Abandonment Issues? Anybody here can relate to this?

[GearsGod310]

Sup guys,

I been in a relationship with this girl for over a year now.
Girl is great, supportive, feminine, caring, affectionate, ALWAYS wants to be around me. Sh1t she has even helped me pay my car payments when i’ve struggled a bit with money and she expects nothing in return..
When she was a baby her mom and dad abandoned her and her grandma and grandpa raised her.
She still has a decent relationship with her mom but her dad has never been in her life.
Also she was molested as a child and before we got together some d1k tried to take advantage of her...
She’s a girl that has been through a lot in her life..


I have this problem with her where every time we go out and have a drink she ends up getting stupid drunk or when she hangs out with her family she ends up getting super drunk.
I don’t like it and I told her I don’t like. We have had plenty of fights over it and she always swears she’s not going to drink again or drink as heavily. She actually doesn’t drink unless it’s around her like at a party or when we go out.

This past weekend she went to a family party and I wasn’t with her and she got super drunk that she couldn’t drive back home and it really pissed me off and I even kicked her out the house and told her to go back to her gramas. And told her I was going to break up with her, but she literally begs me not to leave her and work things out with her because she says she can work on her problems.
i asked her why she drinks like that and she said because sometime it helps her forget about everything that has happened to her..

and that leads me to ask.. are girls like this forever damaged?
part of me wants to see the good in her and take care of her and part of me does not want to deal with all that.
are girls like this forever damaged??.

i’d appreciate your opinion. Thank you.

 

[LucianoM]

You dont sound like a catch yourself homie. Needing your girl to give you car payemtns? What kind of a man are you bro? Sounds like you're one eachothers level.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

You dont sound like a catch yourself homie. Needing your girl to give you car payemtns? What kind of a man are you bro? Sounds like you're one eachothers level.

Rocky is that you?

 

[Billtx49]

Also she was molested as a child

and that leads me to ask.. are girls like this forever damaged?

part of me wants to see the good in her and take care of her
are girls like this forever damaged??.

Abandoned by her parents and molested as a child…
Unless she has received professional psych care to heal her soul, which with her current alcohol abuse issue doesn’t sound like the case here, then yes she is forever damaged goods.
You can’t ‘take care of her’, or ‘fix’ her, that’s a job requiring a mental health professional skillset.…

 

[Willie Naylor]

You dont sound like a catch yourself homie. Needing your girl to give you car payemtns? What kind of a man are you bro? Sounds like you're one eachothers level.

Whoa.

You just finished making a thread about some 6 year old you're falling in love with.

You're not looking too great either, champ.

 

[GioWolf]

and that leads me to ask.. are girls like this forever damaged?

Yes.

Her childhood trauma has caused Cluster B personality disorder traits to develop as an adult.

She needs years of therapy and has to want and work to change.

 

[mjb3617]

Women with a past like that do not make suitable LTRs.

They will siphon all your energy with their traumas. Bonus round is when you get in an argument and say something they don't like, they say you triggered their traumas, even when you had no intention of doing that.

Permanent victim mindset.

 

[GearsGod310]

You dont sound like a catch yourself homie. Needing your girl to give you car payemtns? What kind of a man are you bro? Sounds like you're one eachothers level.

I’m sure everyone here has experienced some kind of financial hardship and that’s what I was going through.
instead of judging where people’s levels are you should maybe try to confess your love to a girl closer to your age weirdo

 

[oldmanofthesea]

She was likely being honest with you about her reasons for substance abuse. The really sad part though, is that even if what she said was true, the only person who can address it is her. She's not going to seek therapy for you. She's not going to stop drinking for you.

 

[GearsGod310]

She was likely being honest with you about her reasons for substance abuse. The really sad part though, is that even if what she said was true, the only person who can address it is her. She's not going to seek therapy for you. She's not going to stop drinking for you.

Thank you brother

 

[Blacksheep]

Sup guys,

I been in a relationship with this girl for over a year now.
Girl is great, supportive, feminine, caring, affectionate, ALWAYS wants to be around me. Sh1t she has even helped me pay my car payments when i’ve struggled a bit with money and she expects nothing in return..
When she was a baby her mom and dad abandoned her and her grandma and grandpa raised her.
She still has a decent relationship with her mom but her dad has never been in her life.
Also she was molested as a child and before we got together some d1k tried to take advantage of her...
She’s a girl that has been through a lot in her life..


I have this problem with her where every time we go out and have a drink she ends up getting stupid drunk or when she hangs out with her family she ends up getting super drunk.
I don’t like it and I told her I don’t like. We have had plenty of fights over it and she always swears she’s not going to drink again or drink as heavily. She actually doesn’t drink unless it’s around her like at a party or when we go out.

This past weekend she went to a family party and I wasn’t with her and she got super drunk that she couldn’t drive back home and it really pissed me off and I even kicked her out the house and told her to go back to her gramas. And told her I was going to break up with her, but she literally begs me not to leave her and work things out with her because she says she can work on her problems.
i asked her why she drinks like that and she said because sometime it helps her forget about everything that has happened to her..

and that leads me to ask.. are girls like this forever damaged?
part of me wants to see the good in her and take care of her and part of me does not want to deal with all that.
are girls like this forever damaged??.

i’d appreciate your opinion. Thank you.

She seems to use alcohol to run away from that pain... Thats why she drunk so much.

In some cases it can be a kind of masochism from the fear of accepting reality. So they need to create this kind of pain with alcohol and degrading behaviors.

Always to run away from that reality, and it can be hard for her to deal with all those memories from past. She is not a bad person, and yes she is damaged. And she could only make it better if she looks for some help.

Why I'm telling that? I went from many kind of abuses... And alcohol was my tool to run away from that pain. Only time, a lot of self-knowledge and professional help can start to make some change.

If this is forever or not, it only depends on her.

 

[Juang74]

Yes.

Her childhood trauma has caused Cluster B personality disorder traits to develop as an adult.

She needs years of therapy and has to want and work to change.

I agree. You will not be able to change her at all.. She will eventually discard you after the honeymoon phase is over with anyway. Cluster Bs are known for this. Unless she seek professional help like somebody else mentioned before, RUN before you LOSE yourself in the relationship.

 

[rjc149]

My brother’s ex fiancée was sexually abused as a child. She was a perennial victim. Trauma in childhood prevents maturity past the age where the trauma occurred.

She had zero accountability for unacceptable, childish outbursts. It was always “you did this to me, you did that to me” etc etc. She was unable to apologize, it was always “I’m sorry, but you did xyz and this and that” and she was constantly picking fights to feel reassurance in the relationship. It was insufferable.

I kept having bad visions about her in divorce court. “Well, I’m entitled to this and that because he did this and that to me” etc.

He dodged a bullet. His new fiancée is one of the chillest women I’ve ever met.

 

[Robert28]

Take all these women claiming sexual assault when they were young with a grain of salt. Too many women openly tell that early on and I’ve heard it too many times for it to be true. Most do it do make you feel sorry for them even though they’re lying. Now when I hear a woman talking about that I just roll my eyes and mentally next her.