absence makes the heart grow fonder...not true

[big_jeffry]

Many people that play these gangi games so a woman will chase them do not know waht they are doing. These games do not work. How can u expect to create rapport with a woman that you never see? Many studies have shown that the more you see somebody, the more you get to like them. For instance, the picture you see of yourself in the mirror seems different than the picture other people see. You see yourself to be better looking.... Anyways, in a test some guy came into a class in highschool with a paper bag over his head. He was shy and people misjudged him. By the end of the year, people started to like him because they got to know him quite well. My point being, how coudl this guy create rapport with every1 else if he wasnt in their prescence?

Think about it

the answer is simple
he couldn't have

 

[The TallOne]

I disagree to an extent.


The time to be a "challenge" , is after the rapport. After she feels some kind of connection with you, thats when you "disappear."

Its also been proven that people want, what they can't have. ESPICALLY when it comes to dating, its human nature.

Its also been proven that if you spend too much time with a perosn, at the very beginning, they get bored of you, quickly.

 

[Jay Gatsby]

I think you're completely missing the point. The issue is one of value as a result of scarcity. Artificial scarcity creates demand once you have achieved a degree of rapport. Scarcity also maintains a sense of mystery.

 

[GQ Prettyboy]

Yeah it`s not just being in the presence of someone. You have to put more worth into it. Meaning you have to make her feel like she`s having the best time of her with you, and then you become scarce.

 

[Dirtheart]

I think it's important to be in a person's presence in order to create a lasting impression and to gain entry into a person's mind.

But always respect the power of a person's imagination to embellish and exaggerate this impression of you. This takes place in your absence. However, too long and the impression starts to fade.

 

[That_Guy49]

interesting topic..im in this situation right now...confused about seeing her more or disappearing. This has set me on the right path, in a sense..

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, why is it that most long distance relationships goes down the tubes?

Just something to consider...

 

[big_jeffry]

exactly

 

[chicksrock]

healthy balance is key....

substantial interaction is required i aggree

good tip

 

[MRomeo99]

I think the key depends a lot on the lady, and also what you want. With some ladies you can see them every single day, and you will increase attraction. With others, they will go running for the hills. Same thing if you see them once a week. You have to calibrate with what feels right to the woman. Probably seeing them just a little less often than their ideal is best. Keeps them guessing but keeps you in their mind as well.

You can also try mini-dates. Ie. not a real date, just a short get-together before you do something else. A quick coffee, a yoga class together, a walk in her neighborhood, a happy hour, before you go to a friends, etc. Or even just a slightly longer conversation with no physical seeing each other and no mention of the next time you'll get together. Ie you talk, and then when done say "I'll call you in a few days, maybe we can get together soon."

However, I don't like to have set rules. If I want to see someone I will. Especially if I have something fun planned that I would like to do with her. But, going over every night to sit on the couch and watch TV isn't going to do it for me. So in reality you can do whatever you want as long as you are congruent with what you are doing.

I don't think you can generalize and say absence does or does not everytime make the heart grow fonder. I think it's situation and chick specific.

 

[NRM]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
If absence makes the heart grow fonder, why is it that most long distance relationships goes down the tubes?

Just something to consider...

LDR's fail because it becomes unconventional and inconvenient to continue the relationship. It causes a problem when they can meet a person they are a little less interested in and conveniently in their area. They are just too hard to handle.

BUT. Something that I do know about LDR's is that when the two people see eachother, they've been missing eachother a lot. Think about it this way, you have a boyfriend, he goes off to war for 3 months, comes back, is the girlfriend not going to be a billion times happier that she finally gets to see him? Of course she is, she hasn't seen him in 3 months.

big_jeffry, your ideology is wrong. Your example of a guy with a paper bag over his head isn't what we're subject to. The guy is shy and was misjudged and it took a whole year for people to "like" him, for his personality or otherwise. That isn't what people in romantic relationships do. If you meet a shy person who makes a bad initial impression on you, you are going to misjudge them, AND if they have a paperbag over their head or are ugly, it MAY take a year for you to "like" them, but you won't have any romantic interest in them.

Women often want the man that they cannot easily have. They would pick a ****y arrogant man over an easy readily accessable guy, just because there are so many easy readily accessable guys out there, but only one man who has something better to do than attend to her needs.

Do you know the common mistake that guys make? They get too into the relationship. A relationship BECOMES their life, not just a PART of it. Of course you should see your girlfriend, but EVERYBODY has something else they need to do and it is okay to be busy and do your things. If more people focused on themselves and what they needed to do in their life rather than their girlfriends, they could be busy all day.

A relationship is only part of your life, you have another 95% out there waiting for you.

The point is, you do miss things when you don't have them for a while, especially true if they are worthwhile to you. That is why you create an initial impression, go on with your life, and take her out on dates when YOU have time, not when she WANTS you around. You want to be her lover, not her best girlfriend.

 

[Maximus_Decimus]

TallOne, Gatsby, and Prettyboy understand this concept pretty well. You create challenge after you have established value with the chick. Making yourself scarce before you have established value does Jack Sh*t and she will quickly forget you.

Also, when we talk about scarcity, we do not mean extended scarcity. A long term relationship is extended scarcity - to the point where the other parties start to forget about each other. If you ever move to another city away from your GF, the interest level between you two might even jump initially as you are absent from each other. If this happens though, it will eventually hit a peak. From there, it will only go down. Over a long enough period of time apart, your memory and your interest fades in the other party.

As for seeing somebody everyday, day after day, eventually you will get sick of that person. Say you've just tried your first Krispy Kreme Donut ever and you loved it. You go back tomorrow to get a second one ... it was good, but it just wasn't as good as the first one. You go back the day after and get a third. You notice the third isn't as good as the second one. If you keep this up for three months, by the time you are on your 90th Krispy Kreme donut in a row, you'll feel like puking.

Maximus_Decimus

 

[Arctic_FoX]

So there needs to be a balance of things... Does that mean that LDRs can still work if you go back to visit her frequently (3-4 times a year, each time staying for ~1 month)?

 

[becker]

Originally posted by NRM


Women often want the man that they cannot easily have. They would pick a ****y arrogant man over an easy readily accessable guy, just because there are so many easy readily accessable guys out there, but only one man who has something better to do than attend to her needs.

Do you know the common mistake that guys make? They get too into the relationship. A relationship BECOMES their life, not just a PART of it. Of course you should see your girlfriend, but EVERYBODY has something else they need to do and it is okay to be busy and do your things. If more people focused on themselves and what they needed to do in their life rather than their girlfriends, they could be busy all day.

A relationship is only part of your life, you have another 95% out there waiting for you.

The point is, you do miss things when you don't have them for a while, especially true if they are worthwhile to you. That is why you create an initial impression, go on with your life, and take her out on dates when YOU have time, not when she WANTS you around. You want to be her lover, not her best girlfriend.

This is good stuff right here, I just dated a girl yesterday, and we seemed to hit it off really well. It's definitely good to not call her too much. Most guys attach onto a girl so quickly and smother her, thinking that that's what she wants. It just makes her much less interested. I know, it's crazy as heck, but you have to deal with that if you want to get anywhere.