Accept that I have limited appeal?

[Leporello]

After years of working on my game and other areas of my personal development, I've reached the conclusion that the kind of girls who are attracted to me just aren't that common.

The reasons being:

Looks; I have albinism and in addition to the pale skin and hair this causes eye problems so I have thick glasses, a tendency to squint in bright light and difficulty maintaining eye contact. Otherwise I look fine (I used to be out of shape but I've been spending a lot of time at the gym) but looks do matter and the truth is I'm just not most girls' 'type'.

Personality: It's not easy to describe your own personality but I guess mine is not naturally outgoing or excitable. I'm a good talker but if I run into a blank stare or non-responsive person I tend to get flustered.

Interests: Not many people share my hobbies. I study international relations. I go to the opera. It's a bit arrogant to call myself an 'intellectual' but I really am. Even in New York City where I live it's a constant struggle to find a girl who shares ANY of those interests.

I can't pretend to be someone I'm not (which is not the same as self-improvement) and I think I'd be better off if I accepted it.

Club girls, surfer chicks, yada yada are never going to be into me...and even if they were, we'd probably bore each other to death.

Is this the wrong way to think? Is it such a bad thing if it's true?

 

[Mike32ct]

No guy has a UNIVERSAL appeal. Some appeal to a lot of women. Others, like me and maybe you too, have a certain "niche market." It could even be a fairly narrow "niche market" depending your looks, hobbies, personality, etc., and where you live. That is totally ok.

There is really NOTHING wrong with this, but at times it can seem like a problem because you run into lots of women that aren't interested, so it's tempting to take it personally or feel unattractive.

But that's not the case at all. It's just that it's not easy to find someone that you
"click" with. When you do though, you will laugh at all the girls who weren't into you.

I also agree with you that self-improvement is about doing things that YOU are interested in, not just randomly picking things that chicks will think is cool.

 

[FairShake]

Looks; I have albinism and in addition to the pale skin and hair this causes eye problems so I have thick glasses, a tendency to squint in bright light and difficulty maintaining eye contact. Otherwise I look fine (I used to be out of shape but I've been spending a lot of time at the gym) but looks do matter and the truth is I'm just not most girls' 'type'.

Personality: It's not easy to describe your own personality but I guess mine is not naturally outgoing or excitable. I'm a good talker but if I run into a blank stare or non-responsive person I tend to get flustered.

Interests: Not many people share my hobbies. I study international relations. I go to the opera. It's a bit arrogant to call myself an 'intellectual' but I really am. Even in New York City where I live it's a constant struggle to find a girl who shares ANY of those interests.

I just want to say the kind of girls who wouldn't mind an albino with thick glasses are the same kind of girls who aren't usually very outgoing (at first) and like weird (so says you) stuff like politics and opera. You actually align as nicely as you possibly could.

Trust me, alot of girls aren't at all what guys on here think. You can find them if you are just a tad more outgoing. Not try-hard-to-be-funny-and/or-alpha outgoing but interested-in-them-then-interested-in-you outgoing.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Man girls are not as shallow as guys. If your mouthpiece is right you will see a bigger difference in your game. I don't care how good or bad looking you are having a crisp mouthpiece is always the best option. Your not going to get too many girls if your good looking but your shy as hell. An ugly dude who is outgoing will even get more girls then this brother. Don't ever limit yourself to no crap like this. Sky is always the limit. Just make sure you keep working yourself. You can get anything if you determined enough. Be proactive.

 

[Young Stallion]

After years of working on my game and other areas of my personal development, I've reached the conclusion that the kind of girls who are attracted to me just aren't that common.

The reasons being:

Looks; I have albinism and in addition to the pale skin and hair this causes eye problems so I have thick glasses, a tendency to squint in bright light and difficulty maintaining eye contact. Otherwise I look fine (I used to be out of shape but I've been spending a lot of time at the gym) but looks do matter and the truth is I'm just not most girls' 'type'.

Personality: It's not easy to describe your own personality but I guess mine is not naturally outgoing or excitable. I'm a good talker but if I run into a blank stare or non-responsive person I tend to get flustered.

Interests: Not many people share my hobbies. I study international relations. I go to the opera. It's a bit arrogant to call myself an 'intellectual' but I really am. Even in New York City where I live it's a constant struggle to find a girl who shares ANY of those interests.

I can't pretend to be someone I'm not (which is not the same as self-improvement) and I think I'd be better off if I accepted it.

Club girls, surfer chicks, yada yada are never going to be into me...and even if they were, we'd probably bore each other to death.

Is this the wrong way to think? Is it such a bad thing if it's true?

Most people look better than they think they do.

You dont really write like a guy who would score with surfer girls, club girls or catty girls in general.

Your niche would likely be the deeply smart, nice girl next door. These girls are easier to talk to anyways and more likely up your alley.

 

[floydb25]

It's not really a bad thing. I think not having access to something just makes you THINK its worth more than what you can get - because its just out of your reach. Now its of high value, but only in your mind. At the end of the day, everyone is normal; nobody is special.

I'd argue that the hot girls are the worst of the lot - based on years of dealing with the nutcases. It's gotten to the point where I don't even talk to them, or enjoy being around them. Nobody lasts with them, and they're more trouble than they're worth. By far. Their appeal is strictly external. Even if you were considered "hot", and had scores of these women - you'd end up hating them, and going after the same types of women within your "limited appeal" anyway. Trust me. All of my good looking friends despise hot women these days - after dealing with their bull**** for years - and are now shacking up with cute, decent nice girls. The ones that don't piss you off every single day of the year.

It's better that you don't attract these kind of women at all. There's nothing wrong with cute, plain nice girls. They're actually worth talking to, and don't make you want to throw them out of a moving vehicle at full speed - while another car is incoming from the opposite lane. A decent person is much better than a good looking or popular one. It's just a phase most people go through. The ones without major issues tire of it quickly, and jump to the decent, maybe not so attractive ones anyway. This is for both girls and guys. They all have their "bad" phase; realize it sucks ass; and never go back.

It's certainly normal to be attracted to this kind of person, but getting involved with them is a different story. It's not worth it at all.

Beyond that, you don't need to attract everyone - much like how you aren't attracted to everyone yourself. Most people suck - male or female. You just gotta find the decent ones in whatever crowds they belong to, which is almost certainly not going to be the club hoes. So you're actually benefiting by not having these retards in your life. Your chances of finding a decent one is much greater. And that's really all you need - not 100's of useless morons, but just a few great quality ones that you connect with. You don't need to get along with everyone, and its best that you don't. Huge crowds results in huge morons.

Being considered hot and popular and attracting the same type isn't all its cracked up to be. Having all these large crowds full of douche bags, attracting skanks, dealing with all the bull****. It gets to you after a while. Drains the life out of you. Similar to hanging around troubled people.

I actually put myself in your position. The niche crowds, down-playing the looks, being very selective and focusing on personality and character, going for the average-cute nice girls, hanging out with geeky-cool-intelligent-decent guys. I sometimes wish it started off that way, but it just seemed like being popular and hanging around hot chicks and cool guys was to go. Ha. If only it were possible to erase some of your memory. All that **** would be gone. That shallow lifestyle is nothing. Those people are nothing. Life is SO much better without all these idiots, and their drama bull****. They have no depth whatsoever, and talk about the dumbest **** you can imagine. Almost makes you feel even more stupid by being around them. Both the guys and girls. It gets boring fast, and can cause serious resentment / trust / people-hating issues (being that they're worthless, and all).

Anyway, I'm probably rambling here. But there's nothing wrong with this situation you're in. Compatibility is so much more important than looks or status. There's nothing special about these hot, shallow club / party hoes. They just cause problems, and make you want to go on murdering sprees. Find someone with similar tastes and interests as you - within your niche and crowd. That will bring success and happiness. You won't enjoy yourself with someone you have nothing in common with - their looks will tire quickly (especially since their personalities are ****). If you're a video game nerd - find a video game nerd. Etc.

It sounds like a cute, intelligent nice girl is right up your alley. Those are the BEST. But they're usually married. Or you choose a dumb skank over them - only to regret it later.

 

[Leporello]

Most people look better than they think they do.

I don't think I look bad at all. I just don't fit the standard of what most girls in the US are conditioned to look for - tall, dark, muscular. I can get muscles but growing six inches or getting a tan are forever out of reach.

t sounds like a cute, intelligent nice girl is right up your alley. Those are the BEST

Most of the girls I've dated fall into this category. Smart, mildly socially awkward and kind of lonely.

The things that really cut me about this are that, first, these girls are effing hard to find. It seems obvious - buh, find girls who like opera at the opera - but it's not that simple. it's not just about sharing one kind of music or interest. The brainy, shy crowd isn't a crowd at all.

Second, I'm sick of girls telling me how fascinating or unique I am as a prelude to a brush-off. Without desire any compliment is just a bvll**** way of saying 'back off'.

 

[loveshogun]

What do you love to do in life that doesn't involve women? Invest yourself more heavily in your passions, because they are the things that are real and true in your life, and will bring you the most happiness.

You're on the right path, but you're focusing all on your training and forgetting about the world beyond. What do you want to see? What do you want to do? There has to be something out there (that's not women) that you want to make your mark on. Find it.

Women are the spice of life, not the meat.

 

[Leporello]

What do you love to do in life that doesn't involve women? Invest yourself more heavily in your passions, because they are the things that are real and true in your life, and will bring you the most happiness.

You're on the right path, but you're focusing all on your training and forgetting about the world beyond. What do you want to see? What do you want to do? There has to be something out there (that's not women) that you want to make your mark on. Find it.

Women are the spice of life, not the meat.

I don't think that's a fair assessment at all. It's partly because I've decided to focus on what I love and follow my own ambitions that finding women is more difficult because it makes me less accessible.

 

[loveshogun]

I don't think that's a fair assessment at all. It's partly because I've decided to focus on what I love and follow my own ambitions that finding women is more difficult because it makes me less accessible.

And thinking that only a woman can come along and fix your problems is a fair and wise assessment of your situation?

I get that you're frustrated, but I think you're misreading me when I ask what your interests are. Frankly, your love of opera, unless you are performing in it or otherwise investing time and effort into it, is akin to my love of video games - yes, it's entertaining, but it's a diversion... not something that brings happiness in and of itself without everything else around it being right.

Studying international relations sounds like you're either in school for it, or are working in it. That's your profession, and only the very lucky few have passions and professions that coincide.

I can tell you objectively that if those are the only things happening in your life right now, you should try some new things. Try not to be so negative about everything, because that's ultimately what's keeping you from breaking your own mold.

If you keep thinking about all the things you can't do, you'll never figure out all of the things you can do.

Also - your arrogance, if any, is not in your self-professed intellectualism, but your unwillingness to accept that others haven't been through the same, if not a very similar situation as you.

 

[floydb25]

Eh... Unless you're in the top tier of guys - you're not gonna have swarms of women around you. Just the way it is. That doesnt mean you cant get good looking women. The odds are just not in your favor, and you probably have to work harder. Everyone gets the half-baked compliment followed by low interest and brush-off. It's just another form of rejection. Low interest is low interest. You're inevitably going to run into this more when you're not hot or popular. You can still get dates and all that stuff though. Maybe just not piles of them. Not many people even get this much. Some people get nothing at all.

The same applies to women. Most everyone focuses on the hot chicks with revealing clothing. That's who all the guys swarm around. The attractive girls still get dates and relationships, but not with gorgeous guys, or piles of men in general. Just gotta work with what you got. A lot of people aim way too high, and want the hottest person around. They can get it - anything is possible - but its unrealistic to have these expectations. People go with what they feel they can get, and won't settle for less. For hot people - this usually means other hot people. They're idiots anyway. Like attracts like. These people are actually compatible with each other. They're hot, shallow, dumb, etc. The attraction is almost immediate, cause they can relate so well.

 

[Aspiring1]

My take on intellectualism:

If I bothered to take an IQ test, it is likely that I would score better than about 97/100 people, give or take. The smartest people I have ever known listen when I talk. These people, however, also listen when yahoos are talking. Intellectuals frequently are more interested in talking than listening.


My point is that intellectualism has much more to do with image than anything tangible. The nature of intelligence is complex enough that reading books and wearing glasses (intellectualism) doesn't have anything to do with more than a fraction of it. What I am getting at, I suppose, is that you are eliminating girls from your attentions for superficial reasons. Which is fine, as long as you are aware of it. I mostly date nerdy, hippie girls myself.

 

[vatoloco]

Wah, wah, wah! Dude, unless you're fucking hideous, there's a girl for you. Now, if you don't have that universal appeal and/or are top-tier and you wanna bang supermodels, well, you're in for a disappointment.

There's a saying a Spanish that goes "no soy monedita de oro para caerle bien a todo el mundo." (something like: I am not a gold coin so I won't be liked by everyone.) Once you get past your hangup, you will start to be better with women.

I will not attract 100% of the females out there. I guarantee you that.

Only 99%.

The other 1% are lesbians.

 

[Chamber36]

I know a blind guy who goes to parties. I have mad respect for this dude for not letting his blindness affect his willingness to enjoy himself. He lost his sight in a motorcycle accident.

If I saw an albino in the club acting super confident, I would definitely be impressed that he didn't let his looks affect his life. You got to live your life to the fullest, no matter what cards you're dealt.

What if you lose your hair? Would you just stop having fun? You got to learn to value the game you have in your mind more than what your looks do or don't offer you. You can be goodlooking, but without game you're never gonna be more than a piece of eye-candy to them. Only once you can enjoy yourself regardless of anyone's opinion will you be free.

Listen, you could see this as an asset. Once you get your game to the level that you can be confident regardless of a girl's opinion, I'm sure that a lot of girls will be very impressed that you can do that with albinism.

They'll be like: "wow that albino really doesn't let superficialities like his looks hold him back!". It'll be super obvious, thus attracting mainly girls that value a man's inner strength!

So just think of it as a test of inner strength. Like David DeAngelo said: "you don't need an excuse to be confident". And you sure as hell don't need an excuse to enjoy yourself. IMO all you need to do is go out and be 100% indifferent and you'll attract girls, at least if you're well-groomed.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I think most men have some kinda handicap when dealing with women. You just have to fashion your game around these traits. Don't let your pigmentation mess with your head man. Every single day you wake up you MUST live those days like you have been given a gift... life. And to waste it worried about this or that is the best way to ruin it (your only chance). I have always felt that a woman that was not so pretty but that took very good care of herself was just as good as the one with the barbie body (unless one had a much bigger rack, but that's just me). OK back on track here... You should do the same... Your awesome, your unique, let your condition drive you to compete harder, the rest of life will follow.

 

[ilikecharlene]

After years of working on my game and other areas of my personal development, I've reached the conclusion that the kind of girls who are attracted to me just aren't that common.

The reasons being:

Looks; I have albinism and in addition to the pale skin and hair this causes eye problems so I have thick glasses, a tendency to squint in bright light and difficulty maintaining eye contact. Otherwise I look fine (I used to be out of shape but I've been spending a lot of time at the gym) but looks do matter and the truth is I'm just not most girls' 'type'.

Personality: It's not easy to describe your own personality but I guess mine is not naturally outgoing or excitable. I'm a good talker but if I run into a blank stare or non-responsive person I tend to get flustered.

Interests: Not many people share my hobbies. I study international relations. I go to the opera. It's a bit arrogant to call myself an 'intellectual' but I really am. Even in New York City where I live it's a constant struggle to find a girl who shares ANY of those interests.

I can't pretend to be someone I'm not (which is not the same as self-improvement) and I think I'd be better off if I accepted it.

Club girls, surfer chicks, yada yada are never going to be into me...and even if they were, we'd probably bore each other to death.

Is this the wrong way to think? Is it such a bad thing if it's true?

Find out women into international relations or opera. it's probably where you look, not so much being undateable (IMO this doesn't exist).

Many women who go clubs/bars are tied into the pop culture mentality, so are not into things other than reality TV, pop music, Rihanna, etc.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I don't care what you look like. If your game is tight you can get dimes. This is the mentality you have to have. I know you be seeing these ugly dudes at the mall with a fine girl. That dude had game...

 

[FairShake]

Most of the girls I've dated fall into this category. Smart, mildly socially awkward and kind of lonely.

The things that really cut me about this are that, first, these girls are effing hard to find. It seems obvious - buh, find girls who like opera at the opera - but it's not that simple. it's not just about sharing one kind of music or interest. The brainy, shy crowd isn't a crowd at all.

There are many smart, socially awkward, lonely women. They just don't put themselves out there as much. If you do you will find them.

If you're smart and socially awkward too then you will probably get along and neither of you will be lonely anymore.

 

[Leporello]

I think I've gotten everything I can out of this thread.

For the record, I don't believe that one guy can appeal to every girl, OR every type of girl...

And looks do matter. Maybe not as much as people think, but they do.

 

[sambwoy]

Many women who go clubs/bars are tied into the pop culture mentality, so are not into things other than reality TV, pop music, Rihanna, etc.

Unfortunately I have experienced this. Don't know if this was just in the college years but then a lot of girls my age and younger had unrealistic expectations in guys thanks to stereotyping in pop culture, movies, TV etc. And some studying fashion who had a tendency to judge others' looks.

This has been really problematic through my life to the point that I have dropped the bar quite low in life. People, usually older, have told me all these great qualities and talents I have and that I should use those, and chastise me for being negative about life. But having a job etc. seems secondary when you have this issue of being unable to date successfully in the *real* world because of *false* stereotyping.

The problem is though for me dating is like an off-limits area exclusively for the attractive- I can't get with a girl I like or don't approach in fear that she is going to have the same media-fixated mentality, and they treat me like my life is insignificant to them. And this is a problem because this is what happens in the everyday reality, not the world created by Hollywood.

If they don't snap out of it and grow up they are going to have problems.

I have looked at the women in men's magazines who are probably manipulated or airbrushed in some way, it at the same time makes me confused- media is taunting single and horny men with women who do not exist as if to say that because we are men we can get someone like that. Generally though the actual women on these pages, according to their profiles, prefer buff guys or guys with enormous c**ks, or just guys that are just better than you.