten up a bit and focus on the positive more. It's like a depressed friend the more you spend time with him the more you feel depressed. Feelings are contagious, so start thinking more positive and surround yourself with positive people AKA. successful people. Also all the thoughts in your mind probably stems from insecurity, so to overcome it u just need to get used to it! Insecurity and fear are basically caused by ignorance and lack of knowledge of something. Hit on more chicks and expand your social circle so you'll adapt and teach your mind to be comfortable when your alone with a chick. Another important part to self-improvement is a GOOD friend who will give you feed back. Trust me you might not realize the exact problem yourself, but your best friend might. Like for me I never knew that people thought I never took responsibility when something negative happened. One last advice! Make sure what your doing is what YOU want and not what OTHER PEOPLE want you to do. It's good that you achieved a lot, most people don't have the balls to take charge of their lives so keep it up.