About to finally crack? Maybe!!

[squirrels]

I'm not sure what's going on lately.

I've been in a weird way lately...about ready to jump off a bridge with the stress I've been feeling. I just don't know who else to talk to.

Remember that long thread about the "obsessed girl" I was dating who I thought was "crazy"? I've been seeing her again...and it's been a weird, weird story I can't even get my head around.

I was honestly convinced she was borderline/insane, based on her murky past and her "unstable behavior". I was done with her...had completely blown her off and was ready to wipe her out of my life forever. Then some crazy sh!t happened and we found ourselves forced to sit down and talk with each other about what had been going on.

She tells me that every time SHE came over my house, SHE was telling herself, "I can't do this any more, I can't keep seeing him, etc". She said she saw a really great guy in me but the things *I* was saying and doing were driving her nuts.

She started rifling off this list of things that I did that drove her crazy/drove her to drink herself stupid...things like:

* Suggesting other women were interested
* Teasing her/negging her
* Staying detached
* Treating her like I didn't need her/wasn't that into her (she says, "like a call-girl")

I'm sitting there thinking...god dammit, this all sounds familiar...

Has becoming a "disciple" of all this Don Juan bullsh*t been sabotaging me with women for years now??

Am *I* the "crazy one"? Has all of this nonsense just been a defense mechanism I built to deal with my OWN lack of self-worth??

I decided to drop all of the BS...and just give it a chance with this girl, legitimately, for real. No more Don Juan games...just seeing each other for who we really are.

I'll tell you...I'm at full-scale war with myself...and I've lost complete perspective over which side of me is "right".

There's one side of me that is absolutely in love with this girl. I mean, she is smoking hot, she's intelligent and insightful (though she has what I'd consider to be "flakey" ideas about stuff), she has good practical skills (runs her own business), she's VERY physical...more than me even. She does ALL of the good "wifey" things that everyone talks about...she cleans, she cooks (deliciously!), she dresses to impress when we go out together. She even tells me she doesn't want to "monopolize all of my time" and constantly encourages me to do stuff I want to do.

As I said before, her past is a bit "wild", but she honestly seems like she's become more mature and intelligent and is REALLY taking steps to leave all of it behind. Who am I to deny her a chance at redemption??

She also seems to have an inhuman amount of patience. Things that absolutely flip me out and drive me insane, she can just sit and react accordingly. I guess this is a result of most of the sh*t in my life paling in comparison to some of the stuff she's dealt with.

Then there's the other side of me...the one that just wants to escape from EVERYTHING...the side that wants to be out riding motorcycles and rollercoasters and climbing mountains and just keep pushing myself until I drop. The side that finds "romantic attachment" boring and sees it more as a hinderance. That side stresses out constantly, tells me I'm letting myself down by getting "sucked into" a romantic entanglement. To that side of me, "love feels like death". I just don't feel like I could hack it, as a boyfriend, a husband, a father, any of those things. I'm not ready. This girl demands virtually NOTHING from me, yet I feel constantly obligated to do things for her because she is so good to ME.

This side feels like it can't trust a word she says, even though I've examined it over and over in my head and I honestly CAN'T find a situation where she's outright lied to me. She's told me everything...even about the dates she's made/missed when we were both dating after we first met. She's told me things that she wouldn't tell anyone...I honestly thought that it didn't mean that much to her because she told ME, so I've told others about them and it's caused a great deal of tension between us because SHE told me in what SHE saw as "in confidence".

This side...I can't tell if it thinks I'm "too good" for this...or "not good enough" for this. I dunno...lately I've really been thinking about the idea of having a family, but I don't know if I'm built for it. I really don't. It reminds me of when I used to take martial arts, when my instructor was telling me he was going to get me ready for my black belt test, and I felt like he had no idea what he was talking about, that I felt like I had SO much further to go before I was ready for that, and I actually lost respect for him for suggesting that I was good enough for that.

Now it's the same way...I honestly assumed that this girl was insane because she wanted to be with me so badly. How could a girl this attractive be so OBSESSED with a schmuck like me? There MUST be something wrong with her. She's CRAZY. Why won't she go away like the other girls?? What does she WANT from me??

I can't stand that she can just sit there patiently and deal with stuff that makes me want to punch walls and tear my hair out. Doesn't she GET IT?? I can't stand that she is OK with washing my dishes while I sit and play X-box! What is WRONG with this girl?? She'll do stuff that makes ME happy, just because she wants to see ME happy?? How is that "normal"??


It IS almost like I'm dealing with a split-personality these days. These two sides of me are just fighting it out constantly...and it's gotten to where I can't even trust MYSELF, because I don't know which "myself" is the real one, is the one that knows what the hell it's talking about. I can speak with either voice just fine, but this whole mess has brought the many voices together and now they're all shouting at each other, and there's this constant din in my head.

And my conscious mind is just sitting huddled in a corner wanting to cry, because he REALLY doesn't want to ally with ANY of these attitudes. I don't want to put on ANY of these hats that I've worn on and off my whole life, because they all seem like walking jokes to me.

This...this SoSuave sh!t...all seems like a big, sick joke.

This romantic love sh!t...it all seems like a big, sick joke too.

I'm a different person with every group of friends I have. The person I am with one group of friends is different from who I am with another group, or with my coworkers, or with my family...and now this girl is at the intersection of all of them, and I am trying to integrate her into them and can't reconcile one with the next.

I honestly feel Fight-Clubbish sometimes. There's a part of me that just wants to go ape-sh!t and start burning stuff down. :box: "The gun's not in your hand...the gun's in MY hand..."

I know, that's a bit dramatic. I am just having a whole helluva lot of trouble "dealing" right now. My friends are starting to call me a waffling drama-queen the way I am flip-flopping back and forth between "love, hate, sex, and pain". My girl...she sometimes says she thinks I have multiple personalities. I'm out of my mind, wondering if my life is over or if it's just beginning, which of my friends I can "trust" to tell me who I am or who I should be, who I can talk to, even where MY mind ends and other people's minds begin. I don't know which thoughts are my own, which ones are expectations from my parents, my friends, my girl trying to tell me how to be a "better person"...who's right??

Then I see Die Hard having everything he wants from women and still being miserable:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=187054

Then I see Karma getting married and saying the person he thought he was "grew the f**k up"?? :

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=186956

Mystery is a sell-out, Pook is lost in his own head, Fingz is a father, Jophil's dead, Rollo is still preaching from the "Iron Rules", Mr. Positive is sailing around the world somewhere, and to one of these voices at least, Iqqi is starting to make sense. :woo:

This sh!t is all gibberish to me. The world makes no sense any more, and I'm trying to build a life from 2 or 3 different sets of blueprints.

I am losing it, I swear to God. I have come face-to-face with the mound of f**king sh*t that is my mind, and I cannot deal.

 

[sexysuave]

You need some goals and congruency. You haven’t become one confident person yet and are still viewing some of this “self-improvement” as just a strategy or “don juan games” as you say, where in fact you have to BECOME better, inside of you, and not just use a tip because you learned about it. You have too much information and are way overanalyzing everything.

First thing to do is calm the f*ck down.

You are feeling this way in the moment, but things will be OK. No need to jump off any bridges man, just relax.

As a side note, I noticed last time you were involved with this girl, you also made a comment that “world makes no sense anymore.”

Than you came back with some reason, saying you’re no longer with her, and you seemed more normal.

Now that you’re back with her, “the world makes no sense” again. Hmmmm?? Now be honest, how did you feel before you met this girl? Did you also feel damn near suicidal and like world made no sense?

The world is pretty simple man, truth be told, reality is what you make it. About 70 years from now, none of this will matter for you or I, EVER again. So really all you have is now, and you have to make the best of it. So if your reality is to date 10 different girls, than that’s all that really matters. It’s just that you’re listening to a 100 different viewpoints, and you can’t satisfy them all.

So, the best advice is that you “create your own reality”. It’s so simple yet 95% of people never get there. They are too busy living in everyone else’s world. A few thousand years from now, we as humans may be extinct and earth might be shattered to pieces and this entire galaxy sucked into some black hole, and none of this stuff in the “21st century” will matter AT ALL. Almost like nothing ever happened lol.

So create your own reality now, because now is all you have. Why would you jump of a bridge, when you can keep going? I found that having GOALS, specific goals with measurements, helps a lot of people regain their focus and come back to “reality”.

Look, on some level, I actually know how you feel (except for the killing your self part, ever got that far). I got into this “pick up world” back in the 90’s, and went out and ran game and took my own notes down after all approaches and wrote down what I did good, what I did bad, what we can do better next time (I had a couple of buddies involved as well). This is before I knew of any “communities”. After I got into the community stuff and read all the books and all that good stuff, is when things got a little confusing, and I remember my self feeling the way you feel now about having “different parts of your self at work, with certain friends, with different groups of people”. You’re pretty much juggling 10,000 pages of information in your head about what you should be doing to be this bad ass DJ, when in fact you are way overanalyzing everything. You feel that you don’t’ really know who you are, as there are multiple different personalities of you and you feel like you can fit in just about anywhere, but you almost feel as if you’re infiltrating that circle, rather than feeling like a true part of it.

You also can’t trust any girls anymore because, with game, you have learned how easy it is to score chicks with boyfriends and even with husbands, that deep down you think “what the hell is the point of having a GF or wife, seems like a lot will cheat anyway”. You become so good at pick up and score with so many chicks, including the involved ones, that this becomes the “dark side” of pick-up, that you hear about sometimes. This can get to the point for people where it’s unhealthy, as they haven’t balanced it with a “life” (you know, other hobbies, businesses, interests, friends, fun, sports, writing books, etc.). Some people only focus on “pick up” and nothing else. Hell, that just reminded me of the damn betteroffsingle guy who said don’t’ ever watch sports as you are paying dumb athletes where you could be using that time to learn “tricks and gimmicks”. His entire life was about “tricks and gimmicks” to pick up chicks, yet, from what I’ve seen, on one of his youtube videos, he was sitting at home alone, telling everyone why suicide is OK and to go for it. Lol…

I mean common.. you gotta have balance.. even Michael Jordan was so unbalanced that I’ve read about him being mainly an unhappy person that drove just about everyone out of his life. The great Michael Jordan! There is this darkness about him and while he is a great champion, is personal life, (from what I’ve heard and read about), sucks, as he drove everyone away.

Anyway, been in your shoes about feeling like “many different sides of you, you don’t’ know which one is right”… If you need to talk, drop me a PM with your number and we can chat more about this. Sometimes just talking about things helps out (which I’m assuming is why you made this thread).

But, RELAX, calm the F down, take a deep breath, and drive away somewhere for the weekend, just by your self, no phone or nothing, just go out in the nature (but don’t kill your self lol), and breathe some fresh air and observe nature, and just try to relax.. hit me on PM if you’d like to chat…

 

[Bible_Belt]

It's obvious you have low self-esteem.

This is a generic article, but it makes some good points:
http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/articles/top-ten-facts-about-low-self-esteem/

One of those points is that you can't argue someone better. All of us can tell you that you're awesome, or you can stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself that, but neither way will work.

You can try to discover the origin of the problem if you think that might help. Someone probably treated you badly as a child. Or maybe it's all just chemical. Regardless, the answer lies in recognizing that all your biases against yourself are really just in your head.

 

[sodbuster]

First, ALL women are crazy...is it the kind of crazy you can deal with? If it is,maybe she's someone you want to keep around. Not ready for marriage,kids and a family?none of us are...it's a level of responsibility you don't know about and the unknown is scary.
I can't tell you to marry her,can't tell you not to.BUT a good looking intelligent woman with her own business,who cooks for you[if it's edible];well, they don't exactly grow on trees. As long as you remember that you will be OK if she leaves in 15 years,the alimony/child support won't break you as a man. Who knows... you may be the 50% who makes it.

 

[Scars]

I cant get too detailed right now because im on my phone, but i loved this deep introspection of yourself. Its much like my "narcissists get all the girls" thread. Lately ive been feeling like the crazy one myself. Do we actually unknowingly seek out woman that are bad for us? Do these dj gimmics attract negative woman? Its something ive been beginning to ponder lately.

 

[squirrels]

Now that you’re back with her, “the world makes no sense” again. Hmmmm?? Now be honest, how did you feel before you met this girl? Did you also feel damn near suicidal and like world made no sense?

On occasion...yeah, I did.

I've always said women are like mirrors...they reflect the truth about a man.

When I sent her away, I thought I was regaining clarity...what I think the TRUTH was is that without her around, I wasn't forced to look at MYSELF.

I could just write it off and say, "women are crazy, people are stupid, God is dead, and it's all a big joke" and go on doing whatever it is I felt like doing at the moment.

But I've ALWAYS felt overwhelmed by life. I try to be open-minded, but when I am, I get overwhelmed by a dozen different opinions of what life should be, and each of them seems to have a sound justification.

The only reason I haven't killed myself a LONG time ago is that there's this voice in the back of my head saying 1) that I don't know what death is like and 2) there may still be life to live and I shouldn't throw it away, since death would come soon enough.

That voice is what keeps my canoe paddling, but honestly it feels like I'm paddling in a circle. I don't know where I want to go.

You hit the nail on the head with "infiltration". With my family, with any of my groups of friends, with the girl, wherever...I have never felt like I BELONGED there. That may date back to early grade-school where I never fit in with anyone. But every circle I infiltrate, I appreciate what they have to offer, but I always feel like I should be somewhere else.

When I'm forced to look at this girl, it's like looking into a spiritual mirror, and I'm forced to ask myself the question that it TEARS me apart that I can't answer...WHO AM I??

When I say my own name, I feel like I'm name-dropping. It sounds almost like a foreign term to me...like something people use when they want to get my attention. Who is that person? I try to define it, and everything I come up with, I ask myself, is that REALLY who I am, and a voice inside says, "no". It's just another shape that I let myself take on occasion because "it works". I feel formless, like water, as Bruce Lee would say. I have no identity...the "ego" is just an illusion. I can be anyone, but somehow prefer being no one.

I can't BE "no one" when I'm with this girl. If she honestly wants to commit to me in this way, I owe it to her to be "someone". And whatever "someone" I become, I find fault with. Or rather, one side of my personality, shaped by my encounters with friends, family, this damned forum, who-knows-what, finds fault with it.

Without her, I can be "no one". I'm not sad being no one, but I'm not happy either. I'm not anything. "I" is nothing, it doesn't exist. So I can just meld back into the consciousness of the universe and observe.

I don't identify with any of my accomplishments...I don't identify with any of my failures. I dont' identify with what anyone thinks of me, good or bad. I don't identify with my hobbies...I call them "passions" on occasion, but I don't feel like I'm a part of them.

Jeezus...I AM f**ked up, aren't I?

I go back and look at what I typed...and I question the words...I read and I say, "what the hell are you spewing all over the Internet THIS time?"

 

[letsplay]

Well, strip down the part where you succseed with woman and that's pretty much me... I can really relate with the multiple personalities part... still i haven't had a girlfriend so i somehow imposed myselve that as a goal that drives me trough life... Not long ago my longlife hobby beacame a full time job and i was really happy abut it, like... i finally made it... but than some total emptiness has overwhelmed me. It was like ok, what now? Reading this make me wonder of my goal as a blind end... I think you just entered a phase where things are fu.ked up, no need for some drastic moves like that bridge thing.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

"wild past"

"unstable behavior"

"obsessed"

"crazy"

These are your terms.

Her list of prerequisites to stay with a "crazy" woman:

* Suggesting other women were interested
* Teasing her/negging her
* Staying detached
* Treating her like I didn't need her/wasn't that into her (she says, "like a call-girl")

One would rationally think a 'normal' woman would find any of these intolerable, yet there you are. So either she is in fact crazy, finds reward in abuse and lacks sufficient self-worth to NEXT you, OR, you are approaching your LTR (such as it is) from a healthy, self-interested perspective that she actually does respect, so much so that she'll pursue you in spite of it.

I think what you're experiencing now is not so much confusion with her as you are in owning your role as being the primary partner in your LTR. This is a VERY tough transition for a former AFC to accept. In truth, I would say that accepting and internalizing a dominant role in an LTR for a nominally beta is more difficult than realizing that applying Game actually works in attracting women.

It's really a second unplugging for guys. The first shock of 'unplugging' comes in the actualizing that everything feminized society, everything any woman ever told him about the 'appropriate' way to engage with women is almost entirely the opposite of what produces the results he wants. Once he's become so frustrated by his dating life that he experiments with conventional Game and discovers that Negs work, C&F works, Amused Mastery works, etc. there comes a point of disillusionment - and sometimes despair.

This comes from the realization that everything he's held as a long-loved ego investment about women falls apart. Half his life was spent in the ignorance of believing women were equally as rational, equally shared the same mutual desires, equally as sincere in her words. The idea of duplicity based on her being female, or not understanding the gender differences in how women communicate, was shamefully due to his inability to become more like her. In his plugged in life, any failure, any misstep, was the result of his inability to identify with her more perfectly.

So it comes as no surprise when his eyes are opened to how much he's invested of himself in these female-primary conventions. This is where most men turn back. It's too much to bear in the revelation that what he's believed for so long could be other than what women have told him so he enters a rationalized denial. And of course there is a well established social network ready welcome him back and reward him for his denial.

The second unplugging comes when a Man is forced to come to this power dynamic realization again when entering into an LTR. Most guys who reinvent themselves and accept their masculine primacy role after having been subjected to an egalitarian gender equality doctrine for most of their lives feel strange in owning it in an LTR and/or marriage. It's really put up or shut up time. Essentially you need to become the Man you sold yourself as when you were spinning plates. Guys who unplug and employ Game are initially mimicking the behaviors that used to be respected and attractive to women. Now they're considered socially inappropriate or rude at best, borderline abusive at worst under feminine social auspices. Regardless, the results are undeniable.

In an LTR you have BE that guy, and for a formerly plugged-in AFC, the old mental schema of equality returns. Guilt sets in because he doesn't feel deserving of the primacy he holds because he still hasn't let go of that antiquated equalism he thought was valid for so long. He wants to play fair, but what he doesn't realize is his concept of what is 'fair' is still rooted in his plugged-in mindset. It's at this critical point that most LTRs destruct, because the guy reverts back to his old AFC mental habitus, or the girl settles into the comfort knowing she controls the frame and can dictate the terms of her intimacy as she sees fit.

This is one reason I emphasize a complete internalization of why Game works. I catch all kinds of criticism for being primarily theory based in my approach, but if, and when, you transition to an LTR monogamous commitment, by God you'd better understand why those theories are the bedrock of Game.

SQUIRRELS, this is where you're at. Your distress is coming from a want to return to a simpler way of dealing with your personal life that really never existed. Bear in mind that the "abusive" behavior your "crazy" GF is complaining about is the same behavior that attracted her to you. If you're feeling guilt for playing X-Box while she waits on you, then put down the console and do something productive, just understand that feeling of guilt comes from you thinking you need to "play fair" with her in order to keep her. That's the path to her controlling the frame of the LTR.

 

[thissucks003]

As you grow as aperson, so will your tastes!

Are you the same person you were when you were 17? 21? 30?

I would hope not!

You grow and mature as a person!

I am glad I am not the same person I was as I was when I was 17, 21, and 30. My taste in people, food, friends, women, etc... have gotten better with time. You learn what is important in life and what matters most to you as you grow as a person. Each person has their own growth rate. Some mature as a person faster then others. I myself was a late bloomer. I can relate that you feel that you are drifting in your life.

The one thing that has been constant in my life is faith. I don't where I would be without it. I know I wouldn't have met my wife , nor would I be expecting my first child without my faith.

I would definitely seek help and find a sense and purpose in my life!

 

[Die Hard]

"wild past"

"unstable behavior"

"obsessed"

"crazy"

These are your terms.

Her list of prerequisites to stay with a "crazy" woman:

* Suggesting other women were interested
* Teasing her/negging her
* Staying detached
* Treating her like I didn't need her/wasn't that into her (she says, "like a call-girl")

One would rationally think a 'normal' woman would find any of these intolerable, yet there you are. So either she is in fact crazy, finds reward in abuse and lacks sufficient self-worth to NEXT you, OR, you are approaching your LTR (such as it is) from a healthy, self-interested perspective that she actually does respect, so much so that she'll pursue you in spite of it.

I think what you're experiencing now is not so much confusion with her as you are in owning your role as being the primary partner in your LTR. This is a VERY tough transition for a former AFC to accept. In truth, I would say that accepting and internalizing a dominant role in an LTR for a nominally beta is more difficult than realizing that applying Game actually works in attracting women.

It's really a second unplugging for guys. The first shock of 'unplugging' comes in the actualizing that everything feminized society, everything any woman ever told him about the 'appropriate' way to engage with women is almost entirely the opposite of what produces the results he wants. Once he's become so frustrated by his dating life that he experiments with conventional Game and discovers that Negs work, C&F works, Amused Mastery works, etc. there comes a point of disillusionment - and sometimes despair.

This comes from the realization that everything he's held as a long-loved ego investment about women falls apart. Half his life was spent in the ignorance of believing women were equally as rational, equally shared the same mutual desires, equally as sincere in her words. The idea of duplicity based on her being female, or not understanding the gender differences in how women communicate, was shamefully due to his inability to become more like her. In his plugged in life, any failure, any misstep, was the result of his inability to identify with her more perfectly.

So it comes as no surprise when his eyes are opened to how much he's invested of himself in these female-primary conventions. This is where most men turn back. It's too much to bear in the revelation that what he's believed for so long could be other than what women have told him so he enters a rationalized denial. And of course there is a well established social network ready welcome him back and reward him for his denial.

The second unplugging comes when a Man is forced to come to this power dynamic realization again when entering into an LTR. Most guys who reinvent themselves and accept their masculine primacy role after having been subjected to an egalitarian gender equality doctrine for most of their lives feel strange in owning it in an LTR and/or marriage. It's really put up or shut up time. Essentially you need to become the Man you sold yourself as when you were spinning plates. Guys who unplug and employ Game are initially mimicking the behaviors that used to be respected and attractive to women. Now they're considered socially inappropriate or rude at best, borderline abusive at worst under feminine social auspices. Regardless, the results are undeniable.

In an LTR you have BE that guy, and for a formerly plugged-in AFC, the old mental schema of equality returns. Guilt sets in because he doesn't feel deserving of the primacy he holds because he still hasn't let go of that antiquated equalism he thought was valid for so long. He wants to play fair, but what he doesn't realize is his concept of what is 'fair' is still rooted in his plugged-in mindset. It's at this critical point that most LTRs destruct, because the guy reverts back to his old AFC mental habitus, or the girl settles into the comfort knowing she controls the frame and can dictate the terms of her intimacy as she sees fit.

This is one reason I emphasize a complete internalization of why Game works. I catch all kinds of criticism for being primarily theory based in my approach, but if, and when, you transition to an LTR monogamous commitment, by God you'd better understand why those theories are the bedrock of Game.

SQUIRRELS, this is where you're at. Your distress is coming from a want to return to a simpler way of dealing with your personal life that really never existed. Bear in mind that the "abusive" behavior your "crazy" GF is complaining about is the same behavior that attracted her to you. If you're feeling guilt for playing X-Box while she waits on you, then put down the console and do something productive, just understand that feeling of guilt comes from you thinking you need to "play fair" with her in order to keep her. That's the path to her controlling the frame of the LTR.

Very clear explanation and I subscribe to everytihng you said, but I think there's a bit more to it. It's not just that outdated mental schema about equalism that's causing problems here...

I've been talking about the 'little boy' inside of us on occasion. Granting a woman access to the little boy inside of us, often causes us a lot of distress, it causes a sh!tstorm of emotions in us. At the same time, we often long to do this, because opening up to a woman and giving her access to your vulnerable side, is part of "healing". Some people have no need for "healing", they simply have nothing that needs to be healed. I think you're such a person, Rollo (perhaps you've always been like that, or perhaps you've already "healed" a long time ago?). But many of us here on SoSuave, we do need to "heal"...

In reference to my own recent thread: Me and this woman took a shower together and at one point she put her arms around me and pressed her body tightly against mine and I did the same. So we both closed our eyes and just stood there, embraced, saying nothing, the hot water pouring over us, for I dunno...5 or 10 minutes? I wished that moment would last forever, I just didn't want it to end, I felt like I was inside of some warm cocoon where everything was alright. Like I was a baby inside a womb or something. And I felt just as weak and vulnerable as a baby... We all have walls around our hearts and emotions, sometimes we raise them a little higher to protect ourselves...when the situation demands it. Other times, we lower them a bit...when the situation allows it. I feel like the wall was completely gone at that moment with her, I connected to my most inner feelings and was a vulnerable as I ever can be. I was a baby...

I find it incredibly difficult to handle this. At one hand, it's kind of a blissful experience to connect with your vulnerable side. On the other hand, I am a man, not a baby I like to feel strong and powerful, not weak and vulnerable :nono: That's where my feelings of aversion came from, as an automatic countermeasure by my emotional system. Afer the shower, I started feeling like "Wat the hell am I doing here?" and her suggestion that I'd stay another night filled me with feelings of repulsion. Stay the fvck away from me, is the feeling that slowly came over me... And that's where I started acting distant to her, kinda started treating her like sh!t, the kind of behavior Squirrels describes of himself towards his girl, the so called "abusive" behavior, which causes feelings of guilt... In these cases, this sort of behavior is not a 'tool' we use because we have learned on SoSuave that it works. No, it's sort of an instinctive reaction, a way to create distance between us and the girl. With this behavior we try to protect ourselves from her, coz she is getting to us emotionally, she is connecting to the little boy inside of us, the vulnerable side in us.

So yes, Rollo, the outdated mental schema about equalism that you mentioned, is one issue we should pay attention to. But dealing with the vulnerable side in us, is another issue we should be mindful of...

 

[Boilermaker]

Wow Rollo .. that post ..

I wish Jophil was alive to see that. It'd be one of those rare occasions you guys would totally agree.

But once again, as all brilliant theorists do, you very clearly identified the problem, yet you didn't specify a solution ..

Edit: I feel like John Galt and Hank Rearden are debating here, please gentlemen, do go on ...

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Squirrels,

Personally, I've found that the key to escape the crushing banality and disappointment of both dreams deferred AND dreams "come true" is to spend more time engaging in VERTICAL THINKING as opposed to just mostly "horizontal thinking".

Try actively engaging in pursuits that elevate you beyond your usual pursuits that have now seemed to have become so trivial to you.

The disillusioned King Solomon said it best in the Biblical book of Ecclesiastes when he said "There's nothing NEW under the sun". And I will be so bold as to even add to his sentiment by saying "There's not only NOTHING new under the sun, there's really only just new PEOPLE encountering the same old things".

There comes a time in every man's life where he has an opportunity to come face-to-face with the reality that NOTHING he sees or experiences at his CURRENT level of awareness will bring him any kind of PERPETUAL joy or fulfillment. Why? Because we usually only tend to grow "on purpose" when we find ourselves reaching for higher ground "on purpose".

My question for you is: What will YOU do during this moment of STARK clarity?

It is both my opinion AND my experience that what tends to bring me the most internal PEACE and SANITY is when I embrace things, ideas, concepts, or "SOMEONE" higher than myself.

Perhaps your cause would be better served by looking "OUT" for better things that will inspire you than spending so much time looking "IN". When you're going through times where you feel like you have no "light" inside, the gloominess and the darkness just seems to be all the more "darker".

I understand that every man must go the way that he feels is best for him, and he must follow whatever path that he feels is uniquely his own--------but STILL:

Again, I would only suggest that you spend MORE time searching for contentment in things that are HIGHER than "eye level" and less time squinting in disbelief and disappointment at these things that you see "all the time".

You see, though it may sound like a strange thing to say on a site like this one---------the truth is that there is a LIMIT to how much self-reflection can actually help you. There comes a point that when you don't see enough "good" reflected back at you when you look inside--------you MUST turn and begin to look outside of yourself in order to discover new and BETTER sources of positivity to fuel your inner fire---------your WILL to not only "live", but to THRIVE. :yes:


PEACE...one day.


VU

 

[iqqi]

I think you're the crazy one.

 

[squirrels]

Wow Rollo .. that post ..

I wish Jophil was alive to see that. It'd be one of those rare occasions you guys would totally agree.

But once again, as all brilliant theorists do, you very clearly identified the problem, yet you didn't specify a solution ..

Edit: I feel like John Galt and Hank Rearden are debating here, please gentlemen, do go on ...

I think he identified the solution...it's actually quite clear.

I needed to get my conscious mind OUT of the corner and give these damned voices some direction, and remember that this is MY life, one way or the other, and that *I* need to be the one in charge of it.

A lot of emotional crap has been happening over the past two weeks. But I feel like a lot of things have changed and I feel a little more "clear" on things.

Whatever happens with ANY girl or situation, it's up to me to remember to stay in control of MY life and that others, while fascinating characters, are still just supporting actors. I have to get out of the corner and start steering this ship.

Sometimes it just overwhelms me...that's all. Yesterday was one of those days, where I just wasn't at all proud of some of my recent decisions and was doubting pretty much everything as a result.

I came very close to a nervous breakdown...had to listen to some U2, calm my mind, and get the "voices" under control.

I think you're the crazy one.

Oh, no doubt. This stuff has brought me face-to-face with the realization that maybe I AM more off-kilter than I had ever previously thought.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

This stuff has brought me face-to-face with the realization that maybe I AM more off-kilter than I had ever previously thought.

Well for christ sakes let's be honest here -- women can drive lots of men to insanity. You are dealing with biologically deeply laced things here. Sexuality. Attraction. Vagina + Penis = Baby. That's how we all got here -- that undercurrent overwhelming drive beneath our McDonald's signs and polite "how do you do's" in society -- sexuality is at the core of us. And this is a maddening place in a lot of ways -- the place of sexuality -- because we are prescribed by society countless explanations and theories and ideas, and religion has theirs too, and social law through people following these ideas and enforcing them on one another and oh "she just got married too" and now "so has he" -- I mean you are living in a system alone that can drive a person to madness. And you are someone who is looking for TRUTH. Well, TRUTH may not even exist as it is, and if nothing more, you have theories and explanations for what is occurring -- and then even then, those theories can be doubted and untied and countered against and suddenly you're in this distant gray zone where nothing makes sense, there are no outlines, just a blurred glob of ideas...

Been there Brother.

You are not alone in a woman driving you to near madness. You are not alone in your mind sh!tting upon itself trying to rationalize what it has read and experienced, with what it has been socially-conditioned to expect, along with what your dreams or hopes may be for the situation -- I think many minds have taken this same self-sh!t...

Don't let it crack you. One thing you CLEARLY have is INTELLIGENCE. And UNFORTUNATELY, with intelligence can come lunacy...become aware enough and how couldn't this society and all of our social-bullsh!t-games not make you want to lose your head? WHY are these people acting this way? WHAT are they doing, etc, etc...many a brilliant men have also been off their rocker...and I think it's a sort of self-feeding thing, because with greater awareness comes less compatibility in whatever complacency you've been in...which only pulls you further forwards to recognize more and become even more aware...which makes you even less compatible from which you've come...suddenly you're far away from anything that was familiar or made sense. I get those ideas. BUT, your INTELLIGENCE also gives you the incredible edge to UNDERSTAND, ADJUST and ACT. I believe you are smart enough that you will make the right decision -- and even if something blows up in your face, I believe you are smart enough to overcome it and make a new and better decision for the future.

But I definitely have to agree here with Rollo that there is an unplugging that occurs when what we've believed to be true collapses...and another unplugging where once we're in this new way, we can't revert backwards...it is a heavy burden -- a mental egg scramble -- but please keep your wits Squirrels...you are in control of this life of yours...you are in control of the relationships you choose to entrain...keep her around if she gratifies you...we're all crazy to some extent...see where this journey with her takes you...don't abandon all that you are for this journey...take yourself into it...preserve that self, so if she does leave, you are still you...don't be swept away in her torrent...but at the same time, part of life is LIVING and EXPERIENCING and FEELING an that includes both LOVE and PAIN and without that rawness, all we'd have is some blind bland mediocrity of office cubicles and shades of grey -- I say if you are being called towards this crazy woman, well fvck it, go with it! Be careful of baby-making! Be careful of marriage! But GO INTO IT -- you'll only learn from the experience and certain lessons you could have NEVER learned if you'd refrained from GOING INTO IT....

I agree with the posters here...as you told me once Squirrels, "There is no IT" (something to that extent). The Absolute Answers do not exist -- maintain your frame, maintain your mind, go with it man. My $0.02 -- take it for what it is -- and I claim no DJ-professionalism -- but I can say, I've never regretted experiencing the rawness of life -- even if I was left in great pain. I'd rather LIVE and SUFFER than wrap myself in a medicated plastic shell by which there is nothing.

:rockon:

 

[Boilermaker]

I think he identified the solution...it's actually quite clear.

I needed to get my conscious mind OUT of the corner and give these damned voices some direction, and remember that this is MY life, one way or the other, and that *I* need to be the one in charge of it.

A lot of emotional crap has been happening over the past two weeks. But I feel like a lot of things have changed and I feel a little more "clear" on things.

Whatever happens with ANY girl or situation, it's up to me to remember to stay in control of MY life and that others, while fascinating characters, are still just supporting actors. I have to get out of the corner and start steering this ship.

Sometimes it just overwhelms me...that's all. Yesterday was one of those days, where I just wasn't at all proud of some of my recent decisions and was doubting pretty much everything as a result.

I came very close to a nervous breakdown...had to listen to some U2, calm my mind, and get the "voices" under control.

Hey man, you know I admire you, respect you and get inspired by you all the time.
But how many times should I bang your head with a club about the wonderful Paroxetine? 10 mg's a day, you can have sex for 3 hours straight, and most of the time life feels like you are listening to Hotel California from Gypsy Kings.

Don't take all your "thoughts" very seriously, you might have a "bug" somewhere in that circuitry preventing you from functioning like the brilliant squirrels you could actually be. Don't forget that your objective, extremely sharp decision mechanisms are subject to all that emotional sh!t storm that goes in your head. It's hard for an object to "figure out" itself. (reminds me of a boot-strapping technique in string theory, or exchange interaction that results in ferromagnetism, but .. I am drifting ..)

You are smart, full of life, and have a lot of energy. Time to steer that into something that is ....


actually useful !!

 

[Die Hard]

I think he identified the solution...it's actually quite clear.

What, the "solution" is to take charge of your life? Wow, I've seen you expressing the same realization in posts from 5 years ago. In the meanwhile, you've continued posting about the same problems again and again, so that "solution" obviously didn't do much for you. What makes you think anything will be different now?

A lot of emotional crap has been happening over the past two weeks. But I feel like a lot of things have changed and I feel a little more "clear" on things.

Really? Could you digress on that? What things exactly do you feel more clear about? Coz, frankly, I don't think you feel much clearer about anything today than you did last week. Or last YEAR, for that matter.

You were on the brink of a nervous brakedown lately and got yourself away from that critical situation. Compared to the mess in your mind during that critical situation, ANY OTHER state of mind appears to you as one where you "feel like a lot of things have changed and feel a little more "clear" on things". But OBJECTIVELY, you haven't found jack sh!t in terms of solving your problem(s).

You just jump at Rollo's little essay, trying to convince yourself that it identifies the solution to your problem. Strange, I've seen you write multiple posts over the course of several years, where you basically say everything he’s said here. Yet, your problem(s) never ceased to exist... Dude, Rollo's post didn't bring you any further to solving your problems, no further at all, since there was nothing in it that you didn’t know already, even 5 years ago!!

It just gave you some room to breathe, something to hold onto and prevent you from slipping into a nervous brakedown. That's a good thing, but don't fool yourself into thinking that it got you any closer to the solution of your problem(s). It got you away from the mental breakdown, but it didn't get you closer to the solution of your problem...

All this fighting you've been doing over the years, with your thoughts, with your feelings... I mean, sh!t man...you've basically been creating the same thread over and over again in all these years. You keep running into the same problem(s) again and again and again, and you've been struggling with it HARD all these years. Yet, what results have you gained during all this struggling? I don't see much difference between what you're posting now and what you posted 5 years ago.



This is not me trying to talk you down, my friend. It is me trying to stimulate you... I mean, wouldn't it be nice if you finally got any closer to the solution you've been looking for all these years? You seem to be walking the same road for years and years:

1. You descend into a state of "breaking down", where your whole being is just consumed by your quest for answers, like you're gonna explode if you don't find a solution to your problem right now!
2. Then you somehow pull yourself together, often by focusing on some particular idea, convincing yourself that you're making progress towards the final solution of your problem.
3. Eventually you realize that you're still totally clueless about the solution. So you arrive at point 1 again...


When I read your history of posts and threads, I see a lot of pointers throughout the ideas that you express there. Pointers that could lead closer towards progress, closer towards that final solution to your problem. But it seems you always drop the leads.....and it actually seems as if you do so on purpose! Even if others point you in the right direction in your threads, you just suddenly reply no more and the thread dies in silence. Like you just don't WANT to get closer to the solution... Then some while later, you create a new thread, starting the whole process over again, like the last time never happened and all the profound ideas that could’ve lead to your solution were never there.

You, my man…are afraid. There are certain aspects to reality, certain aspects to the world, certain aspects to yourself, that you JUST DON’T WAN’T TO CONFRONT. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMzd40i8TfA

 

[Atom Smasher]

Squirrels, you really should consider a therapist and perhaps medication. I think your mind is in overdrive and needs to be calmed down. All this introspection is out of control. There are medications available that can help you to regain some balance.

What do you do for a living? Is your mind stimulated enough in your work? Would volunteering somewhere help to get your mind off yourself? Perhaps you should give that some serious consideration. There's nothing like shifting one's attention to others in need to give us perspective.

What exactly is your day-to-day life like, in terms of how your mind and attention are occupied? Take it from me... too much isolation and introspection can lead to a real bad frame of mind.

 

[iqqi]

I agree, I think you need to get your lazy @ss up and go volunteer. Get some perspective, to weigh down all your friggin emo-manic introspection.

You need to choose your own adventure:

A. Volunteer in something serious. Children, building homes, animals, or my first pick for you specifically: firefighting.

B. Hit the road for a month at least.

C. Do what you've been doing, stay who you are, you can be WINNING like Charlie Sheen this way.

 

[DanelMadr]

I've been away for a while so excuse my ignorance BUT Jophil is DEAD? What a hell happened? RIP man.

Squirrels you are so close to solving your your problem. You are just one insignificant step away from realizing it. Your insight is dead on. Unfortunately the last step is realizing and fully acknowledging that you indeed was like an idiot with different hats and that you are still an idiot, trying to make sense of things.
In the Fight Club he didn't die after he shot himself, because it was just a metaphore for killing one's own Ego mind. Which btw makes you wear different hats and distancing you from other people so you can't be abandoned or molested or whatever.

You are clearly depressed my friend, a good proof that you are on swords with your Ego. It doesn't want to die so it sends you to depression so you feel vulnerable and weak and can't fight it.

'I can't pull any decent girls because I am a coward. Therefore I don't know what I want and therefore I eventually get dumped or dump myself. In relationships and in life in general.' This realization hurts but it is the final step. Because after you realize that then you will know that your Ego was making smoke only to cover this truth about yourself. You don't need the artificial you then.

Once you learn to identify and therefore not to take orders from your ego (boys brain) then you can start living as real adult.

Take full responsibility for everything that happens in your life don't let your ego manipulate you to 'feel better or bad about yourself'.

Take a few minutes, stop introspecting yourself /finding excuses and admit the truth and it will set you free. We are all idiots made of dust. You won't be able to hold a smile.