About Disrespect

[JJMcLure]

Disrespect offends virtually anybody on the receiving end. It is perhaps the one thing that is universally offensive.

E.g. Often people post, what should I do if:

- somebody chatted up my GF?
- a chick stood me up?
- a guy insulted me/split my beer?

...you can think up endless examples.

People generally feel the need to respond or be considered weak.

There is no problem letting people know that you will not tolerate disrespect. Be clear about it and do not hesitate. It is your right, and they have no right to disrespect you. They are trying to TAKE the right, and they are seeing if you will LET them.

What is important is to recognise that being shown disrespect does not make YOU less of a person. Of course though, you don't have to LIKE it.

But in the same way that ONE rejection from ONE chick should not affect your confidence in attracting others, being shown disrespect by a person should not affect your ongoing feeling of self worth or self esteem.

Guess what? There's jerks everywhere, and some pretty fvcked up/drugged up/unstable people around. And there's always going to be someone willing to insult you or disrespect you. Even movie stars, rock stars, the president, sports stars, the richest man in the world, world leaders etc get disrespect from people! There is NOONE in the world who you could be or become and avoid it!

Choose what your action will be, but do not feel their disrespect makes you less of a person.

 

[sux2bu]

Physical violence is an excellent way to resolve problems and settle most disputes.

 

[Sting]

There's a big difference between commanding respect, and acting like a punk whose ego has been bruised. Let's take your examples in order:

Somebody chatted up my GF?

Proper response: If the person is still around, you may want to hold your girlfriend's hand or show some other small indication of affection, and tell the guy "isn't she great? I'm a lucky guy to be going out with her." I know this sounds like supplication, but it's not. Rather, you're sending two messages, one to the guy and the other to your girlfriend. The first message is obvious, namely, she's taken. The second is less obvious, but more powerful, because in saying those few words, you're boosting your woman's ego, which is all she wanted in letting another guy hit on her. If she didn't want the attention, she would have stayed by your side, blown the guy off or excused herself to go and find you.

Improper response: Anything that demonstrates jealousy or insecurity. I don't think it's necessary to give you any examples, as such behavior should be obvious. You're going to be tempted to act improperly in the situation, so make sure you take a deep breath before you open your mouth.

A chick stood me up?

Proper response: Don't waste your time. If you see her again, you could say something to the effect that you're sorry she couldn't make it, because you're sure that she would have had a good time. You should also add that although she couldn't make it, you went and did X with some of close friends (you may want to mention that one or two of your friends' girlfriends came along, so that you and your friends don't look like total losers), and you had a blast.

Improper response: Anything that demonstrates you're upset/annoyed that she stood you up, or anything that indicates that you did nothing else that evening (e.g., that you stayed home -- especially if it was a weekend evening).

A guy insulted me/split my beer?

Proper response: If insulted, don't engage him in a battle of wits if you came unarmed. In other words, if you don't have the ability to respond with a quick and witty comeback, don't waste your time. He'll be looking to trade stupid insults with you, or more likely provoke you into a fight (for whatever reason, probably to impress some women who are watching the scene from the fringe of the crowd). If a guy spills your beer, you need to have the balls enough to tap him on the shoulder and say that he spilled your beer. Then again, it depends on whether he spilled it on you, or on the floor. If he spilled it on you, then you need to say something, if he spilled it on the floor (provided he didn't knock it out of your hand), you need to just accept it and move on. It's not worth getting into a fight over a little spilled beer.

Improper response: Anything that demonstrates you're upset/angry and being bumped into by him. If someone spills your beer by bumping into you, then it's partiall your fault. You should have been protecting your beer from such a situation by holding it in the hand that's next to the bar, counter, table, etc...rather than the hand that faces the crowd.

In sum, commanding respect requires discretion -- and remember, discretion is the better part of valor.

 

[JJMcLure]

Sting, thanks for posting your comments.

I wasn't expecting a response to those off the top of my head "examples", but your solutions are probably useful to people here anyway.

What I was trying to convey to people is that they shouldn't let their ego get bruised by sh1t from other people.

Like I said above, let people know you don't tolerate disrespect (as you say - command respect). But at the same time don't get a bruised ego if someone showed your disrespect. I think our message is similar.

Anyway, I agree with your points.

 

[MrBond007]

In clubs/bars, most jackasses who disrespects you will back down if you order them to appologize for being disrespectfull.In their mind, they will wonder if it is worth it to get into a fight with a person taking the risk to order them to appologize.

 

[Slimijs]

Congratulate me on starting my road of change!

I can say that I had a disrespect accident some time ago. One of my friends, who treats everybody like **** (family issues), went to my place. We had to have some CD's made and some PC stuff similar to that.

That day we disrespected each other like hell. We cursed at each other with the most horrible quotes available. In the end I was fed up with it. I just throwed him out of my house. That was hillarious and he was mad as hell. He would never expect something like that from me, but I did it, threw him the f**k out

Since then thing have gone simply amazing. I can't even express how much respect I get from basicly EVERYONE I know. And I haven't even talked to him.

Well that was a week ago, but we still haven't spoken a word. But no disrespect, though he is dissing my friends all the time. But none for me.

To end this, I can only say Weclome the NEW guy!