About becoming 'official' - who should suggest it?

[Benivos]

Hello, I've been going out with this girl for about a month now. To make a long story short with C+F and Kino, I've gotten to the hold-hand stage- no kiss. From what I gather, she has a very high interest level in me.

Of course, we still aren't 'official'.
My point is: Do I go ahead with it or wait and let HER do it? Who should be the one to suggest going official?

If I'm correct, I should never tell her "how I feel" verbally (except very gradually and over a long time)?

Some side note: I've pretty much initiated everything so far. Talking (switched halfway. Now she initiates conversations with me), Dates (all of them, except one which has yet to happen), and all the kino.

Thanks for the help, everyone!

 

[Scar Tissue]

how many dates have you been on?
how old are you?

You have been dating this girl for a month now but no kiss?

Nothing wrong with taking it slow but your missing out when you havent even kissed the girl.

Anyway, to answer your question it should go unsaid. You never ask her to become your girlfriend. If she asks then its okay to say yes but it usually just turns into being an "offical relationship" over several weeks and sometimes months.

I recently told a girl that im exclusive with her but thats okay because we have been dating for over 6 months now.

The bottem line is no need to rush it, why do you need the title of boyfriend? Just let the relationship mature into it if its going good.

 

[kraytkiller]

Hello, I've been going out with this girl for about a month now. To make a long story short with C+F and Kino, I've gotten to the hold-hand stage- no kiss. From what I gather, she has a very high interest level in me.

Of course, we still aren't 'official'.
My point is: Do I go ahead with it or wait and let HER do it? Who should be the one to suggest going official?

If I'm correct, I should never tell her "how I feel" verbally (except very gradually and over a long time)?

Some side note: I've pretty much initiated everything so far. Talking (switched halfway. Now she initiates conversations with me), Dates (all of them, except one which has yet to happen), and all the kino.

Thanks for the help, everyone!

A month? Wtf is wrong with you? If your not kissing, your not going out.

High interest level my ass, if your not even kissing. I can't believe people are happy with these kinds of situations.

 

[Benivos]

Well, we've gone out about 3-4 times. We both have stuff to, at the most, we'd only be able to go out once every week.

That said, we're both 16. I was planning on going for the kiss on our next date. You both ARE right, though. I should definitely go in for a kiss...

As for being official, I planned to just let it mature into a relationship, but I have a friend who says everything means 'nothing' until one of us says something, which I find hard to believe, so I wanted some confirmation. Letting it 'just be' is the best course of action, right?

Thanks.

 

[DJ Axton]

I'm currently going out with a girl for a few weeks now, and I was planning on just letting it "mature", but if there's one thing I've learnt in High School it's that, though it may seem childish, girls seem to like if you ask them to be your girlfriend.

Don't do it in a woosy way though. I tried to let mine mature like I said, but a few dates in whilst we were in bed she came back with a "what are we doing?" question, so we agreed we could give an official relationship a try. Not quite sure how it happened, I think she just said "Am I your girlfriend", so I just said something like "Do you want to be my girlfriend?". And she was like "we could give it a try", and I was like "cool", and she was like "cool" lol.

But yeah this is a quite different scenario so I'm not sure if it would be the same. We slept together on the second date and you've been going out with this girl a month and not kissed her yet (sorry to remind you). But it should work all the same. But yeah, mate do NOTHING like that until you've AT LEAST kissed her. Initiate the kiss by all means but if you ask her to be your girlfriend before you've even kissed her, you'll sound like a wuss.

Hope this helps.

 

[Analyzeit]

Kraytkiller you can still have a high interest level without Kissing, look just to explain to you Krayt lol, she's obviously a bit of a shy girl if she's still dating after a month with no kiss, so this would be like her first relationship 2nd or some, or she's a virgin anyway would that be right Benivos?? If thats wrong and she's not a virgin ect.. you really need to make a move man URGENTLY.

You've read the bible, you should Know what high interest looks like. So yeah she probably does have high interest in you (but to let you down she would be more interested if you kissed her by now, you really need to do that next date) and yes your right you should never tell (other then slowly and over time) how you feel.

But anyway thats not really the question. Anyway I'm guessing she's a shy girl?? and you've never tried to kiss her so she probably wondering if your interest level is very high so you need to kiss her, you need to let her know.

First thing is you need to kiss her and do stuff with her, it's best way to tell her interest and she'll love it if she's interested in you and it might give her the confidence to ask you if it's official or whatever.

But really guys, does it matter that much?? Do you think some chick is going to care if you ask her "Do you wanna be official?" What is she going to do "eww, i can't believed you asked that, no way!!" she might say something like "Na, I'm not sure we should right now" in other words LJBF's but thats not because you asked to be official she will already know in her head way before then wether she wants to be official with you or not, trust me she will have thought about it.

I personally don't know where this rule came from, in my high school and from everyone in my countries really, girls like it when the guy makes a move it shows that your confidant and are a alpha male in other words the man that they want.

Just ask if you want and if you want to be official you ask, you don't have to be like "do you wanna be official.....?" you could say something like "Do you think it'd be cool if we were official?" or even "Wanna try being official?" or even laugh then say "soooo.. are we official? and then laugh a little, let it come of as casual as can be and then you'll get your answer, or you could wait for her to mention something, your choice? but what sounds more man? what sounds like a Dj would do?

I personally like to think "What would my penis do?" haha, and if being official with a girl helps me get sex, why the hell wouldn't i try and speed up the process a bit???

Make your decision answer all the questions i asked you to yourself.

 

[kingy]

awww young love take her to the cinema and give her a kiss mate. no need to say lets make it official, but you can start slipping in words like "babe" and stuff, do that after you've kissed though.

 

[Benivos]

Aha, you're right about her being a shy girl. It's her first relationship... and mine too. It's also our first kiss(es)... so... it's a little nerve wrecking for me as well.

She has a high interest in me, this is for sure. I DO want to go in for a kiss, but since it's my first one as well... I have no experience to rely on.

I can say that I must be doing some things right, since I've yet to make a move (touch) which met resistance.

I want to kiss her on our next date... do you have any small tips? Keep in mind it's the first time for both of us, plus that she is a shy girl.

Edit: About the cinema... for some reason, I don't really like the idea of going to them for a date.


Thanks a ton for the help you've given me thus far.

 

[kingy]

ask her when either

you are looking in each others eyes,
or you hugged each other,
or theres a lul in conversation

"what would you do if i kissed you right now"

if she says kiss you back - then make sure you kiss her or it will look really bad

if she says im not sure - then say we'll lets find out and lean over and kiss her

if she says i would slap u or something - then just reply with cool or okay

IMPORTANT if she says yes or not sure, its the important you lean over and kiss her, or u are punishing her good behaviour. and shows lacking of confidence

good luck man, sure youll do fine

 

[Benivos]

if she says im not sure - then say we'll lets find out and lean over and kiss her

I'm fairly sure that she will say this line. Although, isn't this similar to asking if I can kiss her? Or does this convey a different message?

I hear that I should never 'ask' to kiss her because that conveys lack of confidence...?

Thanks.

 

[Following_of_Me]

If you're too afraid to kiss her at random, just wait til the end of the night and when you'd usually hug her, keep your hands at her hips and hold her lightly when she backs away and say "give me a kiss goodnight" with a smile, most likely she won't say no. Of course you can just go in for it without saying anything, but if you are nervous, it's an easy crutch.

For the record, it's too early in the interaction to be official or worry about being official. Concentrating on kissing her first, make out a few times, and usually it will just happen. I usually wait for a girl to ask about it, then ask her out or don't ask her out, depending on how I feel.

 

[Benivos]

Well, interestingly enough... she passed the kiss test and I went for it, but apparently wasn't ready for it, so afterwards, it ended up in an awkward moment. She still asked me to be her bf afterwards and I said yes...

But I don't feel any different. Would it be a good idea to wait until she's ready before trying again? It doesn't feel as fulfilling as I thought it would be...

Or... well, should I just not bother? I don't really want to hurt anyone, but... it really doesn't feel fulfilling.

Do not get me wrong, I like this girl very much so, but... she's extremely shy.

EDIT: Apologies for being misleading. We did kiss.

 

[Benivos]

Well... she's extremely, extremely uncomfortable with it. If I may ask, did you read my last post?

 

[Captain]

But I don't feel any different. Would it be a good idea to wait until she's ready before trying again? It doesn't feel as fulfilling as I thought it would be...

Or... well, should I just not bother? I don't really want to hurt anyone, but... it really doesn't feel fulfilling.

Your problem is that you are too nice. You are compromising on your own happiness to try to avoid possibly offending some girl who you've never kissed.

Next time you are together, you need to kiss. Not just kiss, proper makeout session. This girl is wasting your time and you need to let her know that you aren't going to put up with her stringing you along.

If she resists next time you kiss her, leave her and start dating other women. If this girl is attracted to you, she'll come begging for you to come back.

The most important thing to having a healthy relationship is being willing to walk away.

 

[jeffthechef]

ahh..too many posts for me to read..
i'm guessing this is cause he asked more questions

but to answer the original question..i remember this question in the dj bible

Here's what i am prettys ure it is

____
You go out a couple times. Patience shows self-control. So don't kiss her on the first date. The second might be ok..But i usually do it on the third, if the moment is right. If not, then i'll wait till it is. But i usually wait till at least the third outing. Of course, you should be escalating on the first two outings to lead up to the kiss. If she moves away or says anything that hints at the possibility that she doesn't want to kiss you, you guys are just friends.

After you finally get the first kiss (on the lips of course), you continue to kino her on that level and escalate slowly cause the kino roof is near. Eventually, after the first kiss or amybe a couple more, she'll ask what you guys are. Here's the most likely response

*As you're kissing her
Her: "stop/wait...what are we? Are we friends? Friends that kiss? or are we bf and gf?"

That's the most common response in my experience. At this point, you TELL her what you guys are. And this choice is up to you. Don't suggest or creep around the bush.

Don't be a boy and say, "Well, i GUESS we're bf and gf."...YOU'RE NOT CHOOSING DONUTS. you can guess if you want a jelly donut or a chocolate one. But if you guess, she'll wait till you're confident in your answer and all the while, she'll lose interest in you because you're not the confident and decisive man she thought you were.

ORRRR

If you're escalating, and she says "I love you." at any point...she wants to be official..

Now, the dj bible..also suggests that in the first 2 months..you should not reveal too much personal information..or give too much of yourself...you should see if she's worthy of your time...so basically a relationship shouldn't begin after only 2 months.

BUT WE MUST CONSIDER, that is coming from the DJ bible which is directed at older men...the hs bible states nothing regarding the above, at least to my knowledge..


BASICALLY, there is way too many ****ing rules in both bibles..so you should simply use those rules as guidelines as you develop your own..or you can follow those rules directly.

_____
Personally, with it being high school. Here's what i usually do

1st outing..i suggest two things we should do..DON'T ASK..both options are action-oriented and not "discussion outings"...

2nd outing..another action-oriented outing..followed by a nice sit-down whether it be at a park or at a fastfood restaurant..

3rd outing..discussion oriented..and more "romantic" or perhaps a better word, "intimate"

Now, i don't always follow that process cause it gets boring and you shouldn't restrict yourself.

Also, the whole process from meeting her to becoming "official"..for me, occurs within a time span of 1-2 months..
__________

But you should also consider the downside of being in a "serious" (this is fukin hs) relationship

1. You can't mess around with other girls..

I'd rather have a bunch of fwb's or hookups because you gain more experience dealing with different girls rather than just one. you also experience pleasure in different ways..and when one girl is playing games/or getting into stupid fights with you..you can go hve fun with another girl


do what fits your wants..NOT NEEDS..you don't need a girl/girls..

 

[DatMackinBoi]

Whenever you guyss go on another date, get her alone, get her in the mood, grab the broad.. look her into her eyes, and kiss her..

She wants you too bro.. shes probably not as confident or comfortable.. once shes in the mood your fine.


EDIT: Ma bad dawg, your wasting time if she already declined the kiss, she wants to controll the relationship by taking it at here pace... **** DAT 1 month?? idk how u did it mayne.. but u need to see another girl real talk... and if she really wants you.. she will literally beg for you to come back

 

[kingy]

hes 16!!!

stop giving him pickup advice.

dude seriously if you went for the kiss and said shes not ready but wants to be your gf then great. keep hanging out, keep playing your own sports and hobbies too and you the kiss will just happen.

your 16 just enjoy your life mate, get off the forums seriously. they really dont help.

 

[comic_relief]

here's my rules for becoming official:

At least college age or better (not sure about high school. I was too busy working on my inner game until senior year 2005).

1.) Dating for at least 1.5 months (recent ex taught me that little trick. Gives enough time to set up the groundwork needed)
2.) at least, 8 dates (possibly more) first four dates are single one-on-one dates (not cute little group dates)
3.) at least have made made out, possibly more (action definitely gets rid of the idea that the girl is just using you)
4.) must prove that they are better then just being used as a cvm bucket (brains needed to get the job for officialdom)
5.) Must prove that they aren't crazy (crazy b!tches are not fun)

those are my five rules for getting a girl to become bf/gf relationship. My ex and me were seeing each other for three months before it became official.

- comic_relief

 

[Captain]

hes 16!!!

stop giving him pickup advice.

dude seriously if you went for the kiss and said shes not ready but wants to be your gf then great. keep hanging out, keep playing your own sports and hobbies too and you the kiss will just happen

No. If he gets used to settling for mediocrity now, he'll be setting for it for the rest of his life.

 

[Benivos]

Sorry for the bad wording on my last post!

The thing is that she didn't resist and asked me to be her bf soon after, but the kiss didn't last long, because she became really uncomfortable (I could feel it, too) and we backed off after about one second (being her first kiss and all, I'd guess).

We did kiss.

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I'm still not quite sure about this situation, though...