A woman who is being too careful because of her wall

[jafyk]

Jay, if you want physical intimacy , then it is your right. You deserve it, and shouldnt be made to feel guilty about it.
Dont allow yourself to be pulled into any mind game she may want to try to throw at you. Dont be ashamed or feel guilty for wanting sexual intimacy.

Its every man's right to decide when and IF he'll 'wait' for her.
And you do not owe her your 'wait' time. It is YOURS to decide, not hers.

If she is not fulfilling you, then you have no obligation to stay, unless you two decided to simply become platonic friends.

I advise you to stick to your guns now, and do NOT go back and second guess and add any self doubt right now.
Stay on your course. And let her deal with her own issues at her pace. Just like you deal with her issues at your pace, in your manner.

It's ok to be supportive to a woman, but it gets kind of unfair when a woman gains a man's emotional support, yet does not reciprocate in a standard, healthy , romantic, and sexual nature.
Its fine if its her decision. After all, its her life and her body.
You arent obligated to stick around though.


Men do have to realize that women desire trust and security with a man. And women have varying degrees of HOW MUCH they need from each man in order to feel comfortable and secure moving forward in the relationship.
If you have not been giving off the vibe of "Woman, I just want to get laid. Once I bang you , Im history." then, any issue that comes up has more to do with her, rather than you.
Women know men want sex. Its not wrong to want sex.
And she wants it too.
However, she is so afraid of losing her 'power' that she wants to control and manipulate the frame and keep you at arm's length, while she gets what she wants , namely support, intimacy, bonding, companionship, but not let the relationship move forward with sexual intimacy.

If this is truly not about you hound dogging her, then dont worry about this.

However, if she's not feeling comfortable with you (wether you are interested in her, or just want to bang her) , she will 'pace' the relationship and eventually 'ration' out sexual intimacy.
Women do this to assert control, out of fear.
So even a totally normal, healthy and cool guy and find himself with intimacy being rationed out and controlled at her pace.
She's simply more concerned with herself, rather than the relationship.


Ulitmately, I just dont believe this woman is nearly as attracted and interested in you for this 'relationship' to ever move foreward and become something more deeper and meaningful.


It's great to 'be there' for your woman, but when a woman is pacing the relationship, by rationing out physical intimacy, there is a sign of disfunction.Something's not right.

You can't be there for your partner, because she never let you become her 'partner', understand?
Otherwise, you're just the emotional tampon, with emotional support, but platonically...
Which is not an adult, romantic and sexual relationship at all.

Now, she appears to be angry with you, and plays the blame game, and uses shaming tactics, because you've finally seen how she was manipulating the situation, and she doesnt like it. You caught her BS, and she now feels offended, and is blaming you for any issues you two had.

Be very aware of women who use shaming tactics.
If you have options, you have no reason to stick around and wait for her to go on a self help binge and try to work out her problems so she can deal with these types of issues with love, intelligence, and maturity.

We can love a person for their POTENTIAL...
...but ultimately we are dealing with WHO THEY ARE NOW.
(thank you Lovely Lady for this insight)

Wow, interceptor great words, looks like you've been before yourself. You hit every nail right on the head. She sent me more text saying that she was disappointed that I'm acting this way because she didn't F me last night. After a while she started getting pissy, saying she is not a fast woman. I told her I never thought she was to begin with and whether she gave it up the first day or yesterday made no difference to me but what bothers me is the importance she's placed on the sex. As if sex is the only standard I'd use to determine if I want some sort of future with her. I told her to take a time and sort her feelings out and to take a chill pill and calm down, lol. I kinda miss her though because she has a great sense of humor. However, I don't want to be controlled and I'm protecting my heart too as I realized I was actually starting to like her. So, I have another question. can a man and woman be in an intimate relationship without the sex? What's the definition of a plutonic (platonic?) friendship? Thanks guys for your responses.

 

[hanson]

she probably has herpes, why not give it up

 

[Jitterbug]

You did the right thing in the end, jayfk.

A great many AFCs would act as Captain-Save-A-Ho to knock her wall down only to have another dude waltz straight in to take the princess away - talk about eating the fruits of someone else's hard work.

 

[jafyk]

You did the right thing in the end, jayfk.

A great many AFCs would act as Captain-Save-A-Ho to knock her wall down only to have another dude waltz straight in to take the princess away - talk about eating the fruits of someone else's hard work.

Lol,

 

[Jitterbug]

You can see a mini version of this on a typical night out.

Guy approaches girl, breaks the ice (her b!tch shield aka wall), entertains her, gets her "Buying Temperature" up - as the PUAs put it. Another guy comes waltzing in and takes the girl - who's now in the mood - off the first guy, who's done all the hard work. Second guy doesn't have to do sh!t, as long as he gets the timing of his move right. First guy is left holding his **** wondering WTF went wrong.

It's been done to me and I've done it to others.

 

[Interceptor]

jay, do not try to make excuses for her, and do not fall into the trap of trying to rationalize or justify things here.
If you have options, you WILL feel comfortable moving forward in your life, and your romantic love life too.


Unless you are gay or a celibate monk, I dont suggest that you negate your feelings in order to appease and accomodate her.
Your feelings and desires matter too.
Dont let yourself be brainwashed by this woman.

Again, if you have options you would be able to move ahead and be satisfied with yourself.

If you want a romantic, healthy, mature and sexual relationship, right now, this woman cannot provide it for you.

Do not hand over your balls so that you can be with her, under her terms, and avoid rejection or her disapproval.

It is ok to be rejected. It is ok for a woman to disapprove of you.


You're a man with your own life, your own goals, and dreams, and a vision of how YOU Want YOUR life to BE.
Dont just hand them over to someone else, and let this woman decide how your life is going to be FOR YOU.


I know it sucks to be lonely. I know we all want intimacy, bonding, sex, and companionship...
...thats why I believe you would be doing yourself a grave disservice by trying to 'work things out' here.
You can talk to her, and explain your side if you feel compelled to.
Do not apologize for being a man, and for having feelings,and for wanting the sexual side of intimacy with a woman.
Dont let her convince you that you're the 'bad guy' here.


So, if you feel compelled to explain why you've decided to move on, then do so. Clearly, and with conviction. Dont apologize.
Let her speak her mind too.
But do not tolerate disrespect or any shaming tactics, and guilt tripping you.
Be very observant of how she deals with these types of issues, it is a sign of how she deals with them in her real life. A sign of the future.


Finally, jay, please realize one crucial thing.
This woman is leading the relationship.
Unfortunately, you were not able to establish your boundaries early on. And you became a little too infatuated with her, and truthfully, it was a little immature , and premature as well.
This relationship will NOT go well if SHE is leading it.
Do you understand?
It doesnt work that way.

It CANNOT work that way.
And it's better to allow her to live her life, while you move on, free, as a MAN...with your own life, and look for and manifest what YOU WANT in your life.