AAAgent's meditation journal

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #3
Time: 20 minutes
Counted Breathes: 162

Note: Morning time, 9am. Recovering from being sick and smoked a bit recently so breathing has been a little off with shorter breathes. I also forgot to turn off the light where I'm at as I'm traveling in Asia. Started off not feeling bad or great but after the session i felt better. Had a proper sitting format that caused less pain but lower back still felt some pressure from sitting too long. I stopped counting after the 162 breath and then tried to open 3rd eye but the light or potentially attempt at opening 3rd eye was causing pressure. Pressure is gone after ending session and i feel refreshed. Leg fell asleep again so although sitting format is better, i should find a way to not have my leg fall asleep. I was able to clear my mind for a bit which was nice.

 

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #4
Time: 30 minutes
counted Breaths: forgot

My worst session to date. couldn't focus as I was in a bad state of mind. My breathing was all off and uncomfortable due to being sick. I was also uncomfortable in the new room.

 

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #5
Time: 30 minutes
Counted Breaths: n/a

Felt really good this session. Our teacher recommended I envision a healing light coming down onto me to help expedite my recovery from being sick. This helped my breathing during this session. I did this and somehow manifested visions of buddhist gods coming down to bring the light closer to my body. Later on in the session, my mind started drifting towards seeing things that likely were not part of the astral realm but of my subconscious mind. I saw a small black man with short dreads walking back and forth looking at me. Next I saw an african tribal leader pacing back and forth, then started to jump up and down with wide spread apart high knee to high knee jumps moving closer towards me. he then tried to reach his hands inside my mouth to pull something out. Then immediately after that, something similar to the studio ghibli ghost paced back and forth staring at me. it had some blue featherish furs on the top of its mask and then eventually came up close point blank at my face staring at me. Went up into the clouds and started flying around there for a bit then came down to the forest.

Our teacher mentioned that this was a good start by allowing my mind to wander and take in its own thoughts. likely wasn't not traveling through the astral realm though

 

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #6
Time: 15 minutes

This was a short session focused on healing. While the session was mainly focused on healing, I quickly moved on from the healing and went into focusing on achieving OBE. Envisioning having other sources and individual being pulled or pulling my soul/consciousness out of my body. I envisioned walking around for a bit and then the session ended. We then were asked to meditate and select a Tarot Card. We were tasked with learning everything about this card from its look, feel (we don't have the card so this part is skipped), and meaning.

The Devil cards meaning is centered around struggle. internal struggles covering all of the sins. including new and upcoming events. The goal is to face these struggles head on and overcome them and not shy away.

it's a very difficult card because it shows difficult tasks ahead imo that could chain you to the devil. The chains are currently loose, meaning you can take them off and "break free", and the decisions/actions are mine alone. the outcome of these situations I face will be determined by myself alone. So will I succumb to these sins or rise above them? The devil is there waiting, hoping I fail.



my interpretation is that my journey into discovering the truth of the matrix, aliens, and spirituality, etc. that is leading me to focus on meditation exploration, is a difficult path. I'm learning really dark and serious things that people can't even fathom and shy away from. Running away/abandoning this would be easy, but continuing down this path likely will be lonely and difficult. Never planned on stopping either way.

 

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #7
Time: 33 minutes

Similar to the previous good sessions. Envisioned a healing light for a bit, saw Guanyin briefly, and then tried to pull myself out of my body many times. A few instances of roaming around the house out of body (this is envisioning it myself and not OBE imo), then repeating another attempt to pull myself out of body leaving the house, walking down the street, etc. I couldn't read street signs so I knew this wasn't OBE. I probably need to focus on my breathing more as it isn't stable. Also, i think I will start focusing on envisioning parts of my body getting lighter before trying to pull myself out.

 

[AAAgent]

Documented Session: #8
Time: 20 minutes


The goal of this session was to envision the card we selected during our previous session. It started with envisioning myself in an environment with grass. I was in a forest. I could feel and smell the grass. The wind was blowing the trees and leaves. I felt it pass my body and hands as i reached out to feel the flow. I walked over to a creek with water flowing through shallow rocks in the middle of a forest. Smelled and touched the water. Then I saw my card. It was displayed as a monstrous in size door that i was supposed to open. I open the door and went in. Starting off, the inside of this card room was almost dungeon-esque. a small corridor with other pathways. some monsters and people along the way that didn't really interact with me nor I, them. Encountered dead ends which i forcefully broke down these barrier walls. Nothing happened to me. I saw a light very far away. Eventually my mind decided this environment was not conducive of learning anything so I changed the environment to a surburban street late into the night with street lamp posts shining some light along the street and houses on both sides. Most of the houses had their lights off. I encountered the first house with some bright lights inside and went in. I saw my friends. We chatted a bit about nothing. I tried asking for help but there really wasn't any discussion so i told them I was leaving. I left and kept walking searching for the next source of light and found another house with my past relationships. They were all warm and friendly. I apologized for ending those relationships and explained why, and they were all accepting and understood. I left and kept walking to the next source of light which was a massive source. It was a particular past relationship. When i reached the source, it flickered between extreme light and also death/decay back and forth. I told the individual i was leaving and would leave it there as a marker if I got lost and needed guidance. Session ended after this.

 

[AAAgent]

Update:

I've been very busy with traveling, multiple businesses/work. Have been keeping up with meditation.

Had about 10 sessions or so that didn't make much progress from here. Mainly due to stress and dealing with employee issues. Stress made it not only hard to clear my mind and calm myself, but was literally feeling strong negative emotions just from dealing with frustrations. Nonetheless, I tried to slow things down and clear my mind during in this difficult environment but didn't result in good sessions.

One of my last days in Taiwan around July 5th or so, I made some progress and was starting to feel like i could move parts of my body. Last week for the first time, visions during meditation turned from images, to seeing things crystal clear as if my eye's were open. This was a first for me and very cool.

I did however have a very shocking lucid dream last week around the same time. I dreamed I was on out with my mentor and talking about third eye, and how some people have stronger access and ability to utilize their third eye than others, for example, my mentor.

This was the conversation shared with my mentor.

"
ME:
Was talking to you about how some people have better abilities to see like you do. And then you mentioned something which I forget but it was something along the lines of being open. Then you looked like something possessed you and than the possessed you said “you mean see like this” in a weird creepy way? Than you looked at me with wide open eyes and something almost took control of me. I felt something enter my mind/body and I started to see in a separate set of eyes. It's like a new pair of eyes I never had. It didn't change my vision but i could clearly see a separate set of eye's. I had a few seconds to understand the feeling than I forced it out and woke up. Wasn't sure to allow the feeling longer or not in case it was something negative. Basically, I wasn’t sure if it was bad or good. Felt like a powerful energy entering me


Mentor:
Wow, but did you feel it evil or you just feel power?? that the main signal, how you felt. I sounds to me that this "possessing spirit" was the universe giving us power. Unless you felt fear or something bad

Remember that it doesnt mattewr if something LOOk devilish or evil. The looks doesnt matter but the energy you feel
Yes whenever something is evil, I assure you you will know"

I'm making progress.

I just returned back to the states and had to re-adjust jet lag, get back in my groove, so will start updating this properly soon.

 

[AAAgent]

Had my first past life regression hypnotherapy experience yesterday. It's similar to that of a guided meditation session we did with my friend last month who provided my group a month long of guided meditation sessions but instead of guiding you towards an open experience, it's specifically focused around a past life. You speak about what you see via the therapists prompts (typically asking you to go to a past life and what you see).

• vision 1: i'm in an open field. it's stormy outside. raining, windy, and dark. I keep getting flashes of horses and maybe some clanking.

I see cottage/house. There's a light inside and it feels like its warm/cozy/happy. I go inside and take a look. It's a happy couple and their child. I don't know who I am. Visions are not clear and i'm looking from first person perspective from the outside. I can move forward, backward, side to side, with a 360 perspective in any direction.

• vision 2: There's a battle going on. i'm in the battle but I don't know who I am. There's horses and clanking. I'm asked to go to the end of the battle and share what I see. My vision is looking horizontally upwards, like i'm on the ground looking in a certain direction. I can't change my perspective. I think I likely died in this battle. I'm asked about how I feel and I feel okay. Like it is what it is.
  
  
• vision 3: I'm asked to go to an earlier part of this life to try and get more information. I'm running through the city as a child with a bunch of other kids. I think i'm an orphan playing with other orphans. My clothes are dirty but we're having fun and i'm happy. I do feel a bit lonely but overall i feel happy. I seem to accept being an orphan as a way of life, as if this was normal during these times. I see markets and a compact and bustling city with people and business.

• vision 4: I'm asked to go to the next scene to a point in time where my life changes. As I had a family in the country somewhere, my life must have changed at some point. I'm a teenager now. My clothes are clean. I'm at the outskirts of the city in a nicer part. I see a bridge/walkway that leads out of the city. This reminds of two worlds separating. The ending of my poor city child life and the beginning of my adult life. I feel content.
  
  
• vision 5: I'm in a field. likely the same field. It seems like i'm farming or building my cottage. I guess I'm the dad in the first vision. I feel happy-ish/content. I don't have my wife or kid yet. A villager introduces my wife to me. I feel like i've been doing what I need to do to prepare myself to have a family and now it's time to have a family. Still smiling and content even though life has been hard.
  
  
• vision 6: i'm asked to go back to the end right before the war. It seems the government is going town to town to conscript soliders. I have to go. My family is sad but they understand I have to go. Going to war although bad for me, is only bad for me. If i don't go to war, it will be bad for my entire family. I go to war. I fast forward to the battle where I die. It seems like I was riding on a horse in armor. This is weird since i'm not nobility. I feel experienced so I must have fought more battles before this one. I did not survive the last battle but I feel content. I feel like i lived a good life.

Recap: it seems like my soul was telling me that although life is tough, you can still live it with a smile. this is a journey and we should enjoy the journey. similar to how my first vision was looking at my cottage/house from outside in a dark storm. Inside of that dark storm, there was still warmth and happiness. I feel like my soul was telling me to smile and enjoy life more.