Abundance with One Girl

[zekko]

I read this thread on RSD Forums, which I thought was interesting. Basically, the OP was asking if it was possible to be in an exclusive relationship and maintain the feeling of abundance, and not get needy, and such.

This one guy Le0 replies:
"If you only have her, you are screwed, your low consciousness will kick in and you'll get all needy and desperate".

This is similar to the basic SoSuave philosophy of spinning plates, so that you will experience abundance and not get oneitis, needy, or desperate.

My reaction to this is:
Are men really this frigging weak? So weak that if they're not banging five women at once, they turn into weak, sniveling, needy little b!tches? Really? Isn't this the opposite of another philosophy often espoused here that "You don't need women, they are just an adjunct to your life"? You don't need women, but if you don't have a harem of them, then you turn into a whiny little needy b!tch?

http://www.rsdnation.com/node/563636/forum

 

[VikingKing]

abundance while committed to one girl and not operating a harem of sure-thing dtf options is a delusion. Its like thinking you have a garage full of Mazeratis but you drive a Honda Civic.

I agree with PHM that by acceding to exclusivity it is self-evident that you are attached, you care, and even if you have options you don't want them.

I am in the acknowledging reality school of thought.

1. You need women at some level to be happy, unless you are gay or a eunuch.

2. If you commit to a woman then you care about the woman. A breakup will bother you.

3. The only way to stay truly objectively detached is to spin plates.

I tried to fool myself into thinking that the above three were not true but they are...you will make many mistakes with women when you overestimate yourself. and underestimate women.

Yup. This is a result of unchained hypergamy and thats just how it is now zekko. The old ways are dead except in very rare exceptions.

 

[zekko]

Interesting. I've always thought of abundance as more of a mindset: "I know I can always get another chick". it seems to me that you can't say "We don't need women" and say at the same time that you will turn into a pvssy if you aren't banging five at once.

Regarding my girlfriend, of course I care about her, of course I would be a little bummed if we split up. But it sure as hell wouldn't destroy me, or destroy my life. I've been through breakups before. It's more like skinning a knee and getting back up again.

Are guys here really that worried about suffering a little grief? There's always pain, if you push yourself in the gym there's pain, but no one suggests shying away from that.

Is this really the objective here? To never care about anyone else ever again? Because if it is, that seems pretty lame and bogus.

 

[guru1000]

If a three-time self-made millionaire lost all his money, could he still possess an abundant mindset (of wealth) while rebuilding a fourth time?

 

[VikingKing]

Interesting. I've always thought of abundance as more of a mindset: "I know I can always get another chick". it seems to me that you can't say "We don't need women" and say at the same time that you will turn into a pvssy if you aren't banging five at once.

Regarding my girlfriend, of course I care about her, of course I would be a little bummed if we split up. But it sure as hell wouldn't destroy me, or destroy my life. I've been through breakups before. It's more like skinning a knee and getting back up again.

Are guys here really that worried about suffering a little grief? There's always pain, if you push yourself in the gym there's pain, but no one suggests shying away from that.

Is this really the objective here? To never care about anyone else ever again? Because if it is, that seems pretty lame and bogus.

Yeah well unless you have immediate options, or can quickly establish then, you are delusional.

Look zekko it takes women very little effort to get laid out get a bf. To invest in one is like putting all your money into a stock that will inevitably crash. You have to love yourself enough so you don't need others to.

It's called not being codependent.

 

[zekko]

plate spinning is for the screening. It's a useful tool for screening you understand why people want to screen Right? I mean I guess since break ups are no big deal why screen at all its like skinning a knee haha

Where did I say that you shouldn't screen? Where did I say that plate spinning is not useful for screening? Not sure where you're getting this stuff from, Pairs.

By the time you get into a committed relationship, I would hope and presume that you did some screening. But once you are in an exclusive relationship, by definition that means you are no longer spinning plates.

Sure, breakups are a bummer, but they happen, they're a part of life. Lord knows I've been through my share. They don't kill you, I don't know why guys here pretend that they do. Hopefully when it happens, you don't get slapped with child support and alimony payments.
But when I talk about LTRs, I'm not talking about marriages. I won't be getting married again. Tried it once, didn't work, I'm out.

 

[zekko]

Yeah well unless you have immediate options, or can quickly establish then, you are delusional.

If you want to argue against being in a relationship, if that's what you want, that's fine, and understandable. But I've always been able to get another girl, why would I be delusional for thinking I'll be able to get girls in the future? Isn't that the entire abundance mentality by definition? That there are a lot of women out there and if one rejects you, there's always another?

You have to love yourself enough so you don't need others to.
It's called not being codependent

My question was "Is it our objective to never care about anyone again"? Because if it is, I argue that is bullsh!t.

There's a big difference between caring about someone, and "needing others to love you". The latter is more akin to the "Nice Guy" syndrome. I don't NEED my girlfriend. I enjoy having her around. Why shouldn't I? But if we break up, my life is not going to fall apart. I know this because been there, done that. I've been through breakups. They don't kill you.

 

[Julian]

Interesting. I've always thought of abundance as more of a mindset: "I know I can always get another chick". it seems to me that you can't say "We don't need women" and say at the same time that you will turn into a pvssy if you aren't banging five at once.

Regarding my girlfriend, of course I care about her, of course I would be a little bummed if we split up. But it sure as hell wouldn't destroy me, or destroy my life. I've been through breakups before. It's more like skinning a knee and getting back up again.

Are guys here really that worried about suffering a little grief? There's always pain, if you push yourself in the gym there's pain, but no one suggests shying away from that.

Is this really the objective here? To never care about anyone else ever again? Because if it is, that seems pretty lame and bogus.

Some good points here! Be fearless gentlemen

 

[Vulpine]

Are men really this frigging weak?

I would like to believe that one can have abundance with one girl. I have a gal, but when I'm anywhere out-and-about, other women consistently throw it at me. Often, right in front of my gal, which is good for our dynamics.

"I can have that if I cared to."

^^^It's a feeling of abundance^^^

At the same time, I observe the women in my circles and know that they'd go apesh¡t if I "was back on the market".

My gal knows this, too. Better still, my gal and I are watching for a guest star for our bedroom show. "It's not cheating if you are sharing". Abundance?

I have a lot of pickles in my cupboard. They're there if I get hungry, but I don't need to eat them all at once (I'd likely get sick of them). The longer I leave them, the better they seem to taste when I do finally get around to 'em. How you enjoy your pickles is your business. Doomsday preppers stock up on them, others grow their own as they need them.

Skill determines abundance.

 

[zekko]

I explained that spinning plates is a temporary situation for the purpose of avoiding attachment to the wrong woman in a limited sense.my question to you is why screen since breakups aren't that big of a deal.

Well, when you throw in the words "wrong woman", that changes the meaning quite a bit. You certainly don't want to get attached to the wrong women. But a lot of guys in the manosphere are against committed relationships altogether - or else they think EVERY woman is the wrong woman, lol.

You may be on to something about how different people react to stresses differently. I've been through several breakups, and while yeah they hurt, I've never been incapacitated. I think the thing is with me, since I've been through a few, I've learned not to expect too much from women, or from relationships.

That is a big part of this site, isn't it? They say "Make your mission your priority, not your girl". And "Women are supposed to just be a supplement to your life". That stuff is true. It's okay to care about your girl, but you don't want to invest so much of yourself into her that if she leaves you, there's nothing left of you. I've learned to always keep a part of me in reserve, and to keep things in perspective. Remember, there's always another girl out there - that's the whole idea of abundance.

Look zekko it takes women very little effort to get laid out get a bf. To invest in one is like putting all your money into a stock that will inevitably crash.

That's an interesting analogy. I prefer to look at relationships like buying a car. I don't expect it to last forever. I don't expect to keep it forever. But I'll probably have it for the next five years, maybe 10 if it's a good one.

One thing I like about having a steady girlfriend is you get one, great, that part of my life is handled for the next five years. Now I can pay attention to other things that are really important, work on my finances, career, hobbies, health, etc. I'm not spending all my time keeping a harem together, replacing ones that spin out, etc.