A Woman I like's friend may be sabotaging my chances

[will123]

I have met a lady I like, who also seemed to like me.

Due to my busy schedule, taking exams to upgrade my skills and job prospects, I have not had time for her.

Anyway, a guy came up to me one day and started talking to me. I thought it was general trying to get to know me. He acknowledged that he used to have a thing for her a few years back, but they were both unavailable. He then said she fell pregnant, which was a big no no for him. But he said they were good mates. (I am now thinking he may already know me from her [if she put him up to it])

A subsequent conversation, I told him I was distant with this girl I like lately. He straight away correctly guessed her name. I denied it was her, but he kept pressing it whenever I ignored it and changed the subject. He then baited me by saying she is a lively girl and has a kid. I then told him I thought she was shy and quiet and gave the reason that she used to quickly look away when I caught her looking. He then snapped at me and got really hostile saying “maybe she doesn’t like you stalking her” and “seriously don’t want to talk about it. End of conversation”. This was fine by me.

Then days later he would talk to me again about general stuff. HE would then bring up the lady and say “have you caught so and so looking at you lately” I responded I am too busy for relationships with my schedule being busy

Then days later he would say he has told a few people that I passed my exam, which I said was okay because I have told people too and that they were pleased for me. He AGAIN snapped and said "mate I congratulated you too" and then a random statement “stop talking about allocation and baloney”, which was different from the conversation we were having.

Her other friends are really cool with me. They talk to me, say hello etc. They don’t look at me weirdly or with derision.

I don’t know what to make of him. He sounds like a complete nut job, a huge red flag. If he is a red flag, then she may be too. Has she put him up to it to get information from me? He seems to be seeking information in a lot of his conversations. Has he been going back and telling her ****? If so, he may well be ****ing things up by grassing me up.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Frankly sounds like playground dynamics. Just smile and wave, smile and wave…

 

[Mike32ct]

Don't give him any more information about anything. You don't owe him shyte.

Yeah, he's a whack job. I don't think he's spying for her. If I had to guess, he still likes this girl and sees you as competition.

 

[will123]

Don't give him any more information about anything. You don't owe him shyte.

Yeah, he's a whack job. I don't think he's spying for her. If I had to guess, he still likes this girl and sees you as competition.

That's exactly what I thought - that he still likes her. He says he "used" to have a thing for her but they were unavailable and she got pregnant and so he lost interest, but I'm wondering If she has blown him off, I.e told him directly or indirectly that she isn't into him and he's pretending it's him that has lost interest. He seems to want to know about how I'm doing with her

I'm worried he may talk **** to her about me to and turn her off me

 

[Mike32ct]

That's exactly what I thought - that he still likes her. He says he "used" to have a thing for her but they were unavailable and she got pregnant and so he lost interest, but I'm wondering If she has blown him off, I.e told him directly or indirectly that she isn't into him and he's pretending it's him that has lost interest. He seems to want to know about how I'm doing with her

I'm worried he may talk **** to her about me to and turn her off me

He totally likes her and probably has right along. She probably never liked him in that way. She either flat out rejected him in the past or he’s been in friendzone at best right along.

You can’t control what he may have said to her or might say to her, so I wouldn’t worry about it. The key is not to give him any further information.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like he is upset because he still has a thing for her but he knows she is into you.

Childish behavior on his part, tell him you don't have time for his grade school behavior and to stop bothering you.

 

[will123]

Thanks for advice.

I feel I have two options:

1. Confront and directly tell him not to talk **** (which I don't want to do)
2. Say hello to him and good bye during the day but that's it.

Also, if he engages in small talk I should keep it superficial, I.e. sports, TV, films etc but nothing personal or important. Reason being, it is better to keep your enemies closer. I'm wondering if this is best in order so keepnhim quiet.

 

[will123]

He totally likes her and probably has right along. She probably never liked him in that way. She either flat out rejected him in the past or he’s been in friendzone at best right along.

You can’t control what he may have said to her or might say to her, so I wouldn’t worry about it. The key is not to give him any further information.

Sounds like he is upset because he still has a thing for her but he knows she is into you.

Childish behavior on his part, tell him you don't have time for his grade school behavior and to stop bothering you.

Thanks for advice.

I feel I have two options:

1. Confront and directly tell him not to talk **** (which I don't want to do)
2. Say hello to him and good bye during the day but that's it.

Also, if he engages in small talk I should keep it superficial, I.e. sports, TV, films etc but nothing personal or important. Reason being, it is better to keep your enemies closer. I'm wondering if this is best in order so keepnhim quiet.

Furthermore, if he does try and say shyte and give me a bad rep, what would you suggest my response is to her and her other friends?

 

[Mike32ct]

I would suggest Option #2. Just the bare minimum communication. Even then, only talk about neutral topics.

The thing is, even if he does talk shyte about you privately, it’s unlikely that anyone will tell you about it.

Sadly, most negative gossip happens behind our backs and under the radar. Negative gossip is shared with everybody but the gossip-ee, if that makes sense.

 

[will123]

I would suggest Option #2. Just the bare minimum communication. Even then, only talk about neutral topics.

The thing is, even if he does talk shyte about you privately, it’s unlikely that anyone will tell you about it.

Sadly, most negative gossip happens behind our backs and under the radar. Negative gossip is shared with everybody but the gossip-ee, if that makes sense.

I understand. I agree too. It appears he has told shyte to others to turn them off me and her friends away from me. Her friend, that was once chatty with me, has recently been very distant and ignoring of my attempts to communicate. I've attempted Three times to no avail.

How do I deal with her friends now if they have indeed been fed shyte and distanced themselves.

I think he is a really bitter and nuts person. He is jealous because he has a thing for her and is trying to undermine me. If he is bactabbing me, my chances with said woman will be dead

 

[will123]

I would suggest Option #2. Just the bare minimum communication. Even then, only talk about neutral topics.

The thing is, even if he does talk shyte about you privately, it’s unlikely that anyone will tell you about it.

Sadly, most negative gossip happens behind our backs and under the radar. Negative gossip is shared with everybody but the gossip-ee, if that makes sense.

Something that has recently come to my attention, and this is about women generally. From your experience, if women talk negatively about a particular guy, would they laugh at him or sneer at him when they see him? Maybe point at him and laugh say negative things between themselves and have contempt for the guy?

 

[Mike32ct]

Something that has recently come to my attention, and this is about women generally. From your experience, if women talk negatively about a particular guy, would they laugh at him or sneer at him when they see him? Maybe point at him and laugh say negative things between themselves and have contempt for the guy?

No.

If they are just making fun of him privately, they wouldn’t show any signs of that in front of him. They would try to act normal in front of him.

If the gossip is very negative and he’s deemed as “creepy” or he supposedly offended someone (usually female) in their clique, then the entire clique would give him the “silent treatment.”

 

[will123]

No.

If they are just making fun of him privately, they wouldn’t show any signs of that in front of him. They would try to act normal in front of him.

If the gossip is very negative and he’s deemed as “creepy” or he supposedly offended someone (usually female) in their clique, then the entire clique would give him the “silent treatment.”

So, if one of the friends makes an active point to say hello to said guy, i.e. makes sure he sees her saying hello to him and engages in conversation with said guy every now and then, and the other friends saying hello/good bye on passing him and talks to guy if he speaks to them, then there isn't anything negative being discussed?

And obviously if he was, as you said, "creepy" the friends would, not only give him the "silent treatment" but also tell him to leave everyone alone?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I understand. I agree too. It appears he has told shyte to others to turn them off me and her friends away from me. Her friend, that was once chatty with me, has recently been very distant and ignoring of my attempts to communicate. I've attempted Three times to no avail.

How do I deal with her friends now if they have indeed been fed shyte and distanced themselves.

I think he is a really bitter and nuts person. He is jealous because he has a thing for her and is trying to undermine me. If he is bactabbing me, my chances with said woman will be dead

Not always...depends how interested she is in you.

 

[Mike32ct]

So, if one of the friends makes an active point to say hello to said guy, i.e. makes sure he sees her saying hello to him and engages in conversation with said guy every now and then, and the other friends saying hello/good bye on passing him and talks to guy if he speaks to them, then there isn't anything negative being discussed?

Not necessarily. There might still be some low-level negativity being discussed, but it's not a big deal.

And obviously if he was, as you said, "creepy" the friends would, not only give him the "silent treatment" but also tell him to leave everyone alone?

The group silent treatment is usually unspoken and can happen if the negativity escalates. People in the clique will start avoiding the "offender" party out of some weird sense of solidarity rather than make up their own minds about who to be friendly with.

 

[RangerMIke]

This happens a lot, but this guy is a bit over the top. Men are by nature competitive, and believe they live in a 'zero-sum-gain' environment, meaning if others are doing well, then this hurts them.

This is true in business, games, and relationships.

I have had male friends of women I've dated tell the chicks that I'm 'bad news for women'... and I don't know, maybe I am if a women is looking for an exclusive relationship, but I don't pretend to be anything other than what I am. This does hurt my chances now and then, but I don't care. A woman that is going to be chased off by something her friend tells her isn't going to work for you anyway. Typically when a woman vanishes there is a good chance she heard something 'bad' about you from one of her friends. Could be true: could be a lie. But as long as you are honest and upfront about what you want eventually things will work out for you.

Nothing you can do about this accept do your thing and ignore what may or may not be happening with her friends, both male and female because you can't control that sh!t.

 

[will123]

Don't give him any more information about anything. You don't owe him shyte.

Yeah, he's a whack job. I don't think he's spying for her. If I had to guess, he still likes this girl and sees you as competition.

You were right about this. He has not got anything from me for a while now and so I haven't heard from him. I wonder why

 

[will123]

This happens a lot, but this guy is a bit over the top. Men are by nature competitive, and believe they live in a 'zero-sum-gain' environment, meaning if others are doing well, then this hurts them.

Not sure which guy you are referring to here.

This is true in business, games, and relationships.

I have had male friends of women I've dated tell the chicks that I'm 'bad news for women'... and I don't know, maybe I am if a women is looking for an exclusive relationship, but I don't pretend to be anything other than what I am. This does hurt my chances now and then, but I don't care. A woman that is going to be chased off by something her friend tells her isn't going to work for you anyway. Typically when a woman vanishes there is a good chance she heard something 'bad' about you from one of her friends. Could be true: could be a lie. But as long as you are honest and upfront about what you want eventually things will work out for you.

Nothing you can do about this accept do your thing and ignore what may or may not be happening with her friends, both male and female because you can't control that sh!t.

Referring to above in blue, I have been asked by her friends whether I cheat on women if I am in a relationship. Any thoughts?