A woman's ability it "switch off"

[XFORCE]

But one thing that I cannot wrap my head around is how women completely shut off when they are done with a man

I experienced this for the first time in the last few weeks. This, though, was caused by the combination of BPD, the addition of another med (that was supposed to stabilizer her better) and the stress of life. Speaking with a trained mental health professional (my cousin), she cited that I met this girl during a time of no stress when she was open to a relationship which explains why everything was so great.

As time went on and life caught up with her, the BPD kicked in, magnified by the stress and (even the exGF admitted) that she had no idea why her feelings changed, which brought about weeks of a*****e behavior. According to my cousin, she saw I was low maintenance and no baggage, coupled with the exGF's history of bad relationships (and the purpose of being the fixer), made her feel less needed as there are some people who need conflict or drama to function.

When her mood comes back up, she's going to come back into your life and ask for a second try, I was told. No ****ing way...

Also, I'd like to thank you all on this forum for educating me on BPD, depression and overall mental illness through the sharing of your stories. It's been quite the education and an eye opener.

 

[btownbuck2012]

A snippet from that Rollo article I posted earlier in the thread:

"I learned a valuable lesson from this when one night I was wheeling the panther out to the curtain. She was in what was basically a reinforced acrylic aquarium on casters with a velvet cloth draped over it. A few minutes before my cue I’d thought the drape was falling to one side and lifted it to even it out. It was then that I was face to face with this “pet” in nothing but faint stage lights and about 4 inches of transparent acrylic between us. She looked at me with those yellow-green eyes and gave me a very low, almost muted growl and flashed just enough of her teeth to let me know this was not a “pet”.

It’s a mistake (and sometimes a fatal one) to ignore what you know is just under the surface. It’s comforting to believe that you’ve got a special connection, and while the conditions are right, you’ll preserve a relationship based on mutual trust and shared affinity. The flaw is in believing that trust, and kinship is unconditional; that the underlying feral motivators are subdued to the point of being inconsequential. It may be that you do have a special bond that goes beyond just the physical, but that relationship is still founded on physical rules that constantly test and influence that individual.

You know better, but the desire for that connection is so strong that you marginalize the natural impulses into feel-good rationalizations. Every divorced man I know has uttered some variation of “I never thought she was capable of this.” In their comfort they wondered how they dropped the ball, especially after having played by the rules for so long. Some knew about Hypergamy, others made it their “pet”, only their beautiful panther went feral."

The point I was trying to make is that it seems women are capable of shutting off their humanity when it comes to disengaging from a relationship that has no benefit to them. Men do not do this. This truly is a biological feature of women that cannot be underestimated in today's dating market.

Think about it, when you add this biological feature to the list of challenges you already have to deal with from women in today's market, you're facing a losing battle MOST of the time, even if you are a top tier man. It literally makes no sense to enter into any type of legally binding contract (Marriage, or anything else closing resembling it) with a woman today.

 

[Dingo]

Interesting topic...

I was the first after a lady friend's divorce (20+years).... I am amazed how little she cares or acknowledges him or the marriage. I mean she couldn't care less. Cold.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Once you're done, you're done. Don't let her drop you.

 

[XFORCE]

This is spot on.

As an update, I spent time with the cousin this weekend and she analyzed the relationship in her own special way, after taking 3 pages of notes with dates. Initially, she was thinking Bipolar 2 until I got to the meds, waking hallucinations and violent nightmares. Unofficially, these are characteristics of schizoaffective disorder with a history of co-dependency, (the co-dependency part is something she added). I didn't know any thing of what that means so she explained in detail, which clarifies at least for me, how this switch was flipped. I really dodged the bullet with this one.

 

[XFORCE]

I first thought bipolar 2 with mine, which I was willing to put up with(mistake). Ultimately, she withdrew and ended it(indirectly of course, I had to refuse hoovering attempts).

So she came out of her depressive cycle and tried to get you back? And what was her attempt at an explanation as she was cycling up to a hypomanic phase?

 

[btownbuck2012]

And sure enough, like clockwork, here is the husband forgiving her.

 

[logicallefty]

@Mauser96 hit the nail on the head. Women plan their exits months in advance. They give off signs that the relationship doomsday is coming, but most guys don't pick up on them. The woman knows she is going to end it, for 100% sure, she just doesn't know exactly when or how. But in this window of time anything the man does that she can twist around and use as an excuse, she will, so then she can blame him and save face with her family and friends. She also will either be cheating and/or have her bullpen lined up in this time.

I think men who dump women handle it differently. Using myself in multiple circumstances as the example, I didn't know for 100% sure I was going to dump each one. Just that things are going downhill. Bt the hope still lingered that things would get better. I mean lets face it, we all want our relationships to work or we wouldn't get in them. So things go down the toilet gradually. Then one day she does one thing and that's the trigger. FLICK.. Its over and she gets dumped right then and there. For most of them I recall, the FLICk was some disrespectful thing she said that just pushed it over the cliff. And she gets dumped instantly. Not months later. That's how I handle it almost every time I dump a woman, anyway.

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

@Mauser96 hit the nail on the head. Women plan their exits months in advance. They give off signs that the relationship doomsday is coming, but most guys don't pick up on them. The woman knows she is going to end it, for 100% sure, she just doesn't know exactly when or how. But in this window of time anything the man does that she can twist around and use as an excuse, she will, so then she can blame him and save face with her family and friends. She also will either be cheating and/or have her bullpen lined up in this time.

I think men who dump women handle it differently. Using myself in multiple circumstances as the example, I didn't know for 100% sure I was going to dump each one. Just that things are going downhill. Bt the hope still lingered that things would get better. I mean lets face it, we all want our relationships to work or we wouldn't get in them. So things go down the toilet gradually. Then one day she does one thing and that's the trigger. FLICK.. Its over and she gets dumped right then and there. For most of them I recall, the FLICk was some disrespectful thing she said that just pushed it over the cliff. And she gets dumped instantly. Not months later. That's how I handle it almost every time I dump a woman, anyway.

Yep, I'm convinced that they will cheat (on their way out) pretty much 100 % of time, but lie about it.

 

[XFORCE]

She should largely pay her own way - again THIS increases your value....because you are not paying her to spend time with you.

Excellent point. This is where I get sucked in wanting to be the gentleman for women who don't deserve it yet. Women today either take it for granted, feel they are entitled to it or get insulted by it. Modern feminism is killing chivalry.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Modern feminism is killing chivalry.

Not just chivalry, but life itself. Feminism is literally anti-life.

 

[Roober]

@Mauser96 hit the nail on the head. Women plan their exits months in advance. They give off signs that the relationship doomsday is coming, but most guys don't pick up on them. The woman knows she is going to end it, for 100% sure, she just doesn't know exactly when or how. But in this window of time anything the man does that she can twist around and use as an excuse, she will, so then she can blame him and save face with her family and friends. She also will either be cheating and/or have her bullpen lined up in this time.

I think men who dump women handle it differently. Using myself in multiple circumstances as the example, I didn't know for 100% sure I was going to dump each one. Just that things are going downhill. Bt the hope still lingered that things would get better. I mean lets face it, we all want our relationships to work or we wouldn't get in them. So things go down the toilet gradually. Then one day she does one thing and that's the trigger. FLICK.. Its over and she gets dumped right then and there. For most of them I recall, the FLICk was some disrespectful thing she said that just pushed it over the cliff. And she gets dumped instantly. Not months later. That's how I handle it almost every time I dump a woman, anyway.

This is it right here. The women 0lan their exits far in advance but most dudes have too much of an ego to acknowledge that things have changed.

When a woman does not feel her man's love in the many ways that we are required to do, she will begin to detach. She won't actually start branch swiniging until that separation or detachment has grown to a substantial point.

Women are not inhuman. They feel guilt the same way any person does that ends the relationship. Are you going to see this? Of course not! Women do not communicate overtly, that is a masculine trait. Her guilt will be displayed with breadcrumbs or other efforts of contact

 

[ubercat]

Which are crumbs of false hope i.e. poison to most guys. Which is why no contact is so important.

 

[btownbuck2012]

The argument that women "shut it off" gradually over time and long before the man realizes anything is true and that's exactly my point.

Something goes off in a woman's head when she knows she wants to leave a relationship. It's almost with the same logic and emotion behind throwing out an old toaster or switching dentists. They are cold blooded and irrational. They treat men like appliances. That was my point. They're almost like robots when it comes to leaving relationships.

 

[ubercat]

I'm not sure they feel much guilt. Their normal MO is to goad you into making outbursts and then they can play the victim and virtue signal to their herd and orbiters. So pretty obviously they care far more about their social standing than you no matter how many years you've been with them.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I'm not sure they feel much guilt. Their normal MO is to goad you into making outbursts and then they can play the victim and virtue signal to their herd and orbiters. So pretty obviously they care far more about their social standing than you no matter how many years you've been with them.

inhuman behavior. Disordered behavior at the very minimum. Just a reflection of total self entitlement, which is basically most millenial aged people especially women. I am in awe daily at how so many people could give less of a damn in regards to keeping their word and how they treat people. Just mind boggling.

It's just a throw away culture. Guys on this site will claim that you didn't hold the frame or some bs like that but long term women and men have been taught to throw away relationships if they aren't happy. Women seem to naturally do this where as most men I know will put in an effort to fix things. Women moving on without guilt or remorse seems to be an innate, natural part of their nature. This is why I can NEVER get behind feminism or see women as my equal. I've seen too much.

Women seem to enjoy blowing your sh*t up and daring you, often times not through words but through actions, to get upset. Almost a "Yeah I did that, so what?" kind of attitude. I have no idea how they're able to look at themselves and feel they have the RIGHT to treat men this way. If you call her out you're oppressive and close minded, if you let it go, she's a strong, confident woman.

Betas and other losers enable this behavior. Sadly the corporate world and life in general is littered with these types of guys at the top. Deep down, I think woman know what they are doing and don't mind getting away with this type of behavior. It is such a childish, selfish inhuman quality. Or as Bill Burr would put it, "definitely, at the very minimum, worthy of a suplex".

Feminism has hurt women. Liberation has made women unhappy. They will NEVER admit this because they're brainwashed into believing the power of this equalism B.S. and since it also preaches their victimization, they feel the right to push back and punish the very thing, strong masculine men, that would cure their soul if they would just embrace what nature has set up for them. They hate the thing they naturally want but have been conditioned to resist. Sad, and the cause of so much nonsense and destruction.

 

[playa99]

Very interesting thread.

I've been 'dumped' twice, once for another guy who was more 'alpha' & another because the relationship wasn't working. Both times I went NC & they tried to come back eventually.

As we all know, when a woman comes back to you, the pool has been p!ssed in and its never going to work.

I've found that going NC sparks regret in women & after a couple of weeks they think 'Have I made the right decision?'

The tell tale signs of interest generally evaporate before you get physically dumped, this could be for any reason. I believe that a lot of women grieve a relationship whilst they are still in it, hence there being no guilt when they eject.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I believe that a lot of women grieve a relationship whilst they are still in it, hence there being no guilt when they eject.

The way of an inferior being. Not a bad being, but an inferior one.

 

[Pandora]

The argument that women "shut it off" gradually over time and long before the man realizes anything is true and that's exactly my point.

Something goes off in a woman's head when she knows she wants to leave a relationship. It's almost with the same logic and emotion behind throwing out an old toaster or switching dentists. They are cold blooded and irrational. They treat men like appliances. That was my point. They're almost like robots when it comes to leaving relationships.

The extreme abundance they have is the main culprit. Trust me, if you lived in a small town of 100 people she would not be so eager to leave. They would put up with a lot of stuff. The amount of "abundance" a young female has is astounding. Truly astounding. I don't think most men can appreciate or understand it. If you know that you can have another guy within 24 hours, you would easily walk away too. But they shoot themselves in the foot because abundance does not equal quality. So they inevitably come running back to you.

 

[exhausted]

Women are fuchinfg selfish childish idiots.

Point blank.

And weak and pathetic. Why else do they need orbiters?

Just shameless leeches