Accused for taking phone to bathroom

[Fireballs]

tldr-

-dating 8 months
-both at my kitchen table on our laptops doing some work
-I need to take a dump and want to read up on some crypto news so I take my phone with me
-I get back and she says "what are you hiding"
-I hand my phone out and say here take a look for yourself
-she's acting weird
-I ask her what's up
-she says she thinks I'm hiding something cos I took my phone to the bathroom
-I tell her I don't like being accused of things that aren't true and that I would never disrespect her that way
-she told me that her ex cheated on her and always went through her phone and she never knew his code
-told her I've got nothing to hide

After this she was all good but I really don't like it..

I've never had this before and it feels like a major red flag .. apart from this everything else has been really good.

Thoughts ?

 

[ohrein]

Could be a major red flag, could be a minor one. She might have just been fvcked around by some guy and legit just had a moment. It could be projection (she's started cheating and accusing you). Seems weird for this problem to pop up after 8 months so I'd be on your guard. If it had happened early on I'd be more inclined to lean towards a sh1tty previous relationship but after 8 months it pops up? She been distant lately? Less interested in sex? Spending more time out with her girlfriends? Any new friends she's seeing regularly?

 

[Murk]

My ex was the same, when I shower in the morning I always take my phone with me, I play a track no more than 5 mins so I know how long I've been and also get to hear the dulcet tones of some deep tech house.

Anyway so I do this when I'm at home alone, but also did it when I stayed over her place. She (mid relationship) started questioning it and I said I listen to music in the shower always have, she said "well I didn't hear any". So this b!tch was stalking me now, I had plenty to hide, never gave her my phone, never stopped dating and banging other women, hit on her best friend, flirted with other girls openly in front of her, and even gave her chlamydia, so I think her suspicions were justified in this case.

tldr: it's normal

 

[Fireballs]

Could be a major red flag, could be a minor one. She might have just been fvcked around by some guy and legit just had a moment. It could be projection (she's started cheating and accusing you). Seems weird for this problem to pop up after 8 months so I'd be on your guard. If it had happened early on I'd be more inclined to lean towards a sh1tty previous relationship but after 8 months it pops up? She been distant lately? Less interested in sex? Spending more time out with her girlfriends? Any new friends she's seeing regularly?

Nope, none of those other red flags. All is good apart from this.

 

[Fireballs]

Now that I think of it, I've recently started playing beach volleyball with a new group of ppl which includes girls .. could have triggered this I guess.

 

[ohrein]

Nope, none of those other red flags. All is good apart from this.

Think it was just a "woman moment" then. Something triggered her anxiety and that's how she expressed it.

 

[Murk]

Now that I think of it, I've recently started playing beach volleyball with a new group of ppl which includes girls .. could have triggered this I guess.

Bingo.

Are any of these girls hotter than your gf? Maybe consider banging one of them, if you're going to be accused may as well have it right.

 

[Fireballs]

Bingo.

Are any of these girls hotter than your gf? Maybe consider banging one of them, if you're going to be accused may as well have it right.

One of them is a smoking hot 9 (gf is a solid 8.5) and she's already asked me to ''get together as it's nice to find like minded people'' so at least I have options if things go south with this one.

 

[soulforge]

Be on guard..8 months later, she starts acting insecure..

Could be just a moment.. Or could be she is upto something!

 

[lizardking82]

No need to read too much into this. She's either insecure for the moment or insecure in general because insecurity is rarely momentary. On the other hand, she is also controlling. Your phone is your phone. You should be able to take your phone wherever you damn please because it is yours.

Too many women want their cake and they want to eat it, too. They want you to **** them well, but only them, straight away after the first time. They want you to be a strong, masculine man, but only to them, straight away. You hold your position on this one. She takes this "castle", she will conquer you and leave you soon.

 

[The Duke]

90% of the time when I've dealt with this kind of behavior its turned out that the girl was projecting her own deviant behavior. Seen it lots of times. The other 10% of the time it was because she was insecure and/or influenced by outside factors like other women she saw as a threat.

Regardless, there are 3 issues here. The first is she is projecting. The second is there is a lack of trust on her behalf. It still comes down to the fact that she needs to learn how to control her own negative thoughts better. Those three things make relationships difficult.

I'd definitely get her lined out. Don't let them chip away at your exterior. These are tactics weak people use to control and bring others down.

 

[Trump]

If it's an exclusive relationship, then you tell her some sh1t playing stupid like "okay. You're right. Maybe we should be more open with each other. We'll trade phones and facebook passwords, etc".

You would volunteer that? It opens up a lot.

I would stick to the issue. ‘You’re right, I won’t take my phone in the bathroom.’

 

[Roober]

How long were you in there?

Just be a smart ass next time. I cant tell you how often playing dumb and making a joke of it boils this shizz over.

"I was trying to find our sex video, but I couldn't find it. Did you go and delete it? Oh are you watching porn you dirty bird?"

Most of the time... when a woman acts like this, she is not feeling your love. If she felt your love, she would not question you on silly shizz like this

 

[flowtheory]

From my experience, if it’s insecurity, you would have already dealt with this since the beginning and only now are you seeing how insecure she is.

Also from my experience, she’s up to no good or doing somethjng shady if this is the first time a mistrusting moment has happened. Projection. She’s messaging with other men.

It all depends on the relationships dynamics too. Your second message makes it seem like the relationship is all roses and not a single flag anywhere.

 

[Serenity]

My girlfriend has had some paranoia, but I just browse Reddit while taking a sh!t. I respond sarcastically that I'm just talking to my other 10 lovers. I've also said in a more serious way that if she can't trust me then we might as well break up right now, she backs up pretty fast when I say that. When I say that she realizes that her fear of losing me will damn well come true if she doesn't let go of that fear.

It has just been a couple of occasions, I'd say if it's frequent you should make her fears come true, break up stating you can't be with an untrusting woman.

 

[Murk]

100% of them play jealousy games, but if they are openly talking about fvxking other men then they have been low il ime, it's a way to frame the relationship as casual.

Yep openly talking about others is casual framing 101

Great tool to use when you want to do it yourself, must be done from the get go though for maximum results.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I like my privacy. I never give my girl any passwords. if she starts acting out I tell that if she doesn´t trust me we should just be friends.

 

[Murk]

I transcended that, you get to a level where it goes unsaid and they can tell you have options from your behavior. It did help previously though.

Oh I get the "you must be a player", "you're a ****boy I can tell", "how many other girls you talking to" all the time, I used to default to denying it in my early days. Now I just spin a line to them but sometimes revert to type. I need to be stronger at this, I currently have a string of women who think I'm commited which is a terrible and very amateur position to be in. I need more work on this.

I like my privacy. I never give my girl any passwords. if she starts acting out I tell that if she doesn´t trust me we should just be friends.

Never let my GF of 1 year even look through my pictures on my phone, I was terrible and she left me and rightly so. I do regret not being open enough.

 

[marmel75]

tldr-

-dating 8 months
-both at my kitchen table on our laptops doing some work
-I need to take a dump and want to read up on some crypto news so I take my phone with me
-I get back and she says "what are you hiding"
-I hand my phone out and say here take a look for yourself
-she's acting weird
-I ask her what's up
-she says she thinks I'm hiding something cos I took my phone to the bathroom
-I tell her I don't like being accused of things that aren't true and that I would never disrespect her that way
-she told me that her ex cheated on her and always went through her phone and she never knew his code
-told her I've got nothing to hide

After this she was all good but I really don't like it..

I've never had this before and it feels like a major red flag .. apart from this everything else has been really good.

Thoughts ?

She is insecure. Women in general are insecure but they are doubly insecure when something triggers something that has already negatively impacted their lives in other relationships in the past.

Its not fun but as long as you handle it well and you do your best to quell her insecurities it should be fine. Could also have been a test to see what you would do...if you hid your phone and got all defensive she probably would have dumped you.

 

[MrWood]

just my 2c on the topic, didnt read all replies, my experience:

when a woman starts accusing you of chatting or cheating (and you are not)
there is a 99.9% chance she is.. or is in the process of getting emotions for someone else