A Woman Calls Me a Beta and Helps Me Internalize the Game

[DAardwolf]

Throughout my posts here at SS I've kept a secret that I need to reveal for this post to make sense: My closest friend is a woman.

There. I said it. I know many will ardently flame me for this which is why I haven't written about her before.

I've written before that I don't believe that men and women can be platonic friends. I still believe it. Her and I fool around from time to time but things have never progressed further than her 'giving me a hand' when I'm riled up. And honestly I don't want it to progress further. The balance right now is just right.

I posted recently that things haven't gone well for me. I was friendzoned and didn't react in a way in which I would be proud. And I got back with an ex.

So Wednesday night I invite this lady friend of mine- Ruby- for some pool and drinks. We had a good time but afterwards, while sobering up in my car, she starts to yell at me for even fvcking my ex, much less getting back together with her. I mean, she's shouting at me, saying I'm settling, that this woman does not fit into my life by the standards I've set myself.

My lame argument was that the ex of mine was the only woman in the last five years who went all in with me. Not just sex, but the relationship, even proposing to me several times. My defense was that I wasn't attractive or desirable so why not just settle down with the ex if that's the best I can do?

And Ruby said, "You're acting like a Beta."

Her and I share everything. So she knows not only what I do here on SS but also my vision of the man I want to become.

I immediately got enraged. I started shouting at her, punching the steering wheel. People in the parking lot stopped to see what the hell was going on. I wasn't making much sense, just a damn explosion of emotion that equaled a three-year-old temper tantrum.

Finally, I said, "If I acted like an Alpha I wouldn't be in this fvcking car with you right now! Men and women can't be friends. A fvcking Alpha would walk away from this right now!"

Then she reminded me that we were, in fact, not platonic friends at all. She listed a bunch of times we did very non-platonic things. Then she said, "I was going to fvck you three days ago but I don't know who the hell you are right now."

Yeah, that happened. I was in her apartment, feeling sorry for myself, saying how I was undesirable. She whipped off her shirt, unhooked her bra, and simply stared at me to make a decision. My response, "You're just teasing me. I'm quite sure you're not really going to fvck me..." And the bra and shirt went right back on after which she kicked me out.

Forehead slap. Did I mention she's 24? And has the body of a world-class stripper? With the most awesome breasts I've ever had the pleasure of fondling?

 

[DAardwolf]

The Inner Alpha

There are two full sets of assumptions that mean the difference between being an AFC and an Alpha.

The AFC set focuses on women. That is, that women don't like sex, that they don't desire men, they don't want to be challenged or seduced or be dirty, dirty little girls. That men need to prove themselves worthy of the secret garden by handing over their testicles, marrying the woman, and working hard until they die. If the woman branch swings, it's the AFC's fault because he wasn't good enough or desirable enough or rich enough or whatever.

The Alpha set of assumptions focus on him. The assumption is that he is desirable and attractive because he works every day to be worthy of his own standards and goals. He assumes that women want to be seduced and he assumes that woman want him to succeed in his seductions. If the Alpha fails he doesn't care because he knows that women talk themselves out of sh!t they want for obscure, unknowable reasons. If the Alpha fails he figures the woman is at fault.

After calming down, Ruby took me home, fed me, and left me to think things over. My set of assumptions was that I wasn't all that great and my ex was the best I could do. I don't even know how I got there other than my AFC slowly bubbled to the surface and turned me into a self-depreciating Beta.

There is no way in hell I could have fooled around with a woman like Ruby if I hadn't come to SS and started to work the program. Not even fool around because Ruby doesn't tolerate any man in her life who acts like a child, insecure and, in her own words, "squishy." That's a damn fine way to describe a Beta- squishy.

I was doing something right. I forgot to keep it up. Then I got it.

The very next day I got my first sext. I was talking with a old co-worker and she was describing some Valentines lingerie she bought. My assumption was that she wouldn't have brought it up if she didn't want to show it off. So I asked and received some damn good pics.

Two days later a woman I knew when I was married called and we chatted. I assumed that she wanted to go out, so I offered for her to come over. I also assumed that she wouldn't have accepted if she wasn't attracted to me. So I ended up fvcking so much that my d!ck hurt.

Now I see it. And it's so damn easy. Ridiculously and laughably easy. I assume I am attractive, I assume that women want me to seduce them, I assume I am desirable and worthy. It's just so damn obvious to me now.

 

[DAardwolf]

Dude. What?

This doesn't add up. You let her give you hand jobs but won't fukk her when she throws herself at you.

Sam, that had never happened before. She had never thrown herself at me. Not like that. Sure, she's jumped me and we had a good makeout and grinding. I'll ask her what that was about next time we hang. She is a woman after all so I'm not guessing as to what made her do that.

You need to relax and go with the flow a little bit more. Life shouldn't be this frustrating - but you're making it that way.

I absolutely agree. Again, my assumption was that she was teasing me and that it wouldn't progress further.

 

[MikeOck]

Sam, that had never happened before. She had never thrown herself at me. Not like that. Sure, she's jumped me and we had a good makeout and grinding. I'll ask her what that was about next time we hang. She is a woman after all so I'm not guessing as to what made her do that.



I absolutely agree. Again, my assumption was that she was teasing me and that it wouldn't progress further.

Your assumptions, or rather your inner AFC, screwed you over once again. Stop thinking and start acting.

 

[Warrior74]

My prediction.

The terms Alpha and Beta have entered into the mainstream lexicon. Expect shames of 'Beta' to be the new 'man up'. Not in this instance as he knows the woman and she knows the deal, but expect it and add it to the list of shaming tactics in about 2 years.

 

[sodbuster]

NEVER over think... IF a woman says ANYTHING sexual, try. That 24 yr old should have been DONE, and still should be. SHE DOESN"T WANT TO BE FRIENDS!!!!!

 

[backbreaker]

OP


you need a 2-3 week break from this site. you are over thinking it. this girl wants the d!ck. you're thinking way too hard.

take a break, just be more natural with it, and see what happens.

you have allowed blocades to be setup in your mind to think things can only happen X or Y way.

 

[Sean99]

If a women actually call's you a beta? Well if the shoe fit's.

 

[DAardwolf]

Your assumptions, or rather your inner AFC, screwed you over once again. Stop thinking and start acting.

True enough. That won't happen again. My next post will be all about how I nailed her on the couch.

The terms Alpha and Beta have entered into the mainstream lexicon. Expect shames of 'Beta' to be the new 'man up'... expect it and add it to the list of shaming tactics in about 2 years.

I actually don't want that to happen. If I, or most of the men on these boards, called a man a "Beta" it's because we want him to live up to his potential. I wouldn't use it to shame a guy, just to get his head back in the game. It loses power when it becomes the equivalent of "mangina."

NEVER over think... IF a woman says ANYTHING sexual, try. That 24 yr old should have been DONE, and still should be. SHE DOESN"T WANT TO BE FRIENDS!!!!!

I'm certain she wants to be friends. I'm also certain, from what we've done in the past, that in moments of impulse we do traditionally non-friend things to each other. That led up to that scene last week.

She invited me for dinner tonight and I'm not going over with a game plan. Good food, wine, and whatever. And the back rub she owes me. The only difference is that I be more... zen. That's the only way to put it. Present and in the moment.

I just have to get out of my own head, which is why I'm going to follow bb's advice below.

you need a 2-3 week break from this site. you are over thinking it. this girl wants the d!ck. you're thinking way too hard.

take a break, just be more natural with it, and see what happens.

you have allowed blocades to be setup in your mind to think things can only happen X or Y way.

Thanks, bb. I'll do that. Last week was a mind-fvck for me. I went from wallowing in sh!t self esteem to understanding that I'm fairly damn lucky. I'm going to log out after today for a few months.

If a women actually call's you a beta? Well if the shoe fit's.

It fit exactly at that moment. She knew it because she's seen me over the last two year and how I was progressing. When she saw me backslide into AFC-hood by settling for an ex she let me know it.

I did talk to Ruby yesterday and asked her why, for the first time in two years, did she throw herself at me. Again, she's gotten aggressive and grabby with me but never, ever did that before. Her answer, which is something I would expect from a woman, "I just felt like it."

 

[speed dawg]

Sounds like she has some confidence issues too. Confident women don't go for insecure men. Not even handjobs.

But she is still a woman, therefore craves a challenge, and it seems you've been a challenge for her for a long time. But I think you probably blew it when she wanted to do you, and you b*tched out. Just my take.

Learn from it. Work on your actual confidence and you won't have this problem again.

 

[VladPatton]

I..I..I'm sorry I have nothing..I just don't know what to say after that bra incident to you. Slap your forehead 1000 times for that one, and go drill this fücking 24 year old already!!

Jeezy Creezy.

 

[DAardwolf]

Update

After taking a break I'm back. I struggled with the whole "don't over think" and "act natural" thing. Here's the problem: thinking about acting naturally immediately put in a place where I wasn't acting naturally. I was in a feedback loop. I don't even know what the fvck I'm like when I'm acting naturally.

I spent the last couple weeks depressed, not giving a sh!t about anything. I half-@ssed my job and spent my down time curled up in a ball in bed. No idea why, I was just filled with a sense of futility.

I snapped out of it during this weekend. I think it's because I spent a lot of time with my kids and that gave me a sense of direction. I want to be a great role model for my son, not some mopey middle-aged guy that's waiting to die.

I haven't talked much or hung out much with Ruby after the posts above. On Sunday she came over and things went... differently.

When she came over she looked different. New hair cut, bright hair color, and she's gained a little weight, maybe five pounds, so she's more curvy and she actually has an @ss now. I couldn't help myself from touching her hair, running my fingers through it.

When she asked, "You like my hair?" I answered by kissing her like I meant it.

When I pulled back I was thinking about the situation. Then I said out loud, "Fvck it."

From there, I was more sexually aggressive with her than ever. I had her laid out on the floor by the fireplace, kissing, touching, grabbing, whatever the h3ll I felt like doing. It escalated a little further when she announced she had to go home.

I have to admit I chuckle every time I remember that stunned look on her face. She even said, "Just when I think you can't surprise me..."

After putting on her shoes and coat, waiting by the door, I pulled her in for one more passionate kiss, grabbing her @ss, and told her to drive home safely.

I suppose I could have handled it differently. Maybe easing into it more or something. Here's the thing, though, with Ruby I've always eased into it and we always get to the point where we just stop or, occasionally, she'll give me a "hand."

I haven't heard from her since then. I just don't care how she took the little encounter. She's either going to move on or call to ask me what the fvck happened. I'm confident I'll hear from her by this weekend. I have something she wants.

In the mean time, I have a dinner date tonight. I'm caught up at work, mostly, and I've been reaching out to friends to get out of my apartment. I started back up on exercise, stopped smoking pot, and back to working my lengthy list of goals.

And I completely stopped the DJ program. I'll still pop in here for advice, I'm sure, but I was really fvcking things up because I was thinking about everything too much. If I fill my head with anymore Pook or Antidump I'm just going to end up staying in the same place forever.

 

[amoka]

You are 45 and she's 24 years old and you consider her your "friend"? That girl could you your daughter. You are either fvcking her or try to get friends in your age group.

 

[VikingKing]

Bend her over :moon: and slip it in that primed, wet hole. :trouble: :cuss:

 

[nismo-4]

She's not rejecting you. YOU are rejecting you.

Dude, it's like Pokemon. Sure she's weakened, paralyzed, wet, etc. But she'll still walk off if you don't whip out your balls and catch her.

Case closed. Leave my courtroom and level up your confidence.